Disclaimer : I do not own Once Upon A Time and the characters featured in this television series.
Enough
Chapter 4
Christmas Day, 2014
"Red, you can't tell anyone. Not until-" Regina said evenly until she lost her voice to continue her intended thoughts as she stared out from her passenger's side window at the moving scene around them.
"Don't worry, Regina. Granny and I are the only ones who know. It will stay that way," Red assured her friend who, she could detect from the semi-frantic tone, was worrying about the two people back in Storybrooke who didn't give a damn about her at all. It made Red so angry at the mere thought that Emma was most likely enjoying a warm cup of hot chocolate back in Storybrooke, in Snow's loft while Regina and herself was at the hospital in Boston. Even in her condition, Regina was worrying about Emma and Henry. Regina allowed herself to wonder if they had missed her on Christmas Day since the dusk light could be seen streaming into the windows of the Camaro as Red drove steadily on the highway. She allowed herself to wonder knowing that she might be faced with a disappointing answer since Emma and Henry had likely forgotten about her. There was no missed or incoming calls from Emma or Henry. If she died, she wondered how long it would take for Emma to realise that she was gone. Why she harbored hope was beyond her as she recalled the scene of Emma and the one-handed pirate kissing across the street. She was grateful for the medication that the doctor had provided or she would have ruined Red's car with that scene looping at the back of her head over and over.
With every replay in her head, she could feel the knives in her heart being twisted. When they twisted, she was reminded of the incidents and arguments she shared with Emma that resulted in those knives being stabbed into her bleeding heart. She felt drained, physically and emotionally, and she didn't need Archie to tell her that she was most likely depressed despite Red's efforts to help her out of her own head. Regina struggled to see the positive side to life as the immeasurable pain and immense pressure overwhelmed her. The diagnosis that the doctor had given her an hour ago back at the hospital only served to send her on a further spiral. She clenched her fist tightly on her lap as she started to recognise the familiar surroundings that led them to Storybrooke.
As Red drove her Mustang slowly past the town line, Regina felt a sudden tingle in her body, alike to what had happened earlier when Red was sneaking them out of Storybrooke. That was how she had found out about Red's plan. The younger brunette jolted Regina awake when she drove past the town barrier far too quickly. Not that Emma would pay attention to the change in magical field which happened when the town's creator left town. She was sure Rumple would pay her a visit to snoop around for reasons of her departure. For all Regina knew, Emma probably still had the pirate's tongue in her mouth when she left town. There was no point arguing with Red who was furious, confused and worried about her falling unconscious.
Regina shifted uncomfortably as they made their way around town, heading towards her mansion while ignoring the fact that Red had nearly broken her steering wheel from her grip. She knew Red was angry at Emma and most likely at her as well for being so careless with herself. The she-wolf was a loyal friend and a part of Regina shuddered at the thought of having Red beside her back in the Enchanted Forest as her personal guard. She would have been untouchable physically unless someone wanted to lose a limb. Emma might lose a limb if Regina gave consent since Red has been threatening to tear Emma's limb from limb since she found out about Thanksgiving.
"I'm going to stay in the guest room," Red stated firmly, as she parked her car in Regina's driveway, behind the black Mercedes. She didn't want Regina to be alone in the house, and not when Emma decided to stumble into the house smelling like rum. She didn't know what Regina was planning but she hoped that the brunette would confront Emma. She would be out of the house but within distance to step in if Emma decided to take it upon herself to convince Regina aggressively. Regina sighed as she walked slowly towards the front door, knowing that Red was merely being the protective and loyal friend that she had always craved for. Her mother never allowed her to have friends when she was growing up, preferring to isolate her into a woman who craved for her sole approval and affection. She felt guilty as she realised that Henry might have felt that way when all his friends did not age with him every year.
