Thanks again for the reviews! I hope you like this chapter, longer than usual but I had a spare evening as it's the last week of term and so have no homework! Enjoy and review...

Shortly after Paula had departed Michael presented Jac with a visitor. Sahira. The same person who, Jac had initially despised, however during her pregnancy the two had been drawn closer. Nonetheless Jac was still rather astonished to see her in the door way of ITU. Sahira still looked as angelic as Jac remembered her, and for the first time Jac could see what Greg really saw in her; as well as her beauty, which at the moment Jac could hardly compare too, her compassion. Because, Sahira's arms were full of gifts, which because of her cold past was something Jac had not regularly received. As Sahira staggered in, trying not to drop anything, Jac smiled, such a radiant smile that caused Sahira to pause to take in Jac's new appearance. In the bed lay a Jac Naylor Sahira had never seen. She looked so frail and minute. Even her skin was a tone lighter had the white hospital pillows. However her eyes were raw crimson, showing Sahira that Jac Naylor, the Jac Naylor who laughed in her face if she got a bit wet cried over a patient had cried. Sahira felt a wave of compassion for Jac, she felt so sorry for her lying there, away from her baby and minutes from death. Cautiously she sat down on the spare hospital chair, "Hi Jac." "Sahira! Why are you here?" Jac asked only to hear the obvious answer "To see you, silly" It was a simply answer and Sahira hadn't thought much about it, but to Jac it meant a lot more. No one had ever come to her without wanting something in return, sex, kidneys, a favour. No, no one had ever just come to her out of empathy. Accidently she let a tear escape from her gaze, frantically she brushed it away, hoping Sahira hadn't seen that moment of weakness. "How are you?" Sahira asked, deliberately turning away from Jac's tear. Gratefully Jac replied "Stable apparently, but you can't trust Michael" Jac laughed, cheekily grinning up at Michael. "How's Darwin?" "Good, missing your hand of steel though!" Jac chuckled "Nice to know!" Then she paused "Who's consultant?" "Me. Sorry." Sahira turned away, expecting a blast of offense. Instead Jac surprised her, "It's ok." She turned to Sahira "I'm glad it's you. I'm sure you'll make a better consultant than I ever did. It should have been your job anyway. Hanssen wanted it to be." "That's not true..." Sahira turned to face her "you rightly got that job and, you were great at it!" She reassured Jac. "Hmm, well I wouldn't be able to do surgery like this anyway!" "How bad are your injuries?" Sahira enquired "Umm, broken ribs, punctured lung, head injury, bleeding in the abdomen and one broken leg and arm. Not too bad I suppose!" Jac said, considering the other patients in the hospital who were a lot closer to deaths door than she. "Ouch!" Sahira exclaimed "Well to help you feel better these are just some stuff from everyone." Sahira gestured over to the pile of gifts. "That's from AAU" she said pointing to a big box of Thorntons, a big helium balloon and huge musically card. "Sacha;s choices I guess!" laughed Jac eyeing the balloon warily. "That's from Keller" she pointed at a box of Belgium chocolates wrapped in a red ribbon. "Ooo, posh, Chrissie must have taken charge!" Jac remarked "And we on Darwin got you this..." Sahira showed Jac a huge basket containing magazines, chocolate, cake and fruit. "You shouldn't have!" Jac exclaimed and reached over to half hug Sahira, "thank you so much!" "That's not all" She commented "There are all these cards!" indicating to a pile of cards addressed to Jac. "Michael, Elliot, Nick, Sacha – again!" Jac read out the names as she opened the cards. "Hanssen, Ric, Mark and Chrissie, Ollie, and you!" She beamed "Thanks!" "Michael also told me to tell you your mother left a card, and so did Joseph..." Sahira wanted to meet this Joseph, apparently the only person to ever melt Jac's ice heart; she wanted to know why he broke it, why he'd left, what she's done. But now was not the time "And he said you'd also want to know a lady called Connie promised she'd pop in when she's back..." Another mysterious name, that meant nothing to Sahira. Mark, Connie, Joseph, all these people who must know her, like her she supposed, or even care for her, Sahira was so curious. "Really?" Jac was amazed to hear how many people cared about her "Yeah, and he said this is a card from a Dan Clifford?" "Dan?" "Yes..." Sahira felt unsure of whom Dan was but still all the same watched over Jac she excitable opened his card:

To Olive, – it read

News sure does travel fast, in case you're wondering Elliot told me, we still keep in touch.

