Black and White
Jessie (Katie is sitting next to her): "I used to think kissing was overrated. Six months ago, I just didn't get it. I didn't see what the big deal was. I mean, I only had a little bit of experience by that point, but it just wasn't what I thought it would be. It wasn't this great thing that everyone said it would be. And then…well…" She looks over at Katie. "Let's just say I get it now."
It finally happened. It took a little while, but Katie finally did it. She finally worked up the nerve to kiss Jessie. Since that moment they shared in the locker room a couple days ago, their kisses had been few and far between. And when they did kiss, it was always Jessie who instigated it. Katie had wanted to kiss Jessie several times, but always chickened out at the last minute. She always waited for Jessie to make the first move because she didn't want to overstep her boundaries. She was still scared of everything that was going on between them. She thought for sure she'd wake up one morning and Jessie would realize she didn't want to be with her anymore. Perhaps it was because Jessie had yet to put her feelings for Katie into words. Katie made it very clear how she felt about Jessie in that letter, but Jessie always seemed to have trouble expressing what she felt. And Katie understood that. She didn't want to push her in any way.
Jessie pulled some clothes off the bed. "I'm sure it's around here somewhere."
Katie continued to watch the younger girl turn the place inside out. She was content just being with her.
Jessie opened an old pizza box that looked like it was from three weeks ago. "Oh my God. Okay, this was a bad idea. Next time I do this, I'm gonna require gloves…and a shovel."
Katie laughed as she watched Jessie's disgusted face. And at this moment, as Jessie was sifting through Eli's stuff, for a split second, Katie felt fearless. So she boldly walked over to Jessie and kissed her. The kiss was simple and sweet, yet had enough fire behind it to light a book of wet matches. Before Jessie could even enjoy the pleasure against her lips, the door suddenly opened and the two girls quickly pulled apart.
Eli walked through the door and looked at his sister questioningly. "Jessie."
"Hey Eli." She was hoping she had managed to wipe the dreamy look off her face before Eli noticed it.
"What are you doing in my room?"
"We were looking for your Sugarcult cd. Katie wanted to borrow it."
Eli looked over at Katie. "Oh, hey Katie."
"Hi."
Eli looked back at Jessie. "Look, Jess. If you wanna borrow my stuff, that's fine. But ask me first. Don't go rummaging through my room without permission." He walked over to his dresser and casually stood in front of it to block the bag of pot he forgot to hide earlier. He looked to his left and grabbed the Sugarcult cd off his shelf and handed it to Katie.
"Here. It's a good one. You'll enjoy it."
Katie took the cd. "Thanks. Sorry about being in your room."
"Oh, don't worry about it. Just as long as you guys give me some warning next time." Eli looked at both Jessie and Katie and wondered why they were so pale. "Are you guys okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. We're fine. I think you just startled us when you came in," said Jessie.
"Well, I do have that effect on people."
Katie forced an awkward laugh as she backed up towards the door. "Well, I should get going. Thanks for the cd, Eli. Jess, I'll see you at school tomorrow."
"Bye, Katie." Jessie watched at Katie walked out. But before she closed the door, Katie turned around and gave Jessie one last look. Eli watched Katie intently as she shared that private look with Jessie. Once Katie left, Eli turned to Jessie.
"Is everything okay, Jessie?"
"Yeah, yeah everything's fine."
Eli nodded. They stood there in silence. It wasn't until now that Eli realized he hadn't had a lot of bonding time with Jessie recently. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time they had a full on conversation. Realizing this made things just a little more awkward between them at this moment.
Black and White
Eli: "When we were younger, Jessie would always follow me around. My dad said 'she just wanted to be like her big brother.' He said it was a phase and she'd grow out of it. So I just let her follow me. I figured she'd eventually get sick of it. And the thing is, I didn't mind. She was a cool little sister. Even my friends didn't mind having her around. She wasn't annoying or bratty. She was just…there."
Jessie nervously looked away from her brother while moving a pile of junk off of his bed so she could sit down. Eli took this opportunity to quickly move his stash into the top drawer of his dresser.
"Eli, can I ask you something?"
"Always," replied Eli as he took a seat on his chair.
"Um…when you were with Jennifer…or Carla…what did you get them for their birthday?"
