*Title: The Perfect Girl*
Author: slytherin-nette
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of these characters but I own the plot and the concept of the 'Hunting Season'. ^_~ Everything else belongs to JK Rowling. (although I wish I owned Draco. *wink*)
Rating: PG-13 (at the moment…*smirk*)
Summary: The hunting season has just begun and Draco Malfoy, only heir to the Malfoy line, is on his relentless pursuit of the perfect bride with very high qualifications. But what happens when the only person to match up to his standards just happens to be his worst enemy, Harry Potter? H/D SLASH! ;)
Genre: Romance/Humor
Warnings: This is a SLASH fic (sorta) so all those who are homophobic or find the idea insulting, PLEASE TURN BACK NOW. I will not tolerate flames of any kind telling me that slash is disgusting and all that crap. I'm not forcing anyone to read this so please don't bother wasting words for an amusing flame. Also, I must warn you, this is my FIRST SLASH FIC so be nice… *wince* This is also a POST VOLDEMORT fic and a WiP depending on how many reviews I get. ^_~ Lastly, this is a HUMOR fic so it wasn't really meant to be realistic at all and if the characters get OC or start to act way foolish, don't blame me. ;P
Spoilers: SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP, just to warn you. ;)
Pairings: Draco/girl!Harry, Blaise/Hermione, Ron/Luna, Neville/Ginny
Short Note: So sorry for the long awaited update! Anyway, thanks everyone for all your reviews okay? Didn't know you guys would enjoy the story that much! Over 100 reviews on just three chapters… O_O… That's pretty amazing so thanks! Hope you like this chapter, I giggled the entire time writing it! Anyway, enjoy! Harry/Draco rule! ^_^
***
Chapter 4- Bloody Hell!
Sirius Black was seething.
He was irate.
He was furious.
He was livid, even.
He was positively salivating with a need to sterilize the line of the Malfoy family forever, starting with the smug, smirking blonde right in front of him at that very moment, who was unfortunately his cousin's husband.
In short, Sirius was just plain pissed out of his pants.
Er..Ehem, metaphorically speaking of course.
And why the hell wouldn't he be?! Here he was, angelically minding his own damn business by planning the next future demise of his slimy, hook-nosed enemy (three guesses who) when a ruddy owl just had to come right in and announce the sweetest of news.
Bloody hell!
His godson had been turned into a freaking woman!
Oh for the flying love of humanity, Merlin help us all! How much more could a guy take in his lifetime?!
Sure, he was framed up for a crime he didn't commit.
And sure, following that he was sentenced to life in Azkaban with those godforsaken hooded jerks that just did not give you enough privacy to even cream your pants for crying out loud!
And to think that they were the same bloody creatures who tried to give him the bloody dementor's kiss! Sirius shuddered in disgust. Hooded, ghastly beings were definitely not his type. It didn't surprise him though. That would definitely explain those overly-exploring hands when he was sleeping at nights in Azkaban… But…You really did not need to know that.
Sirius turned an interesting shade of green at the thought, his eyes going wide with horror.
Holy Merlin! He thought, shaking the thought away.
Oh and of course! Let's not forget the ever-so-wonderful escaped convict years, shall we? Who could, after all, not love being mistaken for being guilty of a crime done by a bloody murderer by the name of Peter Pettigrew, who, by the way, was an extremely tacky jerk who could never match up to Sirius' style.
Why, how could they even think he'd murder those people?!! Sirius could never have done such a horrid thing as blow up a bunch of muggles in a public area! He'd probably do it in a classier way—such as torture, beatings, plain, practiced maniacal laughing with them gawking at him and planning a way out, you know…the usual villain-ish stuff.
Blowing up people was just way too boring for him.
Oh… Sirius smirked maliciously. That line sounded so sick when you wanted it to be… Sirius smirked wider at the thought. Erm…but you really didn't need to know that didn't you?
Ah…Yes… Yes indeed, those Ministry officials were fools to think Sirius did those murders. And yes…How he missed being chased around wherever he went for such a hideous, tacky crime. And yes, this is sarcasm, folks.
And if that alone wasn't enough, now the fates thought it would be undeniable funny to turn his only self-respecting, admirable and noble godson into a bloody female! A bloody child bearer no doubt! And a gorgeous one at that, according to what he's been told!
Oh yeah, laugh it up now will you? Oh yeah, real funny. Hysterical. Hilarious. Yes indeed, how Sirius love the ways of sarcasm… Hint-Hint.
It wasn't a joke! Well, okay so maybe it was a bit hysterical and he…chuckled a bit when he found out but that wasn't the point!
Harry can't become a girl! You can't just lose a properly-proportioned dick, develop a freaking uterus and grow tits over a couple of minutes! It just wasn't right! Oh, who cares about being right?! It just wasn't humane!
Oh the humanity of it all! What is the world coming to?! Everyone start running for your lives from the attack of the tit-growing disease of death! Save yourselves!!! Er…Ehem!
Sirius coughed loudly, straightening himself. Sorry about that.
Damn.
Lucius Malfoy, the ever-so-amused blonde in front of him, managed a laugh at his face.
Double Damn.
Lucius' sneer grew wider at the look of utter anger on Sirius' handsome face, another chuckle escaping his lips.
