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Part 4

It was nearly three days before Harm could get back to DC. He was just in time to wave Mattie off on her deployment and by the time that they got back home, Harm and Mac were both exhausted. Before they fell asleep, though, Harm asked Mac if she thought she'd be able to take some time off work.

"I don't know…" Mac responded, at first, "I guess there isn't anything major that my senior staff can't oversee…what were you thinking about?"

"How about a trip to DC?" Harm suggested, "We can see all our friends. Bud and Harriet would love to see us and it's been so long since we saw any of the kids. We could even take a couple of days to go up to Bellesville and see Grams. She may be older and slower, but she still complains about our lack of visiting, just the same…"

"Yeah," Mac nodded in agreement, "That sounds nice."

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Two days later, they were in the Roberts' family's back yard, watching all of the children play.

"They've all gotten so big!" Mac exclaimed, "I can't get over how much we've missed."

"We'll have to make the trip more often," Harm agreed.

Bud and Harriet said they understood how hard it was for Harm and Mac to get away when they both had command-positions, but it was equally difficult for them to get away from DC and not to mention very expensive with four kids on tow.

Harriet could sense something was up between the two of them, although experience told her that they were working through it together, not pushing each other away anymore. She didn't ask anything, though, waiting for Mac to confide in her when she felt ready.

Harm and Mac spent a wonderful weekend up in Bellesville with his Grams then came back to DC to do more visiting for the second week. It was during a shopping trip with Harriet (Bud and Harm had volunteered to look after the kids while they took some girl-time) that Mac finally came out with all that had been going on, over the last two years.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Mac," Harriet dropped the bags and wrapped her arms around Mac, "It sounds like you've been through hell."

"It has been hell," Mac admitted aloud, for the first time, "but Harm has been there every step of the way. He's been great, but…but I don't think I can do this again."

"You don't have to do anything, right away," Harriet soothed her, "You can take as long as you want to decide if you're ready to take the next step, whatever that might be…"

"Sometimes I think Harm would be better off without me," Mac shook her head, but Harriet shushed her immediately.

"Harm would be miserable without you and you know it, Mac. His life was never complete without you in it, even when you were just best friends."

Mac knew Harriet was right, but thoughts of that dream were still going around and around in her head. Would Harm really be better without her, able to pursue his wish of a family of his own?

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Harm and Mac just dumped their suitcases in the corner of the room, not bothering to unpack before they got ready for bed. They had clean uniforms for work the next day and a few clean outfits to wear outside of work, so they wouldn't worry about all of the laundry they had to do just now.

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It was nearly three weeks later that Harm broached the subject.

"Have you given any thought about how we're going to move forward, Sarah?"

Mac was caught a bit by surprise, but Harm had been very patient waiting for her to recover from the blow that had been dealt.

"Uh, I suppose that I have been thinking about it…" Mac tried to find a way to tell Harm, while causing as little hurt as possible, "It's not been easy…but, Harm…I don't feel any differently now to how I felt right after we got the news…"

"You don't want to try the IVF again?" Harm tried not to show how his heart was breaking at her words.

"No," Mac felt conflicted, "I'm so sorry, Harm…I can't go through that again, not when our hopes are so small. It would just be too much to bear, to get that negative result again, after all that we've gone through. I'm so sorry I can't give you the family you want…"

"The only thing I want is to be a family with you and Mattie," Harm cradled her face in his hands and wiped away her tears, "Whatever else comes along is a bonus, but I couldn't live without you and Mattie, I couldn't."

"You'd be better off without me," Mac finally admitted what had been bothering her for weeks now, since she had first had that dream.

"Don't say that," Harm looked genuinely upset at her words, "I don't want any kind of life unless you're in it. I've got Mattie, I've got our beautiful Godchildren, I've got the career that would have made my Dad so proud, but none of it would be right unless you're here to share it with me…I mean it Mac, I couldn't live without you. My heart only beats to keep time with yours…"

He took her into his arms and carried her through to their bedroom and proceeded to show her in actions just how beautiful she made his life.

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Mac thought that she'd finally managed to get past this dream that had plagued her in the weeks, now. She'd stopped having the dream, but now her nightmare began to encroach on her waking hours, too.

Mac was in the kitchen one Saturday night, trying to get the kitchen disposal unit unblocked. She gave a huff as she threw down the wooden spoon that obviously wasn't working. But she'd be damned if she was going to stick her fingers down there. Harm had gone on a rare night out, as somebody under his command was getting married the next week. She sincerely hoped that this bachelor party didn't get too out of hand and that she wouldn't have to go and bail them all out of jail.

The disposal unit didn't turn on when she flipped the switch, but Mac gave an involuntary squeak as she heard something unexpected; it sounded something like a scream, or some sort of shriek and it had come from Mattie's bedroom. Mac spun round, her eyes fixed on Mattie's bedroom door, standing stock-still.

'What on earth!' Mac thought to herself, 'Did I really hear that?'

All was quiet for a minute then Mac flinched as the door flew open and two young children ran out, shrieking and whooping joyously. The first child, a little girl with blond, curly hair was being closely followed by a little boy who seemed to be chasing her, although the two seemed to be having fun. The boy and girl were around the same age and height, the little boy had a head of similarly blond, curly hair, that looked as wild as his nature. They disappeared into the living room in a mere second and Mac stood still for a while, barely able to comprehend what had just happened.

What had those two children been doing in her house, in Mattie's room? It couldn't be, could it?

Mac took off running to the living room, but was perplexed when she found nothing. She checked behind the sofa and underneath the table, but there was no sign of either little wild-child. And Mac knew that they couldn't possibly have gotten out other than to go the way she had come. She check every other possible hiding place in the house, before she was satisfied that nobody else was there and that she must have been imagining it…But she was a United States Marine! This just couldn't be happening…

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