Chapter 4
Remus was a bundle of nerves.
His stomach was churning.
His palms were sweaty.
His head was hurting.
And all because Sirius Black was walking towards the breakfast table quite determinedly ignoring him.
Sirius sat down and Remus choked slightly on his tea, not daring to lift his eyes to Sirius for fear of blushing.
Lily was already suspicious enough though she knew nothing.
He heard the casual banter between Sirius and James but felt the eyes trained on him, searching him up and down, intense and unnerving.
He glanced up through his hair and saw that yes, Sirius was indeed staring at him through those gorgeous silver eyes…
He quickly looked back down at his toast but his appetite had gone.
He sat back and turned his face carefully away from Sirius and towards Lily.
He watched her softly, as she chatted animatedly to her friends.
But he felt as though something was missing.
He frowned to himself and looked back at Sirius after hearing his name spoken.
His heart throbbed painfully and he gulped, a longing to run his fingers through that long, black silky hair rose steadily inside him and he quickly looked away.
But not quite quick enough.
Sirius blinked at him slowly, processing the look in Remus' eyes.
"- oi! Sirius! Anybody there!" James waved a hand in front of his face.
"Wah?"
"I said do you think Lily would appreciate a poem?"
Sirius looked at him blankly for a few seconds. "No," He said bluntly. "She has that boyfriend remember? So I think you should just lay off for a bit."
James snorted loudly. "Since when do you care if they're taken or not?"
Sirius bristled, "Since I grew up and stopped toying around with peoples feelings." He said sternly with a slight blush.
Remus, who was listening closely, was more than just a little surprised and his mind was flung back to the night before. So he didn't mess with feelings anymore…
James rose an eyebrow, "Is our young Sirius finally growing up?"
Sirius rose an eyebrow too. "Pardon?"
"Are you in lurve Messer Padfoot?" James teased lightly as Sirius coloured and shook his head. "Well I disagree. Moony! Back me up here!"
Remus smiled gently, "If Sirius is in love, it's his decision if and when he chooses to tell us or indeed - show us." He coughed to hide his embarrassment and delicately avoided Sirius' eyes.
"Thank-you Moon pie!" Sirius cried happily, throwing a dramatic arm around Remus' shoulders.
Both of them winced and instantly flushed, leaping apart.
James smirked at them and proceeded into a violent coughing fit which sounded suspiciously like, "So together!"
For the rest of the day, Remus tried his hardest to avoid Sirius, not quite realising just how much the animagus featured in his life.
And for his part, Sirius chose to speak to Remus as little as possible and tried his best to keep out of Remus' way.
What neither realised was that their reasons for avoiding the other were fairly similar.
Sirius was plain terrified that Remus now knew how he felt.
And Remus, well, Remus was plain terrified because he didn't know how he felt.
James was quick to pick up on the fact that they were avoiding each other and spent as much time as possible talking about Remus when with Sirius and vice versa.
He took great joy in the fact that they'd had some sort of 'lovers tiff'.
Sirius didn't take the care to correct him.
-X-x-X-x-X-
After a week of intense, cold ignoring and blatant embarrassment, James had finally had enough.
His enjoyment short lived by the fact that Peter on his own was plain boring and a Remus without Sirius or a Sirius without Remus were just dull and down.
Everyday at seven pm, Remus forced all the Marauders to read for at least half-an hour on the agreement that he would contribute at least one prank a week.
It was during this time that James got an amazing idea.
Being the teenage boy he was, the idea of talking through a problem was a foreign concept to him and so he decided that the only way for the two of them to kiss and make up was to do just that.
Kiss and make up.
Lot's of Firewhiskey and a game of dares. The perfect solution to any problem in his eyes.
-X-x-X-x-X-
Friday finally came round and Sirius was all too happy to sit and drown his sorrows in a bottle of the finest Firewhiskey.
Remus however, was a whole different kettle of fish.
He took one look at the bottle clasped in James' hands and attempted to run away, only to run smack bang into Sirius and knock the two of them to the floor.
Sirius screamed girlishly and bravely attempted to save his drink.
