Chained Heart Chapter 4
I felt cold and like I was on something hard and dirty. I was sore and thirsty. I felt empty. I was unnecessary. I had no will to live anymore. I only felt used and mistreated. Why were these things happening to me? I opened my eyes and saw I was on the floor, on the same spot Gaara left me. I sighed painfully before slowly trying to get up. Every part of my body hurt, but most of all my heart. What was I expecting? For him to at least once hear me out? I wanted him at least to understand the position he was putting me into. I could not be a mother at 12. That child will grow up feeling unhappy and I did not want that for my child…and his threat…I despised the idea of an abortion. He was not considering my thoughts at all…everything was just about him…
Even if I do get pregnant I will not let him find out at all costs…maybe I will eventually find a way to prevent this…
It was dark outside. I was woken up by the coldness of the night. I got up, put y panties on and got inside to take a bath. Gaara was nowhere to be seen.
As I kept daydreaming in the tub I realized I should lock away my heart in order not to get hurt anymore. I shouldn't love Gaara…Why do I love him? Since the first day I met him he caused me just harm.
Maybe…
That day when I saw him for the first time…was not the real him…Maybe he will be like this forever. I thought he is this way now because his uncle betrayed him…I know he does not trust anybody because of that…But that does not mean I will do the same damn thing…
Just…
Why do I love him in the first place? That loneliness in his eyes…was the same as mine. I wanted someone who was just as alone as me. I felt the need of belonging to him.
Damn it! I splashed in the water and submerged my head underneath it.
Gaara…Why? I don't want to let you go…but you keep hurting me and…I need to get over you…I feel like I can't help you…however much I try.
I heard a knock on the door. I raised my head from under the water.
"Yes?" I feared it would be Gaara.
"It's Temari. Can I come in?"
"Go ahead."
Temari entered the room and sat next to the tub. "How did it go with 'the talk'? I've been anxious since yesterday."
"Well…he won't stop having sex with me…He refuses to leave me alone…Last night he raped me and let me freeze on the roof."
"I feared this was going to happen so I bought you something." She put a box on the counter. "These are some contraceptive patches. They will prevent you from getting pregnant."
"Thank you." I smiled at her. "You always think of everything."
"Don't mention it." She hugged me and patted my back.
"Temari…he warned me about something. If I get pregnant he is going to kill my baby."
"These patches are pretty effective. Don't worry. And if something happens I will not let him touch you."
"Temari, I don't want him to touch me anymore. Didn't you find anything that could snap his dick off?"
Temari suddenly burst out laughing. I did not mean to be funny. Seeing my serious face she stopped. "You were serious…"
I looked down. "I don't want to be his toy. I care about him…I really do…But I am hurt…I was thinking maybe…I should close my heart…or at least try to. What do you think?"
She looked at me. "You have to do whatever you think is right in order for you to not break. Ask your heart. Not your brain. It is for you to decide."
"In order to do that I have to listen to my brain. My heart will only lead me to him…"
Temari sighed and got up."Just don't lie to yourself. I'm going to make something to eat. Want to help me?"
I nodded. "Sure. Just let me dry up and I'll be there. Don't start without me." I giggled.
"Sure thing."
After she left I got out of the tub and dried off with a fluffy towel. After I was dry enough I applied a patch on my shoulder and dressed up. I wore a silky red dress, my favorite…color…
I wonder why red is my favorite color…
I knew why…"God damn it!" I slammed shut the door of the room and made my way to the kitchen.
"Ai-chan, what do you want to eat?"
"I want pizza." I grinned.
"Yeah, why bother, you always eat pizza." She laughed a little.
"Deal with it."
"Alright, so let's get s-"
Suddenly the door opened loudly. My heart jumped. I turned around and saw Gaara glaring at me. He began coming towards me and I took a step back. Just remember close your heart. Don't let him damage you more than he already did. Don't…care…
He took me forcefully by the hand and dragged me from the room. I flashed Temari a sad smile and let Gaara lead me. A tear slid down my cheek.
"Gaara I need her here."
He stopped for a moment. "You are in no place to talk." He began walking again.
