Tolkien's Flying Circus

BILBO'S FAREWELL SPEECH

During Bilbo's speech, the people at the back have some difficulty to hear what is being said.
Lobelia shouts: "Speak up!"
Her son, Otho whispers: "Quiet, mum."
Lobelia again: "Oh, let's go to the Green Dragon."
"You can go to the pub anytime."
A nearby hobbit said, "Will you be quiet!" Meanwhile, his wife told him, "Don't pick your feet!"
"I wasn't picking my feet, I was scratching my ankle".
"You was picking it, while you was talking to that lady..."
Another hobbit, Rory, interrupted them. "Do you mind? I can't hear a word he's saying."
"Don't you do you mind me, I was talking to my husband."
"Well can't you talk to him somewhere else? I can't hear a bloody thing!"
"Don't you swear my wife."
"Well I was only asking her to shut up so we can hear what he's saying, bigfoot."
"Don't you call my husband bigfoot!"
Rory replied: "Well he has got big feet."
At this point, others in turn intervened: "Could you be quiet please! Now, what was that?"
Rory said, "I don't know, I was too busy talking to bigfoot here".
Someone suggested, I think he knows half of us as well as he knows Mike.
Someone else muttered, "Who is Mike?"
The wife gave another "Don't pick your feet".
"I wasn't going to pick my feet, I am going to thump him!"
Rory said, "Listen, I am only telling the truth, you have got very big feet."
"Your feet are going to be all over the floor by the time I'm finished with you!"
But Rory was unimpressed: "Well who did yours, Smaugs big brother?"


Note. This piece was originally written in tv/film script format. This is the reason why there is a lot of dialogue, but very little descriptive material. Please use your imagination to fill in the gaps - it is a parody anyway, so some images may already be there inside your head.