Triple Damn.
The blonde looked away, hiding the amusement in his silver eyes as he pretended to engross himself with the numerous paintings in Dumbledore's office. Sirius tightened his fist, his form shaking in pent-up anger.
After a long moment, just when Sirius was about to relax, Malfoy senior smirked again and promptly began to whistle to himself loudly.
Damn…him.
"MALFOY!!!"
Sirius finally snapped and instantly jumped onto the man in front of him, his form automatically altering into his canine body while Lucius could do nothing but gape in surprise, his eyes wide and focused on the teeth Sirius was baring at him in a low growl.
Lucius gulped and gave him a shaky smile, his eyes going ridiculously wide with fear as Sirius bared his fangs again though it seemed, to Lucius, that the marauder was smirking at him as he growled.
"Sirius!"
Sirius immediately froze and changed back to his human form just in time to see Prof. Dumbledore sauntering casually into the office with—oh big surprise here—Malfoy junior behind him, the blonde looking almost as perverted as his father did in front of James Potter.
Sirius blinked. Whatever you do, you did not hear this from him.
Following Draco came the slimy-haired, god of the greasy gits himself, Severus Snape who went positively seething with hatred as soon as he laid his jet-black eyes on Sirius' face.
Sirius grinned. Oh how he loved just how easily his mere presence could piss Snape off. He swore, it was a gift from the highest heavens.
"Ah. Lucius. Glad to see you here as well. I take it Minerva has already sent you an owl with the news?" Dumbledore asked perkily as he sat down his desk, giving the two men an amused look.
The headmaster's voice was just enough to startle the marauder back into his senses as he looked back down at Lucius, whom he finally noticed, was still under him from his attack.
Er…Oops.
Sirius smirked and got himself back up, smirking wider when he saw the flustered and humiliated look on Lucius' face.
"Er… Yes, indeed headmaster. It has come to my attention and though the news has shocked me greatly, I had to come down here and see it for myself to believe it." Lucius finally managed to say, plopping back down on his seat in one graceful movement.
Snape snarled at this. Why did the Malfoys have to be so damn graceful all the damn time? He swore, it was a lifelong dream of his to ever experience seeing Lucius fall and land flat on his face. Or his arse. Whichever came first.
Snape smirked.
"Well then why don't we discuss it over a round of tea?" Dumbledore offered merrily, his bright blue eyes twinkling as he easily conjured up the said offer.
Sirius could do nothing but gape and glare at him.
His godson had just been turned into a freaking girl for Merlin's sake!
He wanted to see some punishment here!
Maybe some torture and castration to the person responsible, that was for sure!
You do not just talk about such an issue as that over a bloody pot of tea like he was planning the boy—er—girl's bloody engagement party!
Sirius was absolutely fuming now as he instantly snatched the tea cup offered to him and gulped it down immediately before speaking.
"Headmaster, if I may ask…ever so…politely… I am curious after all…" He ignored the derisive snort he perceived coming from Snape's direction of the room and settled his gaze on Draco, who was staring off into space with no doubt, perverted ideas lingering in his mind.
The boy kept fidgeting with his robes, for the love of Merlin! It was sick!
But to more important matters at hand.
"HOW THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU ALL TURN MY GODSON INTO A BLOODY, BLEEDING, BLOODIED, PMSing FEMALE?!!!" Sirius suddenly exploded, immediately causing all people in the room to jump in surprise as he literally jumped onto the desk and began jostling Dumbledore by the robes.
Draco squeaked and moved his chair away from the enraged man, his eyes darting desperately around the room for a way to escape.
Sirius' cold gaze immediately shifted to the blonde, narrowing even further just as Dumbledore gave Lucius a merry smile and promptly offered the gaping man a cup of tea.
"Come on, Sirius. After all, you can't blame a boy for lusting after his rival and thereby fulfilling his own selfish fantasies by turning him into a girl." Dumbledore said with a smile at Draco, shrugging simply at the thought as though he had announced something as simple as him breathing air.
Sirius' nostrils flared. He remembered that there was once someone who stated that there was a very thin line between being a genius and being a complete, utter lunatic.
He now knew why that was.
"Headmaster, if I may ask again… Just who is the sick bastard behind this appalling scandal?" Sirius asked calmly this time, slowly taking easy breaths to ease his tense muscles as he slowly sat back down his seat.
"Now, now, Black. I hardly think Severus is a bastard. His mother may have been a bitch but they were definitely married when she got knocked up by the unlucky jerk he calls his father." Draco answered as-a-matter-of-factly, immediately squeaking again right after as Snape made to lunge at him with raging eyes.
"Father!" Draco scrambled to duck behind his father's chair, oblivious to Dumbledore's amused chuckles.
"Don't you blame this one on me, you sick little Potty-daydreaming pervert! You wanted this to happen didn't you? You wanted Potter to be a bloody female so that he could bear you a powerful Malfoy heir!" Snape barked at him, lunging at the boy again but he growled as Lucius held him back.
Draco batted his eyelashes in innocence, a smirk growing on his handsome face. "Why Prof. Snape! I am quite shocked you would think I could do such a thing! Of course I didn't do that to Potter so I could have him…er…her… bear my child." He drawled, smirking wider at Sirius' growl.
