- Chapter 4 -
I came home one day, totally exhausted. I had been to the fitness studio after filming, I needed to get myself on other thoughts. The only thing I could think about was Emily. I really wanted her and I would leave my wife for her, but somehow it seemed as if she didn't want me to. I've told her. I had gone to her, saying, "Emily. I will leave Jaime. Then we can be together."
But Emily had shaken her head. "No," had her answer been, "you've cheated on her with me, how can I be sure that you wouldn't cheat on me too?"
"Because I'd never to that!" I had screamed and I had meant it. I loved her, I would never do that. "I love you."
Emily hadn't replied. She had looked at me sadly, then turned around and walked away. And I had let out my anger in the fitness studio.
Now I just wanted to sleep. Forever. I hated my life ... Emily didn't want me and if she didn't want me, I couldn't leave my wife. Actually I couldn't leave her, even if Emily wanted me - we had a son and a baby daughter!
Everything was too confusing for me at the moment and right now I just wanted everyone to leave me alone.
But then I came home, exhausted and ready for bed, just to find a packed bag right next to the door. Shocked, I noticed that it was my bag I used when I went somewhere and even more shocked I noticed, there was my stuff inside.
"Jaime?" I called. "Honey? Are we going somewhere?"
With a bitter face she stepped out of the living room. "Almost," she replied, "you are going somewhere."
"Uhm, why?" My heart fluttered. She knew it, I felt that.
Jaime sighed and reached into her jeans pocket, pulling out two long earrings with big, silver stones.
My heart stopped. I knew those earrings. I had taken them out of Emily's ears in the store room.
"Your new earrings?" I asked weakly and Jaime snorted.
"They belong to Emily. Your best friend."
"Oh. Right. I guess she took them out when she was in the bathroom -"
"I found them in the store room upstairs," Jaime interrupted me coldly. "And I guess I know why. You're sleeping with her, aren't you?"
I looked at her for a long time. And then I decided to tell her the truth. I couldn't lie to her anymore.
"Yes."
"Okay," Jaime said calmly. "Thanks for telling me. Now get your stuff and get fucking outta here. I don't want to see you again, you understand?"
She turned around leaving me back.
And I did what she wanted me to do, I grabbed my bag and left. Why would I try to make her ask me back? Seriously? I wasn't that selfish. I knew I had deserved it.
But what I did then was maybe a bit selfish - I drove to Emily.
I expected her to send me away but not Emily. She would never do that. She let me enter immediately, pouring me a glass of wine, listening to what I had to say.
Emily.
She apologised for what she had done, cried, said that it was all her fault.
Emily ...
I pulled her into my arms, told her that it wasn't her fault, it all was mine. Who had cheated on his wife over and over? Who had lied to his wife again and again?
"I did, Em. I did. I need to be punished, not you. And the best punishment would be, if you just kicked me out. If you told me, you never want to see me again."
"But that'd be a lie," Emily whispered, her lips so close to mine, I could easily capture them. "I want you just as much as you want me. I am happy, right now ... so happy ..."
And so was I.
I claimed her beautiful lips, enjoying the moan that escaped them. Yes, I would never forgive myself for what I had done to Jaime but now I was with Emily. And that was what I needed at the moment.
December
Advent. I looked forward to spend Christmas with Emily.
She was a dream, besides the daily sex nothing had changed between us. We were still friends, laughed about everything and nothing, went out with each other ... but now we also kissed whenever we had the chance to. Whenever no one was watching.
Sure, the tabloids were booming with pictures of us holding hands, David and Emily - friends or more?
We couldn't care less. "Just friends who feel comfortable with each other," I explained in and interview and Emily added,
"Best friends. So don't think too much about that 'comfortable'. It means nothing."
But as advent passed, the rumours about us also stopped.
There were other, more important stories they needed to follow, and no one even thought of the fact that I didn't bring Jaime to galas anymore.
Only Emily.
Of course I knew that, sooner or later, we needed to make it official. We could it continue like that.
Michaela knew, of course, and so did Emily's sister. Those two were the most important people in her life, she couldn't keep it from them. It had been a surprise for Emily, that both of them had answered her confession, about sleeping with me, with "Yes, I know."
Right.
Emily had been so drunk that night of her birthday, she only remembered that I was there.
But at least her friend and sister were okay with it.
Christmas eve
I gave her something every year. I wasn't good with gifts but this time I had really thought about it hard. It was Emily. We were together now. It needed to be perfect. Special. I knew what I gave Jaime every year, jewellery.
But Emily was different. She loved jewellery but she preferred buying it herself.
