Karma POV
"Ugh, I hate choosing clothes." Hanna stands in front of her closet, throwing all her stuff out while mumbling "no" for every piece.
"Then let's not go to this party. This way you don't need to choose an outfit and I don't need to go." I sit on her bed, back against the wall, flipping through one of her roommate's magazines.
She sighs and turns around to me. "Okay seriously, you told me you loved to go to parties, you always went and had loads of fun. What happened?" She walks up to me and stands right in front of me.
I sigh. "Well Amy happened. Or better the breakup. Her best friend was the most popular guy in high school, so he hosted most of the parties. After I broke up with her he practically banned me from his parties and I couldn't care less." She raises an eyebrow at me. "Anymore."
Hanna shrugs and walks back to her closet, still trying to figure out what to wear. "Do you already know what you're gonna wear?"
I look down on myself. "Can't I wear this?" I motion to my clothes, "or is this too casual for a freshman party?" I joke.
Hanna snorts. "Have you seen the guys that walk around here? They'd still take you if you went there in you pjs." Then she turns around and squints at me. "Guys are a topic, right? If not, I bet the girls on campus wouldn't throw you out of their beds either."
I shake my head and grin. "Yes, guys are still a topic, and so are girls. But I'm not looking for anything."
"No one is when they're starting college. Girls like you always say they want to concentrate on the lectures and their grades." She pauses while pulling a dress out. "Have you actually dated anyone since Amy?"
I squeeze my eyes shut at the question, I knew it was coming some day, but I just really hoped today wasn't that day. Now she wants me to get out there again or some bullshit like that. "I had this fling with this guy, but it wasn't anything serious. He was the biggest douche, so I decided not to see him anymore."
I open my eyes again and see her with a furrowed forehead. "Are you still hung up on her?"
My eyes widen immediately and everything inside of me screams panic. "What? No! Never! That's done, she's in the past. Why would you think something like that? I'll stop talking now." The words come rushing out of my mouth and yes, that doesn't make my words very believable, but I can't really be believable right now anyway.
"Riiiiight." She stretches the word to its maximum and I hate her for doing it, it makes the sarcasm drip even more than it already does. It kinda reminds me of Amy.
"Oh come on, it'll be fun! Let's just try it, okay?" Karma dragged Amy to the dance floor.
"Yeah, it will be a total blast to humiliate me in front of the whole school." Amy rolled her eyes, but still obliged to her girlfriend's wishes.
"You know, I think I remember you telling me that you love dancing with me." Karma said grinning, while she wraps her arms around Amy's neck.
"I was like 8 when I told you that, it doesn't count." But she still put her arms on Karma's waist and pulled her closer.
"Darling, it doesn't matter how old you were, you still said it. And I know that you still do." She came closer and closer while she talked and she almost breathed the last words against Amy's lips. She kissed her softly and the blonde could feel her legs going weak beneath her.
She pulled away. "Well if you kiss me like that again, I might not be able to dance anymore. And yes, I love dancing with you. But only with you." She looked around the hall. "And not with these numbnuts around us."
Karma chuckled and leaned her head on Amy's shoulder. "Well you have to live with that, because I'm a big fan of the public and you know that. Just ignore the others, they don't matter." They bumped their heads lightly against another. "The only thing that counts is us. That we're here on the dance floor having fun."
Amy sighed. "Fine, but I'm not sure if I can have fun with them around, still."
Karma pulled away and looked at Amy. "When I look at you then the world around us doesn't exist, it's only us two, so I don't see the other people."
"What other people?" Amy asked, Karma didn't know if Amy was joking or not, but the sincerity of Amy's eyes made her heart melt.
"Earth to Karma!" Hanna waves in front of my face and I shake my head quickly.
"What?" I blink at her a few times. Wow that memory really threw me off. How long was I gone for?
"I said I'm done. I'm ready. We can go to your room now so I can help you picking out an outfit." Oh right, the party. I sigh and get up, following Hanna out of the room. "What were you dreaming about anyway?"
"Huh?" I was about to drift off to my dreamland again.
"You're daydreaming quite a lot. Where are you always going?"
"Oh" I pause. "I don't know, just lingering in the past I guess."