Prof. Snape blinked in disbelief as Draco looked at him with the most innocent expression he had ever seen that it would have made Neville Longbottom himself look suspicious next to him. He wasn't fooled though. Oh no, he definitely was not fooled.
Draco blinked and instantly, the innocent expression was replaced by a smug, perverted smile. "I wanted to turn Potter into a bloody female so I could stick my tongue down her mouth, shag her senseless against the nearest wall, marry her hot little ass and then have her bear my children. Plural, mind you." He quipped but as soon as the words had left his mouth, his voice ended up as a gasp of fear when Sirius Black lunged at him in raging fury, the marauder falling into Snape, who in turn, fell into Lucius, whose chair fell back until all three men were on the floor.
Snape couldn't have wiped the grin off his face if he tried. Oh happy day! Lucius Malfoy had just fallen ungracefully onto the floor. He laughed hysterically at the situation.
Draco walked away calmly from them, grinning as he took the cup of tea Dumbledore offered him before promptly plopping down onto one of the seats right after.
Dumbledore, no surprise, here, smiled again. "Gentlemen, please. If you would all calmly take a seat and restrict all attempted murders until I have finished talking, I will explain what has happened." He said jovially, gesturing to the three other seats from his desk.
Sirius grumbled and shoved Snape aside as he stood up and settled himself onto the seat beside Draco, his wand now held tightly in his hand and suspiciously readily aimed at Draco's beaming face. Snape nodded calmly and did the same, dusting his robes just as Lucius righted himself again, silver eyes angry with humiliation as he waited and ignored Snape's laughter.
"Well, it appears that we have two people to blame for this rather amusing incident this time. Prof. Snape and young Mister Malfoy here…I believe you have some explaining to do with Harry's godfather?" Dumbledore offered, nodding at Snape.
Snape glowered. "Why do I have to be blamed for this, headmaster? I wasn't the one who made that potion!" He argued.
Draco glared at him. "But you were the one who made Potter take a red-label potion in class as a demonstration, Professor! I'm sure that being a potions master, you would have easily known it if I had accidentally given Potter the wrong potion!" He yelled back.
"Aha! So you admit you gave him the wrong potion!"
"It was an honest mistake and being a student, I can make a mistake!"
"But it was your perverted reasoning changed that blasted boy in the first place!"
"I am not a pervert and he is not a boy!" Draco blinked, rethinking his thoughts. "Wait… That did not sound right." He muttered, shaking his head.
"Mr. Malfoy, kindly explain what has happened. Please." Dumbledore interrupted, rubbing his temples at the sound of their voices echoing through his head.
Draco smirked. "Certainly Professor. See, Prof. Snape here was as usual, making Harry Potter's life a living hell by humiliating him during class time and me, of course, as usual, I was goggling at Potter's ass while pretending to be oh-so-honestly interested with the lesson." He started, examining his fingernails.
Snape gave a low growl under his breath while Lucius smirked as well, the perfect mirror image of his son.
"Well anyway, after discussing red-label potions and the mind transformation potion, Snape thought it would be particularly amusing to make Potter drink some Veritaserum in front of the class. Well, Potter did drink a potion alright but it sure wasn't the Veritaserum. He accidentally—"
"You sodding liar!" Snape bellowed, now standing up from his seat and towering over Draco.
Draco scoffed, looking mildly indignant. "I do not sod and I do not lie."
"Silence! Would you let him finish, Severus?!" Dumbledore interrupted again, his eyes darting back and forth between the two Slytherins.
Snape colored while Draco sneered, continuing on. "He drank the mind transformation by mistake— the one I made by the way and well…" This time, Draco blushed. "Since I have been having my own…er… interests in Potter lately, the Potion read my mind and turned him into girl." He finished, looking uncomfortable.
Sirius snorted. "Oh I'm sure he was much more than that in his interests." He said snidely, causing Lucius to glare at him.
"Well…Er… That was it basically. He started…" Draco gulped and tried to shift in his seat to hide his growing…er… interest. "He started screaming in pain and twitching around…And then he turned into a girl." Draco finished looking up to meet the shocked silence.
After a long second or two, he gave an irritated sneer, raising an eyebrow at their expressions. "And they lived happily ever after?" He offered sarcastically, earning himself a reprimanding glare from his father.
"I don't understand, Professor… Couldn't you just brew another potion and change Harry back by willing him back into a male?" Sirius pointed out, looking completely desperate as he spoke.
Snape gave him a derisive laugh, shaking his greasy, little, slimy, good-for-nothing, ugly, grotesque—okay! Okay! He was overdoing it. Snape shook his pretty little head. There? Is that better?! Sirius scowled. He seriously hoped sarcasm worked.
"Being in that wretched, dementor-infested prison has obviously infected your brain, Black. You can't give Potter another mind-transformation potion. The potion can only be ingested once by a single living thing or else, it becomes fatal to the drinker. The process is completely irreversible." He explained, sounding way too amused for Sirius' liking.
"Why you good-for-nothing….."
Draco smirked. He never realized that Sirius Black had such a creative way with words. He briefly wondered if his godson talked dirty like that… Ooh… Now that was a sexy thought. Did Potter like dirty talk?
