A/N: owns all things Twilight. I'm thankful for the opportunity to mold what she made so that it fits my own vision.
Lead Me Not Into Temptation
Chapter 4
I spent the rest of the week in Canada with the boys, hunting larger game such as moose and grizzlies, until we were so full that movement was rather uncomfortable. We hunted until the taste of Bella's blood was nothing more than a memory, and moose once again had the delicious maple syrup taste that I had always enjoyed in the past.
I returned to Seattle early Monday morning, ready to return to the hospital, since Alice said that it was safe to do so. I wasn't sure whether I'd be seeing Bella that morning, as was the usual on Mondays, since my behavior toward her in the cafeteria was cause enough for her to try to avoid me.
As it turned out, however, Bella was not as put off by my actions as I had expected her to be, and so I was confronted by her scent the moment I stepped through the door of Cassy's room. I stiffened slightly, but tried my best to appear more collected than I actually was. I smiled at Bella, determined to be polite, and then proceeded to examine Cassy.
Finishing the examination, I paused to look over the little girl's chart before looking up at her with a smile. "Cassy, dear, it seems that you are doing extremely well. Better even than we expected. The medicine and blood that we've been giving you has helped with your anemia, and that was the worst of your side effects. You had the last of your chemotherapy on Friday, so if all goes well these next few days, I'd bet you'll be home in time for the weekend. What do you say to that, sweetheart?"
Bella rushed across the room to Cassy's bedside, giving the little girl a gentle hug. Her abrupt movement spread her scent around the room, and I gnashed my teeth together, fisting my hands tightly. I was so focused on resisting that I couldn't hear the exchange between Bella and Cassy as they celebrated the happy news.
As I looked at her, the memory of the way she tasted – a memory I thought for sure I had buried – resurfaced. The utter bliss that I had experienced when her flavor first touched my tongue was within my reach, and my whole body tingled with anticipation at that thought. At the same time that the raging inferno in my throat called to me to drink my fill of her, my body felt pulled toward her; whatever had occurred between us in the cafeteria had severely weakened my ability to resist the desire to hold her body against mine, a desire that had grown stronger each time I'd seen her since that day in the elevator.
My desire to know her, to be closer to her, had been growing steadily with each interaction. Seeing her pure heart as she hugged Cassy, her genuine happiness for the good news of another person, and witnessing the way her eyes lit up when she smiled... The twin desires, both of which, I reminded myself, were impossible dreams, were quickly taking over my body and mind. I needed to get out of this room, immediately.
"If you ladies will excuse me," I interrupted, "I have surgeries to perform in a short while. I'll see you this afternoon, Cassy, when your parents are here. Good afternoon, Bella."
They both bid me goodbye, and I walked out of the room, sighing with relief that the encounter was over as soon as I closed the door behind me.
I walked briskly to the end of the corridor, deciding to take the stairs back up to my office rather than risk a ride in the elevator with a human while my thirst was still roused. I entered the stairwell, taking a seat on the second step, resting my head in my hands, not at all amused by the contrasting reactions I was having to the events of a few moments before.
On the one hand, I was so pleased by the news that Cassy would be going home. Any time that I was able to send a patient home with a clean bill of health was a good time for me. In addition, the little girl was my only patient in the cancer ward, so her departure from the hospital meant that I would no longer be subjected to the terrifying temptation of my singer's blood twice a week.
On the other hand, Cassy's departure from the hospital meant that I would no longer have the opportunity to be in Bella's presence. I would not be able to enjoy getting to know her better, nor would I be able to admire her beauty and kind heart two mornings a week.
It was such a double-edged sword.
My thoughts, however, were interrupted when the door to the stairwell opened. The space around me was immediately perfumed by what was at once my most hated and most loved fragrance in the world: Bella.
"Dr Cullen," she began, in a voice that was more assured that what I was used to from her. "We need to talk. Do you have some free time?"
Swallowing hard, both to force the venom back and to deal with my anxiety over what she might wish to talk about, I nodded my head.
"I don't think this is the right place. Perhaps your office?"
I was just about to agree when I had a spark of inspiration. "No, not my office. Let's step outside. We can talk while we walk around the hospital gardens." It was a cloudy day, but not raining. Outside was the safest place, because Bella's scent would be the least concentrated in the open air.
Bella nodded in agreement, and we walked silently down the two flights of stairs, neither of us speaking again until we were outside of the hospital.
"Dr. Cullen," she began again, sounding a bit more nervous. "I need you to tell me what happened last week. In the cafeteria."
