Chapter 4 – The milk of human kindness

Three hours and four courses later, if one counted the appetizer as well, Lisbon, a mug of coffee in her hand, and Jane, sipping his traditional tea, sat lazily on her couch in contented silence. Suddenly, she groaned: „Oh my, I'm so full, I doubt I'll be able to eat anything ever again! And I can't even bring myself to move my pinky! I admit defeat, Jane, I've truthfully never eaten a more delicious meal in my life! You know, you could work as a chef somewhere! And you even had to use all those dreadfully healthy ingredients! I can't even begin to imagine what you would be capable of with groceries of your own choice! There's really not much that you do half-assed, is there? I guess, you could achieve just about anything if you got your head down on it...It's scary, you know?"

„Before I answer that, Lisbon, you are too full to follow through with that beating stuff, yes?" he asked carefully.

„Yes, you conniving bastard, just like you planned right from the start! I should've known not to bet with you! But yes, alright, you get a full pardon if you cook dinner for me at least once a week from now on – as long as work allows for it, of course."

Smug came not even close to describing his expression: „Well, Lisbon, it would be my pleasure! I knew that some day adding 72.5 cooking books to my memory-palace would pay off. But I'll only do it, if I get to sleep on your couch afterwards."

She had no choice but to accommodate him: „Yeah, fine, if that's what it takes..."

„Heh, I could even throw in breakfast! You havn't really lived before you've found out what I can do with eggs, my dear!" he offered happily.

„Plus coffee in bed and we have a deal!" she conceded reluctantly.

„You drive a hard bargain, Lisbon, but okay, I give in. Do I get to leave some clothes in your closet as well?" he added cheekily,

„Jeez! Why don't you just move in, Jane? You're already feeling completely at home as it is..." she snarled acidly.

Ignoring her obviously scathing voice, he exclaimed enthusiastically: „I'd love to, Lisbon, what a splendid idea! I didn't know you enjoyed my presence that much."

„Ever heard of sarcasm?" she deadpanned.

He carried on with his total disregard for the true meaning of her statement. With a grin, he lectured in a smart-ass voice: „Sarcasm, the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded. Dostojevski, I think. Oh, and I like this one: A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility. And I won't bore you with the old Oscar Wilde one about sarcasm being the lowest form of wit."

„Haha, Jane, very funny."

„I guess that was meant to be sarcastic again? Alright, I get it, I won't call the movers any time soon." A bit of earnest sadness crept into his eyes. But to cover up his slight disappointment, he went back to his impertinent tone: „Now, I'm rather tired. So, if you'd be kind enough to remove your lovely behind from my couch, I'd be eternally grateful."

Lisbon didn't really know what to make of the moment of mournfulness she'd noticed on his face. She decided to ignore it and continued with their light banter: „This is still my couch, mister, and don't you forget it! Incidentally, I'm tired as well and therefore, and only therefore, I'll comply with your wishes. I want my coffee at half past six and not a minute late."

„So demanding, Lisbon. You do remember though, it's a Saturday tomorrow and you have the weekend off. But if you insist – I'm quite sure I'll be up in any case."

His mien had turned gleeful again and she had to acknowledge that sometimes, it was very hard not to slap him: „Damn, I really forgot. Don't you dare wake me that early, Jane! I'll holler, when I want my coffee."

He gave her a mocking: „Aye, aye, ma'am. I'll be your most humble servant." while she forced herself to get up from the sofa with a moan, before she turned in the direction of her stairs.

Jane continued soberly: „Anyway, I wish you a pleasant night and sweet dreams. Thanks for having me, I really appreciate it."

„Good night, Jane." she said warmly. „And try to actually get some sleep, will you? You look really exhausted. I'll get you some bedding. I might even have a spare tooth-brush somewhere."

„That's not necessary. I've got all my stuff in my car. I'll just go and get a few essentials. May I take your keys?" he inquired politely.

„Good of you to ask this time. Yes, but make sure to give them back. And Jane? What do you mean, you have all your stuff in the car? Where the hell have you been staying since coming back from Vegas?" she queried with concern.

He gave her a rather cagey answer: „Oh, you know, here and there. Nowhere in particular." At her grim look, he appended: „The attic, mostly. My old motel didn't have any vacancies and I havn't found the time to look for another place. Nothing to worry about."

„It's been what? Nearly a month since you slept in a decent place? You've got to be kidding!" She was really miffed now.

„Ah, Lisbon, it's really no big deal. You know I don't sleep much anyway. Actually a total waste of money to rent anything, I'll hardly spend any time there in any event. So, it's not been one of my priorities." He tried to downplay the situation.

