Title: The Lies They'd Told
Fandom: Rizzoli & Isles, Jane/Maura
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Written for a fanfic challenge on Tumblr. This challenge was 'Lies'.
Notes 2: This one's a little different in style. Just some experimentation.
Notes 3: Thank you all who have been loyal readers! I do appreciate it! Feedback feeds the muse!
The Lies They'd Told
"Would you like to come in?"Maura had asked the question after Jane had insisted on seeing the doctor home after their first night murder scene together.
Maura remembered how Jane had hesitated at the doctor's question, how the brunette's mouth had opened ever so slightly, as if she was going to accept the offer, as if she was going to come in. But then it had snapped closed and Jane had frowned slightly and pointed half-heartedly back towards her car before giving Maura a small, unreadable smile, "Thank you but… but I should go."
Maura smiled tightly back in return, "Of course. I understand."
Silence. A beat.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Jane had said.
Maura couldn't quite muster a genuine smile as she gave a quick nod and replied, "Tomorrow."
. . . .
That's how it had started. Not quite lies. Not quite. But certainly not the whole truth:
Because, yes, Jane did want to come in. There wasn't any real reason she should go.
And because, no, Maura didn't understand why Jane decided to go. Not really.
Of course it was late. Of course they both had to work the next day. Of course they were both uncertain.
Of course they were both scared.
But those were reasonable and responsible considerations at best, really lame excuses at worst.
What they were not was the fundamental truth of the matter: that Jane did want to come in, that Maura didn't understand why the detective didn't.
However, they did see each other tomorrow.
And the next day.
And the next.
But somehow they couldn't seem to overcome those initial lies. It was almost as if the foundation had been laid and they didn't know how to do anything but keep building it up.
. . . .
"Hey, want to maybe grab dinner tonight after work?"
Maura had been surprised by the quietness of the question more than anything else, it felt unexpectedly intimate. "I'd like that very much," Maura smiled.
Jane had smiled back, "Great!" Maura had been warmed by the smile and the reply. Until a strange expression came over Jane's face and she asked, "It's been a long week for all of us, maybe I should invite Korsak and Frost, too?"
Maura tried not to let her face fall too much, forcing a smile, even. "Yes, do. The more the merrier, as they say."
Jane's expression had then turned almost as disappointed as Maura felt. "Yeah, I will."
. . . .
They eventually had graduated to un-chaperoned dinners. Jane eventually went in to Maura's home, even into her bedroom.
Sure, they became more comfortable with each other. But the walls, the lies, between them were still solid.
For the dinners were never acknowledged as dates by either of them. And while Jane might have been physically in Maura's home, she somehow wasn't. She held part of herself back.
. . . .
"I can't wait to see Casey again tonight."
Maura had done her best to smile at Jane's forced excitement, "I'm so happy for you."
Jane had just looked at Maura like she didn't understand why Maura would say such a thing. She then smiled a sad smile back and returned to her desk.
. . . .
They both knew the truth. God they knew it. They ached for it.
They wanted each other. They wanted to be together. They wanted it so badly.
They wanted to come in. They wanted to go in.
They wanted in to each.
By this time the lie was one of omission. They had avoided the truth for so long, the avoidance itself had a life of its own.
Neither one could bring themselves to tell the truth they both knew. Neither one could break through their own fears and walls.
Until…
Until they were forced to.
Because they were confronted. Their lie was confronted.
. . . .
"No."
It's what Jane had said to Casey.
. . . .
Maura's heart pounded in her ears. She swallowed hard. "You told him no?"
Jane, expressionless yet somehow the most intense Maura had ever seen her, just nodded.
Maura looked from one of the detective's eyes to the other, trying desperately to read in those eyes what Jane was feeling, what Jane was thinking.
And wondering if she should ask the question or take the easy route and not ask the question.
She decided she was tired of the easy route.
She asked the question.
"Why did you tell him 'no'?"
The ball was now in Jane's court.
Because, really, Maura already knew the answer. They both knew the answer.
The only real question was whether Jane would finally tell the truth.
Or tell another lie, even if by omission, even if by avoidance.
Jane stared at Maura for several more seconds, silent. She opened her mouth to answer.
