"Sam."
Nothing.
"Sam!"
Still nothing.
"SAM!" This time Jules added a light slap to his chest.
"WHAT!" Sam flew up in their bed, sitting straight up. "What's wrong?"
"Are you awake?" she whispered.
"Well I am now…"
"ok."
"Is that all you wanted to know….?"
Jules let out an almost inaudible sigh. "Sorry Sam, I shouldn't have wakened you."
This time it was Sam's turn to let out a sigh. This had been going on for too long now: Jules waking up in the dead middle of the night, most of the time waking Sam up. He had no idea what was going on with her, no idea what she was checking for every night. Did she think that Sam was just going to up and leave when she was sleeping? Was she even sleeping at all?
Most of the time Jules would just apologize for waking him and would excuse herself from bed to use the washroom or get a glass of water. On occasion, he would even hear her getting in the shower. Of course he had asked her about it a few times, but Jules is such a stubborn person. She wasn't yet willing to open up to him yet and that kind of pissed Sam off. On many occasions Sam had told Jules what was burdening him, why he was hindered, but Jules was just not ready. He didn't know why.
He understood her past, the basics of it. He knew that she grew up sans her mother, with four older brothers and her father. So it was obvious that Jules wasn't accustomed to sharing her feelings and hugs and 'get better soon kisses'. But Sam just wanted her to realize so badly that she could open to him, that she could trust him with absolutely anything.
"It's okay sweetheart. Is everything alright?"
Jules nodded her head yes. "I'm going to the washroom, I'll be right back." Jules said as she stood up and walked through the bathroom door.
Sam rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, moving to the edge of the bed, and turned the bedside light on. This was it, enough was enough, he was going to talk to her whether she liked it or not. Sam sat there for a few minutes; she was taking longer than usual.
Sam finally heard movement in the washroom, he straightened up and waited.
When Jules emerged, the first thing he noticed was that she had changed from her flannel pyjamas into one of his shirts, she must have been sweating. He noticed right away that it was the first shirt of his that she had ever worn; it was black and said 'BRADDOCK' in white letters on the back, it fell just above her knees.
Jules stopped right outside of the bathroom doorway when she saw Sam sitting on the edge of the bed, with the light on.
Neither of them spoke. Jules simply stood there, Sam simply sat there.
But as always, it was Sam who broke the silence.
"Jules, sweetheart." That was all it took, two simple words. Her name and the name he called her when she was upset. Those two words that set her off.
It started by her tiny lip quivering, then her hands played with the hem of Sam's shirt –a nervous habit that Sam had picked up on- her beautiful, brown eyes became glassy.
Sam simply opened his arms, letting it be known that she was more than welcome to go and be comforted by him. He knew it was a long shot, that it was a risky thing to do for the simple fact that Jules would see it as Sam thinking that she is weak. But she surprised Sam.
She all but ran to his arms, burying her face into his protective chest.
It took Sam a second to process what had just happened. That was the last thing that he had expected. But he came out of shock as quickly as he went in into it. He wrapped his arms around her and gently stroked her hair.
"Sshhh baby, it's okay, it's all going to be fine." As happy as Sam was that Jules had finally opened up to him, he was bothered that he still didn't know the problem.
He decided it was best to leave it alone just until she stopped crying. So they sat there, Jules sobbing into Sam's night shirt, Sam rubbing soothing circles on Jules' back.
Jules surprised Sam and even herself when she spoke first.
"I'm sorry Sammy." She said between ragged breaths.
"Jewel, sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry for, absolutely nothing."
They sat in silence for a little while longer, continuing the same pattern; Jules trying to control her breathing while Sam did nothing but comfort her.
Sam let it go on for a little while longer, but after about ten minutes, Sam had to know, had to find out what was bothering his lover.
Sam gently pulled Jules back so that he could see her face; she remained sitting on his lap. Jules was avoiding his stare.
"Jewel, honey, you know that you have to tell me what's going on right?" He gently lifted her chin so that she was looking at him.
When she didn't respond Sam spoke again. "Julianna, this has been going on for too long now sweetie, you need to tell me so that I can help you. I don't want you to be upset."
She looked away from him again. "I'm fine." She mumbled as she laid her head on Sam's chest
"During the daytime you are." He agreed. "But when night comes," he sighed as he fumbled for the right words. "Jules, when night comes, you can't sleep, you keep waking me up, not that I mind of course, but I want to help you sleep peacefully."
Jules said nothing once again.
"Please tell me sweetheart." He pleaded one last time.
Jules looked up at him, placing one of her small hands on his rough cheek and sighed. Sam knew that she was getting ready to tell him.
She looked away but kept her hand on his cheek as she spoke. "I keep having nightmares." She admitted so quietly that it was almost inaudible.
Sam's eyes grew wide with understanding.
"They change every night, but they always end in the same way…" She trailed off, her voice no more that a whisper.
Sam pulled her closer.
"Most of the time, we're back in the lab, the one where I got hurt with the shrapnel and anthrax." She let out a ragged breath. "I hate that day Sam; I hate it so much that I wish that it never happened."
Sam kept listening.
"And then other times I dream that bad things happen on cases that we've already gone on, and others happen in places that I've never seen before. But they always end the same way Sam. Do you understand what I mean?"
Sam nodded. "You don't make it out, do you sweetheart?"
Jules looked up at him. "No Sam, you don't make it out." She said as a tear made its way down her cheek.
Sam rubbed his thumb over her cheek and erased the tear. "I don't make it out?" he asked with shock.
"I don't know why, but it just scares me so much that I-"
"That you have to wake me up and make sure that I'm okay." Sam finished for her.
She nodded her head yes. "I'm sorry Sam, I know it's childish and stupid but I get so afraid, I don't want anything to happen to you."
"Jewel, it is not childish, it's totally normal, it's expected with the kind of job that we have. And don't tell Spike or any of the guys, but I have nightmares too sometimes. I'm sure the whole team does. In a strange way, it's what keeps us sane, human even. They remind us to cherish the things we love, to hold on to them for as long as we can. So baby, you don't ever, ever have to apologize for that okay?"
"Okay." Her voice finally started to even out, her breath slowing, her chest almost matching the steady rise and fall of Sam's chest.
After a few moments, Sam commented "Ya know, this is the first time that I've ever seen you cry."
Jules smiled lightly as she was finally getting sleepy. "I hate crying." She mumbled against his chest.
"I'm not a fan of it myself." Sam chuckled softly. "But I don't ever want you to be afraid to cry in front me sweetie, no matter what, I'll always stand by your side." Sam waited for a response, but when he got none, he gently shifted Jules only to realize that she had fallen asleep.
"I love you Julianna." He told her sleeping form as he kissed the top of her head. He carefully laid down, her still in his arms, praying that his one and only love would now be able to sleep better.
A/N- Reviews? :)