Eli was a little bewildered by her question. He definitely wasn't expecting this. "Uh…I don't know. Why?"
"I'm just curious."
"Well, I think I got Jen a necklace. And Carla? Actually, I never really knew when her birthday was. I don't think she had a birthday while we were together."
"Oh. Well, did Jen like the necklace?"
"Yeah. At least I think so. She told me she did. Why do you wanna know?"
"I don't know. I was just wondering."
"Are you thinking of giving someone a birthday present?"
Jessie shrugged.
Black and White
Eli: "It got to the point where I'd actually ASK her if she wanted to come along to wherever I was going. And she just loved it. 'She'll grow out of it,' my dad would say. But she never did…until recently."
Eli got up and sat next to Jessie on his bed. He leaned over and nudged her shoulder with his shoulder. "Come on, you can tell me."
"Well, yeah. There's this person who I kind of like. But I'm not sure what to get because it's new and we haven't really established anything and I just wanted to know what was appropriate to give as a birthday present."
"Well, I don't think jewelry is the way to go. Especially if it's Tad."
Jessie rolled her eyes. "Eli.."
"I'm not saying it IS Tad. But if it is, I just think you might want to re-think the necklace thing."
"I wasn't wondering what present to get. I was wondering what TYPE of present. Like something small or expensive or sentimental or…just a card or something," said Jessie.
"Well, if you really like him, I'd go with something simple, but heartfelt. Something that shows him how you feel." He looked at Jessie. "Does he know how you feel?"
Jessie shook her head. "I don't know."
Black and White
Eli: "And when we were younger, I knew. I knew I'd do anything for her. I'd always have her back. And now? Well…nothing has changed. Except, while I'd do anything for her, it seems like she doesn't really need me to anymore." He pauses for a moment, contemplating. "And that kinda sucks. I guess she did grow out of it."
Jessie and Eli were interrupted by a knock at the door. Rick peeked his head in. "Hey. It's time for dinner."
As Jessie and Eli sat down at the crowded dinner table, the conversation was already abuzz with impending baby plans. Judy and her boyfriend, Sam, stopped by for dinner as well, making it a full house.
"So do we have another name change?" asked Judy.
"Well, right now we have it narrowed down to 56 choices…for a boy. And 37 for a girl," joked Rick.
"Well, that's better than what you were at two weeks ago," replied Sam.
"I just hope it's a boy," chimed in Zoe.
"Why?"
"Because. I already have a younger sister. It's only fair if I have younger brother, too."
Grace rolled her eyes at Zoe's response. "Whatever, Zoe. If it were a boy, you'd probably play dress-up with him and then he'll turn out all screwed up."
"Shut up, Grace," snapped Zoe.
Lily could tell that all this talk about the baby was grating on the kids, so she opted for a subject change. "So Jessie, Grace. How's school going?"
"It's fine," replied Jessie. "A little hectic, but I'm getting used to it."
"Yeah…what she said," replied Grace, who obviously wasn't in the mood for talking today.
"And how's Katie doing?" asked Lily.
"She's good. She just left not too long ago," said Jessie, who was sheepishly grinning at the thought of Katie. This did not go unnoticed by Eli, who was sitting next to Jessie.
"What does she have planned for her birthday? Isn't it this weekend?" asked Lily.
Immediately, Jessie's entire body stiffened. She felt the blood drain from her face as she tried to slow her breathing.
Eli's head immediately perked up at Lily's question. He quickly turned to look at Jessie, who couldn't bring herself to look at him.
"Jessie? Lily asked you a question," said Rick.
"Oh…yeah. Yeah, I think she said something about it being this week." Jessie contemplated using her spoon to dig a hole in the floor. She needed a place to hide and under the hardwood floor seemed as good a place as any at this moment. She quickly glanced through her peripheral to see if Eli was still looking at her. He was. Only this time, his mouth was slightly open. He looked as though he were trying to solve a riddle; like he was trying to figure out what all this meant.
"Does Katie have anything planned?" asked Judy.
"Uh…" Jessie knew if she didn't relax soon, she'd start to hyperventilate. She took a deep breath. "Tad and some of her friends are throwing her a bonfire party. Tad likes fire and Katie likes marshmallows. So, it seems fitting. Katie said she didn't want anything big. She says it's just a reason for her friends to have a party, but she doesn't want to let them down."
