Author's Notes: Bonding, anger, remorse and love. Shadow and the Onceler muct learn how to see past one another's differences.
Pairing: Shadow(OC)/Onceler(slash)
Warning: Yaoi and some violence.
Chapter Four: Pretty Amazing Grace
"You overcame my loss of hope and faith
Gave me a truth I could believe in
You led me to a higher place
Showed Your amazing grace
When grace was what I needed." -Neil Diamond
I tried to find the right time to tell Once how I felt about him, but I always diverted the subject. It just seemed like I was unable to find the right time to say anything and when I tried to say something then something totally different would come out. My heart knew what to say, but my brain was being stubborn. It wouldn't let me say those three little words and kept telling me about what happened the last time I fell deeply in love. I just wanted to give my brain the middle finger because I wanted to try again.
The thing I worried about the most was being rejected because he may not want to be with anyone after what happened to him. He had been abandoned by everyone and left to rot alone in this wasteland. I wasn't sure if he would be interested in having any kind of relationship with me. Things were always complicated and I had come to find this out rather quickly. Being a police officer I had learned things were more than they seemed. Yet, I also learned to never be afraid of anything.
So, one night I decided to take him out flying again and try to tell him. As we were soaring over the clouds he pointed out the star remembering which one it was. He looked into my eyes and gave a proud smile making me smile back.
"Do I make you happy?" I asked him. "Are you happy with me?"
"That's kind of a weird question." He said cocking an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Please, I want to know."
His face got serious and he blinked a few times.
"Yes." He finally said. "You do."
There was this awkward silence and he just looked at me a little confused. I had to look away from him and was thinking about completely forgetting about saying anything to him.
"I'm sorry." I said as a reflex.
"Is something wrong?" He asked. "You have been acting funny."
"I know and I am sorry I have."
"We haven't been talking as much."
I looked away averting the gaze of those crystalline blue orbs and I suddenly felt wrong for falling in love with him. He would never want to be with me and I never had a chance to begin with. A sadness filled me and I decided to head back down toward the factory where I put him down on the balcony. The Once-ler wasn't really sure what was going on, but the short flight gave him a hint that something wasn't right. I folded my wings and walked back into the office, but he followed me wanting answers. He stood behind me and I could feel his eyes on the back of my head.
"Tell me what's wrong." He said. "You can talk to me."
"There are just some things that should be left unsaid Once." I said sadly. "It's better that way."
"Shadow I deserve to know why you haven't been talking to me and why you have been acting so strange."
"I'm just tired."
"I'm not that stupid you know."
"I never said you were."
"Then talk to me."
"Maybe I don't want to."
"What is wrong with you?"
He gave that snarky tone and it pissed me off this time and so I turned around swiftly. My eyes narrowed and I looked him straight in the eye letting him know I meant business.
"You think you know what it feels like to truly feel pain?" I asked him in a hiss. "You did this to yourself . . . it's your fault!"
His mouth hung open in shock and he just stood there dumbfounded.
"You can't even imagine the things I have seen!" I yelled. "You're just some stupid boy who turned into a corporate scum . . . you KNOW NOTHING!"
"I-I-I . . ."
"I have seen the bloodied bodies of innocent people murdered . . . even children!"
"I-I-I-I . . ."
"Who do you think you are telling ME what to do?"
"But . . ."
"You're the failure . . . YOU!"
"I . . ."
"No wonder why your family abandoned you . . . you are a NOTHING!"
The last word I screamed echoed through the entire factory and came back to my ears. Before I realized what I had just said the tears formed in his eyes. He suddenly fell to his knees and began to sob hysterically into his hands. I was mentally cursing myself out for saying such things to him because I didn't mean them. My anger was more directed toward myself, but it came out at him. None of what I had said was true.
My heart ached and his sobbing made me want to cry. His entire body wracked with sadness as he let out these horrible despairing sounds. I kneeled down beside him and put my hand on his back rubbing softly. Then I began to speak softly trying to ease his pain.