When he saw the perfect, untouched bottle still in his hands he smiled happily and then realised that Remus was laid on him groaning.
James laughed ad prodded them with his toe. "Now now guys, save that until your alone please."
Sirius growled and Remus leapt to his feet, scowling deeply.
James saw his expression and laughed again, "Oh lighten up Moony. Drink this, we do read everyday for you!"
Remus rolled his eyes but took the bottle gingerly. He looked at it apprehensively, half expecting it to explode or turn an unappetising green. (Yes, these things had indeed ALL happened to him in the past.)
"Just drink it! It's good stuff and getting wasted is pretty good too." James clapped him on the back.
Remus smirked, "Any particular reason you want me drunk?"
James jumped slightly and pinked. "No! God no! That, Mr Moony, is the lovely Sirius Black's job not mine." He shuddered slightly but another grin found it's way on to his face. "Drink up!"
Remus stared at him for a few seconds before lifting the bottle to his lips and downing it.
James and Sirius watched him incredulously. "Bloody hell Moony! You're meant to taste it first."
Remus smacked his lips. "Well, now that's out the way, can we just play dares and get it over with?"
"W- what? H- how did you know that?" James asked, his eyes widening in shock.
Remus chuckled. "I'm a very perceptive werewolf that has lived with you for what? Six years now? I know that when you think a Marauder has a got problem you break open the Firewhiskey and suggest a game of dares."
James sighed and sat down. "Damn Moony, too damn perceptive for his own good." He muttered more to himself as Wormtail scurried into the room.
Sirius laughed lightly and Remus looked at him.
As in properly looked at him for the first time in just under a week.
Their eyes met and they smiled warmly at each other, before realising that they were supposed to be ignoring each other and hurriedly looking away.
James looked at the two and sipped his Firewhiskey thoughtfully, "You two actually make a nice couple now I come to think about it."
Sirius choked on his drink and a flushed Remus patted him half heartedly on the back.
"One problem with that theory James, we're-not-a-couple." Remus sighed. "Can you by any chance remember that girl I met a while back? I'm still seeing her."
Sirius, finally recovering from choking to death, looked at James with watery eyes, "Do you really have nothing else to think about?"
James tutted and drank more whiskey as Remus helped himself to another bottle.
James' dare games always turned out to be eventful and Remus, from past experience, knew he'd end up kissing Sirius as James thought they had fallen out 'boyfriends'. Just like the time Sirius had fallen out with his girlfriend.
And quite frankly, he wanted to be sober when it happened.
As much as the thought of kissing Sirius scared him, it also excited him and he was fairly eager to play the game, something which only Peter seemed to notice.
They were sat playing simple truths for a little while when Lily joined them.
She smiled warmly at Remus and he suddenly felt very guilty.
Sirius caught his eye and he gulped noisily as James turned to him. "Right then Remus," He said, rubbing his hands together. "Who's this girl you went to meet in the library?"
He paled visibly and desperately whished he could say it had been Sirius.
He glanced at Lily and then at Sirius and shut his eyes briefly, contemplating the consequences of his decision.
Keeping his eyes shut he very softly said, "It wasn't a girl. It was Sirius."
If shocked, Sirius didn't show it but kept his expression indifferent.
James smirked triumphantly, "Ha! I new it!"
Lily smiled tightly and Peter squeaked happily. If his idol James could accept it then so could he.
Once James had finished dancing round the Common Room he turned to Remus again and said, "So why have you two being avoiding each other all week then?"
Lily frowned slightly at Remus, her long red hair seemed darker and more lustrous in the firelight.
"Since when?" Sirius asked suddenly, a realization sinking in.
"About a week, Friday maybe?" James answered, nibbling his bottom lip thoughtfully.
Confused, Remus looked at Sirius questioningly, wondering why he had asked, but when Sirius ignored him intently he turned to face Lily and taking one look at her face, he understood.
Lily could do maths.
He could feel her bright green eyes turning into an icy stare.
She folded her arms and coldly asked, "Yes Remus, I'd quite like to know what happened as well."
Oh shit.
