Chapter 4: Behind The Mask Are Truths We Can't Face
It had been almost six weeks since Sam's foolhardy encounter with Gabriel in a dark motel room. He'd arrived back to his and Dean's room the next morning to find Dean gone. For a moment he'd thought Dean had split without him. That maybe he'd discovered where Sam's had been and with whom, and dumped his ass in the middle of nowhere. But when he'd stepped into the motel room he'd found a note from his brother saying he'd gone for breakfast. Sam had sighed with relief, then went to grab a shower. Needing….hoping to wash Gabriel's scent from his skin. It hadn't helped. Nothing ever did.
During those six weeks, Sam hadn't repeated his whispered pleas for help. He hadn't asked Gabriel to come to his aid. He'd pushed all thoughts of Gabriel and that night out of his head. Despite their stubborn determination to sneak up on him when he least expected it. And for the most part ignoring it all was working.
Except for when he looked at his brother and saw the shadow of fear and loss in Dean's features. Two weeks ago they'd lost Cass and despite Sam's mumbled reassurances that the angel was fine, that they'd find him, Dean never looked convinced. Sam wasn't an idiot, he knew it was getting to his brother. He noticed the way Dean checked his phone when he thought he wasn't looking. Or the way he'd look at the sky like he was silently praying. It was strange and unsettling.
When they'd been forced to stop at the motel on the side of the Indiana highway, Sam had somehow known it wasn't a good idea. Not just because they were swiftly running out of time. Detroit was calling. Sam heard it getting louder every day. Though he never told his brother. - But what he feared most about taking time to relax and recharge, was the inevitable place his mind was going to go. Working, fighting, kept him busy. Made it easier not to think about….things.
Sam reluctantly took a seat at the table, his plate in front of him. He had to admit it was nice to eat something that wasn't cooked up in a greasy roadside diner for a change. He tugged his phone out of his pocket and stared down at the screen, not really expecting to see anything. It was just another distraction technique.
"Sam unpucker, man. Eat something." Dean announced; appearing at the table.
Sam looked up at his brother. "We should hit the road, Dean."
"In this storm? What, it's…"
"It's biblical. Exactly. Its frigging Noah's ark out there and we're eating pie." he glared at his brother. Okay so maybe this was him running again. Running from thoughts and dreams he'd spent the last six weeks avoiding.
"How many hours sleep did you get this week? What, three? Four? - Bobby's got his feelers out, okay. We've talked with every Hoodoo man and root woman in twelve states."
Sam groaned inwardly. He hadn't slept much. It was just easier that way. When he did sleep he was always haunted by memories. Dreams that made it hard to deny what he was feeling. And it was confusing the hell out of him. "I'm not giving up." Sam murmured; and he wasn't all that sure he was talking about the fight against Lucifer. Part of him feared giving in to the desire he'd been carrying around for months.
He would have expected to have just brushed the whole New York incident off. Been furious with Gabriel but just forgotten about it. He'd never have expected the memory to linger, even if it had been Katherine. His first high school sweetheart. - Only even then it hadn't really been Katherine, it had been Gabriel. And it was hard for Sam to forget that.
The fact that it wasn't Katherine's body he was dreaming about any more, that the scene in New York played out but it was Gabriel in the starring role only made Sam more confused, and more determined to fight it. If someone had asked him a year ago if he'd ever been attracted to guys, he would have shook his head and murmured. "Not in a million years." It was just…there was something about Gabriel, something that got beneath his skin and refused to be removed.
"Nobody's giving up!" Dean was saying harshly in front of him. His brother's gaze hard and determined.
Sam knew Dean was trying to make up for almost doing just that. Despite the fact that when push came to shove, he hadn't actually agreed. - Though Sam knew the guilt lingered over Adam and Cass. That they'd been the ones to pay.
"…we will find Cass. We will find Adam…" Dean continued. "But you are no good to me burnt out."
Sam stared at his brother for a long moment before inhaling slowly; inclining his head in surrender. "Yeah. Yeah. Okay." though he knew he wouldn't sleep tonight.
