"Julian?" Ezri's voice was close by his ear, just as he'd supposed it would be before long. He kept his back to her for a moment longer, gathering his energy for the confrontation he knew was soon to come. There was nothing particularly unusual on the monitor in front of him - just the routine blood test results of one of the younger ensigns who'd come in that morning and left ten minutes later. But Julian took some care to pause the display before finally turning around.
"Oh. Hello." Casting her a roughly fashioned smile, he reached forward and blanked the screen. "Just give me a moment to finish up here."
But when he glanced her way again, Ezri's gaze was cold and demanding - her arms folded rigidly across her breast.
Julian slumped, elbows against his knees, and rubbed one side of his head until he felt the static of it gather in his hair. "I know." The day's anxieties were just as suddenly drained from his too-tight muscles, leaving him feeling tired and empty. "It was rude of me to leave like that. I know, and I'm sorry."
Ezri shook her head, dark brows gathered towards a series of creases directly above her nose. "It's not that," she told him. "What was really going on back there?"
His attempt at an indifferent shrug felt stiff and forced, even to him. "I… Not much. It's been a busy day, that's all. I had a lot to do."
"That doesn't work with me, Julian. I know you too well."
Another sigh forced its way into the air. He leaned against the back of his seat, listening to the succession of barely audible clicks as his neck bones released a little more of their accumulated strain. With his right hand thumb and forefinger, he rubbed a dull ache from the muscles around his eyes, and blinked away the pressure circles before readying himself to glance again at Dax.
"Ezri, do you believe in premonitions?"
Her frown deepened. "Premonitions? What do you mean?"
"Nothing. Nothing - it's stupid." He swivelled away once more.
But Ezri did not leave him be. Without a word, she was suddenly at his side, her smaller, paler hand now sharply defined as it rested across his own. Her voice when she spoke was close and hushed - although not quite a whisper. "Tell me."
Julian hesitated. Where to begin?
"Does this have something to do with those scientists in the captain's office?" Ezri asked.
Seeing that the doctor was staring mutely at a carefully ordered array of bio-samples, she persevered. "Just one scientist?"
Julian said nothing, and Dax leaned forward, staring openly as if to study his thoughts like a picture. "Professor Dowling?"
Julian looked back with a startled gasp, now frowning just as deeply the woman beside him. But then he nodded. "Amy Dowling," he whispered. "That was her name, wasn't it?"
"Well I only heard her mention it once or twice at lunch, but that sounds about right…" The pale Trill's eyes narrowed in thoughtful concentration, until her present companion began to worry that the tension would be enough to give her a headache. But then her expression shifted as she gradually, finally, connected the questions in her head to memories. "Amy… Wasn't that a friend of yours?"
Julian nodded meaningfully.
"And you think that Professor Dowling…?"
Another quiet, definitive nod.
Ezri laughed, the sound almost irritable in its acidity. "Then you're old friends! How is that a problem?"
"Badin's here too."
"Badin…"
"Ezri - I did tell you about him." Julian fought to contain a mounting tide of frustration. His face was hot with the sudden rush of blood beneath. "He's on the station. Now. I saw him at Quark's today. Less than an hour before…"
He shook his head, noting that the warmth of Ezri's hand around his had tightened a little. "Something just feels wrong here. Too wrong. It isn't even that long since I started thinking about that whole business again. And for Amy and Badin to show up in a single day? After all this time? It can't be simple co-incidence."
"Is there any reason why not?" Ezri challenged him.
Julian snorted. "Do you realise the odds?"
"No, but I'm guessing you're about to tell me."
"But that's not the point, is it?" Raising his hands despairingly to the ceiling, he dropped them almost immediately to his side, and propelled himself from the chair. He noticed with some annoyance that he had started to pace, back and forth along the length of the infirmary office. "The point is… is…"
Is what?
"Julian…" Clasping his forearm, Ezri snatched his attention back towards the expression on her face. There was something oddly calming about her clear blue eyes, at least enough to stop the agitated pacing. "You know as well as I do, people create whatever connections they like from the faces of strangers. We can't possibly say for sure that Professor Dowling is the same Amy. And we certainly don't know that the man you saw was Badin."
Julian watched in silence, allowing just as much time as it took her to finish. But slowly, and equally quietly, he shook his head. "I know."
Ezri lowered her gaze and took a short backward step. Julian could see from her lingering frown, and from the way her front teeth brushed against the corner of her lower lip - she was not convinced. But neither was she going to continue trying to press her point. "Then, assuming you're right," she concluded, once again looking his way. "What are you going to do about it?"
"I…" Julian stopped, suddenly more uncertain than he had been all day. That was the real issue, wasn't it? A prudent man would most likely take the matter to Security, but if his own lover barely believed him, then what chance would he have with Constable Ro? He scratched one side of his head, returning to his place at the console.
"I don't know," he confessed. "I need time to think about this, Ezri. Perhaps…" He sighed, allowing his voice to fade to nothing.
Perhaps you're right, he'd been about to say. Perhaps it really is just a co-incidence. But co-incidence had never been an easy thing to believe in, even then.
Julian's quarters were far too warm that night, and the space around his bed felt even warmer. He'd spent much of the evening tossing about - never quite reaching the point of sleep and yet never fully awake - tangling his sheets around him until dark, mocking, and barely remembered dreams seemed to set them up to strangle him where he lay.
Finally, with the beginnings of a startled cry, his eyes opened to the sight of the same familiar yet slightly menacing walls. Groaning, he rolled to one side and brought both hands up to wrap around his face. "Lights," he mumbled through his palms.
He released a brief, automatic complaint against the sudden illumination that flooded his room. But then he levered himself upright, and frowned at the shady form of his bedroom door. Proper sleep was hard to find - it was true. But somewhere in the depths of his memory, a question lingered. Could there possibly have been something else to wake him?
Stepping out to the habitat ring, Julian felt the slightly cooler atmosphere through the fabric of his pyjamas. But he was still breathing heavily, swallowing a dry and prickly irritation in his throat, as though to cast away the remnants of a dash across some sandy, equatorial desert. "Hey!" he called, and glanced to either side of him. But the shadows gave him no answer. He wondered momentarily if they even had answers to give.
Just as unexpectedly, he felt his initial trepidation turn to a sudden burst of rage. "I know you're out there," he challenged the darkness. "And what's more, I know exactly who you are. You've lost your alias and your secret, so you may as well give yourself up right now."
But the darkness was not about to offer up its secrets as easily as he'd hoped. Julian's challenge yielded no results, save for the rapidly fading ghost of his own angry voice. He paused, staring as far as he was able to see, shoulders heaving, and now feeling more than a little silly.
"Doctor?"
He recognised that voice even before he turned around. Ro Laren stood in the centre of the darkened corridor, with a weak grid of light above reflecting from the strands of her straight brown hair. Her eyes - even darker than the ambient illumination - regarded him sidelong, with a wary frown. "Is something wrong?"
Stepping back, Julian shook his head. "Nothing particular, Lieutenant. Everything's fine."
Those same eyes narrowed suspiciously.
Julian forced a smile. "False alarm," he told her, with considerably more levity than he felt. "That's all. I'll see you in the morning."
