A/N : Hello, sorry for the delay ! I had to think a lot about where I wanted to go with their problems. I have a lot of ideas for later in the story, but I don't have much for this part. So, I had to think a lot, and I come up with this. Feedbacks and reviews are always appreciated !
Hope you'll enjoy this chapter, and just so you know, I updated the previous chapters. Thanks to SpectreStatus and YorkshireFox for their review ;-)
"You have to talk now. It is important. Otherwise, I can't help you."
"I don't need any help. I'm fine." Shepard stared at the wall in front of him. The white wall. The white hospital-like wall. The room was tiny. Two chairs, and a desk. In this white sickening office. Kelly was very patient with him, but during the last couple of days, she pushed him a little more at each appointment, insisting that he had to open up. He didn't want to. He was stubborn. And tired of all of this.
"It doesn't look like you're fine. You're not sleeping very well, are you?"
"I am sleeping well."
"So why do you have those dark rings under your eyes?" Kelly asked with a little smirk.
"Because the physical therapy is hard." His answers were short and harsh.
"And I see that you lost the ability to express yourself with full sentences too. Is it a sensible subject for you? Because if it's not, I don't understand why you are on the defensive when I talk about it."
That was true, he had to admit it. But it didn't mean that he had to talk about it.
"I told you, it's because of the physical therapy." He lied, but she was a psychologist after all, she couldn't be fooled with this absurdity.
He wasn't going to budge. Kelly decided to change the subject. "Okay, so you don't want to talk about it. Fine. What about the physical therapy then? You keep telling me that it is difficult and exhausting. Tell me about this."
Shepard sighed. He was bored to death. She was always there 'talk about this, and that and blah blah blah'. It was her job, of course, and he preferred to have her as a psychologist rather than a stranger, but still, it was annoying. If he didn't give her a piece of his mind, she would just wait, asking him one million questions, until he answered to at least one of them. Sometimes, it took hours. He didn't want the appointment to last that long today, so he gave up. He wanted to go back to his room and sleep.
"It's hard. That's it." He sighed, rubbing his hand in his hair.
"Why?" She looked at him and typed on her keyboard some notes.
Why do you think?! "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I have one leg and three fucking missing fingers?" said Shepard ironically. "That tends to make everything a bit harder than it should."
"You know that this is not a fatality. You'll have a transplant. Miranda is working very hard for it, and she'll make sure that you have one as soon as possible."
"I know that. But it's taking so long. I just want to go out of this hospital, and I want, I need this transplant, because you know, beside the field, I have nothing to do."
"Of course, you have, Adrien. You can just help with rebuilding effort, help the Alliance fleet, or the Council. Your diplomatic skills proved to be very efficient during the war, and you could use that to help the galaxy as a whole."
"Yippee! I'm feeling so much better now." said Shepard sarcastically. He was behaving like an ass, and he knew it. Kelly didn't deserve this, it wasn't her fault. She was just trying to help. "I just hate politics. I've spent years trying to convince them about the Reapers with my 'diplomatic skills' and no one listened. Look what happened. I don't want to work in that field. I hate politics, I hate politicians. I was only doing it because that was the only way." He crossed his arms in front of his chest, sighing.
Kelly softened. "I know that, Shepard. For now, you can't be on the field. Think about this as a new mission. You have to adapt to your situation. You can't be on the field for now? Fine, it means that you have time for yourself. You can see your friend, read, watch the last Blasto. Just use this time for yourself. To take care of yourself. You put your life aside for almost four years. You earned this rest Adrien."
Shepard just stayed silent, so she went on. "In those last four years, how many times have you been on shore leave? Twice? Maybe three times? No wonder you were on your breaking point. As for your disabilities, yes, you have missing limbs, but you are alive. You can walk, you can speak, you can see. You are lucky. I don't want to make you feel guilty 'You are alive while other aren't so stop whining' because that would be unfair. You sacrificed so much to win this war, and you couldn't save everyone, that's just a fact that you need to accept."
He sighed. "I know…"
"Then take the time available to see your family. You've put your own well-being and happiness aside for so long, Shepard. You need this."
"I know that, too. Everyone is so busy, sometimes I just want to be alone."
"I understand, Shepard. But really, seeing people that you care about will help you. You should ask Miss Williams to come by more often, she is groundside for now." She smiled at the end. She knew about Ashley and him when they were with Cerberus. After Horizon, Kelly talked to him, and told him about the message he received from Ashley. She saw he was shattered after this encounter. But apparently, she did not know about the last conversation between Ash and him. She was probably busy lately, I didn't see her for a week now.