Jessie finally made eye contact with her brother. He looked at her, dumbfounded. But he could tell he was making her uncomfortable, so he looked back at his plate and continued eating so as not to draw any attention to himself.
"Well that sounds like fun, Jess," said Eli, as he flashed a smile her way.
"Are you going?" asked Lily.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm going. So is Grace. Well, I mean…Grace is invited," said Jessie.
"Yeah, I'll probably go," said Grace.
Jessie began picking at her food and periodically looking over at Eli. Every so often, she would catch his glance. She was beginning to feel more and more relaxed. Maybe he didn't suspect anything. Maybe he was actually stoned at this moment and really didn't know what they were even talking about. Wishful thinking, but it could be true.
Black and White
Eli: "She grew out of it. Just like my dad said she would. But now…I don't know. Maybe she does still need me." He smiles.
It was finally Saturday night and Katie's birthday party was well under way. It was a pretty good turnout, which wasn't surprising, seeing as how Katie was one of the most popular girls in school. Tad had secured a place that allows bonfires about a mile from the lake. Jessie had only been there five minutes and right away, she felt out of place. She watched from a distance as Katie talked and joked around with her friends. Jessie hadn't made her presence known yet and she was thinking about just staying there near that tree until Grace came up to her.
"I know you didn't get all dressed up to hang out with a tree. Come on," said Grace as she pulled Jessie toward the party. "Go say hi to Katie."
"I will," said Jessie. "Don't be so pushy."
The fire was blazing. Jessie could see the firelight illuminating Katie skin and suddenly, she was in a different place. She forgot who she was and where she was and all could see was Katie. She smiled as she watched Katie drink from a red plastic cup. It almost seemed like slow motion as Katie put that drink to her lips. And Jessie had never wanted to be a red plastic cup so badly in all her life. It only took a moment for Katie to spot Jessie from across the way. She instantly left the friends she was talking to and ran over to greet Jessie with a hug.
"Hey!"
"Hey. Happy birthday."
"Thanks. Seventeen looks good on me, don't ya think?"
"Yeah. Definitely," said Jessie "So…you're drinking?"
"Dr. Pepper." Katie held her cup up to Jessie. "Want some?"
"That's okay."
"Good. More sugar for me, then."
"So, how's the party?" asked Jessie.
"Well, it just got a lot better." Katie smiled at Jessie, then grabbed her by the arm. "Come on. The party's this way."
She led Jessie over to the increasingly loud group of people. Jessie looked over to see that even Grace was socializing with people. The next hour pretty much flew by. Jessie had managed to carry on conversations with several of Katie's friends and Katie made it a point to always make sure Jessie was comfortable. Even if they weren't involved in the same conversation, they constantly made eye contact. And that fire was no match for the smoldering looks the girls were exchanging all night.
The rest of the night went fairly well. That is until someone decided to crash the party. The group suddenly went silent as they saw some people approaching. Katie was in the middle of a conversation with Jessie and Tad as they looked over and saw Rebecca Grayson and her followers heading towards them. Katie looked over at Tad.
Tad put his arms up in defense. "Katie, I swear I didn't invite her. I made it a point to make sure she didn't know about this."
Katie looked back over at Rebecca. Instinctively, Jessie stood in front of Katie, blocking her from Rebecca. Jessie had no idea what even possessed her to do that. As if her 95-pound frame would really be able to block someone from getting to Katie.
Black and White
Jessie (embarrassed): "Why did I do that? It's not like there's going to be a throw-down."
"Rebecca," said Katie, calmly. "Hi. Can I get you a drink, or something?"
"No. I can't stay. I just wanted to say thanks for inviting me," said Rebecca, coldly.
"We didn't invite you," said Tad.
"Oh, so my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail."
"Aren't you supposed to be in Europe?" asked one of the party-goers. Jessie couldn't make out which one.
"For your information, we leave on Monday," said Rebecca.
"Look, I think you should leave. Now," said Tad.
"Oh, I'll leave," said Rebecca. Then she proceeded to talk a lot louder. "I was just curious. I wanted to see how a gay girl celebrates her 17th birthday." She was practically shouting at this point as she looked around. "A big fire and a bunch of trees. Classy."