"Come on we have actually got the night off for once. Let's try to enjoy it."
Sam smiled uncertainly and lifted his fork. Stabbing at his salad. "Yeah."
~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~
Sam was going to kill Dean. As soon as they got the hell out of here he was going to bludgeon his idiot brother to death. Then he could rest all he damn well liked. Night off indeed. If anyone should know they never got a night off, it should be Dean. - And if anyone should know you never say you've got a night off its Dean. Moron.
Because of course this was a trap. Of course they'd been lead here like mice in a maze. It was so blindingly obvious. Though Sam had to admit, Pagan Gods from around the world? That he had never expected.
Sam grunted as he was manhandled into a chair, shooting Dean a murderous look that told his big brother he was laying the blame completely at his feet.
"Before we get down to brass tacks, some ground rules: No slaughtering each other. Curb your wrath. Oh and keep you hands off the local virgins. We're trying to keep a low profile here."
Sam swallowed. "Oh, we are so, so screwed." he whispered; shaking his head. He glanced over at Dean and found the same 'oh shit' expression on his brother's face.
"We all know why we're here. The Judea-Christian apocalypse looms over us. I know, we've all had our little disagreements in the past but the time has come to put those aside and look towards the future…"
Sam inhaled slowly as he watched the man, whose name tag introduced him as Baldur, his heart pounding in his chest.
"Now we do have two very valuable bargaining chips. Michael and Lucifer's vessels."
"Oh shit." Sam whispered. Sharing a horrified, concerned look with his brother. They were way more than just screwed.
"The question is: What do we do with them?"
Sam held his breath as Baldur asked for suggestions. His head snapping around when another of the gods, Zao Shen, got to his feet. Speaking rapidly.
"I don't like his tone." Dean whispered; and Sam had to agree.
A moment later Odin spoke. Brushing aside the idea that they were facing Armageddon before getting into a heated argument with Zao Shen.
Sam glanced over at Dean, who nodded behind them. If they were ever going to get the hell out of here, now was the time. While the gods were distracted with their own pathetic squabbling. Only not all the gods were distracted. They barely made it three feet before a chandelier crashed down in front of them, blocking their path.
"Stay."
Sam turned to stare at the goddess stood at the head of the table. Her eyes burning into him. He could practically see the flames flickering in them. He knew enough about Kali to know not to piss her off.
"We have to fight…" she continued. Tearing her gaze away from Sam to look around the tables. "The archangels, the only thing they understand is violence. This ends in blood. There is no other way. It's them or us."
Sam's stomach dropped at the furious heated words coming from the woman's mouth. It sounded personal, to Sam. More personal than for the other gods. And that most certainly didn't bode well for him and Dean.
"Will all due respect, ma'am. We haven't even tried talking to them."
Sam winced as Kali turned that hot blazing stare on the hotel concierge, who the name tag now introduced as Mercury. He held his breath as the man's face began to turn blue. It was like that scene from Star Wars, only…without the death. As Baldur ordered Kali to stop.
"Who asked you." Kali snapped at the demi-god.
Sam startled as the door behind him flew open. He turned sharply and instantly his heart was in his throat. His eyes wide with, and he hated to admit this, hope as Gabriel strolled confidently into the room. That smug cocky smile pasted to his features. "Can't we all just get along!" Gabriel announced; arms stretched wide.
He caught Sam's gaze and the hunter's heart skipped.
"Gab…."
Sam turned to stare at his brother as he was cut off mid word. He opened his mouth to ask what was going on, only to find himself silent too. Instantly he glared at Gabriel but the angel shook his head, tutting at the pair.
"Sam. Dean. Its always wrong place, worst time with you muttonheads, huh?"
Sam inhaled deeply. There was something in the archangel's gaze, a glint in the man's eye, which somehow told Sam to just trust him. That he wasn't here to sell them out.
"Loki."
"Baldur." Gabriel smiled fakely. Stepping past Sam. "Good seeing you too. I guess my invitation got lost in the mail."