His heart sped up and his mouth went dry. Where was a convenient lie when you needed one?
He glanced uneasily at Sirius who was quite happily sat looking at his fingernails, apparently unbothered that Remus might spill everything.
Remus would bet his bottom dollar that Sirius wanted him to tell everyone. The smug look in the eyes gave it away.
His own eyes hardened and he met Lily's gaze with a hard golden stare. Well if Sirius wasn't going to help him…
"Sirius just went a little far with a joke of his. He has a habit of doing that." Remus added snippily.
Sirius shook his head angrily, "Now that was just uncalled for! It wasn't just me last Friday Remus, hell, most of it was you!" He pointed viciously at Remus, forgetting that James and Lily were sat watching.
Remus laughed bitterly, "Sirius has a habit of doing this, taking a joke too far and then refusing to admit to it."
James let out a low whistle.
Sirius snorted. "You started everything the other night Remus, you can't deny that!"
Remus rose his eyebrows sceptically. "Me? ME!? I didn't start anything thank-you very much!"
Sirius shook his head angrily, "Just admit it Remus! You did! You started whispering things -"
"Well you were the one that started ki-" He broke of suddenly, remembering where they were. He shot a nervous glance at Lily but found her expression thoughtful.
"Well you can't say you didn't enjoy it!" Sirius exclaimed angrily, pushing Remus away forcefully.
Remus didn't reply, but pressed his mouth shut tightly.
"Ha! Precisely!" Sirius cried in triumph and settled back against the sofa happily.
Remus let out a long sigh and sat down next to Sirius, "Anyway," he said. "Where were we?"
-X-x-X-x-X-
Once Lily had gone up to bed, James turned to Remus and Sirius.
"And now for the dare we've all been waiting for!" He declared grandly and Remus groaned. "I dare you two to… dun dun dun… Kiss!" (A/N Fairly obvious this would be happening… I mean come on… the characters aren't quite as thick as some people think)
Sirius sighed; he would prefer to kiss Remus on his own terms and preferably in a very small dark broom cupboard when they were on their own.
But he wasn't going to get a choice.
Remus sighed too; he wanted to kiss Sirius, but he had Lily to think about.
He shook his head mutely, "No James."
He felt Sirius' disappointment.
"And why not?" James inquired.
"Because - well … because." Remus stated lamely.
"Sirius? Do you have any objections to snogging the very life out of the fine young Remus here?" James asked lightly.
No. Infact, I'd like to do a whole lot more than merely
snogging the life out of him. "Not particularly. He'll need a good teacher." Sirius smirked.Remus rose his eyebrows. "Me need teaching? I don't think so my fine young friend!"
Sirius smiled slightly. "Prove it." He whispered in Remus' ear and watched with satisfaction as Remus turned beetroot.
Remus gulped uneasily but teasingly replied. "Gladly."
He slipped his hand onto the back of Sirius' neck and quickly pressed his lips against Sirius' but pulled away almost instantly. A sudden, dangerous part of him awoken. "But not here, not in front of James. He's had enough mental scarring to last him a lifetime already."
Sirius' eyebrows shot into his hair, "My my Moony, I didn't think you were like that." Their earlier argument lay forgotten.
Remus smirked uneasily, "Oh believe me, you don't know half of what I can do -"
"Well when you two lovebirds have stopped whispering to each other please just kiss already." James said impatiently.
Remus cleared his throat uncomfortably, "I'm not very happy with kissing him in a public place."
James rolled his eyes. "If you two do it in private I want proof!"
Sirius stared at him. "That sounded so wrong!"
James didn't smile but glared at Sirius, "Just kiss him already!"
Now it was Remus' turn for a little fun, "Sirius? Don't you think that James is a little too desperate to see guy-on-guy action? Do you think there is something he's not telling us?"
Sirius smirked, "You read my mind Moony, in fact, I could swear that I saw him checking me out the other day."
James had flushed from head to toe by now and haughtily stood up. "I assure you, Lily is the only girl for me!"