He briefly wondered if it was normal to daydream this often about his former rival.
"So what you're saying now is… Harry Potter… savior of the Wizarding World, defeater of Lord Voldemort, last of the influential Potter bloodline, heir to both Godric and Salazar Slytherin and only remaining parseltongue in our time—"
"We get the picture, father." Draco interrupted Lucius' suspiciously excited rant, looking amused as he shook his head in dismay.
Lucius glared at his son for the blunt rudeness. Malfoys, if anything, were not rude and did not interrupt anybody else especially if it was a relative.
"Before I was so rudely interrupted… I just need a final confirmation… Harry Potter is now a… woman?" Lucius drawled, his silver eyes widening in surprise.
Sirius and Snape both surprisingly snorted, giving the blonde an annoyed glare. "Well, well… Aren't you the sharp one, Lucius?" Sirius mocked, rolling his eyes.
But Lucius wasn't having any of it. He stood up immediately and walked over to the headmaster's desk, his face grim and serious. "I wish to see this for myself immediately, headmaster." He stated simply, regarding the two bickering men with an amused look before turning to wink at his son.
Draco winked back, looking surprised to see Dumbledore grinning at the two of them. "Very well then, Lucius. I am thinking he should be waking up any minute now. Oh, pardon me… She is waking up any minute now. If you'd all follow me…" Dumbledore chuckled and got up easily, ignoring the loud shouts coming from both Sirius and Snape across the room.
"OH YEAH, SLIMEBALL?! WELL YOUR HAIR IS SO SLIMY THAT WHEN YOU FALL HEAD FIRST ONTO THE FLOOR, YOU'D PROBABLY SKID ALL THE WAY TO ALASKA!"
Draco sniggered and followed his father out of the office, ignoring the loud insults coming from the two men still arguing inside.
Bloody hell.
***
Something did not feel right.
Nope, something definitely did not feel right at all.
Harry squinted up at the bright light shining on his face, trying to make out the features of the environment around him.
Where the bloody hell am I? He thought as he tried to make something out of the irritatingly indistinguishable blurs in front of him.
Something tells me I'm not in Kansas anymore. He thought sarcastically to himself before he tried to sit up, groaning out loud as he raised a hand to hold his throbbing head. His upper head, mind you. Not that he had a lower one now but he didn't exactly know that yet.
Still squinting, Harry was vaguely able to hear faint, obviously ranting voices nearby, causing him to finally sit up straight and look around, finally recognizing the annoyingly, indefinite white of the hospital wing.
Outside, he could hear the screeching voices of Madam Pomfrey and Prof. McGonagall just outside his door, the two women both obviously arguing about something Harry didn't quite understand.
He was, however, able to recognize some snippets of their conversation.
"….bloody girl…!"
"…Potions class…Snape!"
"Malfoy… maker…"
"…Impossible…Absurd…Unbelievable!"
"Greatest scandal… Wizarding World…Newspapers!"
Harry smirked. Or at least, tried to smirk as it only ended up as a pained grimace.
Bloody hell.
His whole body ached. Or rather, his entire form was suspiciously sore all over and he had no bloody idea why.
He slowly stretched and tried to remember what happened, running a hand through his dark hair.
Harry blinked and stopped, running a hand through his raven hair again.
His usually spiked, short black hair.
His hair which he had inherited from his father.
His sleek, mane of…long, suspiciously too femininely silky black hair.
Harry blinked rapidly in panic and shook his head in disbelief. Nope. He was probably just imagining things. It wasn't possible. It just wasn't possible.
Then, his eyes widened again and his now flawlessly shaped red lips split open into a silent, horrified scream of realization.
Potions class… Prof. Snape… Malfoy… That…That freaking potion… the pain….! The… Other stuff that followed…or formed…!
Harry gulped and shut his gaping jaw in a loud snap, shaking his head and again and whimpering in denial when he felt the unmistakable soft curls cascading down his back as his head moved.
Nope. Not possible. Definitely not possible. No bleeding way.
Harry calmly placed a hand over his chest in an attempt to calm his rapidly beating heart, now fully aware of how erratic his breathing had become.
OH...HOLY…MOTHER…OF…MERLIN…
Harry gasped out loud now and slowly placed his hand on his chest again, this time under his shirt, using the hysterically shaking limb to slowly feel the two large lumps on his chest which he knew should definitely not be in there.
OH…BLOODY…HELL…
If he was breathing rapidly before, he definitely was having an alarming asthma attack now. And he didn't even have asthma for crying out loud! No. No, it could not possibly be. There was no way in hell that…those…hideous…THINGS would be there.
Sure, they could be under Hermione's shirt or Cho Chang's shirt or even… He shuddered. Prof. McGonagall's shirt but they definitely, positively could not be under his—Harry James Potter, age 17, savior of the Wizarding World, Heir to Godric Gryffindor, Order of Merlin First class and BLOODY BLEEDING MALE could not have them! No fucking way!
