Okay, this chapter would have been up a lot sooner, but a catastrophe occurred… All of my fan fics were stored on my USB stick alone, stupid now I think of it, but whatever. All the chapters I'd written as well as the ones I hadn't were stored on there. Then the day I was going to upload this chapter I put in the stick and every single document with my fan fics were gone and those alone. I don't know how if it was a freak accident or why if someone did it on purpose. If I find out they did, I will personally slaughter them. For this fan fic alone there were, like, the next 5 chapters already written. Now I'll have to write them again as well as the chapters for my other fan fics. So I apologise now for the delay there'll be. I'll work my hardest to re-write them; hopefully they'll be as good as the originals…
Anyway, on with the story. Thank you for the 23 reviews, it means a lot the feedback you give, whether one word or more, the fact that you took the time is great. Oh yeah, sorry for the long author's note, I just had to explain. So read and review!
Disclaimer: I am not James Patterson, nor do I own the characters and parts of this are taken from the Maximum Ride book to link up. x.
The pain…the anger that I felt yesterday hasn't left me. I can't begin to imagine how you can leave me…I couldn't leave you through choice. When you walked into the cabin this morning I knew it was set in stone, you were leaving and I couldn't do anything about it. I may not see you again… that's why I couldn't meet you eyes. I couldn't bear to think it would be the last time I looked at your face, into your eyes. Maybe if I didn't look at you, I could pretend this wasn't happening. It didn't work, but it made it fractionally easier.
Why you being a dickhead for?
Stop being a dickhead
Why you being a dickhead for?
You're just fucking up situations
I walked forward to meet you in front of the fireplace, never meeting your gaze as I felt your eyes boring into me. The kids were looking expectantly up at us, if only they knew. I just couldn't comprehend what was happening. I went over a hundred conversations in my reeling head. What would they say? How could we explain this? How could we explain this when even I don't understand why you can't just stay with me?
Why you being a dickhead for?
Stop being a dickhead
Why you being a dickhead for?
You're just fucking up situations
"I've decided to go on my own way," You told the flock abruptly, casting a glance at Ari and then continuing, "Almost anyone's welcome to come with me."
My heart caught in my throat. Go with him! I couldn't bear it. I couldn't bear losing any more of them. I'd brought them up, watched them grow up, how could I cope without them? I took a deep breath to calm myself.
"I think we should all stick together until Fang comes back." I stated smoothly, my voice even. Please stay with me. I'll need you all to help me live without Fang.
Shiny floor, slippery feet
Lights are dim, my eyes can't meet
The reflection that turns my images
Upside down so I can't see
I tried to blank out their protests; it was too hard to listen to them voicing my thoughts aloud. I shrugged, my face flaming; it was your choice. You were the one doing this.
Gazzy's squeaky voice caught me attention, "We have to choose?" I watched the torment on his face as he looked at you, then to me, then to Ari. Crap.
I'm going to lose them all, just because I couldn't throw someone who needed me out. I was going to lose them all because of you. Is it possible to wish you'd leave immediately while wanting you to stay with me forever at the same time? That's what I'm feeling.
Think you know everything
You really don't know nothing
I wish that you were more intelligent
So you could see that what you are doing is
So shitty, to me
It was painful listening to them decide, the penetrating silence.
Within moments Iggy had stated blandly "I'll go with Fang." I felt my body ready to rack with sobs but I fought them back. His face was expressionless but his voice had said it all. My heart squeezed painfully at his words, my eyes widening. For the first time I was glad he was blind, I was glad he couldn't see my face, my shell-shocked expression.
"I'm going to stay with Max." Nudge had said, her voice cracking. I squeezed her hand, which had found its way into mine, but I saw how she looked at Ari out of the corners of her eyes. She, too, didn't trust him, didn't want him with us. Her eyes flickered to you, looking longingly at you, was she channelling my emotions?
Thirty five,
People couldn't count,
On two hands the amount of times you made me stop,
Stop and think why are you being such a dickhead for?
Angel must have been communicating with the Gasman telepathically because he shook his head and looked like he was concentrating hard. I swallowed hard, please come with me.
"I'm going with Max." Angel had said decidedly. I almost let out a sigh of relief, had I not wanted to show that this whole situation wasn't bothering me just like you were. My baby was coming with me, and Gazzy would almost certainly follow her. My heart swelled, I would only be losing two of my boys.