Remus felt a small pang of guilt but smiled and turned to Sirius, "You reckon we should tell James about that one time that we couldn't quite make one of our beds -"
"Stop it! Stop it! Say no more! I am leaving!" He said firmly and got to his feet. "Please keep the sordid details to yourselves in the future." He started walking away with Peter scurrying behind him.
"Hope he knows we're joking." Remus said once he'd stopped laughing.
Sirius nodded in mutual agreement.
"I'm off to bed. Coming?" Sirius took the proffered hand and was pulled to his feet.
"Look, about the last week -" Sirius started uneasily but Remus held up his hand to stop him.
"Don't. J - just leave it, yeah?" He walked towards the boys dorm and Sirius sighed angrily.
What he wouldn't give to tell him.
-X-x-X-x-X-
Sirius woke as abruptly as though someone was screaming in his ear.
He sat up groggily and wondered what had woke him from his broken dreams.
He heard a squeak and then a low growl and turned towards the source.
As his eyes adjusted to the moonlight he realised that Remus was thrashing around wildly, muttering and barking in his sleep.
His face was contorted in a look of pure horror and his entire body was writhing around on top of the covers.
Sirius took a deep breath and quickly crossed the room, forgetting what had happened the last time he had woke Remus from a nightmare.
"Rem…?" He said softly and touched the boys shoulders, not at all surprised when his fingers slipped from the sweat. "Come on Rem, it's only a bad dream."
He shook the boy slightly and Remus' eyes snapped open.
They glowed a harsh gold and Sirius saw the wolf behind them.
Remus grabbed his wrist and yanked him down onto the bed, growling threateningly.
"Rem?" Sirius asked uncertainly.
Remus looked at him blankly and finally came to his senses.
"Sirius." he muttered softly, tears stinging his cheeks.
"Hey…hey! What's wrong?" Sirius asked soothingly as he gathered Remus up in his arms.
Remus buried his face in Sirius' chest. "Bad dream." He muttered detachedly.
"I thought it might me. Wanna go to the kitchens?" Sirius asked as he rubbed soothing circles on Remus' back. It was common knowledge for the Marauder's that Remus could never sleep for hours after a nightmare and always appreciated a trip to the kitchens for a hot chocolate.
Remus nodded his consent and allowed himself to be carried to the door.
Once on the landing, Sirius turned to go back in for the Invisibility Cloak but Remus reached out a hand to stop him, "No. James went out a while back… he took the map and the cloak."
Sirius frowned slightly, "Why -" He paused. "Y - you don't think him and Lily?"
Remus let out a small laugh. "No… Lily wouldn't… she's not the type to cheat."
"Neither were you." It slipped out before he could stop it but he instantly regretted it as an ashamed blush appeared on Remus' cheeks.
"Anyway… How are we meant to get to the kitchens?" Sirius hastily said. It was common knowledge that getting caught out of bed at four in the morning was like suicide. Hogsmede ban, quidditch ban, minus two hundred points and a month of detentions. Even if the teachers were in bed; the portraits certainly weren't.
Remus bit his lip and looked Sirius in the eye. "Do you trust me?" He all but whispered.
"With my life Rem." Was Sirius' instant reply.
"Stay close." Remus said as they crept out the portrait hall and were plunged into a thick darkness.
"Rem? Rem where are you!?" Sirius whispered in a panic.
He felt fingers link with his own, "I'm right here Sirius, now be quite." Remus whispered in his ear.
Nodding in the darkness, Sirius felt very vulnerable to attacks but like he'd said; he trusted Remus fully.
After what felt like very long, cold hours, they finally arrived in the kitchen.
Blinking rapidly as his eyes adjusted to the light, he was loathe to drop Remus' hand and instead held onto him even tighter.
Sirius opened his mouth to question but Remus gave a wry smile, "It's full moon soon and my senses are exceptionally good; better than normal actually."
Surprised, Sirius could do nothing but smile. Remus didn't like to discuss anything to do with the wolf, least of all anything it gave him.
