Good For Me

This is a scene which popped into my head a while ago. It may be incorporated into Hour Or The Day eventually.
Background Info: I get the image of Harry and Sev sitting outside, in a field somewhere, under a tree. Having spent the day relaxing and talking. Eye of the hurricane type moment.



"... Besides, you're good for me."

Severus snorted, "How on earth could I be good for you?"

Harry moved closer, till he was leaning on Snape's chest, and Severus obligingly wrapped his arms around him.

"For as far back as I remember, until a few years ago, I longed... not to be. Once I was able to escape to Hogwarts, I managed to subliminate it, but it was still there. But before I lacked the slightest reason for living. When I was seven I first slit my wrist."

Severus frowned, "So young?"

"A large percent of normal, relatively well adjusted children begin experimenting with inhalant and soft drugs around that age. I -" Harry shuddered. "I wasn't a normal, well adjusted child.

"Had I been even slightly more normal, I would have died. But, as I found out later, because I was 'The Boy Who Lived' Dumbeldore had placed several charms on me. Ones that healed minor injuries, practically before they started, and would go a long way towards healing the bigger ones. That charm was a blessing and a curse. There were several times, after displaying accidental magic, that I could have easily died from Uncle Vernon's 'punishments'. Flexible as children's bones are, they're not made of rubber, and I know that several of my ribs were broken a time or two. But then again, if it hadn't been there, a teacher might have noticed more than a rather clumsy child.

"At first I was frustrated that it wouldn't work. A few drops of blood, and then the wound would seal over like it was never there. After a while, I didn't mind it as much, because it still hurt for a while, which was as good for when I wasn't really down and out.

"After a particularly bad visit with Aunt Marge, a few weeks before I turned eleven, I locked myself in the broom closet. Furious as I was, it's amazing that I didn't cause the whole house to explode. I punched the wall over and over, I swear I broke a finger or two that night, until Uncle Vernon stomped on the stairs and threatened to 'make me be quiet'. Still fuming, and I pulled out one of Dudley's old broken pocket knifes."

Harry held up his left wrist. Small, jagged white line criss-crossed it, splintering off in different directions. "That night it wasn't good enough. It started slowly enough, but as the cut sealed over, I became even more furious. Angry with the Dursleys, Aunt Marge, the world I had no control over, myself for not being strong enough to change things, and most of all my damn wrist for always fixing itself instead of letting me fix things the way I wanted to. I donÕt quite remember what happened after that, just slashing, and stabbing as deeply as I could, before passing out from blood loss."

Severus's arms tightened around him, and Harry took a deep breath before going on. "The next morning, I had a scab on my arm for the first time. So, I pulled on a sweatshirt that was ten times to big, put my bloody blanket in the laundry, and made breakfast."

Since then, I've only tried to do it once, right after Cedric. But I suppose Dumbeldore had added some charms, because the knife bounced off my skin. But at the time it didn't matter too much, because there was still the pain from the last time. The pain from the last time never really went away, just varied. Most the time, it's barely noticeable, but the slightest things can affect it. When I'm upset, it's an excruciating agony. When it's cold out side it aches so badly I can barely use that hand. And when I was depressed, it felt like a black hole in the void, sucking life from me and everything around me."

And even though I'd managed to sort myself out enough that I was no longer constantly longing not to be, even subliminally, the pain and ache was still there. Less but still there."

Harry turned around to look in Severus's eyes with his own, slightly damp, ones. "Ever since we started working together, before we were even friends yet, it's quit hurting while you're around. I think because with you I feel safe and whole, feelings that stretch beyond sense and reason. And, since we figured out that we loved each other, it's stopped hurting almost entirely. That's more than enough to tell me that you are good for me Sevarus Snape. I won't believe you if you ever tell me other wise."

Snape gazed down at the boy, man really, who had just given him more than he had ever expected in his life. And even if he wasn't entirely sure what all of it really was, he knew it was the most prescious gift he'd ever received. "Thank you," he whispered sincerely.

Harry leaned up to place a chaste kiss on Sevarus's lips, before snuggling into his chest.

The two of them stayed like that for a long time.

fin