[ re: draft deleted ]

A/N: in which reyes has thinky thoughts, sophie avoids thinky thoughts, and kheema doesn't get paid enough for this shit. takes place directly after ch. 2.

can you believe it took me three months to write this chapter

like i said, i am still working on stuff for these two. it's just rly slow going at this point.


Love.

It was a word Reyes had almost let slip the last time he'd spoken with Sophie, when she'd been driving through Elaaden and called just to share the view. It was just a figure of speech, a meaningless phrase that held no significance. Not really. It had caught him off-guard, is all.

Things like that are why I love you.

He'd caught himself, had managed to redirect the conversation without any comment from Sophie; still, several hours later as he attempted to read through reports coming in from various agents, Reyes couldn't quite clear his mind of the vidcall. What he had with Sophie was… it wasn't yet at that point, he didn't think. The problem was, he wasn't sure what point they were at.

The two of them had spent a few scattered weeks together before removing Sloane, and in the months since then Sophie had only been back to Kadara once; in some ways, they were still testing the boundaries of their relationship, especially in the wake of Reyes' confession about his involvement with the Collective. He was still adamant that he wouldn't be keeping any more secrets, that he would be entirely open with Sophie and tell her anything she wanted to know. The problem, he was finding, was that Sophie didn't seem to want that openness, and seemed even less interested in reciprocating. It didn't bother him too much — Reyes was well aware that he still had a ways to go in re-earning Sophie's trust, and besides, he wasn't going to pry into a past that he had just enough information on to know was filled with pain and bad memories.

When Sophie felt comfortable enough to share, she would, and if she never reached that point, Reyes wouldn't force the issue.

He was a patient man, and Sophie — as reckless and stubborn and impulsive as she could be — was worth waiting for.

"Are you buying anything, or are you just going to sit there and pout at my bar?"

Reyes looked up, finding a rather cross looking Umi staring down at him, one hand on her hip and the other planted on the bar. "I'm waiting for someone," he lied, flashing her the most charming smile he could conjure up. There was some truth to it, he supposed, in that he was beginning to feel like he was constantly waiting for Sophie — for her next visit, next call, next message — but it was always easy to feign an unreliable business contact. "And I'm not pouting, my dear Umi."

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes and gave one hand a little wave. "I'm not running a charity here. Either buy a drink, or wait somewhere else."

He made a show of inspecting the comm display on his omni-tool, checking the time before transferring a few credits to Umi. "If my contact shows up looking for me, let them know to be more punctual next time." With a wink — and a grin at the asari's resulting sigh — Reyes left Kralla's Song, taking the long way through the port and giving himself plenty of time to organize his thoughts before returning to Tartarus and Collective business.

Falling into a slow, leisurely pace, Reyes let his gaze follow the Kadaran rooftops, running along the edge of darkening skyline. There was so much out there, and where before he would've only seen outposts and smugglers in the wastes of the Kadaran wilds, his mind now wandered to mountains and horizons and the wide open sky that seemed so much bigger away from the lights of the port; it was Sophie's influence — her excitement and passion and fascination with the unknown — that had rubbed off on him, so that some part of his mind was always at least a little bit occupied with her.

(Sophie would love this view, when he was meeting a contact out in the mountains above some of the sulfurous pools that dotted the sprawling plains of the Kadaran wastelands. If Sophie were here, that definitely would've turned into a fight, whenever he was faced with a disagreement, whether business-related or a simple misunderstanding at a bar. Hard to believe that Blasto collectibles count as contrabandbut Sophie would probably appreciate if I got my hands on some, when a strange but profitable shipment crossed his path.

He even occasionally woke with her on his mind, an aching amplified by the sense of sleeping in an otherwise empty bed. She always apologized for calling in the middle of the night, but some part of him didn't care — not when it meant her voice was the first he heard upon waking.)