Gaara held me very harshly and I was sure he was going to bruise me. This was only a scratch. I sighed painfully. We arrived in his room this time. He pushed me on the bed and he began taking off his clothes. I looked out the window. He came and shoved me so that I was flat on the bed. He hovered over me and whispered sick things in my ear before beginning to undress me. I wanted to close all my senses until this was over. And so I did.
I had no reaction to what was happening. He went on and on for what seemed like hours. I did not make a sound. He broke me. There were just silent tears sliding down my face.
When he was done he fell above me and gasped in my shoulder then rolled off me. I rolled away from him. I did not hear him say anything. He just got dressed and left. Only after that I began crying loudly. I did not want him to know he broke me. I would not give him the satisfaction. I checked if the patch was still there. It was. I sighed in relief. At least I know I will not get pregnant.
I was in no mood to wake up and I just sat there thinking about my pathetic life, gradually falling to sleep. I would often wake up from nightmares, feeling my body cold and dirty. I dragged my feet towards the bathroom and took a shower. I sat on the floor and let the water come pouring out on me. God how I hated my life. Nothing was going alright. I had no one. My only friend was Temari. I didn't really talk with Kankuro; we were friends but not that close.
As I soaped my body I raked it. I had this feeling of…dirtiness…I was washing away his touch. No matter how much I scrubbed his feel did not leave my skin. My stomach growled. I have no eaten anything good for a few days. I was beginning to lose weight. I wondered if Temari finished making something to eat. As always I applied perfume after I got out of the shower. I dressed in the red dress again and walked to the kitchen. I found a cheese pizza on the table and I smiled when I saw it. Next to it was a note.
-Come to my room after you finish it. I hope you like it.- Temari
I will definitely like it. I sat down and dug in.
After I finished I walked to Temari's room, curious of why she wanted me to come to her room.
I knocked on her door and she suddenly opened the door and pulled me in.
"Ai, this can't go on."
I looked down. "What am I…supposed to do?"
"I don't know…maybe…tell father?"
"NO! That asshole wanted this for me. He wanted a release for his son. He never truly wanted me to be his daughter."
"Yeah, but maybe he'll think he is crossing the line-"
"No."
"Alright. I won't make you."
I sighed. "I want him to stop…but you know he does whatever he wants…he…will continue on and on until de will kill me."
"Have you applied the patch?"
"Of course. The sooner the better I guess."
"I really don't know what to say anymore…I don't know how to help…"
"You can't help…nobody can help…"
"There must be something…You can't live like this."
"At any moment now he will come again…I better leave."
"But he just finished half an hour ago."
I just stared blankly at her. "I know…I don't even know why I bother getting out of that bed…"
"Stay here. I'll hide you."
"No! I don't want to put this thing on you. He will hurt you."
"But then what do you want me to do?"
"I don't know…"
I heard the door open. I did not even look at the door. I just flashed Temari an apologetic look before turning and walking towards the door. How did he know I was here? He knew my scent.
He grabbed me and teleported us to his room where he pushed me on the bed and hovered over me and penetrated me without any kind of warning. He caught me unprepared. I screamed in despair, then I was silent, as if I just cracked.
I don't know how much time might have passed for I was not thinking anymore. Every now and then I would hear him moan or say nasty things to me. I sometimes looked at his face. I don't remember when he left. I did not bother getting up as I knew he would come again soon. I sighed. It was dark outside. I heard the door creek open. He came.
"Tomorrow we are heading for the Chunin Exams. Prepare your stuff. We are heading off early so I'll let you rest tonight."
How thoughtful of him, I said sardonically in my head.
He took a seat beside me and I looked the other way. Why was he doing here? He would usually go out…
"Are you feeling alright?" He asked me. He never asked me this.
"Why shouldn't I be?"
"Today you were like a doll. You never say anything. Nor did you moan or grunt."
"…"
"You were usually enjoying it. You did not want it, but you enjoyed it."
"Well, sometimes…people have enough with no caring, no tenderness…no love…We wither away…I'm even surprised you are concerned for me now. A few days ago you let me bleed on the floor. You could have at least put me back on the bed. I am dying to be affectionate with you and you throw it all in my face like it was a joke."
