Chapter 293: Porn and Pizza
"Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so... Bloody hell! Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks, oh God! I'm English!
Giles: Welcome to the nancy tribe." – Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Joss Whedon
"Spike: 'Made with care for Randy.' Randy Giles? Why not just call me 'Horny Giles,' or 'Desperate for a Shag Giles'? I knew there was a reason I hated you!" – Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Joss Whedon
"Spike: Oooh. Poor watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? "Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea..." – Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Joss Whedon
"My idea of feng shui is to have them arrange the pepperoni in a circle on my pizza." – Unknown
"(Kenneth) Star...(has) done what I could not do in a quarter century: make pornography more widely available." – Larry Flint, on the evidence against Pres. Bill Clinton
Sydney looked at him, "While I can about imagine what happens in that one…"
"Oh I think you might be slightly mistaken."
"Well then do tell."
"Well the President and his wife are on Air Force One...first they get strip-searched and then the plane gets hijacked and they are forced to have sex with lots of people…"
Sydney chuckled.
"Very thrilling, edge of your seat action," he said with a wink. He thought a moment, "In the Army Now was also quite amusing."
"Isn't that a Pauly Shore movie?"
"Not this version…A General is in charge of new recruits and she makes them do stuff to her to pass tests and when she's not sure if they pass or not, she has to go to the Major's office where she shows her exactly how the boys did these things, then the Major decides she need to see for herself. It has bunk beds, very amusing."
Sydney smiled at him, "Well my, my. Where are these movies? Next to the playboys?"
"I told you not to go in the shower…" he said with a grin.
"They're not in the bathroom are they?" she asked seriously.
He laughed, "No."
"Well? Does your mother know about this Mr. Vaughn?"
He laughed again, "Probably…it's not like she doesn't know I'm male."
Sydney grinned, "How many of these do you have?"
"Uhm…not that many."
"Where. Now."
He smiled and took her hand, going back out into the living room, "They're behind those movies…" he said pointing.
"Good place," Sydney said nodding. She walked over and moved the other movies out of the way. "Oh, we're so taking these three…" she said handing him the two he had told her about and one of her choosing.
He looked at the box, "My Boyfriend's Back…"
"Yeah…what?"
"Uhm…you want me to tell you what it's about?"
"What is has a plot?"
"Don't they all?"
She laughed, "Ok."
"Well…this one…the boyfriend comes home to find his girlfriend in bed with another woman. I thought it would be great…until the other boyfriend comes looking for her…then it gets…well not my territory. Didn't say that on the box."
Sydney giggled, "Well then…I might want to see that."
"I might want to fast forward."
"What about this one?"
"Oh Horny Housewives…that's a better one. Four neighborhood women have like men over…like the mailman makes the rounds; one has a plumber over to check the shower. An electrician and an air conditioner repairman…he has to take off his clothes cause it's too hot. And the pool boy swims naked – it's a job requirement. Vacuum cleaner guy needs to demonstrate the sucking action. Then all the wives meet in a backyard to show each other all the stuff they learned. It's great. Then there's some nice group action when the husbands all come home." He stopped, looking back at her.
"You remember all movies this well Michael?"
He smirked, "Sometimes."
"Horny Housewives, I want to know what to look for when I call repairmen over to our house…"
Vaughn stopped, "Yeah I'll be fixing everything."
Sydney took the movies and put them in the bag with the others, "What else do you want to take?"
"Uh…give me a second, I'm a little incoherent at the moment."
Sydney smiled, "Did I take you by surprise?"
"Not really…"
"Mmhmm…take all the time you need."
"That bed's looking better and better…" After a minute he said, "I need my hockey stick."
Sydney chuckled, "Ok…"
"Separation anxiety…can we take my skates too?"
"Sure honey."
"And the pictures – the one of my dad and I and my mom and I and the one of you."
She smiled, "Why, you need a picture to remember me?"
"No, I just want it with me."
"K." She brought the duffel bag out and put the pictures safely in the bag.
There was a knock at the door and Sydney went to answer it.
"Hey," Dave said when she opened it.
"Hi, come on in."
"I thought I'd save you the trip," he said, setting the bag of mail down.
"Thanks Dave, that was nice of you."