Anyhow, just a quick note to say hello and I hope you're recovering well. I know you're a fighter. Glad to hear about the consultant post, I knew you'd make it one day. Never considered you much of a motherly character but all the same good luck and best wishes,

Dan Clifford.

"Olive?" Sahira said, thinking out loud. "Yeah" Jac glared at her for reading her personal letter. "Olive" "Ok." Sahira smiled weakly, then to change the subject to the only thing she could think of, Jac's daughter. "So how is she, your daughter I mean?" "Stable too, I think." Then Jac remembered the fragile thing that had lay next to her, her heart and lungs supported by machines, her life hanging in the balance. Slowly a tear ran down her cheek, this time she let it fall, dropping on to her pillow followed by a succession of others. "Oh Jac..." Sahira stroked her arm "She will be ok, won't she Sahira, she will, won't she?" Sahira stayed silence, unaware of what to say. "Please, Sahira, tell me she'll be safe, please..." Tears flowed down Jac's face as she begged Sahira for some reassurance. "Please, please, she has to be ok, she just has to be. It's my entire fault; someone's punishing me for everything I've ever done. For Joseph, Lord Byrne, Clooney, for being the selfish bitch I am, For everything I've ever done. I'm sorry alright?" Jac looked up to the ceiling, speaking to someone other than Sahira, anyone who would listen, or who was punishing her. "I didn't mean it, any of it. Please don't harm her. Harm me. Why does everyone I love get taken away from me... please don't take her away." "Shhh, Jac, it's alright, your safe, so is the baby. No-one wants to harm you." Sahira spoke softly, calming her with her voice, while at the same time imagining everything Jac was talking about. Curiosity made her mouth slip and accidently she asked "What have you Jac, what could you have done to make yourself so afraid?" Mournful Jac looked up at Sahira, her face scarlet and her eyes bloodshot. Ignoring the question she carried on "Please don't take her away from me like mum, like Joseph, please just this once let me feel happy... please" Again curiosity let the words slip out of her mouth "Lost how? Lost how Jacqueline? You can't have really had such a hard life." She said before seeing Jac's glare and closing her mouth "I'm so sorry, Jac, I am, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry" Sahira plead for Jac's forgiveness, how could she have said something like that to someone that ill "I'm sorry." She said again. "No don't be, you should know. You should know why I'm so afraid." Jac spoke softly to Sahira "You should know why I think I should be punished, why I'm like I am, why I scared she's going to leave me." As Jac stopped Sahira gestured for her to go on, seeing the gesture Jac whispered "My mum left me when I was twelve, to work in India, I was in care for the rest of my teenage life. I was alone. The only person I'd ever loved had left me. In care I was moved around a lot, met a lot of families who said they'd care for me, love me." She shook her head "I was soon sent back. I met friends too, siblings almost, we got so close but then they were taken, fostered, adopted, I never saw half of them again. My mother left me wondering why. Why people always left me. In Holby I met Joseph. We were almost the perfect couple, apart from one thing. Me. I slept with his father. I lost them both. I realised how wrong I'd been, how much I loved Joe, but by then it was already too late. There was Faye. Faye his adoring wife, his backstabbing partner, who hated me, hated the bitch that I am. I tried to warn him of her ways, but who'd believe me. Even I wouldn't." Jac paused for breath, wiping her tear stained face "They got married and on their wedding night she kissed his best man, it went downhill from there. But she got pregnant, got mental ill as well. To put it bluntly. He made me talk to her, save their child. She said it should have been mine. Then she left. He left too, shortly afterwards, promising me a house in the country if I came with him. It was all too much, I said no and was left regretting it for ever since. While that happened earlier on in Holby I, I, I was attacked, by this guy, my patient. No one had thought to warm me he was a rapist. A while later he came back, I threatened to kill him; I was later arrested with murder." Seeing Sahira's shocked face she shook her head "No I didn't, but that time was one of the hardest times in my life, my friends, and colleagues deserted me, they thought I'd done it." Jac paused remembering her cell and the shocked faces on the staff back at Holby when they saw her walk back through the door "Then last year my mum came back for me. I gave her my kidney; she said she'd stay forever. But, but, but she didn't. She thought I was living donor. A spare part. Now can't you see why I'm afraid Posy will leave me? Like everyone else did." Hearing for the first time these stories from Jac, Sahira could suddenly understand everything. She felt a pang of sympathy for her colleague. "Oh Jac... I'm so sorry." Sahira had never seen Jac let down her defences like this and as always she wanted to help her. If only her friend was as easy to fix as most of her patients. But Jac would take a lot more than a few stitches to repair.