"I'm the idiot, the moron and the failure." I spoke. "I let a man beat me up and rape me . . . I lost everything I had.
He was still sobbing, but I knew he could hear me.
"Your an amazing, smart and wonderful man Once . . . and if anything you saved me from my loneliness." I said softly. "When I look into your eyes I see this deep profoundness I can't explain."
His sobs lessened a bit, but he still continued to cry.
"Once the truth is you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen . . . and when I'm with you I feel this youthful happiness." I explained. "Your funny, gentle, talented and strong."
The crying became very soft and I could tell he wanted to listen to me.
"When I'm with you I forget about the pain . . . I forget about Adan and I want to try again." I told him. "You make me forget about the scars and I feel like anything is possible."
Once sniffled a bit and was making these noises which almost sounded like hiccuping.
"I was afraid . . . stupid and afraid of feeling again." I whispered. "I want you to know I mean everything I am saying and you mean everything to me."
He took out a handkerchief and wiped away the tears and blew his nose. Things grew quiet again, but he didn't look at me.
"Once I know you may never feel the same, but . . . I-I love you." I struggled to say. "I love you like I have never loved anyone before."
Finally he looked up at me and his eyes were wide with this wetness from crying. He dropped the handkerchief and we just stared at each other.
"I know you're young and I'm so much older, but I love you." I explained. "I need you and even if you don't love me I will always be here for you."
"S-Shadow . . ." He whispered in disbelief.
"Everything I said was wrong and I don't . . . I don't deserve your love."
I turned my head away as tears threatened my eyes and I had to squeeze them shut.
"You're so young and beautiful and I-I am an angel with broken wings." I whispered. "Violated by a man . . . dirty."
"No, you're not." He said softly. "You're not dirty."
"Once . . . you deserve so much better than this . . . than me."
The tears began to roll down my cheeks because I couldn't hold them back anymore.
"You deserve to live your life in a wonderful place with a gorgeous woman by your side and all the love from your family." I explained to him. "You deserve to live your life until you're old and have lot's of children . . . that is what you deserve."
He put a hand on my back, but I pulled away and ran off.
"Shadow wait!" He called. "Please, come back!"
I spread my wings and took off out the double doors and flew as fast as I could.
"Shadow don't leave come back!" His voice called to me. "You said you would stay with me!"
The tears streamed down my cheeks as I grew farther and farther from his cries. After a while I had no idea where I was going and just landed in the middle of the depleted forest of cut trees. I just stood and cried feeling as though I had made the worst mistake in my whole life. I bowed my head in shame hating myself for telling him how I felt. As I stood there I felt a presence not too far from me. When I turned around I saw Suicune standing with it's ribbon tails floating in the sour breeze.
"Suicune what do I do?" I asked the legend. "How can I show him I truly mean what I said?"
"Arooo!" It called as it came over and sat beside me.
"How?"
Suicune nuzzled me softly as it began to sing a soft song to try to ease me. Then a thought came to me and I knew how I could prove my love to Once. He loved to sing and play the guitar, so I would buy him the best one I could find.
"Suicune take me back to Miami . . . I have to find something special for him." I ordered the legend. "Please, I need your help."
The legend nodded and got down letting me on it's back before taking off across the land. There was a sudden burst of air over us and I closed my eyes as we made our way back. Once I was back in Miami I told Suicune to wait for me while I rushed into town. I flew over the buildings before I found the guitar store I was looking for. Luckily I had made it back just before the store was going to close. I made my wings disappear and walked into the store looking around for the perfect one.
A man wearing a John Lennon shirt came over and asked me if I needed anything.
"Actually I am looking for the perfect guitar for the man I love." I told him. "I want to show him how much I love him."
"What kind of guitar player is he?" He asked me. "Is he any good?"
"He's very talented and can play nearly anything he hears . . . he is an amazing singer."
"What kind of guitar does he have now?"
"I think it's a Gibson, but it's old and worn."
"You really want to show him how much you love him?"
"Yeah, more than anything."
"What's his favorite color?"
"He likes Green . . . I think."
