Chapter 4: Konoha Ninja Underground

Admittedly, looking back on it now, openly blurting out 'The Tsuchikage is a Paedophile' in front of a contingent of Iwa ANBU, question or not, was not the best way to go about things.

"Enjoying your accommodations, Namikaze rat?"

"Shackled to a wall and guarded by a sweet lady such as you, how can I not be?"

Man they love riddling my body with sharp pointy things. The poison coated pointy implements of death now lodged (newly) into my torso and legs are starting to burn and steam. It's a new kind of pain, something unlike all the physical beatings I've dealt with, mostly at the hands of Itachi or Jiraiya. Hell, god forbid Saru-sama have a bad day and summon Enma and riddle my ass with large round adamantium staff marks, but that was all basic physical pain. Well, there was that one time with Itachi and Tsukuyomi in the days leading up to the Massacre, but that's a special kind of pain, almost incomparable.

I, however, have never had the pleasure of experiencing so many different kinds of soldering pains in such quick succession, while remaining fully aware.

"Argh… man you have one hell of a sadistic streak in you. So many poisons, and not a hallucegen or sedative among them." I bite back a scream as a wave of fresh pain wracks my body, teeth digging into my bottom lip. "Little cruel… don't you think Iwa-Chan?"

She smirks. Oh I'm growing to hate that smirk. "You think this is cruel little Rat. I haven't even started with the cruelty yet." A key came out of a pouch on her thigh, and if I wasn't so scared, my eyes may have started drifting, but her mouth twisted in a wicked smirk, the key sliding into the cell's lock.

"What are you doing?"

I was right, oh goddamn it she's a natural born sadist. I see it in her eyes as her wrist turns, the clicking of the lock echoing around the tunnel, the old metal door squeaks open, and she starts towards me, each step measured and slow.

"Isn't it obvious konoyairo?" The large machete she draws of her waist glints dangerously in the orange torchlight and I think I actually hear my testicles shrivel up in fear as she taps the almost sword like blade against her hip.

She stops, right in front of me, the blades edge resting against my throat, the rage and anger she's held for that ass wipe father of mine all these years so crystal clear at this distance. So much rage, it scares me more than even the looming threat of Itachi's cloud cloaked organization. "I want to hear you scream."

-/-

Itachi's Log Shinobi Year 549, Day 267

Right now, and for the last week I've been somewhat miffed. If I were anyone else, I'm sure I'd be foaming at the mouth.

You see, there's a boy, his name is Naruto, and he is a target of the organization I work for, a holder of the 9 Tailed Demon Fox, the Kyubi no Kitsune.

He's also my only living ally in the world, my only student. And the little shit has gone and gotten himself locked up in the one country that wants him dead more than my Organization.

Worst of all, he went in there willingly, completely aware of the risks.

And now, I've had to create an excuse not only to get away from Kisame, but at the same time I've had to keep an eye over my shoulder at all times, just to make sure I'm not being followed by a Zetsu or two.

And finally, I need to break into one of the most well-fortified villages on the continent, undetected, and then break out again, once again, undetected.

Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't just let the Akatsuki have him and be rid of a massive, possibly coronary inducing headache.

And then I remember that doing so would condemn humanity to a world ruled by Tobi.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't… Sometimes I hate my life.

-/-

Oh man, I hate this pain, clawing my way out of unconsciousness, I wake to a scene that I wasn't quite prepared to see.

"Itachi, why are you molesting my captor?" I ask curiously, not sure whether this is real or just a concussion based hallucination.

"One second Naruto, I need to deal with this one first." He mutters waving me away.

"Did you Tsukuyomi her?" I ask a disapproving tone in my voice, probably not for Iwa-chan's welfare; fuck that bitch, mainly because of Itachi's declining eyesight.

"Possibly..." He mutters again, throwing her hogtied body at my feet.

"That was stupidly needless of you."

"This whole thing was stupidly needless." Itachi growled out before moving toward me and burying his fist straight into my injury riddled torso. Fuck, I forgot how hard he could throw a punch. "And it could have all been avoided if you had just listened to me in the first goddamn place!"

"That was rather emotional of you." I wheeze out as Itachi shatters the chains holding me up. "I'd like to think that's my influence on you." I laugh out, rolling my neck and stretching out my arms.

"Yes. It clings to me like a leech." Man Itachi's snarky today. Wait a minute, if Itachi is here…

"So… Kisame is where?"

Itachi starts, his eyes widen, as if he just realized he'd left the Biju with no Tail all alone with no one to curb the shark man's murderous tendencies and I start to wonder if my teacher is really as smart as he's hyped to be.

"Somewhere in Mizu." He says carefully, his back to me.

"Mizu?" I parrot back aghast. "As in the one county in the world, where he's a more wanted criminal than you?"

He's fidgeting now. It's what he does when he's unsure about something he's done, I don't think he does it whenever he's unsure, only when he's around me, and even then only when we're talking in private, might've been a time when he let his guard done in front of Sasuke too, maybe that's all I am to Itachi. A stand in for Sasuke, the one person Itachi is prepared to die for.

"I suppose I should hurry back before he draws too much attention to himself." Hmm. Probably too late for that I think with a chuckle. "I can't be found here, so your further escape is all on you now. I would appreciate it if you can cause as much chaos as possible, make my own escape all the more easier." Oh the bastards smirking, he gets to walk out quietly while I have to fight off the Iwa contingent of bastards they call Shinobi.

"Yeah sure, why not?" I roll my eyes, taking Iwa-chan's big ass knife away from her. I don't really believe she should be trusted with such sharp and pointy things, least she poke someone's eye out, hmm… wherever he is that sentence just made Kakashi sneeze. "Talk to you later Itach…"

Oh great, the cell's empty, just me and Iwa-chan now. He probably erupted into crows while I wasn't watching. "And not even a proper goodbye? Dick."

-/-

It was a good day to be Tsuchikage, Oonoki mused, sipping on a saucer of rice country sake.

Mission rates were up, the kill grade of the average Genin in his village was on the climb and, most importantly, the son of his most hated arch-nemisis was being held in chains down in the prison tunnels.

Yep, life was good and nothing could ruin it.

-/-

"Clones 1 through 25 reporting for duty, sir!"

"Clones 26 through 50 ready and willing, sir!"

"Clones 51 through 75 awaiting your signal, sir!"

"Clones 76 through 100 prepared and rabid, sir!"

Man, clones are awesome, for me at least. I think, for a long time to come, Iwa Shinobi are going to hold a complex for Shadow Clones. Hopefully, if I have anything to say about it.
My eyes scan the smirking masses, squashed together in this dank hellhole Iwa calls a prison system. I raise my hand, the apprehension is thick, the silence palpable, my desire to stick a bitch or two with sharp pointy metal things multiplied by 100.

"Let slip the dogs of war gentleman."

My hand drops, a rousing 'Hurrah!' is my reply, and my Shadow Clone Army, designated "Orange Hell," is on the move.

-/-

Sorry for the wait, but nothing good ever comes from me rushing a chapter.

I know some wish this was Kidpool or even Reality, but sorry, you're gonna have to deal with Cliché.

Until next update, Jordan out.