She studied him for a while. He wasn't looking at her. His expression was blank, empty, as if his soul had vanished from his body. She will ask about Ashley later. She pushed him more than usual today, and he had spoken. It will do, for now. Tomorrow, she will continue. "Okay. It's done for today Adrien. As usual, if you want to speak, just give me a call, whatever the hour. Have a nice day."
Adrien quickly sat up with his crutches, and went for the exit. "Thank you, you too."
"I'm tired of this shit", he mumbled. He was heading to his room. In the corridor, he was directly in contact with other injured soldiers, from all around the galaxy. Some of them recognized him, saluted him, thanked him for what he had done. The hospital was very welcoming. No journalists, no crazy fan services. Just injured soldiers trying to forget what they saw during the War. He was about to enter in his room, but he was interrupted by a husky voice calling him.
"Hey, Loco! ¿Cómo estás?" James called, waving to him from afar. The marine was built like a Krogan, with a huge scar across his face, and tattoos on his body. A lot of tattoos. He got a 'N7' tattoo when he was on the Citadel after the Cerberus coup, to 'celebrate' his integration in the program. He'll have to succeed all the steps to be an official N7 as him, but Shepard was not worried. He will get it.
"Hey, James! What are you doing here? I thought you were on a mission with the Normandy." James gave a pat on Shepard's shoulder as a greeting.
"Yeah, I'm just here to catch some supplies and doing some repairs on your ship. It will take a day or two. So, what's up, Loco?"
"Errr...can we sit somewhere? I just can't stay up with those stupid crutches all day long. What about grabbing some food at the cafeteria? I'm starving there."
"Aye aye, Loco".
They walked together towards the cafeteria, James catching the eyes of a lot of women, and even some men, walking alongside the Saviour of the Galaxy with a confident gait.
"I see that some things don't change." said Shepard with a smirk.
"What can I do? I'm just irresistibilie, Loco. I'm sorry for you, man, but it seems that the ladies have a preference for me. And my shape," answered James, giving his biceps a whack and a kiss. Shepard chuckled. It was the first time since he said to Ash to go away.
He still thought about her a lot. Every night, he would read a poem, or several when he couldn't go back to sleep because of the nightmares. He wondered what she was doing, what she was thinking. He missed her. He knew he told her to go away, but it didn't erase the pain he was feeling. She was everything he had left here. And he couldn't be with her because of his health.
He suffered before, he was suffering now, and he will suffer without her. But he was willing to do it if it meant that she didn't. He wanted her to be happy, and she would not be if she had stayed with him. He loved her, so he will make sure she was happy. He didn't want to scare her, wake her up every night because of his nightmares. And lately, some noises just were too much to bear. They reminded him of Reapers, banshees, husks. When it came, he just put his hands on his ears, clenched his jaw, moaned, on the floor, trying to slow down his breathing.
Sometimes, he would scream, he would yell at the Reaper troops to go away, to leave him alone, but it didn't work. He didn't want the others to see him like this, so he tried to not scream or yell anymore. And every time, it was worse. More violent, longer, more intense. The noise was in his head, exploring his brain, squeezing his heart, burning his eardrums. For now, he managed to hide it to everyone. But it will not last, and he knew it.
He was so lost in thoughts that he didn't even notice that they were at the cafeteria, sat at a table, with a plate of food. Well, it looked like food. A kind of mashed potatoes with some strange vegetables, probably some spinach and carrots. The cafeteria was not full yet, but almost. It was usually occupied by soldiers with crutches, wheelchairs, or with bandages on the head, the arms, or other parts of their body. Shepard really liked them. They weren't all over him, thanking him for everything. When they did, it was with a lot of respect, but they let him have his privacy, and he was glad.
The tables were very simple. They were made of woods like the old time. And there was always this stupid white colour. It was everywhere. He was disgusted by it. It reminded him of the medbay, the Cerberus lab, the hospital. All the things he hated.
"Hey Loco, you're okay? You didn't say a word since we're here. Something on your mind?" James said, the mouth full of food.
"Sorry." Shepard had his fork in his hand, and with it was touching his food. He didn't eat a mouthful yet. "I'm a little tired. Kelly was very insistent today."
"Ha, well, it wouldn't bother me if she was insistent on me. I'll let her do whatever she wants!" declared James with a grin. "So, did you talk a little, Commander? I know that I'm about to repeat the same thing than everyone else, but it can do some good to you, you know. You're alone here almost all day long."
Shepard sighed. Not again… He was tired of everyone telling him what to do. "Stop right there James." Shepard stared at him.