"Well, green isn't exactly a popular color on guitars, but I do have something he may like."
"Okay."
"I'll be right back."
The man disappeared into the back of the store for a a little while before returning with a black case. He brought it over to the counter and laid it down gently before unclasping the locks on it. When he opened the case my eyes went wide when I saw this dazzling royal blue guitar protected by dark red velvet.
"This is the most beautiful guitar I have ever seen." I told him. "This has to be a Les Paul."
"Yep, Gibson Les Paul 50th Anniversary 1959 custom blue." He told me. "It's in mint condition and sounds like heaven."
"How much is this beauty?" I asked. "I don't even want to imagine."
"Well, since it's for love I guess we could make a deal."
"What is it normally?"
"We're talking around eight thousand with the Gibson speaker and kit with it."
"Jeez, damn."
"Yeah, it's a really special guitar."
"Seven?"
"Seven and five hundred?"
"I can't afford anything more than seven."
"Hmmm . . . all right I guess seven thou is a fair price."
"Can I write a check?"
"Sure, no problem."
I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out my check book along with my pen. As I made out the check he began to put the case with the guitar into a large white box. He encased the speaker and kit in another box with wrappings to protect it.
"Who do I make the check out to?" I asked. "Sorry I know it's a stupid question."
"Just the store name." He told me. "That will be fine."
I finished writing and tore the check out handing it to him. It was a good thing I had saved up a bunch of money over the years. I still couldn't believe I had spent over seven thousand dollars on a guitar, but I was in love. Love made you do crazy things and I knew this would mean the world to Once. After paying I took the guitar, amp and kit out of the store making my way back to where Suicune was. The legend gave me a look not sure how we were going to make it back with the stuff I had.
"Can you manage old friend?" I asked. "Please?"
The legendary nodded and got down again as I cautiously climbed on it's back. We took a few minutes to get situated because of the guitar stuff. Suicune tried to be careful as we took off across the water gathering speed. It wasn't long before we had returned to the wasteland valley through the portal Celebi left. I knew it was going to close soon, so I would have to hope Celebi would want to come back to visit. I couldn't completely abandon my home in Miami, but I couldn't bring the Once-ler to my home either.
Suicune dropped me off in front of the factory and took off leaving me standing alone. Somehow after quite a struggle I managed to carry everything up the stairs only to find the balcony doors were closed. Luckily they were unlocked, but the dilemma was being able to hold the door open while getting the guitar and amp kit inside. After several minutes of struggling and coming up with strategies I got it inside. I stood for a moment looking around to see the Once-ler was not around.
It was too early for him to go to sleep, so I looked around and found him staring out that boarded window in that room. He turned his head quickly when he heard me approach giving me a glare.
"Why did you just leave like that?" He asked rather irritated. "You didn't even say anything and I thought you were leaving forever."
"I'm sorry . . . I just needed some time to think." I told him. "It was wrong of me to leave you that way . . . will you forgive me."
He looked up at me with those crystalline orbs and his expression softened.
"Yes, I'm just glad you didn't abandon me here." He said. "I guess things kind of got out of hand before and we both lost our cool."
"No, it was my fault and I'm sorry for the way I acted."
"What about what you said before?"
"You mean . . . my confession."
"Is it really true?"
"Well, yes every word of it."
A blush rose on his cheeks and he scratched his head moving those raven locks. His other hand fidgeted a little and he gave a coy smile.
"Do you really think I'm beautiful?" He asked quietly. "You meant all those things?"
"Yes, you are very beautiful . . . handsome."
"I don't really know what to say?"
"Then let me show you something . . . come with me."
I motioned for him to follow me and he got up from his chair stretching those long legs. He followed behind me easily with those long strides as I took him into his office. He saw the long thin white box on his desk and the much bigger one next to his desk. He went up to the box with his child like wonderment in his eyes and on his face. His green velvet gloved hands ran along the white box, but then he hesitated looking back at me.
"Go ahead, open it." I told him with a smile.
I personally like Oatmeal cookies, but it's whatever you prefer.