Red followed behind Regina, looking and listening for indication that Emma and Henry were home, as she carried the brown paper bag containing bottles of pills from the hospital pharmacy into the house. It didn't take wolf senses to know that no one has been home since they left in the morning. Regina muffled a whimper as the nausea tore into her system once again and she rushed to the ground floor bathroom. She wasn't expecting the diagnosis that the doctor had given considering the fact that she had been frozen in time for more than 28 years. Her mother's eternal youth spell had been activated the moment Leopold was dead. It had disturbed her immensely to know that her mother was prepared for her to rule over Leopold's kingdom forever. There was no end to her quest for power but Cora could not foresee that Regina would have a true love that would break the spells she placed on Regina. Rumple would no doubt find the sick and twisted irony that the Saviour would save her only to be her true undoing. Regina had thought about throughout the journey home and found the irony sickeningly poetic, Shakespearean even.
She was so tired of vomiting her entire being into toilets, the ache in her chest and lungs, the rawness in her throat. It's not about to end anytime soon since the doctors had warned her that the medicine was only temporary and could only be taken in small dosages. Something which she was sure Red would force her to adhere to. She wasn't exactly sure what her next steps would be, her sense of uncertainty overwhelmed her as she had only ever felt this lost when Daniel died. She usually could at least envision or craft out the tiny stepping stones to her first step but not today. She was in shock about a lot of things. There was Emma and that bloody pirate. Then it was the doctor's diagnosis. She was exhausted entirely and she wanted a poisoned apple so badly.
When she was sure she had nothing else to heave, she allowed Red to help her from her kneeling position. The she-wolf was totally unfazed as she merely asked Regina if the older brunette wanted to wash up before they left the bathroom. They were passed the stage in their friendship where they had anything to hide from one mother or at least Regina didn't since the she-wolf was she only one who knew of her current condition besides Granny. The duo had obviously suspected about her condition, which would explain their insistence, concern and mysteriousness but Regina was certain that Red's expression held genuine surprise when the doctor shared the extent of her condition with them.
As her eyes fluttered tiredly, indicating , betraying her exhaustion, Red carried her onto the bed which she hared with Emma in the master bedroom. An image of the blonde from earlier that day appeared behind her eyelids as she let out a choked cry. She could take the cold and uncaring behavior, she would accept being the sex toy and she swallowed the neglect and white lies despite it having tasted like hot iron. After all, it seemed a great comic turnaround for Regina to be treated in the same way as Leopold did towards her by the man's granddaughter. Regina's life was an amalgamation of karma and cosmic irony being played out in a single life and even in death she wondered if she would gain reprieve.
When Emma had shared her insecurities about never truly feeling like she was enough for the foster families that sent her back, she had wondered if the pixie dust had made an error because the blonde had basically described her life as her mother's daughter and her son's mother. It felt like Emma was the other half to her soul. Regina had never felt like she was enough for Henry, since he had left her repeatedly for his biological mother. Not even with Daniel since she knew she couldn't give him what he wanted, which was a real relationship that wasn't made of stolen kisses. With Emma, she had hope that she would be enough because she had strived to make Emma feel wanted and cherished but the proof is evident. With the realisation that her true love for Emma had not been enough for the blonde, Regina Mills was irreparably broken both physically and emotionally.
When Emma finally remembered that Regina was alone in the mansion on Christmas Day, it was during dinner time when Grumpy slipped up and asked, "Hey Emma, Her Majesty hasn't summoned you and Henry back yet?" Her mouth dried and her stomach turned to stone as it suddenly occurred to her that she had not given the brunette a single call throughout the day since texting her late last night. She had shrugged off the inkling that back at the diner in the morning, the reason why Granny had threw her and Killian out was because she had made the choice of celebrating Christmas with her parents instead of with her true love. Henry's eyes had dropped to his plate and his face had an uncomfortable expression, as if he had been caught with the cookie jar. His expression was mirrored by his biological mother as the blonde felt horrible about having forgotten about out Regina entirely on a day where they were supposed to have spent together. She had told herself time and time again that it would be the last time disappointing Regina and breaking her promises to the brunette in favour of her parents but her resolve was weak. She couldn't say no to her parents, to the affection she had so crave, their "good" approval even if they hated her true love and her son's other mother. When she had texted the brunette about staying at Snow's, she told herself that she would wake up early and leave with Henry to open their presents with Regina back at the mansion then spend the entire day to make up for the dinner they had missed with her.