"I'm going with Fang." Gazzy countered. What?! I felt myself staring at him in astonishment. I fought back the tears once more as I clenched my teeth. I hadn't expected that. You began shrugging your backpack on your shoulders and it dawned on me that I would never fly with you again. Strange that something so trivial almost brought me to my knees, begging you to stay. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I gave in.
Stop being a dickhead,
Why you being a dickhead for?
You're just fucking up situations,
Why you being a dickhead for?
Stop being a dickhead,
Why you being a dickhead for?
You're just fucking up situations
"Fine," You said breaking the deathly silence that had fallen on all of us as we struggled to come to terms with what was happening. Your voice sounded so normal as if this was an every day occurrence. What's wrong with you?
"Fine." I replied, tilting my chin up, wishing with all my strength that you wouldn't do this, and making darn sure you couldn't tell I was wishing it. I wasn't sure if I managed it because I thought I saw some concern in your eyes when you looked at me, but then it was gone.
Stop, don't show, just have a think before you...
Will you, stop, now don't show, just have a think before you...
Will you stop, no don't show, just have a think before you...
And, stop, don't show, just have a think before you...
"I guess we should go then guys." You said evenly. I almost smiled; you were going to make a great leader. I couldn't believe I was going to miss seeing you accomplish it. Iggy and Gazzy moved forward to us, you staying put. I hardly noticed Nudge's sobs and Angel's waterfall of tears as fear racked through me; you're not going to say goodbye, are you? You're going to leave without giving me a last hug, aren't you? I forced myself to not look at you, I couldn't bear the agony. Iggy picked Angel up hugging her and saying everything would be fine. I watched as Nudge hugged Gazzy goodbye and I found it hard to contend with the thought that it was you and I who were causing this grief. Iggy moved to Nudge and she super glued herself to him, refusing to let go. Angel and Gazzy cried together at me separated and I felt my heart crack again. How many times was it capable of breaking? I bent down to the Gasman, ruffling his hair and lying blatantly that we'd see him soon. I, myself, couldn't handle the truth. Iggy held me for longer than I expected, forgetting his cool-guy-too-old-for-hugs image. When we finally let go I looked at you and returned the blank gaze I found. The hope draining out of me.
'Cause my brain and my bones don't want to take, this anymore
My brain and my bones don't want to take, this anymore
My brain and my bones don't want to take, this anymore
My brain and my bones don't want to take, this anymore, so
I prayed for you to say this was some kind of sick joke you and all the kids were in on. It would have been better than the reality of this situation. Trust me. But you aren't going to anymore, are you? You wouldn't believe me when I said Ari had changed, you wouldn't believe me when I said I knew what I was doing. You won't need to believe me anymore; you're leaving. Which leaves me questioning why I'm worrying about it. I didn't need to question it, I didn't want you to leave, and I want you to believe me. I want you to be in a situation where you have to trust me, which would mean you being with me. That's all I want.
Why you being a dickhead for?
Stop being a dickhead
Why you being a dickhead for?
You're just fucking up situations
I felt my lifelines leaving me sides, aiming for you. They weren't letting you go without saying goodbye, why do I have to? I expected you to be awkward with Angel and Nudge, to turn into the unbending statue you become in personal situations. But you didn't. You dropped to their level, holding them close, stroking their hair while they clung to you in an embrace. Would you be the same if I went to hug you, or do you hate me too much to be close to me? I squeezed my eyes tight, willing all my muscles in my body to stay put. When I opened them I watched you let them go and I wanted nothing more to replace them. I watched as Angel placed a kiss on you cheek and I watched as a rush of emotion swarmed your face. I wanted it to be me that brought that emotion to you, but it isn't going to happen, is it?
Why you being a dickhead for?
Stop being a dickhead
Why you being a dickhead for?
You're just fucking up situations
Why do you have to be so stubborn? Can't you just say goodbye to me? I ignored the part of me telling me I should be the one to pluck up the courage, which left us at a stalemate. Neither of us would do it.
"Okay, guys." And my boys, including you, turned towards the door. Steadily you opened it, inviting in a cold breeze that chilled my bones. Ig and Gazzy turned to wave at us and I managed a small smile as I realised that all morning I'd wasted time not looking at you. 'Cause you're not going to turn around are you? While this morning I should have been studying every inch of your face so I could remember it forever, I was wasting it looking at my shoes pretending this wasn't real. I felt so angry with myself. Why couldn't we have said goodbye to each other…I needed to tell you I love you.
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Little challenge? Can you get me up to 30? I will be immensely happy (Y) x.