As Remus pulled Sirius over to the fire, he elaborated more, "I actually can't remember what normal senses are like so I don't know how much my senses have changed, but I do realise that most people can't see in the dark or hear and smell people approaching, that they can't sense emotions." He smiled sadly. "I hate the wolf for what he forces me to go through but it's got me out of some very messy situations in the past."
Sirius smiled softly and took Remus' other hand in his own, gently stroking the back of Remus' hands with his thumb. "You never normally talk about the wolf Rem."
Remus just pulled his hands out of Sirius' and took a sip of the hot chocolate that an elf had put down near him. He gazed into the fire thoughtfully, "No… I know I've never told you about my senses but I don't know…" he smiled apologetically. "I thought you might use me, like get me to do look out and only be friends with me for it."
Sirius laughed, his bark like laugh that sent shivers down Remus' spine.
"We never would." They sat in silence for a while, Remus munching on chocolate and Sirius lost in a daydream of kissing that adorable little werewolf.
"You've got chocolate on you- on your cheek." Sirius said suddenly.
Remus smiled and tried to lick it off.
"No… here." Sirius moved closer to Remus and wiped it off gently with his thumb.
Remus' eyes met his and a jolt of electricity sped through him.
Sirius leant in closer, "Remember that promise?" He whispered huskily.
Remus rose an eyebrow.
"You said you'd show me what you can do…" He started playing with Remus' hair.
Remus growled slightly, shifting so his body was angled towards Sirius. "I can't, - Lily." He whispered slightly, the scent of Sirius intoxicating him.
"But you want to." Sirius replied, placing a hand on Remus chin and tilting his head up to look him in the eyes. "You want to." He repeated.
Remus bit his lip and snapped his eyes away. "Of course I want to." He said very softly. "But you're Sirius and I'm Remus."
"And?" Sirius licked his lips nervously and tried to calm his fluttering his heart.
"Lily." Remus tried again.
"She's not here now." Sirius said calmly, looking around the kitchen.
Remus glanced uncertainly around him too, "James has got the map and the cloak; they could be anyway."
"Yeah… but your senses… you'd be able to tell." Sirius moved a hand to Remus' leg.
Remus nodded distractedly, glancing down at the hand that was caressing his thigh gently. He look back at Sirius and gulped; he wanted to, but dare he?
"Do it… just do it." Sirius whispered tantalizingly, his breath hot against Remus.
Remus let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding in, he tried to regain his self control, but Sirius was so close… almost close enough to taste…
He growled and crashed his lips against Sirius'.
Hands started roaming and Sirius moaned; he'd dreamt about this moment.
Remus pinned Sirius to the floor but pulled back suddenly, breathing hard, his eyes shut.
"We can't… we shouldn't."
"Don't want to scar the house elves?" Sirius joked, his breath gone, his chest tight.
Remus rolled his eyes and got to his feet unsteadily. "Come on, back up to bed." He held out a hand and Sirius reluctantly took it.
They left the warmth of the kitchen and began the long trek through the dark corridors.
He was suddenly slammed up against a wall and he yelped in surprise, though the noise was muffled as Remus kissed him intently, keeping him pressed hard up against the wall… hands roaming his body… undoing his shirt… playing with his hair… lips pressed against his neck… his chest… and then they were off again, stumbling through dark corridors.
Groaning in disappointment at the loss of contact he tried to stay on his feet only to nearly stumble on the edge of a rug.
But a hand wrapped round his waist and prevented him from falling.
He pressed further against Remus for reassurance and eventually they reached the safety of the Common Room.
Remus let go of him and glanced briefly at the open shirt.
Sirius smiled softly and took him in his arms, kissing him gently.
But Remus pulled away, "No, Sirius. I can't - we can't. So just - just don't."
Sirius sighed angrily but let himself be led upstairs all the same, Remus took one look at his own bed and started clinging onto Sirius, the nightmare already returning.
Sirius slipped into his own bed and was not at all surprised when Remus climbed in next to him whispering "Nightmare." He felt Reus curl up against him and smiled to himself.
Now everything was out in the open…
THEY KISSED! THE PUPPIES KISSED!
Ahem... anyway... There should be exactly three more chapters...
Hope you like!
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