She felt like a fool for not seeing it earlier. She should've known he'd return to his usual behavior patterns: „I don't like it one bit, Jane! Why are you doing this to yourself? Stop denying yourself even the most basic comforts! You're punishing yourself, aren't you?" He shrugged non-committedly and she continued: „Because you feel even more guilty now, after everything that happened in Vegas. Because of Lorelei, because of me and because of Rigsby's relationship coming apart, which, by the way wasn't your fault at all. Your plan might have been the last trigger. But let's face it: We both know, he never loved Sarah, they never had that kind of chemistry. Ben was the only thing still keeping them together. And as for me – we did mend fences today, didn't we? So stop with the self-punishing, okay?"

„I can give it a try, can't promise anything though. And Lisbon, I'm glad we talked. And cleared things up a bit. It might not always seem like it, but I honestly care about you and our friendship, probably more than you'd ever believe." The last part had been uttered almost inaudibly.

„Oh, I think I'm not exactly clueless. And in the name of our renewed friendship: We'll go apartment-hunting tomorrow! I've had it with those shabby, impersonal motel rooms of yours. You might not be ready to move on, but you need a place to call something like home. I know, you need that feeling of not settling down to relentlessly remind you of your one true mission. That you think, you have no right to go on with your life until you've taken revenge. But you have to accept that you're stuck with us a while longer, there's no denying it. It's been nearly ten years now and, frankly, it's starting to get ridiculous."

She had used a very authoritative tone for her little speech and it had obviously served its purpose. Jane's voice sounded rather meek and his eyes were sad again when he objected: „I don't know, Lisbon. I'm not comfortable with that thought. My own place? Take up residence somewhere on my own? I'm not sure I'm ready for that. It sounds pretty lonely to me. I sleep best, when there're other people around, like in the bullpen. Even the attic isn't too bad a place in that respect – I can listen to the noises from the cleaning stuff and the night shift. It's reassuring somehow. I used my motel room mostly for showers and to keep my clothes in an actual closet anyway, so I wouldn't look like a total tramp." He tried to grin at that point, but he didn't really succeed: „You know, I have hardly any belongings and I don't need a whole apartment to stash them. My car's big enough and I've been using the showers at the CBI holding cells in the basement. So, no house-hunting necessary." And in a last attempt to reassure her he added: „I'm fine, Lisbon, really. I'm sure, we can find something a lot more entertaining to occupy your day off with."

Now, she was really indignant over his total disregard for his own well-being: „No, Jane! I insist! You can't go on like that! My best friend's not going to live like a homeless person, well, you are actually a homeless person, by choice. But it ends here and now, mister! I've had it with your self-hate and this self-destructive behavior! I've had to stand by and let you destroy yourself when you where in Vegas. I thought it was the right thing to do. That you had to hit the bottom and then, hopefully, would ask for help. But at least, I didn't have to actually watch it. But I won't stand on the sidelines this time around! You deserve a home with a real bed, a decent bathroom and a kitchen, and a couch, of course. And until we've found it, you'll stay with me. Got that?"

And in his usual way of deflection, he tried to lighten the mood with a flippant remark: „So, I get to leave my clothes in your closet after all..." When she didn't react to it, he changed tactics again and offered her the truth: „But seriously, Lisbon, I understand what you're saying. You make some good points, but I'm just not ready for this living alone business. Especially after the time in Vegas. I was really, really lonely there and it very nearly killed me. If I've learnt one thing during those months, it's that I'm not an island." Only half-jokingly he added: „And that's completely your fault, by the way! You've corrupted me with all that caring and mothering of yours over the years."

She realized, just how serious he was in his confession of loneliness and despair. And she understood suddenly, why she'd seen that glint of sadness in his eyes earlier, when she'd refused his joking request to stash some clothes in her closet. He'd actually been sincere: „Oh, Jane! What am I supposed to do with you? Here I had all those arguments neatly arranged to convince you of getting a real apartment, and then you come out and say things like that." She was confronted with an inner struggle. Was she ready to invite him into her home on a more permanent basis? Could she endure to have him so close to her all the time, or was it nothing but a disaster in the making? How long would it take him to drive her crazy? Or would the close proximity force her to face her real feelings for him? On the other hand, would she be able to go on in her usual manner knowing that her friend was suffering from insomnia and loneliness and spent his nights in a dusty attic or who knew where, just to avoid being alone? Reaching a private decision she sighed: „Guess, you're moving in with me after all, because I can't live with the alternatives. We'll have to procure a bed to put into my spare room for you. I don't use it much anyway. Maybe you'll feel more comfortable about getting your own place in a few weeks, when things have restored themselves a bit more to normality."

He looked rather sheepish after her generous offer: „That's really very kind of you, but I wouldn't want to intrude on your privacy like that or exploit your goodness. I really don't want to be a bother. I'll be fine staying in the attic or the car for the present. And when I feel back to normal in a few weeks, I promise I'll find a place to stay more permanently."

She had already decided not to budge this time: „That's out of the question! And don't worry, you won't be a bother – I'll make sure you make yourself useful. If you can't agree to it for your own sake, do it for me, because I can't bear the thought of you in that dirty man-cave of yours!"