Hysterical?! Of course he was being hysterical! He was delusional! He was now an anticipated patient in St. Mungo's hospital for having officially lost his mind! At age seventeen, Harry Potter was now having a mental breakdown. He knew killing off Voldemort was going to have a psychological effect on him…
Harry winced and gulped again, hastily drawing his shaking hand away from his chest before they discovered anything else.
Then, another thought entered his mind and he gulped again, dropping his glittering emerald green eyes to his now loosened black jeans.
Nope. Don't you think about it, Potter. Don't you dare. You know what you're going to find under there. Nothing has disappeared. You're just imagining things.
Harry inwardly berated himself as he slowly, shakily unbuttoned his pants.
Harry blinked.
He blinked.
He blinked once more.
And you know what else happened?
He blinked some more.
Then, he couldn't help it anymore.
At age seventeen, Harry Potter, savior of the Wizarding World, heir to Godric Gryffindor, Order of Merlin First Class and soon to be St. Mungo Mental patient, screamed.
And quite loudly at that.
And yes, Harry, even as his screaming lungs refused to say it out loud, screamed as a bloody, bleeding female.
And with those last thoughts, our screaming crotch-less hero promptly fell back down onto the bed with a loud thud just as both Prof. McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey rushed into the room.
Bloody hell.
***
"Er… I think he's out cold."
Sirius carefully poked at his now boy-turned-girl godson—er—goddaughter as Dumbledore and the others entered the hospital room with curious looks at Prof. McGonagall's hysterical expression.
Sirius gave Lucius a sneer. "Brilliant assumption, Malfoy. It would have taken ages to figure that out without your help." He taunted sarcastically, rolling his dark eyes.
Lucius blinked and raised an eyebrow, shrugging. "Thanks Black."
Sirius blinked. Honestly. Sarcasm was just lost on the blonde man.
Draco sauntered breezily into the room with Snape trailing behind him, his eyes twinkling as he eyed the pale-faced girl now sprawled ungracefully on the bed.
"Er…Is she out?" Draco asked, now smirking at Harry's unconscious form on the bed.
Sirius snorted. "Draco, you certainly take after your wonderfully intelligent and perceptive father, I see." He drawled sarcastically, earning himself a puzzled look from the younger Malfoy.
"Thanks." Draco said, shrugging before turning back to meet Snape's accusing glare with a taunting grin.
Sirius sighed and rubbed at his temples, unsurprisingly developing a splitting headache. Malfoys… He thought, rolling his eyes.
"Well, seeing that we obviously need Mister—er—Miss Potter awake for this confirmation and discussion, Mr. Malfoy, would you care to do the honors of waking young Harry up?" Dumbledore interrupted, grinning cheekily at a stunned Prof. McGonagall.
"Headmaster, how can you be so calm about this?! My student has just been turned into a girl against his own will!" She shrieked angrily.
"In case you prefer to be grammatically false for eternity, I think you should notice that the proper pronoun to be used for Potter here is she." Snape drawled sarcastically, a smirk lighting up his face that indicated to Black that he was enjoying this situation all too much.
Sirius growled, forgetting that he was in human form. He would have to deal with that dirty, slimy-haired git later.
Promptly ignoring them all, Draco sneered and bent down to inspect Harry's form, using a careful figure to prod Harry gently on the arm. Oh Draco wanted to do much more than prod Potter on the arm, he could assure you but he doubted Sirius would like that...Especially in a room full of sodding old people—er…Adults.
Harry groaned and shifted away, slowly opening up one bleary eye to gaze up in a dreamy look at the blonde in front of her, her green orbs filled with confusion at the sight.
Draco, at that very moment, felt his perverse thoughts melt away as a soft smile graced his face, momentarily admiring the beautiful way Harry's delicate eyelashes swept up to reveal those beautiful green eyes peering up innocently at him.
He imagined how life would have felt like to forever have those enchanting emeralds gazing at him with such love and longing as he bent down and gave those oh-so-tempting red lips a soft, chaste kiss of promise.
He imagined what the feeling would have been like to come home to those delicate green eyes every night, seeing that beautiful face light up with a smile when he entered the manor and swept up their beautiful, blonde, green-eyed children in his arms.
But more importantly, he imagined what those beautiful eyes would like in the heated moment of love-making when he took her into his arms and made her his for the first time, that gaze filling with both pleasure and desire as he did.
Draco forgot to imagine one thing though.
He forgot to imagine that those beautiful green eyes, though incredibly innocent, were also incredibly deadly. In a flash, he saw the confusion in Harry's eyes disappear and transform into angry realization as she finally recognized just who was in front of her.
Apparently, zoning out completely had given the Gryffindor enough time to gather her thoughts and remember that this whole uproarious scandal was unsurprisingly his fault.
How stupid of him to neglect such a fact! Harry's eyes were as deadly as they were innocent. And that thought was just so much more hotter than thinking of them as innocent.
Draco easily felt the dirty…Oh yes, very dirty thoughts rushing into his head yet again. Oh and he won't clarify which head this time.
He smirked. "I'm sorry babe but despite the fact that you are very much turning me on with that sexy glare of yours, I am still a Malfoy and I cannot do such a thing in front of an audience." He murmured, winking at him.
Oh if looks could kill.
Harry was positively seething mad now, her shoulders rising up and down with every breath she took.