As Rebecca and her friends started to leave, she looked back at Katie and smiled wickedly. "Happy birthday, Katie."
Jessie clenched her knuckles until they were white. She couldn't bear seeing that pained expression on Katie's face. It's obvious what Rebecca said really hurt Katie. It was bad enough that Rebecca said all those things in front of Katie's friends, but to do it on her birthday? That was truly the workings of someone with no soul. The silence was slowly fading as everyone continued with their conversations. But even though Rebecca was gone, Katie looked as though she was about to cry any second. Jessie went up to her.
"Hey. Come on."
"Where?"
"Let's go for a walk." Jessie took Katie's arm and led her away from the party. "Tad, we'll be right back. Hold down the fort."
"Sure thing, Jess."
Jessie and Katie made their way through the trees. They hiked about a half a mile until they reached the Park Ranger Station. Jessie sat down on the steps and reached her hand up to take Katie's hand as she sat next to her.
"Are you okay?"
Katie nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine. That was just…really, really embarrassing."
Jessie didn't really know what to say. She just nodded in understanding.
Katie turned to face Jessie. "Jess, you know…that thing…what she said. I mean, it's…I guess it's sort of true, but…it doesn't define me. I mean, it's not like my whole identity or anything. I mean, it's…God, I'm not explaining this right—"
"It's okay. You don't have to explain anything."
"I feel like I should."
"Well, if you want to, then go ahead. But, it doesn't matter to me. I care about you. I like you for who you are. I mean, I guess you could say I'm going through the same thing right now." Jessie interlocked her fingers with Katie's. "Do you like me for who I am?"
Katie smiled. "Of course I do."
"So then, let's just leave it at that. You don't need to define yourself, Katie. Not to me. I know you. I know who you are. And…I think I'm starting to… fall for who you are."
Katie smiled and looked down. "Really?"
"Yeah." Jessie reached in her purse and pulled out a gift. "Here. I kinda wanted to give it to you when we were alone, so here."
Katie took the present. "Jess, you really didn't have to get me anything."
"Well, don't get too excited. I don't have a lot of money. And…it's really not much. But I thought you might like it."
Katie opened the gift to find that Jessie had given her a framed picture of the two of them. It was taken at Jake and Tiffany's wedding. It was a candid shot of the two of them sitting at a table and laughing. The gift immediately brought a smile to Katie's face.
"Jess, this is so great. Thank you." Katie was deeply touched.
Jessie smiled. "Open it."
"Huh?"
"Open up the back of the frame," said Jessie.
Katie took the back of the frame and found that Jessie had written a note on the back of the picture.
"Katie,
Just look at this picture. It is the sign of true happiness. This is how you make me feel. When I'm with you, everything else seems to melt away and I'm left standing with you. And I realize that's all I need. Thank you for everything you've done for me. For your endless support and trust. I know I can be afraid at times. I know I have trouble saying how I feel at times. But please know that I truly care about you and I always want to be with you.
--Jessie"
Katie looked up at Jessie. "Jessie, this is the greatest thing anyone has ever given to me."
"I'm glad you like it."
Katie smiled as she timidly began to lean in. Jessie could feel Katie's hand shaking and knew she was nervous. Jessie decided to calm Katie's nerves by meeting her half way and when their lips collided, they saw stars. And not just the ones that were enveloping the night sky above them. For some reason, this kiss seemed so much more meaningful. So much more powerful. So much more needed than any other kiss before. Both girls finally let go of what their brains were telling them and they followed their hearts. Jessie brought her hands up to Katie's face as she got more into the kiss. Katie slowly grazed her tongue along Jessie's lips as Jessie opened her mouth to greet Katie's tongue with hers. Jessie didn't know that anything could feel this good. And she was thankful to Katie for making her feel this way. The kiss continued for several minutes. Neither girl wanted to pull away, until Jessie realized there was a group of people down there who were all gathered in Katie's honor. And here she was, stealing her away from them. She gently pulled away and looked at Katie adoringly.
"I should get you back before they form a search party." Jessie got up and took Katie's hand. Katie grabbed her present and they headed back to the party, taking their time so they could enjoy every last moment they had alone together.
To Be Continued….