There was no sense in denying that he cared for her, or that he trusted her unconditionally, or that when she was gone he missed her to the point that it was almost embarrassing — except it wasn't, because he didn't care and it was Sophie and anyone with any sense would've missed having her around — but he was stuck on this one little word, on love, because he wasn't quite there yet but he was certainly headed in that direction. There was something off about it, something he couldn't quite place; maybe it was the fact that they'd actually spent so little time together, or that he'd promised to be completely open with her and she hadn't seemed interested, or that he knew Sophie wasn't in the same place and trying to breach the subject before she was comfortable would be the very opposite of helpful.

When Reyes reached Tartarus, his thoughts were even more scattered than when he'd left Kralla's Song, and it was with some hesitance that he forced it all out of his mind in favor of Collective reports.

Or, at least, he tried, but with every email and message and call his thoughts wandered back to Sophie.


[ Draft 1 of 3 ]

To: Ryder, Sophie (sophie . ryder hyp . nexus . ai)
From: Vidal, Reyes (Error)
Subject: Up for another party?

Sophie,

Kadara's been calm lately. I won't complain about the lack of raids or attacks, but I could use a little excitement. I'm thinking about throwing another party — and I know you like yours to be loud and crowded, but I was considering something a bit quieter. You, me, a bottle of wine? After dealing with the krogan on Elaaden, a night in has to sound at least somewhat appealing.

Reyes

PS: if that's too romantic, I could always be persuaded to track down some more Milky Way whiskey.


Two days later and Reyes was still mulling over the problem in his mind.

He'd talked it over with Kheema, and she'd scoffed and said something that his translator hadn't picked up. "Ryder already knows," she reasoned. "You laid out the truth for her, didn't you? Even if you hadn't, there's no way you could hide… this." She waved a hand in his direction and made a sound of indignance. "I'm not sure if it's sad, or adorable."

"Hide what?"

"Oh, Reyes." She didn't say anything else after that, simply giving her head a slow shake.

"What?" he repeated flatly, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat. Even at such a relatively early hour in the morning, the slow, steady beat of Tartarus' bass-heavy music was bleeding into Reyes' upper room; it wasn't a song he was fond of, but the rhythm conjured up an image in his mind, one of Sophie dancing in the driver's seat of the Nomad as they drove through the Badlands, singing along with the wrong words as Liam encouraged her from the backseat.

Pulling himself back out from his thoughts, Reyes glanced back up at Kheema to find her giving him a pointed look, lips down-turned into a frown that was more exasperation than disappointment. "You've talked of nothing but the Pathfinder since meeting her," she sighed, "and here I was thinking you were holding something back. But you really haven't figured it out, have you?"

"And here I thought we'd established that it isn't helpful when you're this cryptic."

"I'm not trying to be cryptic. Just tell me, then — when it comes to Ryder," Kheema challenged, "what? What is it that you want out of this?"

The question caught Reyes off-guard, and he looked away as he thought. When it came to Sophie — and him, and their relationship — he wanted… what? For her to stay on Kadara with him?

No. He frowned to himself, not missing the twitch of Kheema's lips as she held back a wry smile. He couldn't ask Sophie to stay on Kadara, in part because he knew she wouldn't ever agree and in part because it wouldn't ever be what she wanted; Sophie was too much — so much passion and energy and personality — to ever stay in one place, and she belonged out amongst the stars and the unexplored planets and not here, in a dirty port city filled with people who would never be good enough for her.

Like Reyes.

You're a better man than you give yourself credit for, she'd told him once, in her quarters on the Tempest as they'd worked everything out after confronting Sloane. You've got a big heart under this rugged exterior. The most important part right now, though, is that I don't give a shit. I never expected you to be a saint. I want you, and I mean all of you — even in a mushy feelings way. Look, you're making me talk about feelings. If that doesn't convince you that I'm serious, I don't know what will.