Having ended up spending almost the whole of Christmas Day without having even thought of Regina, Emma's plan had failed so spectacularly that it made her stomach churn and her appetite lost immediately. Snow frowned at the sight of Emma's posture visibly stiffening at the reminder of her true love. It made Snow physically sick to think of Regina as Emma's true love since the woman was once a motherly figure to her. She struggled mostly with the fact that Regina was Regina, the woman who had driven her to send Emma away. Snow had lost the chance to be Emma's mother because of her and for that, she could never forgive Regina. Emma and Henry excused themselves from the dinner table despite protests from David and Killian while Snow just fumed silently, hoping that her wish would be strong enough for Emma to remain with them in the loft. Though, the raven-haired woman was certain her ex-stepmother would never forgive Emma or at least have a record breaking row with Emma to the point in which the blonde and Henry would move back in with their family. If anything, Snow White was a firm believer in hope and wishes.
As Emma and Henry gathered their coats and things, Emma's resolve to see Regina wavered. She struggled to commit to returning to the mansion and as if her memory of Regina was becoming hazy. She didn't understand why she felt that way but she couldn't remember the last time she had felt this way although the hazy feeling was somewhat familiar. When she did snap out of it, thanks to Henry, they made their quick goodbyes and Emma was once again conflicted by the disappointment in her parents' eyes. She wondered if she would be caught in between her true love and her parents until they all met their end. What Emma did not realise was the fact that she took out her exhaustion on Regina. The constant tug-of-war with Emma being the rope made the blonde highly irritable and tired, which translated to her behaviour towards Regina. Then again, perhaps there was a slight consciousness to Emma's actions, Rumple would later gleefully share, as the blonde must have enjoyed controlling and possessing Regina to an extent for her actions to have caused such deep harms to Regina, both physically and emotionally.
When Emma saw the red Mustang in the driveway of the mansion, she tightened her grip in the Bug's steering wheel, slightly annoyed at the fact that Regina didn't exactly spend Christmas alone after all.
At first when Red took Regina's side to the epic Snow vs Regina feud, she was beyond thrilled that Regina had support. Maybe having her best friend show support to her enemy would force her mother to accept that what she had with Regina was true. But as the friendship between Regina and Red progressed, Emma wasn't exactly as thrilled when Regina was at the receiving end of a very touchy and frankly, gorgeous she-wolf. Despite constant reassurance from Regina and Red, Emma had requested, or rather demanded since there was a whole lot of passive aggressiveness and jaw clenching involved, that Red and Regina had a respectable amount of distance when it came to their contact with one another.
Red could hear Emma's Bug in the driveway, the loud rumbling didn't require super hearing to make out that it was the yellow monstrosity as Regina would call it, causing the brunette's sobbing on the bed in front of her to a sudden halt. Regina had refused Red's touch and to be held, preferring to curl into a fetal position and sobbed her heart into the bedsheet. Red could only sit beside the blonde on the floor, beside the bed and imagine a few ways to kill Emma without Regina ever knowing. The she-wolf was sure that Granny would help and that would make the whole body-dumping situation far more easier. Red sighed as Regina started moving, worried that Regina's body would not be able to withstand a confrontation with Emma.