"No problem. You taking some stuff with you today?"
"Yeah a few things," Vaughn replied.
"Well if you need any help, let me know…"
"Yeah we might, thanks."
"Just give me a call, I'll come back up." He waved and walked out, closing the door quietly.
"He's nice," Sydney said, turning back to Vaughn.
"Yeah he is."
"Ok, well…what else?"
"I think that's it. I really don't need any clothes…or like toiletries. I have all that stuff at the house."
"Right."
"I think that's it for now."
"Ok, you wanna take one last check?"
"Sure…can we stop and get something for lunch on the way home? I'm getting kinda hungry."
"Sure. What do you want?"
"Can we get pizza?"
She smiled, "I guess."
"We should get it from Joey's."
"Joey's Pizza?" Sydney said, "For real?"
Vaughn smiled, "Yeah."
"There is one really?"
"Yes."
"Fun!"
Vaughn laughed, "Yeah. We can pick it up, it's not too far away from here."
"Cool, I'll order."
Sydney went to order the pizza as Vaughn made his final rounds around the apartment. He came back to the couch with something else in his hand as Sydney hung up with the pizza place.
"Cds," he said, "We still have to make a bath soundtrack."
Sydney smiled, "Yes we do. Good idea. Should I call Dave now?"
"Yeah, I think that's it."
"K," she said grabbing the phone again and calling down to Dave's apartment.
Dave appeared several minutes later and helped Sydney carry down the items that Vaughn wanted to take with him. He loaded it into Sydney's truck and then came around to Vaughn's window after Sydney had helped him in.
"You call me if you need anything else," Dave said, shaking Vaughn's hand through the window.
"Thanks Dave I will."
"Let me know when you're gonna come over and get the rest of your stuff, I'm sure Ellen will want to say goodbye as well."
"I'll be sure to let you know."
"Alright, you take care now."
"You too Dave, thanks."
Sydney smiled and said goodbye, waving to Dave as they pulled out of the parking lot.
"Ellen is his wife?" Sydney asked as they got back onto the road.
"Yeah, she's very nice. She used to bake cakes and stuff and bring them up to me. I think she thought I needed someone to cook for me or something. She'd bring casseroles too, which did come in handy when I'd get home at like 3am."
"They seem like great people."
"Yeah they are."
"You think you'll miss them?"
"No, not really. I mean I like them, but it's not like we were very close. I had dinner there once or twice. I'll enjoy living with you much more."
Sydney smiled, "I'm glad to hear that."
"You have to turn here to get to Joey's."
"I can't believe you actually used a real pizza place."
"Well if Will or Francie got suspicious, it would have to be real wouldn't it?"
Sydney smirked, "That is true."
Sydney chuckled.
"What?"
"I miss that sometimes…"
"What?"
"The calls."
He smiled, "Do you now?"
"Yeah, I mean it was one of the only times I got to see you. I'd always get excited cause we were meeting in the warehouse, all to ourselves. It was also one of the only times we were alone unless we met somewhere else. It was our place."
He smiled, "Yeah I miss it too…" He paused, "And for the record, I used to be nervous as hell."
"Well you never looked like it."
"Oh I was cool on the outside, but the inside was just a ball of nerves."
She snorted, "You did look a little pale a few times."
"Yeah that's cause I was just about to fall over."
"Really?"
"Yeah, you made me nervous…in a good way, but…yeah. It was always just so complicated. I wanted so much to just tell you how I felt, but I never thought the warehouse was a good place to do it."
She looked over at him, "It would have been sort of romantic."
He smirked, "Leave it to you to make the dank, dark, musty warehouse romantic."
"Well I'd be hard pressed to find a place that you couldn't make romantic Vaughn."
He smiled in pride, "Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"I guess it was kinda sexy…us meeting there covertly…no cameras…no one else…"
"NO cameras?!" Sydney said loudly.
"No, there weren't any cameras there. It was completely secure."
"SHIT."
"What?"
"Well if I would have KNOWN that I would have jumped you there a REALLY long time ago!"
Vaughn laughed, "Damn," he said, stopping his laughter as he pointed to the driveway for Joey's. "That's too bad."
"No shit."
Sydney put the truck in park, "I'll be right back."
"K."