Sam groaned, thankful he had no voice, when Gabriel's scent hit him. Instantly bringing back memories and tastes he was fighting to forget. He watched the archangel closely as he interacted with the other gods. Smirking inwardly at the mention of the elephant in the room.
"But first things first." Gabriel turned back to them; and once again Sam's heart leapt into his throat. Stealing his breath. "The adults need to have a little conversation. Check you later."
Sam stumbled as the world moved around him. His breath coming out in a rush as he found himself back in their motel room. He panted, his heart hammering painfully against his ribs, his head spinning. He'd love to say it was because of the sudden unexpected trip on angel airlines, but the truth was it was Gabriel. Seeing him again.
"Okay, did that…? Holy crap." Dean grumbled beside him.
Sam glanced around. He felt like he was trapped in cotton wool. Nothing making sense. Especially his own feelings. "Yeah. Tell me about it. By the way, next time I say lets keep driving, uh, let's keep driving." he scolded. Dragging his hand through his hair.
"Okay, yeah. Next time." Dean nodded.
Sam started to pace. He needed to burn off the sudden burst of adrenaline flooding his body. He shot Dean a look and found him calm and collected, which only made Sam more certain that it was Gabriel making him suddenly jittery. Dammit. "All right, so…what's our next move?"
"I don't know. We grab those poor saps out of the freezer I guess. Bust 'em out, gank a few freaks if we're lucky."
Sam nodded in agreement as he continued to pace.
"And when are you ever lucky?"
The sound of Gabriel's voice had Sam spinning on the balls of his feet to meet the other man's gaze.
"You know what? Bite me, Gabriel." Dean shot back.
"Maybe later, big boy."
Sam clenched his jaw, narrowing his eyes to glare at the archangel. It wasn't jealousy that sparked at the come-back. It was irritation. Frustration.
"I should've known. This had your stink all over it from the jump." Dean accused, and Sam almost opened his mouth in defence of the archangel.
He wanted to kick himself. This was Gabriel. Everything they knew about him said he'd be involved in this. Yet, somehow Sam knew he wasn't.
"You think I'm behind this? Please. I'm the Costner to your Houston. I'm here to save your ass."
Sam released a sigh of relief and was grateful Dean was too busy arguing to notice. Though he feared Gabriel might have.
"Bingo. These gods are gonna dust you or use you as bait. Either way, you're uber-boned."
Sam was fully aware of the way Gabriel was avoiding looking at him. He was probably still pissed about what happened in the motel six weeks previous, and Sam was surprisingly not okay with that. He didn't like the thought that Gabriel was angry at him.
"Why do you care?" Dean demanded beside him, and Sam's eyes widened. Locking on Gabriel. He'd asked that same question and hadn't received an answer, and he doubted Gabriel would give one to Dean. At least not an honest one.
"I don't care." Gabriel insisted coldly with a shrug.
See. Sam signed to himself.
"But me and Kali, we had a thing."
Sam's eyes narrowed of their own accord, his heart leaping into his throat. So it had been personal for the goddess. Knowing that only made him feel worse.
"Chick's all hands." Gabriel added with a wiggle of his eyebrows and a smirk.
The sight brought back the memory of Katherine's bed, Gabriel teasing him. Joking with him. How could he have not know it was Gabriel? How could he have lied to himself? Or keep lying. The memory was overpowered by the blazing feeling of jealousy. He was so screw. More so than ever before.
"What can I say, I'm sentimental." Gabriel added with a nonchalant shrug.
Sam stared down at the floor for a few moments before shaking himself. There was more important things going on right now than his insane reaction to Gabriel's presence. "Do they have a change against Satan?"
"Really Sam?" Dean said sharply.
Sam met his brother's gaze. "You got a better idea?"
"It's a bad idea." Gabriel insisted; stepping forward. Forcing Sam to look down at him. To inhale his scent and fight the reaction it was creating in his body. "Lucifer's gonna turn them into finger putty. So let's get you out while the going is good."
Sam stared at him. Surprised at the genuine concern and fear in the archangel's voice. Though he probably shouldn't be. He knew that and part of him hated it. Because suddenly he found himself looking back over the past five years, and all he could see was Gabriel trying to keep him alive.