As Regina swung her legs to the edge of the bed, intending to stand and possibly walk out of the room, Red stood up and allowed Regina to rest her weight on the she-wolf. Red realised that besides a small sandwich that she had almost forced fed to Regina, the older brunette had not eaten and must be extra weak from the lack of food. She murmured something about making food and Regina rolled her eyes which were sore from crying. Regina didn't know her next step and she didn't know if she had the strength to confront Emma when Henry and Red was around but she knew she couldn't sleep beside Emma anymore. Her body could not stand being a sex toy anymore, that much she figured she could piss Emma off. Not that the blonde had taken notice of her illness or her welfare since when it started two months ago.
"What do you think you can eat?" Red asked softly as she helped Regina into the kitchen stool, ignoring the presence of the other two people in the house who she could hear marvel over the decorated living room. Regina cleared her throat, struggling to find her voice from the vomiting and crying. She mouthed "Soup," and Red smiled brightly as Regina's response because it meant that she could actually imagine herself drinking soup. "Good girl," she praised in a slightly childish manner as she started to scour the refrigerator for some chicken stock and vegetables. Regina placed her pointer on her lips to indicate for Red to remain silent when Emma and Henry entered the kitchen and dining area. Red nodded and continued going about preparing a meal for Regina, something she realised she had wanted to do since the early hours of today.
Regina closed her eyes, breathing in and out steadily in an effort to remain calm for Henry's sake. She had thought that having true love with his biological mother would allow her to rebuild their relationship but she realised that it was wistful thinking on her part. Her son was never hers and would never be because whatever they had as mother and son was on stolen time. You see, it doesn't count as mothering a person if you were the Evil Queen. So Regina didn't exactly understand why she was putting effort into being civil with someone who had basically minced her heart into unrecognizable pieces for the sake of a boy who threw her aside like 10 years meant nothing.
Henry had rushed into the kitchen area to greet her, his effervescent happiness in seeing the house decorated had arrived more than a few hours late. It was that sparkle in his eyes and the grin that had driven her to complete all the decorations because she knew that he loved Christmas. "Hey mom. You got the decorations up! A little bit late but it's very Christmassy," Henry exclaimed, as he looked around the kitchen area for cookies, something which was never missing during Christmas. Regina forced a smile as she pointed at the jar behind him for the chocolate cookies that he loved. It was a great testament to her 10 years of parenting if she had allowed him grow up oblivious to other people's pain and hurt. Or maybe it's just genetics because Emma was as oblivious as her parents.
The next person to enter the room stole Regina's breath as she struggled to face her supposed true love. She didn't think they had it anymore. At this point, she didn't want anything between them besides Henry but Regina would never get what she want. Emma waltzed in, smiling as if she didn't have a care in the world and Regina felt another stab into her flesh. To Regina, Emma didn't even appear guilty or worried that Regina might be angry. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart," Emma's sweet tone was something Regina had not heard since a few months ago and it pained her to know that she only received it because the blonde could not deny that she had just left her to celebrate Christmas on her own and that Red was around. She smiled sadly at the term of endearment, it triggered a horrible memory as she held up her hand to stop Emma from coming closer to greet her with further affection. She was happy that Red had occupied Henry with scouring the pantry for herbs or he would have been curious about their exchange, especially Emma's sickeningly sweet and unusual behaviour towards her.
Her smile was bittersweet as she realised how painful it would be to live through the memories of Emma's behaviour towards her, like being subjected to sit through a short clip that triggered your insecurities and pain. She had once used that term of endearment with Emma only to have the blonde chastise her and taunt her with it. Emma had lost her temper before dinner when Henry was still completing his homework in his room. When Regina tried to soothe the blonde's anger in bed later that night with a sexy lingerie and had used that term of endearment, she regretted it the next morning when felt the sore and the raw bruises on her arms and thighs. Needless to say, Emma forgot about hurting the brunette but remembered that term of endearment to tease her about it. Every taunt and jab added another bruise on her heart as her other bruises healed.
Emma's forehead creased at Regina's rejection but her eyes widened when Regina softly said, in a voice devoid of the strength that came with her natural commanding tone, "I'm leaving."