"MALFOY…YOU…WANKING…BASTARD…I…AM…GOING…TO…KILL….YOU…" She hissed in a dangerously low tone, ignoring the other occupants of the room.
Draco's eyes widened in alarm. It seems he forgot one more important detail. Harry was most definitely female now and females were dangerously overflowing with hormones of emotions.
Harry Potter as a boy was tough enough. But Harry Potter as a PMS-ing girl was definitely going to be hell.
Bloody hell.
"Now, Harry, before you do anything irrational, we must first discuss—"
"ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dumbledore stopped instantly as Harry lunged forward at the blonde Slytherin, immediately tackling the younger Malfoy to the ground with the swiftness of a female tiger, easily pinning the boy onto the floor and straddling his hips with the intention of beheading him clearly found in her eyes.
Draco gulped and desperately tried to focus on keeping his upper head without paying much attention to how his…other one was calling for attention in the process.
Having a very much irate, female Harry Potter straddling him with her form incredibly tense with obvious dominance and power was definitely not something he was expecting.
Oh thank Merlin these robes were so damn loose. He only hoped Potter would be angry enough not to realize how his body was enjoying itself right now.
Draco bit back a groan of desire as he stared up at Harry's piercing gaze.
Harry didn't seem to notice Draco's pale face as she continued to shout out an interesting string of creative curse words at her Slytherin enemy, her slender hands now tightening against the boy's throat.
"YOU FUCKING DEATH-EATER! I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU NEVER HAVE ANY MALFOY HEIRS EVER AGAIN AND I AM GOING TO GUT YOU ALIVE SO PAINFULLY THAT IT'LL MAKE VOLDEMORT JEALOUS!" She screamed again, now repeatedly slapping Draco on the cheek.
Draco barely prevented a loud squeak as Harry grabbed a fistful of his robes and lowered her face so that their lips were almost touching but just as Draco thought she was going to kiss him, Harry turned and whispered something poisonously in his ear.
"You are going to wish you had never been born, Malfoy…I will have your head!" She hissed darkly, her eyes glowing scarily with a tinge in them that somewhat reminded Draco of the dark lord himself.
Draco, despite his growing arousal now, managed a weak smirk as Harry pulled back and glared at him with hard, steely eyes.
"Why muffin… I hardly think this is the place…" He drawled back, fighting a grin of triumph when Harry finally stopped and looked at him in horror, her cheeks tingeing with pink.
"You sick perverted bastard!" She raged again, this time pulling back a tightly clenched fist and managing to sock Draco right in the eye.
Oh that hurt. That one hurt like a mother.
Draco winced and didn't get a chance to respond as another punch made contact with his pale skin, this one directed at his firmly muscled abs.
"Potter!" He protested, trying to protect his handsome face from getting punched again.
Okay, so he realized that him screaming out Potter's name for her to stop sounded incredibly kinky but he did not want Harry damaging his face for it! The face was an irreplaceable work of beauty!
Another punch came at his stomach this time but just as he was finally going to tell Harry to stop, they all heard Dumbledore's amused voice from in front of them, finally drawing Harry's attention to the other people in the room.
Harry stopped immediately and looked up to see several faces looming over them, all of which bearing different expressions on them.
Dumbledore's was one of amusement and laughter while her godfather, who was pale with disgust, looked as though he was having a hard time deciding whether or not he should laugh or faint in shock.
Looking around with a blush on her face, Harry saw Prof. Snape smirking at her as well, his eyes traveling questioningly from her to the very much turned-on Slytherin lying underneath her. Prof. McGonagall was just plain gaping, her eyes ridiculously wide that Harry would have laughed it she wasn't too distraught about her bloody five-minute sex change.
Lucius Malfoy however, whom Harry was very much surprised to see, was looking at her with something Harry could only guess was surprise and hidden excitement as he eyed the very comprising position she was still unknowingly in.
The Gryffindor finally turned back to the boy whom she was currently still straddling, finding Draco smirking up at her in a very suggestive way, his silver eyes traveling from her to where she was sitting on him.
Bloody hell.
Harry gasped in disgust and horror as she made to get off him but just as she did, Dumbledore's voice broke through her thoughts, drawing her attention back to the old man.
"Now Harry… I know that the situation may seem difficult for you to understand at the moment but I—"
Harry's eyes flashed off again, all thoughts of getting off Draco forgotten as she transformed her face into a hideous growl of anger that Sirius could almost literally see the smoke coming from her ears.