"Would if I could but Kali's got you by the short and curlies. It's a blood spell. You boys are on a leash."
"What does that mean?" Dean demanded angrily.
"It means its time for a little of that old black magic." Gabriel announced dramatically.
Sam's eyes blazed green. He felt it. The jealousy as Gabriel made a show of preparing himself to visit Kali. His stomach tight. He opened his mouth to protest. To put his foot down and announce that there was no damn way in hell Gabriel was going anywhere near his ex. But nothing came out. Sam was so swallowed up by his jealousy he wasn't even aware of Gabriel and Dean arguing. He just stood there glaring at the archangel.
Sam was finally pulled out by Dean grunt, and the sight of him marching passed them to head for the bathroom. Leaving him and Gabriel alone for the first time since the archangel had arrived. Once again Sam wanted to demand Gabriel keep away from Kali, though he knew he had no right. "Why are you really here?" he found himself asking instead.
"I told you, I'm here to pull your asses out of the fire."
"Why?"
He wasn't sure what he wanted to here. Maybe that this was about Kali, or just because Gabriel was bored. He knew what he didn't want to hear. That the archangel was there for him.
"What do you want me to say, Sammy?" Gabriel sighed; looking up with a raised brow. "You don't want to hear it. We both know that."
Sam's heart flew into his throat. Beating out a fast rhythm against his wind pipe. He coughed to try and dislodge it, but it didn't move. It just beat faster. "So…" he started nervously. "Kali?"
The smirk that spread across Gabriel face sent a spark of anger though Sam. His fingers itched to curling into a ball and punch the arrogant dick. "What can I say, not everyone finds the idea of sex with me repulsive." his tone teasing.
Sam only wished he did find it repulsive. He wished he found Gabriel repulsive. "Would she feel the same if she knew who you really were?" he asked quietly. Because he had a feeling she wouldn't, while he… "Clearly you have a habit of lying to the people you sleep with." he grunted out angrily.
Sam watched as Gabriel boiled away under the surface, his mouth opening to argue. Sam curled his hands into fist to stop from reaching out. To stop himself from touching the archangel. Every inch of him wanted to step forward and claim Gabriel. To kiss him breathless. Until all thoughts of returning to Kali were erased. And he probably would have if the toilet hadn't flushed, and his brother hadn't strolled out of the bathroom.
"You still here? Don't you have a god to manipulate?" Dean huffed; glaring at the archangel
Gabriel turned sharply, and Sam wanted to punch his brother and hug him all that the same time.
"Be ready to split. If you haven't got the lunch menu out of the freeze by the time I've got the blood, we're going without them." Gabriel ordered. His tone truly commanding for the first time.
Sam inhaled sharply at the arousal that hearing it shot through him. He got one last brief glance at Gabriel before he vanished.
"God I hate that guy." Dean grunted; shaking his head.
"Yeah." Sam murmured in reply. Knowing it was yet another lie.
~~~Unrequited Sabriel: Masquerade~~~
He couldn't stop thinking about Gabriel and Kali. Doing whatever they were doing in the bedroom. His jaw hurt from the tension in it. The distraction was probably why he and Dean had been caught. And that only made him angrier with himself.
Sam's stomach dropped at the sight of Gabriel sat in a chair at the other end of the room. A look of defeat and nervousness in his eyes. Though he tried to hide it. Kali hovered over the angel furiously. She turned to meet Sam's gaze as he was once again manhandled over to a chair. That blazing fire almost consuming him. A woman scorned. Shit. She knows. Sam realised.
"Well surprise, surprise. The Trickster has tricked us." Kali announced once they were all seated.
Sam tried not to watch her hover over Gabriel. He tried not to look at the angel at all, but quickly found it an impossibility. His heart tightening at the fear he saw in the man's eyes. Every instinct wanted to leap to his feet and go safe Gabriel. But he didn't. He just sat there as she opened her mouth, shooting Gabriel disgusted and hurt looks.
"Kali don't." Gabriel whispered pleadingly.
