AN: Once again I don't own Bones but if I did I'd use the proceeds to purchase a TV this week so I'd be able to watch the newest episode this thursday. I've decided to revert to my origional method of describing the inner mind of one Seeley Booth so I hope that you enjoy it and grace me with many reviews.

Betrayal

It hit you extremely hard when she told you he lied although you didn't want to admit it; you knew the implications of that act. You knew what that lie meant. That lie meant that you were betrayed; that lie meant that she was betrayed.

In Dante's Inferno at the innermost circle of Hell the Devil himself is entombed in the ice lake of Cocytus his three heads forever gnashing at the souls of three sinners. However the central head of Lucifer himself would forever gnash at one soul; his claws forever torturing the greatest sinner of them all: Judas Iscariot.

What was his sin? Treason. He was the Great Betrayer.

You've always seen it fitting that the greatest crime that a man could commit was treason. You should be happy that the one who betrayed you, the one who betrayed her, will never again be free; you should be happy that he is being punished.

But why do you weep these unmanly tears in the cold darkness of your home?

You saw it yourself when everyone gathered those last mementos of a bygone age to remind him of his past; of happier times for both the givers and receiver. All of you felt shame and hurt; you were not able to tell of the degree each of you shared for all of you are too adept at hiding those feelings under a Potemkin façade.

You lift the glass to your lips; fine scotch tastes like ashes as it rolls down your tongue.

You hope that your shame is greater than the others for deep down you know that you were the one who could have saved him from what he became. The others could never know what he had gone through over there; they might know the actions yes, but they could never understand.

You knew what he saw and did, why didn't you help him Seeley?

You know what it's like to be picked up and dropped somewhere thousands of miles from home. To live armpit to elbow with people you've never met before and to share your darkest thoughts and emotions with them when the rest of the world abandoned you. You know what it is to be forever surrounded by the feeling of death and pain without the careful screening of a sterile laboratory.

He asked you what it was like being shot; if it would make sense to duck. He was so… eager. "Eager" was the only word you could describe him as. You know that you could have told him stories and gotten him to stay as far away from that life as possible but you didn't. Why didn't you?

Another sip from the tumbler, maybe you should just grab the bottle and guzzle the liquid to reach an easy oblivion?

You have to admit you were stunned and touched by his statement that you knew more about duty and honor than anyone else that he knew. Was it that outreaching of tenuous brotherhood that compelled you to give your blessing to him; not that he'd call it a blessing? You knew that he looked at you like a father figure or an older brother, a pleasant difference from the one that actually was your brother. Was it his seeking of approval from you?

Perhaps it wasn't him that was reaching out to you at that moment, but you reaching out to him. In him you saw a man yearning to grow and see the world; in him you saw a man who was looking to join the ranks of an immortal and everlasting fraternity. Who were you to neglect to extend that invitation?

You thought that when he got back he'd…

Honestly you didn't know what he'd be like when he got back but you hoped it would be something different, something more… like you.

But when he got back… he was like his old self… mostly.

You should have seen the warning signs immediately. You could have helped him right then but you didn't, you failed him. You failed to save him after you helped send him away.

Could you have sent him to a shrink? No you could never have done that. All the good VA shrinks are always too busy with too many who need help; civilian shrinks might have been an option but… you distrust them. You distrusted those quacks after they messed with your head when you got back and you let that distrust prevent you from helping him. You should have helped him; you were the only one who really could.

The problem with people who've never had to see that little three letter word is that they can never know the horror of it or the aftermath of it.

That three letter word. You sent him off to see it, to witness it and when he got back a broken man you… you… turned your back on him.

The glass shakes in your hand, the amber liquid sloshes against the sides.

That's right Seeley let your shoulders fall and your tears sting your eyes; failure is a bitter pill but its taste is sweet compared to the new fruit you've sunk your teeth in.

It wasn't him that betrayed you. You betrayed him.

You were the one who turned your back on him when he got back; you were the one who didn't help him when he needed it.

That's right Seeley let those old ghosts of depression leech out of your mind and overwhelm your body; you know that you're the one who failed here, not him.

That three letter word, such a small word.

Why did you let him see it? Why did you let him experience it? Was it because you wanted someone else to talk to about it, someone else who at least had an inkling of knowledge on the subject?

Not that it matters any more. He's locked away forever now; she'll hurt forever now. They'll all hurt forever now.

A fit of rage wells up inside you and you throw the tumbler to the floor.

It shatters; moonlight from your window glitters off the pieces.

Thirty shimmering pieces.