Amy POV
I hate those parties, I really do. I'm glad that my girlfriend is the DJ and I can spend my time up in her booth.
"Lighten up babe, go down and dance a bit." Reagan nudges my arm. "I like watching you dance from up here," she says grinning. This girl ruins me sometimes, but that's okay I guess.
"I don't wanna go down there alone. I would rather stay up here. Or dance with you down there. But not alone." I pull a face and turn to her. "Besides, do you really want those weirdos down there to grope me?"
She makes her thinking face. "Hmm, I don't know." She looks in the air and purses her lips. "That's a really hard question."
I breathe out a laughter and hit her softly. "You're stupid, stop it, I know you don't want that."
She just winks at me and goes back to spinning. "I'm seriously though, you don't seem like you have fun."
I shrug and lean against the railing of her booth with my back to the crowd. "I'm having fun alright, you know parties aren't really my thing. But seeing these weirdos down there grinding on each other is so pathetically hilarious and I'm fine."
Reagan shakes her head with a grin on her face. "You're weird yourself."
I turn around and look around the masses, that's when I see Karma. Great. Karma's here. With her new sidekick, what's her name? Mona? Oh it was some name that reminds me of Pretty Little Liars, I don't know. She looks like she's having fun, I mean that's something, right?
Oh why should I care if she has fun? I don't have fun anymore. I can't keep my eyes off of her, she's still a remarkable dancer. I sigh, but I try to keep it low key so Reagan doesn't notice and it really doesn't seem like she did.
Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely over her, but when you see someone you once loved doing something they love, I don't know, I just get this tug in my stomach and it feels just like it felt back then. But only for a moment.
I hope.
She's not one of the desperate grinding people, she does dance pretty close with her little sidekick, but you can see that it's platonic, at least from her side, I can't speak for her sidekick. They laugh a lot and sing along to the music every time there is something to sing along to. I don't think her friend hears her voice properly, because she would definitely react differently.
I tilt my head slightly and keep watching them, I realize I have a small smile on my lips. Okay maybe I am happy that she has fun, but so what? I do want her to be happy, and I kinda wanna be friends with her again. After all she's a good person, even after everything she did. She used to do pretty amazing things.
They stood in front of Shane's house. They left the dance pretty early, because they went on a long walk.
"It's nice to see you all dressed up, you should do that more often," Karma had joked.
Amy only smiled at her and squeezed her had, she never knew what to say to Karma's remarks, she knew she wasn't serious, but she also didn't want to make a stupid sarcastic remark all the time, so she just didn't say anything.
Now they stood here after they walked from the school to Shane's place with a few diversions, they did walk for a couple of hours, and Amy wasn't so sure anymore if going to this party was the best idea. To be fair she never thought it was a good idea, but now she just really didn't want to enter this house a second time for a party. The first one was bad enough.
Karma took Amy's hand in hers and squeezed lightly. "Hey, everything okay?"
Amy shrugged. "I don't know, I mean do we have to go in there? It's not really-"
"Your scene, I know," Karma interrupted her. "But we can just check it out, you know? See if it's any different now that we're really a couple." Amy knew exactly where Karma was going with this. "You know, we're popular now, and popular people join school activities. And you don't do that. Popular people also go to parties. And here we are. Come on, it won't be that bad, I promise."
She always promised things she couldn't keep. And she knew that she couldn't keep them, but she genuinely tried. And that was all to make Amy the happiest person alive.
They could hear the music from outside and that was another con on Amy's pros and cons list. The music was horrible. At least for her ears, Karma was okay with it. But it was also the fact that it was Liam's party that made Amy cringe. She really didn't like that guy.
"We don't have to go if you don't want to." Karma squeezed her hand once more. "We can go home and watch Househunters."
Amy shook her head and took a deep breath. "No, you wanna go in and I don't wanna keep you away. So I guess we're going in."
Amy saw Karma smile in the corner of her eye. "I'm gonna be by your side the whole time, never letting go of your hand. I promise it'll be fine." She leaned over and kissed Amy's cheek. "Do you trust me?"
Amy nodded and smiled. "I do, yeah. But if anyone talks to you and I get bored, I might pull you away."
