"Good morning, Mr. Potter."
"And a very good morning to you, Mr. Potter."
"What are you up to today?"
"Oh, the usual. Make sure the temperature control spells are working out in the greenhouse. Go to Diagon Alley for some new gardening gloves. Fetch dinner for my lazy husband. Play chess with said husband before having lots and lots of sex."
"Sounds like a nice day there. You aren't getting your husband lunch, though? Just dinner?"
"Well, in case my husband hasn't noticed, it's already after noon and we're eating waffles. I'd say lunch is out of the question."
"God. This is making me sick. Good thing we've been shut-ins since we got married."
"Really. I suppose we should get over the word 'husband' before we properly leave the house."
"That's going to be hard. It's such a good word."
"I don't understand why all married couples don't just replace their given names with 'husband' and 'wife' all the time."
"That's because, Nev, they're jaded and dissatisfied with each other. We're not."
"Yet."
"Yeah, I was leaving that part off."
"Only joking."
"You know I can tell, right?"
"Of course you can. You're very bright that way."
(The crack of Apparition.)
"See, Hermione? I told you they wouldn't be having sex. At least, not in the kitchen."
"Thus why we Apparated here rather than the bedroom. Hello, boys. We've missed you."
"We've missed you, too, Hermione. We just didn't want to leave the house for a while. We're very disgustingly in love, you know."
"Yeah, Harry can't stop saying the word 'husband' and singing 'Tiptoe Through the Tulips.'"
"Only half of that's true."
"I hope it's the second half. Harry's got a horrible singing voice."
"Oi! It's not that bad! Anyway, nice to see you both. What's the occasion?"
"We were wondering if you were going to the Ministry gala tonight."
"No. No desire to do that, none whatsoever."
"That's just him talking. I don't have a problem with galas. And he doesn't, either. At least, he won't after seeing me in a Muggle suit."
"You have a Muggle suit?"
"I have three."
"And you'll wear one?"
"I can even switch into another after the gala."
"Well, if Nev's going to wear a Muggle suit, then I guess we'll go."
"I suppose you want us to wear Muggle clothes, then, too?"
"Most everyone will be. Young crowd. No higher-ups at this one."
"And Hermione, you do look amazing in that red dress you wore to Bill and Fleur's wedding a few years ago."
"I didn't wear a red dress to Bill and Fleur's wedding."
"You didn't?"
"No."
"Oh. Well. Do you have a red dress?"
"Yes."
"You should wear that."
"Brilliant. Ron's wearing his dress robes from fourth year, Nev's wearing one of three Muggle suits, Hermione's wearing her mythical red dress, and, wait, what do I wear?"
"I am not wearing dress robes. Especially those dress robes."
"Harry, you can borrow one of my suits."
"You're three inches taller than me!"
"Well, we'll go over to Burberry, then, get you something pretty."
"You're going to run me out of money someday."
"Have I told you guys how many Gringotts vaults Harry has?"
"Yes, Neville, you have."
"Fine. Then I won't tell you again that Harry has three Gringotts vaults. Whoops. Sorry."
"God, he's gotten cheeky."
"I know. We should get out of here, let them do their shopping."
"Bye, guys. We'll see you later."
(The crack of Disapparition.)
"We're not going to that gala, are we?"
"We should."
"But we're not, right? You're going to check the spells and get yourself some gloves and pick up dinner and we'll eat and play chess and shag?"
"I dunno, Harry. No one knows we're alive except Ron and Hermione, and they think they're going to see us there."
"They won't mind."
"They won't?"
"Well, they might. But it won't be lasting anger. I've never had a fight with Ron that lasted more than a few months."
"Well, that's reassuring."
"Who needs other people, anyway?"
"Not you, apparently."
(Sighing.)
"You really want to go, don't you?"
"It's not that I really want to, it's that we should. Think of it as part of our return to the land of the living. And we'll both go back to work on Monday, and it'll be just like before we got married. Except, you know, we wear rings now."
"Do we have to stay long?"
"No. We'll go, I'll show off how good looking my husband is, all the girls will cry when they get their final confirmation that the Boy Who Lived is both bent and taken, we'll get Seamus and Dean drunk enough to start doing body shots, and we'll come back here and shag. We can hold off on the chess part."
"I suppose there will be pretty good food."
"Probably, yeah."
"And Hermione said no higher-ups, so lots of irresponsible people overdoing it."
"Yeah. And that could be fun to watch."
"Could be. Do we have to go shopping, then?"
"We do. But not Burberry. Not really. It's just fun, you know, knowing we could go there if we wanted."
"Then why not go?"
"You're already better looking than me. I don't want to magnify it by putting you in a prettier suit."
"Fair point."