She loved clothes but hated when other people gave her coupons. She always went shopping alone too.
She hated when people gave her flowers - dead flowers. "Flower murderer," she had called Hart once, ever since then she always got a vase with earth and living flowers for her birthday. Those she could plant in her garden, which she loved to do. She loved gardening, she said she felt like a normal human while working in the garden.
What to give to a woman like that?
I decided to give her a little time. Time for the two of us alone, somewhere else, somewhere romantic.
So I bought tickets for a musical, Cats, I knew she loved it, and booked rooms in a hotel close. Yes, two rooms, just in case.
And a card, a beautiful card written by me, telling her why I loved her.
Christmas could come.
She had a tree in her living room, nothing fancy, not even a real one, just a small tree made of plastic or something.
And in the evening we sat down on the floor, beneath the tree, ready to exchange gifts.
"I hate that tradition," she explained to me as I asked her about the tree. "Killing trees just for our joy? Decorating them and throwing them away again after a few days? I don't think that's okay."
"I've never thought about that," I admitted.
"Its okay, don't worry. Most people don't, because it's tradition and if something's tradition, people don't think too much about it. Like fish slaughtering in Bavaria, bull fights in Spain. Of course you can't compare those traditions with ours, but I'd still like to make a small difference."
"Of course." I smiled and got the envelope from the table. "Merry Christmas though."
Emily laughed. "I almost already opened it today. Give me ..."
Excited like a child she opened the envelope and gasped.
"Cats?! In New York!"
"Broadway," I answered with a smile. "All included, flight, hotel ... But only if you go with me."
"Are you kidding, of course I'll go there with you!" Emily put the tickets away. "Thank you, David."
"There's more," I said carefully. "Turn around the card.
She did, her look slowly fading from happy to ... somewhat sad?
"Emily?" I asked in shock as my friend, girlfriend I hoped, wiped her eyes.
"Oh, David," she sighed.
"That sounds bad," I mumbled and took her hand. "Emily, Love -"
"No, don't call me Love," Em replied and tore her hand out of mine. "I'm not... I'm not your girlfriend."
"What? But ... we live together -"
"Because you don't have a home!" she called.
"And we sleep with each other!" I was confused.
"Because we are humans and we have needs!"
I shook my head. "You sound quite like Dr Temperance Brennan right now."
"Yeah well, I guess acting her changed me ..."
"No, don't say that. I love you, Emily. The way you are, act, look, talk -"
"Yeah. You said so in that one." She held up the card with a bitter face. "But ... Don't get me wrong but I really can't be in a relationship with you."
"Why?" I called. "I've proven my love for you many times already!"
"And you are - technically - still married. And the fact that you cheated on her, several times, and never ever told her, doesn't really speak for you in a good way."
My shoulders fell. She was so, so right ...
"And -" she continued, "you know me well. You know me as your colleague, as your best friend. As your lover. As your ... whatever I am to you. But you certainly don't know me as your girlfriend." She smiled sadly.
"I'd like to try," I said weakly but Emily shook her head again.
"No! I ... I don't love you, David. Not like that."
Wow.
I had expected everything but not that.
My heart felt like someone had ripped it out, my insides felt like someone was gripping them. I felt like falling down a deep, black hole, hearing Emily from far, far away.
"I thought I did ... but I did kind of use you. To get over David. I still love him. I'll forever love him, the other David."
"The wrong David," I whispered. Never had a woman made me feel like that. Never had a woman broken my heart.
"No, he's the right one. You're the wrong David ..." Emily sighed again. "I will gladly accept your invitation to Cats. I hope you booked two rooms."
"I actually did," I said and tried to collect myself. My heart was still aching but hey - I was an actor, wasn't I? "Just in case."
And Emily smiled this beautiful, breathtaking smile with which I fell in love first.
"So how will we continue?" I asked. "Like lovers or ..."
"Like lovers," Emily said. "Until ... until one of us finds someone better."
"There is no one better than you," I mumbled.
"There is," Emily whispered and came closer, cupping my cheeks. "Your wife. Jaime. She's the one you married, did you do it for a reason or didn't you?"
I couldn't answer first. This was a sensitive spot for me, since I've mostly married Jaime because she had carried my son.
"Yes," I then said. "I did it for a reason."
"See?" Emily said happily. "I myself still hope for David to come back to me."
"If he won't, he's a fool," I replied.
Emily sniffed. "You think he'll come back ...?"
I looked at her, spotting tears in her beautiful eyes.
"I think so. I would come back to you, Emily."
She sighed happily and hugged me.
And all of a sudden, I knew what I had to do.
For her.
