Chapter 4: That Don't Impress Me Much!
Shu Encampment

It was late in the evening in the Shu force's encampment.

Liu Bei had just concluded a meeting with his fellow officers and decides to take him a nice bath in the lake...alone.

After undressing down to his shorts, Liu Bei began to enter the shallow waters when he hears a shout behind him.

"Hey brother! Whatcha doing out there?" called Zhang Fei, standing on top of the hill above him.

"Oh its you, Zhang. I'm about to take a bath, so would you mind if I had a little…" Liu Bei began to answer when he was interrupted.

"…A little company? Sure I'll give you some company, bro!" Zhange Fei responds as he began to run toward the lake, undressing himself completely in the process.

"Oh dear…" Liu Bei says with a sigh as his brash friend does a cannonball into the water, getting Liu Bei completely soaked.

"Man this water feels great! We should invite some of the others here with us and bathe together! Whaddaya say bro?" Zhang Fei says, giving Liu Bei a playful punch to the shoulder, which ends up knocking him into the water with a splash.

"Blagh!" Liu Bei sputters, arising from beneath the waters and spitting a fish that swam into his mouth. "No, wait Zhang Fei, we don't need any more…" he tries to speak.

"HEY EVERYONE! BATH PARTY AT THE LAKE!" Zhang Fei yells out to the others back at camp.

Within seconds, a stampede of feet was heard as majority of the male Shu officers appeared atop of the hill, all of them undressing and preparing to join the two in the lake.

"Oh man…" Liu Bei grumbles in disbelief.


Once everyone was in the lake, Zhang Fei began to speak once again.

"Hey everyone, Liu Bei is the only one who's not completely bare like the rest of us!" Zhang Fei says, pointing to Liu Bei's shorts, whom he still had on.

"Well well, looks like someone might be a bit shy to show his stuff, hmmm?" says Pang Tong, who still had on his weird hat concealing his face.

"Look who's talking…" Liu Bei mutters in response.

"ME…NOT…AFRAID…TO SHOW…MANHOOD!" Wei Yan says in response.

"My lord, surely your spear is as mighty as ours?" Zhao Yun asks his leader.

"My spear? What on earth are you talking about?" Liu Bei says, sounding offended.

"Do not be so object, my lord. Remember we are your allies, and thus, should not be ashamed to share your secrets," Zhuge Liang says to him.

After a brief moment of silence, Liu Bei sighs and gives in to the pressure from his officers.

"Alright, I'll take them off…" Liu Bei says rather unenthusiastically, removing his shorts and looking back at all the others.

Immediately everyone around him all gasps in awe and horror.

"MY WORD… IT'S LONGER THAN MY BEARD" Guan Yu replies in utter shock.

"WHOA! I NEVER KNEW MAN!" Ma Chao replies, stumbling backwards.

"…Can we please just finish bathing already?" Liu Bei says, his face all beet-red with discontent.

Afterwards when everyone had finished bathing, Liu Bei gets himself dry, dresses, and decided to turn in for the night. Once he entered his tent, someone was already inside waiting for him.

It was every single male officer within the Dynasty Warriors universe.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD?" Liu Bei yells.

"Lord Bei, we all heard about your…little secret, so we all came to learn more," says one Sun Jian.

"ZHAAAAAAAANG FEEEEEEEIIIII!" Liu Bei yells at the top of his lungs.


Continue on to the next chapter!