"Well maybe I enjoyed seeing you like that and in case you forgot I cannot show affection."
"You can if you want to! Enough of this non-sense!" I sat on the bed. "I'll get a bath. I know talking to you will lead me nowhere. You will never stop doing what you think it's best, even if you hurt me…Hmph, you even enjoy the idea…Of seeing me being stepped on, crushed." I got off the bed and made faint steps to the bathroom.
After I finished my bath I entered the bedroom and found Gaara intently thinking on the bed. I made no move towards him. I headed towards the kitchen to quickly grab something to eat.
I did not eat quite a lot and then hurried to the bedroom to catch some shut eye. Gaara was still there. I felt uncomfortable. I was usually feeling good in his presence, but now…
I sighed loudly before getting in bed next to him. Just before I fell asleep he spoke.
"What would make you enjoy it?" So now he cares?
"It does not matter anymore…My heart's content does not concern you anymore. I give you my body. That should be enough."
I felt something hard colliding with my cheek. "You just screwed the last chance you had to get what you wanted and actually enjoy yourself. Don't fuck around with me!"
I stayed silent. "I did not care anymore. You can beat me, rape me…I simply don't care."
He disappeared in a swirl of sand. I cried myself to sleep that night. It hurt me the thing I told him. I did not mean what I said, I just wanted him to know that what he was doing to me affected me more that he can imagine. I could not stop caring about him. I could see it was pointless to expect more from him.
I was pushed down off bed and I woke up. I looked around my surroundings. Of course Gaara pushed me. I got up and headed for the bathroom. I will be for 3 days in the desert with no water. I had to take some precautions.
We left a short time after. I was the last one in line. I was following them. At night we were eating barbeque. Gaara would always leave after eating; I wouldn't see him until morning. It was better this way because he was not touching me. I guess he did not want the others to find out, because otherwise he would have taken advantage of me by now.
In three days we were in Konoha. Baki and Gaara went somewhere private to talk while, me, Temari and Kankuro were heading to sign up for the exams.
A little kid was running in a panicked manner towards Kankuro and accidentally hit him."Hey, that hurt." He then picked him up, with one hand, almost choking him.
"So does this hurt, punk?" Kankuro said as he held him tighter up in the air.
"Put him down Kankuro, or you know you'll pay for it later." Temari said.
A pink hair girl began talking. "Hey, I'm sorry. The whole thing was my fault."
Then the blonde guy began talking. "You better take your hands off him right now!"
"We got a few minutes before he gets here. Let's mess with these punks, huh?" Kankuro said.
The little kid began hitting him with his legs."Let go of me you jerk."
"You're feisty, but not for long."
The blond guy began running towards him. "Put. Him. Down!" In a blink of an eye he was on the floor. "What the- What was that?"
"You're a leaf gennin too? It looks like your village is full of wimps."
"Cut it out." The little boy choked out. "It hurts."
"That's it! Drop him now or I'll take you apart! You got that, fool?"
The pinketter took him from behind. "You're the fool. Making threats isn't going to help, Naruto."
"You're annoying. All of you. I don't like scrawny weaklings, so when a wimp like this starts shooting out his mouth I just want to break them in half." Kankuro said.
The look on their face changed.
"Fine…I'm not involved in any of this, ok?" Tamari said.
"First I'll take care of this little squirt, then I'll waste the other one."Just as he was about to strike the kid he was stopped. Kankuro dropped the kid. Everyone was silent.
There was a raven haired guy with a blue shirt, holding a pebble. Everyone was cheering him on. He had this annoying arrogance in his face and voice as he spoke: "You're a long way from home and way out of your league." I glared at his comment. Of course, he saved the kid, but he didn't have to be an ass about it. God.
Kankuro was holding his hand. "Oh great, another wimp to take me off."
The guy in the tree brushed the rock in his hand. I rolled my eyes. Show off. He's gotta do better than that to impress me…Jackass…Every other girl was looking at him with awe in their eyes. The guys looked ashamed.