I feel a hand on my waist and another hand pushing my hair to the side. "Who are you staring at?" Reagan kisses the back of my neck softly and with that I'm fully back to reality.
"No one in particular." I lie. Obviously I'm still staring at Karma, who has probably not even a clue I'm here.
"Okay." She puts her other hand on my waist, too and continues kissing my neck, slowly making her way to my jawline. Then she suddenly stops. "You know, I still think it's weird that you never went to any high school parties even though Shane was you best friend."
I turn around to face her. "Well it's just not my thing." I brush my fingertips over her forearm. "Besides, I did go to plenty of parties, just not in my senior year."
Reagan's eyebrow shoots up. Fuck, I shouldn't have said that. "So you mean that you always went with Karma, but without her you didn't want to?"
I squint at her words. "Basically, kinda. Yeah, I mean I guess," I mutter as she slowly backs away from me. "But I still didn't wanna go there. It was her thing. After the breakup I had a good reason not to go and no one bothered me about it." I get hold of the sides of her shirt to pull her closer again. Really close. "And I rather go to parties with you than with her."
I can feel her smile against my lips, that's how close we are. "Yeah?" she asks. "Why is that?" She looks me in the eye, her eyebrow still raised.
"Because with you I don't need to be down there with all the morons and can be only with you up here in your booth." She smiles even wider. "And not to forget that I always have amazing music when I go to parties with you."
I close the distance between us and kiss her softly.
"Talking about the music, I should probably go back to spinning." She moves away slowly, but not before giving me a quick peck on the lips.
I turn back to the crowd again. The great thing about Reagan's music is that she takes rock songs, or more alternative music, and makes house, or electro remixes with them. They're pretty amazing.
I look around the room and once again my eyes land on Karma. She's still dancing with her sidekick.
Wait a second, I know how I can pay her all her behavior from this week back. I mean this could be pretty mean, but it could be pretty fun. Let's see. I go to Reagan and start proposing her a deal.
Karma POV
I'm somewhat glad that I came to this party, the music is great, the guys don't look at me, and Hanna is really cool. All we did was dancing. God I missed to dance. I should really do that more often, all the frustration from the last days is just gone.
"Hey, I thought you hated this!" Hanna and I dance pretty close to each other, we do that from time to time.
"Yeah, I thought so, too. But turns out I just forgot how much fun it is!" We have to almost scream over the music, but we don't talk much anyway.
"Or maybe you just missed the alcohol before!" She sticks out her tongue in my directions and lifts her glass a bit up.
I laugh at her comment. "Yeah right, as if high school students don't drink alcohol!" I got to admit, I'm only slightly buzzed, but it's just the right amount, really. It's amazing.
That's when I hear a familiar melody. What the fuck? Since when doe this kind of music play in a club?
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Okay, this has to be a joke, I mean seriously? The last time I've heard this song was when I sang it at this talent show thing at Hester.
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
Nope, I'm so not down with this, this can't be happening. I really don't want to go down that road again.
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
Hanna is next to me dancing and singing her heart out. Her eyes are closed, she can't see that I've stopped moving. I'm looking around the room, trying to find the DJ booth, surprising myself that I haven't looked for it until now.
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over
That's when I see her up there, staring down at me. Her face shows no emotion, but I know exactly that she feels good about herself for playing that song.
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
My heart starts beating really fast, my breathing gets heavier and heavier. I just stare back at her, I can't move. I don't wanna be here anymore, but I simply can't move. My eyes are probably wide open, I don't know, all I know is that I wanna run. Run away from here. Why the fuck can't I move?!
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
The song's becoming a blur in the background while I just stare at her, slowly giving in to my panic attack.
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I suddenly feel a hand on my arm. "Are you okay? You don't look so good."
I run. I don't know why or how I finally made it, but I run as fast as I can through the crowded room, bumping in countless people, sometimes even tackling them. But I don't care, I just run.
I run until I'm outside, where I collapse.
I can't breathe.
I fucking can't breathe.
Why can't I breathe?!
I'm on my knees and I feel everything around me go dark. But I don't feel my breathing go down.
"Karma?! Karma are you alright?! Karma talk to me!"
The voice is a faint noise in the distance, I can barely make out who's voice it is.
I feel my head hitting the ground and suddenly everything's silent.