It had convinced him; he believed Sophie when she said that she didn't care, but that didn't magically make things better. She knew he was the Charlatan, yes, and she had an idea of what that meant, but she didn't know everything. Reyes had blood on his hands — mostly figuratively, but it wasn't like he couldn't claim responsibility for more than a few dishonorable kills — and looking the other way didn't change that. By contrast, Sophie was the closest thing to the physical embodiment of hope that Reyes had ever seen; the entire Nexus looked up to her, as did many of the exiles, and a good amount of the angara. It was difficult for her to have such a burden on her shoulders, and she hadn't ever been shy about confiding that much in him, but it all came so naturally to her and all of the positivity and dedication that she exuded was just so genuine that, for a moment, Reyes felt his heart clench at the thought of it.

"I want her to be happy," he said slowly, finally able to take his feelings about Sophie and force them into words.

To his surprise, Kheema sighed, her expression twisting into one of dissatisfaction. "Well, I suppose that's a start."


[ Draft 2 of 3 ]

To: Ryder, Sophie (sophie . ryder hyp . nexus . ai))
From: Vidal, Reyes (Error)
Subject: Umi says "hi"

Sophie,

Kralla's Song is losing business without you there to start bar fights. Umi and some of her regulars keep insisting that they're glad the Pathfinder isn't on Kadara anymore, but I think they actually just miss all the excitement you cause.

I know I do.

Reyes

PS: To be clear, it isn't the bar fights I miss. It's you.


"I mean, can you believe it? Half the reason I even came to Elaaden was for the chance to fight a goddamned krogan overlord, and instead I'm working with her. Eugh." Sophie's image on the vidscreen disappeared momentarily as she leaned backwards, rubbing at her eyes.

Reyes looked up from his datapad, most of his focus once again aimed at the vid call. It had only been a few hours since he'd spoken with Kheema that morning, and he couldn't shake the conversation from his mind. "You, Sophie Ryder, backed down from a fight?" he teased, forcing a lighthearted tone.

She shot back up, peering at him from between her fingers. "Uh, did you miss the part where I'm single-handedly ensuring the survival of the Nexus?" One hand dropped into her lap and the other raked through her wind-tousled hair as worry began to creep into her expression. "Wait — is everything okay? I didn't call in the middle of the night again, did I? I should—"

"It's fine," he assured her quickly. "I just… There's a lot on my mind." A perfectly reasonable excuse, and one that happened to also be entirely true; Reyes had found Sophie occupying most of his thoughts, moreso than usual, and Kheema's question had left him restless and unfocused. Opting for a bit more sincerity, he added, "I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, actually."

"Us?" Sophie echoed, one eyebrow cocking upwards as the concern smoothed from her face. "I almost start a war with the krogan one time and you start having second thoughts? I should warn you," she said with a grin, eyes alight with the sort of mischief Reyes' missed, "picking fights is a habit I don't plan on giving up."

"I wouldn't ask you to."

"Good." She paused, and when Sophie spoke again there was a hesitance to her words. "So… what exactly have you been thinking about? With us? Because if it involves sex I want to hear all about it, and if it's… bad, then, you know, I would appreciate the heads up."

Reyes schooled his expression into one that was carefully neutral, hiding the way that Sophie's words stung; it was unintentional, he knew, but every reminder of Sophie's discomfort and mistrust left Reyes cursing the way she'd discovered his Collective ties. He'd meant to tell her, and even if his good intentions had come far too late he was now doing his best to make up for it, by being as open with her as he could, every step of the way. "It's not bad. Or, it doesn't have to be. I've been wondering where this is going." He did his best to hold back a frown, carefully watching as Sophie's expression became more closed off. "If that's even something you've considered."

"I… sure!" Sophie flashed a lopsided smile, but her voice was forcibly chipper and her grin faltered and twisted into a grimace. "I've definitely… done some considering."

He gave his head a slow shake; he hadn't expected her to have put much thought into the future — or any — given how little planning ahead Sophie ever did. "It's not a conversation that has to happen right now. It's just a heads up, as you put it."

"Right. Okay. Good, because you caught me off-guard, there." Looking away for a moment, Sophie pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She looked thoughtful — if a bit uncomfortable, cramped in the driver's seat of the Nomad. "Could it? Happen right now? Because if it did, I'd say this whole going somewhere thing sounds pretty good. I don't know where the hell something like this goes, but one thing at a time, right?"