The kid scolded the blond guy. "How come you're not cool like that?"
"Oh what do you mean? I could have taken that guy out in two seconds flat."
"Hey punk, get down here." The guy did not make a move, he just glared. "You're the kind of pesky little snot I hate the most: all attitude and nothing to back it up." Kankuro began unraveling his puppet.
"What? Are you going to use the crow for this?" Temari asked shocked.
That's when I heard the voice that would always make me shiver: in pleasure, fright, delight…
"Kankuro, back off…" It was Gaara's voice. I looked at him. He was in the same tree as that guy and he was upside down, focusing chakra in his feet.
They all looked startled by his sudden arrival.
He continued. "You're an embarrassment to our village."
"Uh…Hey Gaara…"
"Have you forgotten the reason we came all the way here?"
"I-I-I know…I-I mean they challenged us. They started the whole things really. Here's what happened-"
"Shut up…" Gaara said harshly. Kankuro shivered visibly. "…Or I'll kill you."
"Oh right…I was totally out of line, I'm sorry Gaara…I was totally out of line."
Gaara turned his head to the others. "I'm sorry for the trouble he caused." He then got down in a swirl of sand.
"Let's go. We didn't come here to play games."
"Alright. Sure. I get it." We were about to leave.
Sasuke shouted. "Hey you, identify yourself!"
Temari turned around and said. "You mean me?"
"No, the guy with the gourd on his back."
Gaara turned around. "My name is Gaara…of the Desert. I'm curious about you too. Who are you?"
"I'm Sasuke Uchiha."
There was this awkward silence between them before the blonde guy decided to talk. "Hey there! I bet you're dying to know my name, right?"
"I couldn't care less." He said before we all continued walking. Gaara pulled me next to him and whispered to me. "I need you now. Follow me." I gulped.
"We have something to take care of, see you at the academy in half an hour." He said before we parted ways.
He dragged me to an alley before he began undressing me.
"Gaara…" He was paying no attention to me. "Gaara, please not here."
He pulled my dress up and hooked his fingers on my panties and eventually pulled them off. He teased me in my soft spot making me mewl under him. He never did this before to me. He just dove in. He grasped my breast with one hand and his mouth was on my shoulder. I lied if I said what he was doing was not pleasurable. He did magic to my body. I put both my hands on his shoulders trying to bring him closer. I heard a zipper and I closed my eyes waiting for his attack.
He entered me gently to my surprise and continued at a steady pace.
"Gaara…" I moaned his name. "You feel so good…" I held on to him tighter. He thrust himself into me faster at the sound of my voice, praising him. I know what I said but this was so intense…he never was like this…He slowly got faster, making shout his name. It has never been this deep before. But there was something missing. A kiss. If he initiated a kiss he could take me to the edge.
Then, as if he read my mind he pecked my cheek, then my mouth, but he never went far from that. Maybe he needed a push. I kissed him on the mouth, and it wasn't a peck either. To my surprise he kissed me back. He wasn't the best kisser, but the thought that he accepted and made an effort turned me on more than anything. He was serious when he said he wanted me to enjoy it. That's what I wanted to believe in the least. Not long after we both came and stood in each other's arms on the floor before he parted from me, arranged his clothes and waited for me.
"Hurry up, we have to go to the academy. We must not be late."
I shakily got up and adjusted my panties. He began walking out of the alley. I walked with him. I felt like I needed to thank him.
"Gaara." He stopped. "Thank you. I liked this." He did not say anything, just walked out of the alley. I held his hand, only to have him shove it away.
"Don't touch me. Don't you even think that meant something! You don't mean anything to me!"
What he said hurt. The sad part was I knew he hated me. I knew…
I guess he did that just for his own gain. To enjoy himself more.
"Then stop confusing me and playing with my heart…I do not want to live a lie…"
He was silent as he walked to the academy. We reached the room he was supposed to enter. He put his hand on the doorknob when I kind of interrupted him.
"Um…"
"Just say it already!"
"G-good luck! I'll wait for you here."
"Hn." He entered and left me alone.
The hall was silent as I waited for his return.