Sam held his breath as the goddess towered over Gabriel.
"You're mine now." she murmured. Lowering herself into the archangel's lap. Her hand drifting down his chest almost seductively.
Sam glanced away, unable to watch. His stomach clenching and a acidy taste taking up home in the back of his throat. He glanced up briefly to find Kali watching him as her hand moved lower. Anger imprinted on her beautiful dark features.
"And you have something I want. - An archangel's blade." she whispered; pulling it free from Gabriel's jacket. "From the Archangel Gabriel."
Sam sucked in a breath, his heart racing. The night was just going from bad to worse with each ticking second.
"Okay, okay. So I've got wings. Like Kotex. But that doesn't make me any less right about Lucifer." Gabriel insisted.
Sam shifted awkwardly in the chair. If she knew and she was out of get at Gabriel there was ever change she'd tell everyone. Which meant telling Dean.
"He's lying. He's a spy."
Part of Sam wanted to laugh at that. If Gabriel was a spy he was the worst one in the universe.
"I know my brother Kali. He should scare the living crap out of you. You can't beat him. - I've skipped ahead, seen how this story ends…"
"You're story, not ours." Kali interrupted.
Sam listened to Kali. Normally he would agree with her, if it wasn't for the fact that she was planning on using him and Dean as bait, and was currently cradling an angel blade in her hand. If it weren't for the look of hurt and fury in her gaze that told him Gabriel had pissed off and lied to the wrong person this time.
Sam knew it was coming. It was obvious but when Kali thrust the blade through Gabriel's chest, the shock hit him like a ten ton weight. He froze in his seat, eyes wide as the white light of the angel's grace exploded. Filling the room, before dying out. Sam sat staring at the empty vessel in the chair not ten feet away from him. His heart racing and a sick feeling clawing at his insides. He could feel his body trembling beneath his skin.
He was startled out of his shock by Dean's voice. Shaky yet confident.
"Alright you primitive screw heads, listen up."
"Are you out of your mind?" Sam glared up at his brother.
"I'm out of options." Dean whispered before returning his attention to the gathered gods. Throwing as much confidence and venom into his speech.
Sam watched Dean closely, fighting not to look at Gabriel, or Kali. And Failing miserable. He found himself staring at the empty vessel as Dean rambled on. He couldn't believe he was gone. Obviously the guy had been right to want to stay out of the fight. Yet he'd come here, to help them. To save him. Again. Sam swallowed the lump growing in his throat, and was barely aware of the movement going on around him until Odin heaved Gabriel out of the change and marched towards the door with his limp body. Sam blinked as he watched Dean heading back to him.
"He stays here." Kali insisted. "Insurance."
"It's not like we can go anywhere. You've got us tied down." Dean snapped.
"He stays. Or they all do."
Sam had no idea what they were even talking about. He'd blocked out the whole conversation after about twenty seconds of Dean's insult marathon. He looked up at Dean questioningly and received a reassuring nod.
"Fine. I'll be right back." he insisted to Sam.
The room emptied quickly after that. Leaving Sam alone with only Kali and Baldur. The woman watching him and he swallowed, pushing himself out of the chair to pace the room.
"So you're the reason he left." Kali scoffed behind him. Forcing Sam to turn and face her.
"Huh?"
She didn't repeat the question. She just stared up at him. "I knew there was someone else. - I'll admit, I thought it was…" her eyes scanned his form judgingly. "Another of our kind. I never expected it to be….you."
Sam swallowed. "I don't know what…"
"You can't lie to me." she sighed.
"He did." Sam snapped defensively. He wasn't going to talk about whatever it was that had happened between him and Gabriel with this woman. "How long was it?"
Her jaw tightened and her eyes blazed.
Sam worried for a moment that maybe he'd over stepped his mark, but the fact was they needed him more than he needed her. "At least I knew who he really was." he murmured in an unconscious moment of truth.
There was an intense moment of silence. The pair just staring at each other. It felt like forever before it was broken by Baldur's appearance at her side.