And, once again, he tried to cover up his embarrassment with a jest: „Ha, you only want someone to bring you coffee to bed every morning, I've figured you out! On the other hand, if it makes you that happy, who am I to deprive you of my delightful company? But a fair warning: It's very dangerous to take in stray puppies. They tend to grow on you and you'll never get rid of them again! And vice versa."

Though said in jest, what he did convey with it, was actually a real possibility. But she knew, he probably couldn't take more discomfort at the moment, so she decided to respond to his banter instead: „I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I can always drown you, you know?"

„Last time someone tried, I became even more annoying afterwards, or so I've been told. Are you ready to risk that, my dear?"

She was relieved to see that his good humor seemed to be restored and answered: „I think, I'll take my chances. Now, let's go to that clunker of yours and get your stuff for the night. I am still tired, but at least I feel like I'll be able to move again. I honestly thought, that wonderful pear-crumble of yours would be the death of me – and what a way to go it would've been!"

„Teresa Lisbon – death by gluttony, may the worms enjoy the leftovers." he proclaimed.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes: „You're getting creepy again, Jane. And besides, I plan to have those leftovers for breakfast."

„Not the leftovers I was talking about..." he snickered.

„You're disgusting! I don't know why I'm putting up with you." she mocked him.

Only half-jokingly he replied: „Neither do I, but I'm damn glad you do, Lisbon."

„You better be!"

They had managed to leave the apartment and were halfway to his car, when he spoke up again: „Mhm, Lisbon? You think Rigsby's okay? I'd actually planned to pay him a visit tonight, before you came up with your little dinner project. Thought, he might need a sympathetic ear or something. But I'm not sure, I would have been welcome anyway. He must be rip shit pissed at me because of the whole Sarah situation."

„No, he's not." she uttered emphatically. „I think, in fact you are the only one blaming you for it. Before the incident with his father came to the fore, he was actually worried about you. He asked me, if I thought, it would be a good idea to take you on a night out with the boys to cheer you up a bit."

„Oh, no, please kill me now! Don't tell me that I've been so obvious about it that even Mr. Unsusceptible spotted it! I'm losing my touch." he moaned.

„Hush! We just know you well. And it's hard to miss such things with people you're close to. But back to your question: I think, he'll be alright. It might take a while, but he'll get there. From what he's told me, he managed to kind of make up with his dad before he died. And your little set-up gave him some closure as well."

At this point, she changed her demeanor and decided to remind him of their new agreement regarding boundaries: „But, please, Jane, this whole taking the law into our own hands stuff is getting a bit out of control. You meant well and I know, Rigsby's actions were justified, because he acted in self-defense. And I'm quite sure, he would've acted like an officer of the law in any circumstance, but we both know, that he shouldn't have been there in the first place. Don't do such a thing again. He could've really gotten in trouble. And you knew very well, he was emotionally unstable. I don't want another member of my team on some obsessive road of self-destruction for the sake of revenge."

They'd reached his car and after he had opened the trunk, they snatch a couple of bags each, effectively emptying it of Jane's possesions. While returning to her home, he replied with his usual devil-may-care attitude: „It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time."

But she could sense that he was actually apologetic for once and didn't reprimand him any further. She decided to tease him some more instead: „Of course, and the fact that it might get you into Wayne's good graces again, didn't factor in at all, right?"

„Gee, I've turned into an open book, an OPEN book! Why don't I just print t-shirts with ‚I'm a needy wimp, please forgive me' on it? I couldn't be more obvious anyway..." he whined.

They reentered her living room and dropped his luggage on the coffee table. She couldn't stop herself from chaffing him some more: „I think it's rather sweet, actually. A very dumb way of doing it, but you are a man after all. I mean, why do the sensible thing and just apologize, when there're so many other completely stupid options available? You could've found out weeks ago, that he isn't even mad at you anymore. But no – you rather come up with elaborate schemes for him to catch his father's killer. It's cute, really. Daft as hell, but cute."

„I am NOT cute!" he exclaimed in indignation, following her into her storeroom, where she produced some bedding for him.

„Oh, but you are! Puppy-dog cute in fact! Most of the female population would readily agree with me – at least until you open your mouth and start to insult them. Fortunately for me, this little puppy will find its dog basket only on my couch. So, chop-chop, little fellow! Be a good boy, brush your teeth and off to bed with you, cutie!" She laughed out loud at his pout and started to make up his bed on the sofa.

„I've never been so insulted before, Lisbon! Honestly, no reason to strip away all my manly pride in one sweep. I think, I'll retire to my basket and lick my wounds in solitude now. Good night, sweet pie!" He lay down on the couch, still sulking.

She could hardly resist to pet him at this point: „Good night, caddy-Paddy. See you in the morning, preferably with a cup of coffee in your paws."

„Yeah, and I might even wag my tail and lick your face if you ask nicely." he retorted snootily.

„You always have to have the last word, I suppose, you just can't help it."

He offered her an affirmative: „Woof, woof!"

„Shoo!" she pronounced with finality.

And as if by a miracle, he actually remained silent.

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