"DIFFICULT?! DIFFICULT FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND?! HOW THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK I UNDERSTAND IT THEN, YOU CRACKPOT OLD FOOL?! THE LAST TIME I BLOODY CHECKED, I WAS A BLOODY BOY FOR MERLIN'S SAKE! I HAVE BEEN ONE FOR THE LAST SEVENTEEN YEARS AND NOW YOU THINK I'M JUST GOING TO BLOODY ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I HAVE TURNED INTO A SODDING FEMALE OVERNIGHT BECAUSE OF SOME FUCKED-UP POTION I WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO DRINK?! HOW THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU ALL THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL?! I WAS BORN A BOY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! A BOY! A STUPID, SODDING, FUCKED-UP BOY! AND NOW, THANKS TO YOU, SNAPE AND PROBABLY TO MALFOY TOO FOR HANDING ME THE WRONG DAMN POTION, I AM A STUPID, SODDING, FUCKED-UP GIRL! HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK I COULD HANDLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS CALMLY AND RATIONALLY?!" Harry shrieked at them, causing everyone in the room to gape at her in utter shock
"I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS! FIRST VOLDEMORT—WHO WAS PRETTY EASY BY THE WAY CONSIDERING I'M THE BLOODY HEIR OF GRYFFINDOR BY BLOOD, THEN IT WAS HAVING ALL THOSE BLOODY FANGIRLS COMING AFTER ME ALL THE DAMN TIME AND HAVING PANSY PARKINSON OF ALL PEOPLE TRYING TO GET INTO MY PANTS! AND NOW! I GET TURNED INTO A GIRL AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT?! I ACTUALLY HAVE DRACO SODDING MALFOY UNDER ME WHILE HIS BLOODY LOWER HALF ACTUALLY TELLS ME JUST HOW DIRTY HIS SMIRK REALLY IMPLIES SOMETHING!" She continued, ignoring the sudden blush on Draco's pale cheek.
"AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW?! LET ME GUESS THEN, HEADMASTER! ARE YOU HERE TO TELL ME THAT THE EFFECTS OF THIS SO-CALLED POTION ARE IN FACT PERMANENT AND THAT THE REASON MALFOY SENIOR IS HERE IS BECAUSE HE WANTS ME TO PROCREATE WITH HIS GODFORSAKEN SON?!" She finished, now growling expectantly at Dumbledore with bated breath.
Dumbledore, bless him, managed another smile and gave Harry a shrug, his blue eyes twinkling as it always bloody twinkled when he was completely insane.
"Actually Harry… Yes. The effects of the potion are permanent." He quipped, ignoring the loud cursing coming from Sirius beside him.
Harry paled further, her throat now too sore to speak properly. "B-B-Bloody hell…" She whimpered weakly, her voice now shaky from screaming.
"And yes, Potter. I do come here with an offer for you and my son Draco here to be further acquainted with one another. Privately, this time. I'm sure you have heard of the hunting season tradition. It would be my honor to be able to establish an engagement and a merging between the Potter and Malfoy bloodlines." Lucius spoke casually, giving the brunette a smirk.
Harry absolutely sputtered with terror, her eyes darting to her godfather in sheer desperation. "B—bloody hell…" How much did these people think a boy…Er…girl…could take all in one sitting?!
Oh yeah, she would definitely choose another duel with Voldemort compared to this horrible, terrifying scene any day.
"Now wait just one moment there, Lucius! Don't you dare think that for one minute I am going to allow my godson—er…" Sirius colored at the slip-up. "Goddaughter to be engaged to your perverted son!" He continued, glaring at Draco.
"Engagement?! The bo—girl obviously needs time to adjust first! Why, she hasn't even grown accustomed to her new body yet and already you fools talk of engagements and bloodline merging! Now is not the time to discuss this, Lucius!" McGonagall joined in, a massive argument erupting.
"Then why don't you teach her the exciting ways of female life then, Minerva? She will obviously need to accept the situation somehow seeing that she is forever going to be in that state whether she likes it or not." Snape countered derisively, snorting in reply.
Bloody hell.
Harry felt the entire room spinning around her. Now forever is a very long time…Isn't it?
Draco however, found the entire situation hysterical as he listened intently to the arguments in the room while also trying to keep himself in check as he still noted that yes, Harry was still wonderfully straddling him.
"She needs time to think about the entire event first, Severus! The girl has had a traumatizing change of sex and a bloody offer of engagement to her worst enemy all in a span of a few hours! Harry is in no state to hear such things!" McGonagall shrieked back.
"The boy—girl handled Voldemort. I doubt becoming a bloody girl is going to be much of a shock for her." Snape answered wryly, raising an eyebrow.
"Well if it wasn't for your potion in the first place this would never have happened!"
"Malfoy was the one who made the potion so it was his own sick mind that changed Potter into what she has now become!" Snape bellowed back.
Harry instantly rounded on Draco, her eyes narrowed. "You?! You made that bloody potion?! Why?!" She demanded, her gaze telling Draco otherwise that he would find no way to escape in answering her question.
Draco opened his mouth to respond but just as he was going to finally confess himself to the Gryffindor, the room to Harry's hospital room banged open to reveal a whole mess of Daily Prophet and other newspaper reporters huddled outside the room, oblivious to Madam Pomfrey's protest.
From the looks of the men and women on the ground fumbling for their magical quills and recorders, it was quite obvious they had heard every single word inside.
Dumbledore's eyes finally lost their cheerfulness and narrowed at them. "Poppy, how could this happen?" He asked calmly, looking at the frantic nurse in question.
Madam Pomfrey shook her head hastily, shrugging in response. "I don't know, headmaster! They all just started rushing in here! Said something about Rita Skeeter telling them of a juicy scandal that had just happened to Harry!" She shouted above the reporters' loud, rushed questions directed at Harry.
Sirius barely prevented himself from changing back into his dog form and chasing them out of the room but the fact that he was an unregistered animagus came into mind.