"One thing at a time," Reyes agreed.

"I have thought about it, you know," Sophie informed him quietly, resting her chin on her knees. "Any time I've had something like this before, I… It—" She paused, letting out a little huff of a sigh before continuing. "Most people like neat little relationships where you plan and commit and celebrate anniversaries and shit. I… I like how things are with us. It's so…" she trailed off again, ruffling her curls as her expression twisted with thought.

A dozen words came to mind — fragile; distant; careless — but outwardly, he offered, "Unpredictable?"

"In the moment."

"Oh?"

"If I want to talk to you, I just call. If I don't, I don't," she explained, her discomfort finally seeming to lift somewhat. "We never have more than a few days together at a time, so we don't ever waste time on plans that would just get fucked over by Nexus or Collective business anyway — we just do whatever sounds best right then. It's like… this whole thing, it's not about having a relationship, it's just… about us."

There was a bitterness to Sophie's words that piqued Reyes' curiosity, but he pushed it aside; it wasn't the time, and besides, for the moment he was more interested in Sophie's logic than the reasoning behind it. "So if I were to begin planning lavish date nights and elaborate declarations of my affections…?" He kept his tone light — casual but not quite joking — in an attempt to encourage this brief moment of complete openness from Sophie.

Her brow furrowed, and she simply watched him for several seconds, the silence just beginning to creep towards awkwardness when she finally spoke, voice barely audible over the vid call. "I don't know." Sophie's demeanor was nearly impossible to decipher; she was clearly still deep in thought, but between the dim interior of the Nomad and the less-than-perfect connection, Reyes couldn't gauge whether her hesitance was borne of discomfort or uncertainty.

"Should I try planning something and we'll see how it goes in the moment?"

"I don't think it would matter," she said slowly, eyes dropping from the vid screen to stare at something out of Reyes' view. "I think… I think I trust you, and I think you should know that, and I don't want to ruin this by obsessing over the future."

Something about her choice of words made things click into place for Reyes; an equally stilted conversation from weeks before came to mind, and all of Sophie's rage at her father and grief over her mother became once again relevant in an entirely new way. Perhaps, he wondered, admitting that she feared following in her parents' footsteps and sabotaging their relationship was the closest Sophie would get to admitting she believed they had a future, and one she wanted.

But that was a topic better suited to a conversation that didn't take place over vid comm.

Reyes' brow knit together and he studied Sophie's image as he contemplated exactly how to answer. It ached, the way Andromeda seemed to continuously poke and prod at old wounds that Sophie had only haphazardly mended back in the Milky Way, and for a moment all he could think to do was to curse the Initiative and Sophie's role as Pathfinder and his distance from her. All he wanted was to hold her and comfort her and help her in any way he could, but she wasn't the sort to take the time to heal properly; no, Sophie would go down fighting, whether against the kett or against the memory of her father, without any backup or contingency plans.

In combat, all Reyes could do was stand at her side; now, however, he suspected he might be able to at least steer her from the topic that was causing her so much frustration. "Then I'll do only the most spontaneous of planning, from here on out."

"Bullshit." The corner of Sophie's lips curled into the slightest grin, and some of the spark returned to her eyes. "You breathe plans, Reyes. Just don't… don't make the relationship more important than us."

He'd once been prepared to let her walk away, both for his beliefs and her own happiness; it would only be harder, a second time — especially now that they'd begun to mend the damage done when he'd confronted Sloane — but it was a path Reyes was prepared to walk if it became necessary. "That, at least, I can promise."


[ Draft 3 of 3 ]

To: Ryder, Sophie (sophie . ryder hyp . nexus . ai))
From: Vidal, Reyes (Error)
Subject: Do Pathfinders get vacation days?

Sophie,

Think you can spare some time to come back to Kadara?

We never got the chance for a proper date night, and I'd like to have a conversation that's actually in person.

Reyes

PS: It's nothing bad. Promise.