"Owwh, okay there." He threw his hands in the air, as if he was showing that he will not do anything. He changed the subject. "But hey, in fact, I wanted to see you to thank you. Since the Alliance lost a lot of N7, they have to recruit a lot of new ones, and quickly. I am almost done with the formation, and it is thanks to you. So, muchas gracias, Loco." He saluted him. "I didn't beat your scores, but I was near!" he extended his hand towards Shepard, who took it gladly.
"You did good James, you're a hell of a marine. You deserve it...I'm proud of you, Lieutenant Vega." Shepard said, smiling.
"Thank you, Sir. It means a lot coming from you."
They ate their food in silence. When they were finished, James spoke up
"So, Loco, what are you planning to do in the future, when you're out of here?"
"Nothing. What can I do with this?" answered Shepard, showing his hand and his leg. "The medical equipment is not good for now. I'll have to wait a long time for a transplant. Maybe I'll never have one..."
"With all due respect sir, this is bullshit. You can do a lot for the galaxy. You united the Geth and the Quarians, cured the Genophage, and killed those fucking Reapers. You're not done. You could ask for some favours."
"I don't want to do that, James. I don't want to use my status to have a transplant in priority while a 6-year-old kid might need it."
"I understand. Well, you could always settle down, Shepard. You gave everything to the Alliance and the galaxy, so staying away with Loca would be a nice option."
"Loca?"
"Ash."
Shepard stared quizzically at him. How does he know? "What are you talking about?"
"Come on Commander! All the crew knew about you and Williams. It was pretty obvious." He smirked.
"What do you mean 'It was pretty obvious'?"
James rolled his eyes. "Come on…there was that time when you went to Apollo's Café, and she was there too. Or there was that time when we celebrated at the Citadel, and you two disappeared for quite some time. When you came back, you were both… dishevelled."
Shepard's cheeks reddened. He didn't remember that they had seen them leaving for the bedroom during the party…"There are regulations against this. We can't."
"It didn't stop you before"
"I am not the one I was before. It-"
He didn't have the time to finish his sentence, as James omni-tool pinged. He muttered a sorry and watched a message he just received. He closed it and stood up
"Sorry, Loco, but I have to go, Admiral Hackett wants to see me. I'll come back as soon as I can."
"That's okay, James. Thank you for your visit, and congratulations for your 'almost N7 graduation'".
"Thank you, Sir. Listen, I'm saying this to you as a friend: go talk to her. She really cares about you. I saw her through a vidcall for Spectre business a few days ago, and she wasn't good at all. I don't really know what's happening now, but do it."
"I'll think about it, James. Good bye"
"Commander." He saluted, and left, leaving Shepard alone with his thoughts.
He came back to his tiny room, and read a poem. He checked his mails, some Extranet websites, called some of his crew. Liara was on Thessia, helping with the rebuilding effort of each world with her Shadow Broker resources. Garrus was here on the Citadel, but he had been called by the Primarch on Palaven for Krogan settlements with Urdnot Wrex, Urdnot Grunt, and Bakara. Jack was with Kahlee Sanders in an Alliance facility, the Grissom Academy station being destructed, still teaching. Miranda and Oriana were with Jacob and his pregnant wife Brynn, on Amaterasu, just for the time being, but being assigned as Shepard's personal physicist, Miranda was on her way back to Paris. She should arrive the next day.
He didn't call Joker, Samara, or Zaeed tonight. It was late, and he was tired. He needed to rest. As he was about to fall asleep, it came. He began to breath heavily, searching for something to defend himself against those horrible creatures. It was totally dark in the room. His eyes were wide-opened. He was wriggling in his bed, gasping for air. A piercing sound penetrated his brain. It was the scream of a banshee. It was as if the sound enveloped his brain, cutting it with a knife over and over again. Shepard covered his ears with his hands, closing his eyes, clenching his teeth. He fell on the floor, and the noise became louder. He opened his eyes, and the blue shining eyes of a banshee greeted him. Gasping, he sat and went backward until his back was on the wall. The sound grew louder and louder, and the banshee followed him.
"Stop it!" he yelled. He took his omni-tool and bought up the light. The banshee was not there anymore. He was on the floor, alone in the dark. Everything had vanished. All you could hear were the breathing of Shepard, and his sobs.
A/N : Yeah, it ends on a sad note :p
To answer a question : yes, there will be a plot, but not yet. The galaxy is rebuilding. And by the galaxy, I mean everyone, every world, every race...;-)
Hope you enjoyed. If there are mistakes, don't hesitate to point these out, and don't be scared to post a review :)
25/03/2017: Added some details, corrected some mistakes