Er…Perhaps that wasn't such a good idea after all.
Harry and Draco both blinked as the reporters began crowding around them, immediately firing questions as Harry, who appeared to be too stunned and horrified to answer them.
Dumbledore finally spotted the familiar bug on the bedpost, his eyes narrowing knowingly. "Ah… I see…" With a flick of his wand, he instantly trapped the bug into a jar and placed it on the bedside table before turning back to deal with the reporters rushing into the room.
"Harry! How do you feel about your new gender? Do you have any words for your girl fans all over the world when they hear of this shocking scandal?" A woman asked, looking at Harry expectantly.
"Er…" Who would have thought that the savior of the wizarding world was so wonderfully articulate?
"Harry! Would you agree that this horrible event was caused by none other than your Potions master and that he should be fired immediately and severely punished by the Ministry for his professional incompetence by being sent into Azkaban? He did after all give you a red-label potion." Another reporter prodded, his quill and parchment ready in his hands.
Snape turned red in anger at this. "What?! I assure all of you that this was not my fault but that young blonde's over there!" He spat out, glaring at Draco who cowered away from the accusation.
"Don't you dare blame my son for this, Severus!" Lucius spoke up, his silver eyes flashing in challenge.
"Is that so? Well then would you think that the proper punishment for this young man over here would be for the Ministry to snap his wand in half and expel him from school for his behavior?" The reporter asked again, adjusting his glasses.
Draco's eyes went ridiculously wide with fear. "What wand?!!!!!" He squeaked, his voice comically high and shaky.
Harry, however, was gazing blankly from one curious face to another, her face a mixture of confusion, anger and utter horror.
Bloody, Bleeding, Sodding Hell.
"All of you get out this instant!" She vaguely heard McGonagall scream above the chaotic crowd of reporters now in the room just as he saw Dumbledore beginning to escort some of them outside, much to Harry's relief.
She turned back to see Draco again, now looking up at her with a surprisingly guilty expression on his handsome face.
She blinked. Nope. She did not just say that.
"Potter…Er… I know this isn't the proper time to be saying this and I know this won't exactly produce you an instant crotch but… Well… I'm…I'm really sorry." He muttered, his face a combination of a fearful wince and a nervous, quite endearing smile actually.
She blinked again. Nope. She did not think that at all.
Harry looked down and stared into Draco's silver orbs, her gaze angry and accusing.
"Malfoy—"
FLASH!
The both froze in surprise and turned just in time to see another reporter now being dragged off by Snape towards the door, a large camera clutched tightly in his hands.
"Wonderful pose! Front page material! Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy—blossoming romance!" The reporter exclaimed loudly, holding his camera up at them and nodding enthusiastically in affirmation.
Harry blinked, feeling her heart momentarily stop beating in her chest.
No.
No, no, no, no, no!
That did not just happen!
She did not just get see a reporter take a picture of her straddling her worst enemy between her thighs and she did not just hear him say he was going to post it on the front page!
No, no, no, no, no!!!
Desperate, she looked down and met Draco's eyes again, this time their gaze much more smug and teasing as they gazed up at her.
Bloody hell.
And with that last thought, our savior of the wizarding world, Harry James Potter, age seventeen, heir of Godric Gryffindor, Order of Merlin First class, soon-to-be patient of St. Mungo's hospital, soon-to-be occupant of Azkaban jail cell for killing a certain blonde jerk—cough—Draco Malfoy—cough— and bloody bleeding FEMALE fainted.
She fainted.
Draco smirked and took that opportunity to wrap her in his arms, a perverted smile gracing his perverted handsome face.
Bloody hell.
"Snap Malfoy's wand in half for doing such a crime against our savior! He and Harry have had a rivalry for years haven't they? He probably planned this all for Harry's demise didn't he?" A reporter cried out just before she was shoved outside by a steaming McGonagall.
Draco's face instantly twitched in horror. "Wa-Wa—wand?!" He squeaked, looking up desperately at his father, who was currently locked in a heated argument with Sirius Black.
My wand in…in…half…?
And with that, Draco Lucius Malfoy, age seventeen, self-proclaimed prince of Slytherin, heir to the prestigious Malfoy line and soon-to-be death patient of St. Mungo's hospital when Harry wakes up, fainted.
He fainted.
Bloody hell.
***
A/N: Hahahahaha!! Longer than my usual chapters but I liked it nonetheless! I just love the way Harry pounced onto Draco like a female tiger! Talk about dominatrix eh?! Just the way Draco likes em! *giggles* And I LOVE Sarcastic!Sirius… He's just so adorable! *blushes* Okay, I'll shut up now. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED! YOU'RE ALL VERY MUCH LOVED AND APPRECIATED! To clarify things, yes, Harry will remain as a girl now (sorry to those who didn't want him to) and yes, he will be keeping his name. I don't like changing his name… it just wouldn't be Harry if I did… *smiles* Oh and I hoped the potion was clear after this chapter. It is in fact, permanent since it can only be ingested once by living being. And lastly, Harry will be giving Draco a hard time here… After all, Draco's not the only one hunting now is he? *winks* AGAIN, THANKS TO YOU ALL! PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! LUV YAH! ~slythe~
