A/N:
BIG thank-you to all my readers and followers! Without you there probably wouldn't be a story in the first place. Also, each chapter name is inspired by a song. The theme of the chapter thus originates from those songs :) feel free to look each of them up!
"Don't wake me, cuz I don't wanna leave this dream..." -Skillet
Astrid didn't think she'd sleep a wink once she finally crawled into bed. Too much had gone on and her mind needed to process it all. However, as soon as her head touched the pillow she slipped into unconsciousness. Astrid slept fitfully, lost in dreams of masked figures grinning evilly, their horrid mouths open wide to devour her. Then at the last moment, a cloaked figure appeared out of nowhere and fought the demons off.
Then she dreamt of Miranda.
Astrid awoke in a paradise land. Everywhere were green and growing things. Sunlight slanted in through the leaves of the emerald trees. Astrid stood up, gaping in awe at the untamed beauty all around her.
Down the hill her best friend lay sprawled in a vast meadow. Below, wildflowers dotted the carpet of green grass. Astrid launched herself down the hill. She couldn't get to Miranda fast enough. When she reached her she threw herself in the grass next to her and wrapped her arms around Miranda in a tight embrace. The two girls laughed and talked excitedly. It was like Miranda had never been gone.
"I missed you." Astrid's eyes flew open. She stared into the darkness, confused. Momentarily she had difficulty remembering where she was. Disappointment hit her hard once she realised that Miranda had only been a dream.
"It had seemed so real though!" Astrid thought desperately. For a minute there, I really thought you were back.
Astrid shook off the saddening emotion. It threatened to overwhelm her, a dark abyss just waiting to swallow her whole.
Tears wouldn't change anything.
The Daily Bugle. 11:43 am.
"Blake! Where's that order I sent in?! I needed those photos over an hour ago!"
Astrid rubbed her eyes wearily. Her head was pounding and she was in no mood to face Jameson today. Her boss stormed right up to her desk, his nostrils flaring dangerously.
Astrid glanced up from her computer. "Can I help you?" she asked in an overly sweet voice.
"Well?! Where are they? I'm not paying you to nap!" Jameson barked.
Astrid slowly breathed in and out. She silently prayed that she wouldn't say anything she'd regret. Which she was sorely tempted to do just now.
She forced herself to meet his gaze. "I'm sorry sir. The computer's running a bit slow today.." she gestured at the screen. "I'm working as fast as I can but if you want the job done right then you'll have to give it time-"
"There's a problem with the computer? Well, fix it!" Jameson glared at her pointedly. He made it sound like that was the easiest thing in the world to do.
"It's not that simple, sir," Astrid responded calmly.
"Not that simple! Use your eyes girl! This place is filled with computers, all at your disposal. Just use one of them and get the damn job done!"
Astrid mentally counted to ten before replying. "Very observant and thoughtful of you sir. However, my computer is the only one with the tech I need. Otherwise, I can't edit the photos."
Miraculously, Jameson got quiet. For about two seconds. He looked taken aback.
"Uff," he growled under his breath. "Well then you need to-"
"Sir, what I need is a new computer. This piece of junk is no longer sufficient for what I need done. It's overused and outdated." Astrid informed him.
Jameson was seriously affronted at this. "Do I look like I'm made of money? Ha! Don't make me laugh." He narrowed his gaze at her. "Either you fix it or get out."
"No Jameson." Astrid spoke lowly, a dangerous tone to her voice. "You need me here. You just don't realise it yet. The fault isn't mine. You're just too cheap to fix the damn computer yourself!" She was shouting now.
Abruptly the room went quiet. All Astrid could hear were the wild pounding of her heart and her fast shallow breathing. She was keenly aware of all the people watching her.
"Oh I'm so sorry Mr. Jameson!" Betty Brant came running up, presumably for damage control. "I should have told you about the computer days ago. Things have been hectic lately and I completely forgot."
Betty Brant was a beautiful, businesslike woman with luscious brown hair cut in a bob. Astrid was grateful for Betty's presence. The sweet woman was always there to lend a hand to anyone in need. She was also a good person to talk to.
Jameson hesitated a moment, then asked, "So you already knew about this? Why hasn't the equipment been replaced then?"
"I sent in an order this morning," Betty said demurely. "The new computer should be here sometime this week, Friday at the latest."
"Well problem solved then," their boss replied gruffly. He glanced between the two women one last time before stalking off. "Now get back to work!" he barked over his shoulder.