"So your going to summon Lucifer?" she said suddenly in a drastic change of subject. Clearly she didn't want the other god to know what they'd been discussing.
Sam looked between the gods nervously. "Sort of. I just need you to squeegee some stuff from my ribs and he'll come running."
"Breaking them would be easier." Kali replied harshly.
"Show's over."
Sam turned sharply at the sound of his brother's voice.
"Swords a fake. And Gabriel? He's till standing. I hate to break it to you, sister. You've been tricked."
Sam couldn't believe the sudden burst of relief that shot through him. He almost said something. He glanced smugly over at Kali and found she didn't look all that surprised. Not really. Like she'd known….fucking gods. They'd faked the whole damn think. But why?
Sam's attention was quickly captured by the flickering lights and the distant sound of screams outside.
"What's happening?" Baldur asked. Like it wasn't blatantly obvious.
"It's him." Sam replied nervously. Turning to stare at the door.
"How?" Kali demanded.
"Does it matter? Shazam us out of here, would you?"
There was a moment of slice and the two gods looked at one another.
"We can't." Baldur murmured.
The doors flew open, only this time it wasn't to reveal a smirking cock-sure trickster, but a very pissed and dangerous archangel. "Of course you can't. You didn't say mother may I. Sam. Dean. Good to see you again." Lucifer said matter-of-factly. Like they were old friends.
Sam held his breath as Baldur moved forward to confront the archangel. It was a disaster just as Gabriel had warned. Baldur crumbling to his knees a few seconds later.
When Kali stepped up to the plate, Sam and Dean knew it was time to duck and cover. Leaping for the table and pulling it down as a shield. A second later the room was filled with fire.
"You okay?" Sam whispered to Dean.
"Yeah." Dean nodded.
"Not really." Gabriel announced.
Sam's heart had been through too much in one day. He'd swear the next time it did that stop start things, it just wouldn't start. He looked over at Gabriel but the archangel refused to meet his gaze and it made something in his stomach knot tightly. He opened his mouth to say something, only to be cut off by Gabriel shoving a DVD at his brother.
"Guard this with your life."
Then he was on his feet and gone before Sam was even able to say what the hell.
Sam pushed himself up on his knees and glanced over the table, watching as Gabriel stood there, sword in hand. A wave of jealousy flooded through him when Gabriel help Kali to her feet and held her close.
"Guys!" Gabriel called over his shoulder.
Sam followed Dean around the table, his eyes flickering between Lucifer and Gabriel.
"Get her out of here!" Gabriel insisted. Pushing the goddess into Sam's arms.
Dean snatched her arm, dragging her quickly out of the room.
As Sam reached the door he allowed himself a moment to meet Gabriel's gaze. Knowing it was the last time he'd see him. For real this time. No fake-its. No come-backs. It was over. He should probably say something. Even if it was just goodbye, but Gabriel turned away, focusing his full attention on Lucifer. So Sam inhaled deeply and turned; rushing down the corridor to catch up with Dean.
They were ten miles away when white light filled the sky. Sam turned sharply in the seat to stare out of the back window, his eyes suddenly burning. There was a chance, a small chance that it was Lucifer that had died. - Yet Sam knew, deep down that he was just trying to kid himself. A looked at Kali confirmed it. Her dark eyes glistening with tears. She shot him an accusing look, which faded almost instantly to sympathy, before she vanished. Leaving behind two small vials of blood on the backseat. Sam snatched them quickly before they could roll down the back of the leather seat. Turning back to look at the sunrise.
He'd wanted Gabriel out of his life. - Now he was.
A/N: Okay before you say anything I know that this series is called Unrequited and that its not unrequited if Sam feels the same way. But Gabriel doesn't know that, and Sam's a stubborn shit and won't admit that. And by the time he does come to terms with it, Gabriel is dead. So in a way it is unrequited because they're never on the same page at the same time.
And in truth, when I started this series it was only meant to be Gabriel's love for Sam which was never going to be return. Then Samandriel came along and well….babies change everything right.
Oh and sorry if the flow of this chapter felt a little off. I have no excuses. Really. I can't explain it.