"I'm sorry, Bella. I behaved abominably. There is no excuse at all for my actions."
Bella shook her head. "I disagree. I think there is an excuse. A rather good one, at that."
I furrowed my brow, looking at the young woman in confusion. "What on earth are you talking about, Bella? What excuse could I offer that would negate the extremely inappropriate suckling of your finger?"
She stopped in front of a bench and sat down, looking to her side, silently instructing me to do the same. I complied. We sat for a moment in silence, then she finally moved, holding her index finger up before my eyes.
"I was extremely clumsy as a child. It's better now, but certainly not cured. So I get hurt a lot, Dr. Cullen. But never before have I cut myself and had it heal instantaneously, leaving a scar like this."
I looked at her finger and gasped as a tiny ray of sunlight permeated the clouds, hitting the silver line on her fingertip and causing it to shimmer.
My venom. It was the only answer. But I could not tell her that, nor could I think of an alternative explanation to offer. Instead, I sat there, slightly slack-jawed, and did not speak.
"I know," she whispered, her eyes meeting mine. "I thought about it that whole night, and the whole next day. I know, Dr. Cullen. I just don't understand."
She knew? Certainly she could not.
"You know what, Bella?" I asked.
"I know what you are."
"You mean a doctor?" I asked, hoping against hope that she was wrong in her assumptions, as anything would be better than the truth.
"No, Dr. Cullen," she said, reaching over and resting her venom-scarred hand on my own. "Your touch is so cold. You skin," she continued, lightly tracing a circle on the top of my hand with her fingertip, "is so pale. And your eyes?" She reached up and placed her fingertips on my cheek. "I've never seen eyes of this color on a human before, only on a cat. But the most important detail is that you moaned at the taste of my blood. I know that's what you did. I know, Dr. Cullen."
My mind began to race as utter panic overtook me. She did know. And yet she was still sitting next to me. Why?
"If you are so sure that your assumption is correct," I said, neither confirming nor denying anything, "Why are you here with me? Are you not afraid?"
She shook her head, not taking her eyes, which reflected her sincerity, off mine. "If you were going to hurt me, you would have done so in the cafeteria last Wednesday. I'm not sure why you didn't, really. I was hoping you would explain."
I reached up and took her hand off my face, holding it between mine, and shook my head at her. "You are entirely too trusting, Bella."
"You won't hurt me, Dr. Cullen," she repeated, her voice not wavering.
"It is much more accurate to say that I don't want to hurt you, Bella."
Bella looked down at our joined hands for a moment, then looked back up at me with a smile. "You are a doctor. You treat patients every day, and, from what I've gathered, you're extremely good at it. Your mortality rate is extremely low. That tells me that I am right to trust you."
"You're different," I whispered.
"Why?" she asked. "Does my life mean less to you because I'm not your patient? Do you only resist the ones that you are required by oath not to harm?"
Her questions were asked innocently – she was truly trying to understand. It was baffling.
"Your life means more, Bella," I replied softly, rather afraid to be admitting it out loud. "It means more than it should, really. But your scent... It calls to me, much more strongly than anything I have ever encountered. It's much harder to resist. I've never tasted the blood of a human in all my years, not until yours. I do not want to hurt you, Bella, but I fear my own willpower."
When I finished speaking, I watched her, almost able to see the thought whirlwind spinning in her head. I knew that I had just given her many more questions, that I had opened a door between us, broken the cardinal rule of my kind in sharing my secret with her, whether or not I had actually used the word vampire. She was a human, and she knew what I was. She would now be in my life for as long as she was on the earth. Was that a blessing or a curse?
"I know you have more questions, Bella," I said, sighing softly. "I promise you that I will answer them all. But I need your assurance that you will speak of this to no one. Doing so would be the end of both of our lives."
"I promise," she replied. "Just as you don't want to hurt me, I don't want to hurt you, Dr. Cullen."
I laughed softly at the idea of this tiny woman hurting me. "I think the time has come for you to call me Carlisle, Bella," I said, smiling. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my prescription pad, quickly writing down the number of my cell phone. "I have to go to surgery now. Take this, and you can call me after my shift. I promised you answers, after all."
She smiled, and I truly felt warmth spreading through me, as if her smile was sunshine itself. I was amazed at the effect this human had on me, how she could tempt me so much, torture me so completely, yet make me so happy. I wanted to make her that happy too.
She slipped the number into her purse, and then rose to leave. "I'll let you get back to work, Carlisle," she said softly. "I'll talk to you this evening."
I watched her walk away, and silently wondered what in god's name I had gotten myself into.