Astrid heaved a sigh of relief once he was gone. She couldn't believe what she'd just done. Shouting at her boss was a completely stupid thing to do, and Astrid knew that. She was lucky she hadn't been fired on the spot. This job was her only lifeline, the only thing that kept her rooted in New York. Without it she would take to the wind and tumble about like a dry weed, never settling in one place for long.
"Honey?" Betty touched her lightly on the arm. "Are you okay?" she asked softly, her dark brows knitted in worry.
Astrid pressed her palms to her lids. The light pressure helped ease the pain inside her skull somewhat. "Yeah. Head just hurts.." Astrid mumbled. A lot of things hurt, actually.
Astrid sat up and gave Betty a grateful smile. "Thanks for saving me back there," she said softly.
"Oh it was no problem honey," Betty gave her hand a squeeze. "I could tell you needed the help."
Astrid barked a laugh that held no humor to it. "You could say that again."
Betty's mouth turned down in sympathy. She pulled up a chair and sat down across from Astrid. The woman mulled over her words before speaking.
"Astrid...are you sleeping okay?" Concern was evident in her voice. "Each day you look just a little bit worse.. I'm worried about you Astrid. Whatever's going on you can talk to me about it." Betty's brown eyes implored her.
Astrid sighed and set her hands in her lap. "No Betty. I-" she shook her head. "I haven't been sleeping very well but that's all there is." That was an understatement and Astrid knew it. She felt a brief stab of guilt for having lied to the woman, but there was nothing she could do about it. It would only make things worse if Betty knew the truth.
The brunette pursed her lips, considering. Betty lowered her voice a few decibels to allow for more privacy.
"Is this about Miranda?" Betty's eyes searched the amber of Astrid's own. "Astrid, I know you miss her... but honey it's been six years..."
The mere mention of Miranda's name struck home. Astrid felt something hard crack inside of her. All the depth of emotion she had stored away now crashed and flooded over the dam of her heart.
"No!" Astrid was shaking her head vehemently, her eyes shut tight against the tears that threatened to overcome her. Her lips trembled. "No! Don't talk about her! You don't know her Betty, you never did!"
Astrid buried her face in her hands, tears now streaming from her eyes. Her shoulders racked from the sobs wrenching her body. Betty wrapped an arm around Astrid's shoulder and helped her up. She guided the tearful woman out of the room and down the stairs to the front entry.
"Shh, shh," she whispered comfortingly.
Astrid hiccupped and continued speaking, the words coming out in a tangled rush. "I can't stop thinking about her Betty! I miss her so much..." Astrid hugged herself tight. "Oh God I miss her! It should have been me," she whispered. A tear slipped down her cheek and hung on the edge of her lip. "It should have been me!" she cried desperately. Astrid tasted salt on her tongue. Bitter and sweet, like her aching heart.
Betty took her firmly by the shoulders. "Don't say that Astrid. Don't you dare say that. What happened is over and done with. There's nothing you could have done Astrid," she said softly. "You've got to stop blaming yourself for this." Betty squeezed her shoulders tightly, then released her.
Astrid's nose was congested now, so she had to breathe through her mouth. Her face was hot from all the crying. She hurt so much, both inside and out.
"It's been six years Astrid," Betty said more calmly. "It's time to move on. I'm telling you this as your friend-"
"No one will ever replace Miranda," Astrid said quickly, feeling defensive. "It was my fault that she died and I will never forgive myself. I can't move on. I don't deserve a life. Miranda deserved it," she finished quietly.
Astrid couldn't go back to work now. Not today, not after what had just happened.
"I'm sorry," Astrid said hurriedly. "I have to go." She turned and walked down the hall. She paused in the doorway.
"Thank you, Betty. You've been a great friend..."
"Don't worry, I'll cover for you," the brunette cut in gently. "You'll still have a job when you get back tomorrow." Betty said with a small smile. "You should go home and get some rest honey."
Not having a reply for that, Astrid nodded once and then stepped outside. The blaring noise of New York assaulted her senses. Astrid barely noticed it.
"You just don't understand Betty." she whispered, her eyes searching the skyline, desperate for answers. Her life would never be the same without Miranda at her side.
I'm thinking 'bout her, I'm thinkin 'bout me
Thinkin about us, who we gonna be
Then I opened my eyes... and it was only just a dream...
