TW: Family death, PTSD, anxiety, depression, unhealthy attachment(?)
Mondo Oowada, the fallen leader of the Crazy Diamonds, was weak.
It wasn't a secret, anything but; if it was a secret, he could deal with it how he had his entire life. But no, the whole gang knew he was weak, saw it all, and most of the gangs around the country knew he was in the damn looney bin for something or another. The best rumour was anger issues, that at least kept some of his credibility and made him more intimidating, probably. More likely to fly off the handle and smash some faces.
But he wasn't. He was there because he was weak and couldn't deal with shit like a man. He was there because, after he killed his brother, he'd moped about and acted like a sulking child, tears streaming down his face all throughout Daiya's funeral, and the way the gang treated him. Fragile, broken, like a little kid.
He was Mondo Oowada! Leader of the Crazy Diamonds! He was meant to be STRONG! Meant to be RESILIENT! But he wasn't, and wasn't that just pathetic? Wasn't that just fucking heartbreaking? The boy who tried so hard to claw his way to the top fell because of the want, that need! Someone call fucking Hollywood!
He was just bitter, he supposed. His life was in tatters, his family gone, and… he couldn't even ride anymore. No, Mondo Oowada couldn't even get on the damn thing anymore. Not without seeing that blinding light, those screeching brakes and blaring horn, feel the sensation of hitting the concrete when Daiya shoved him out of the way of the truck. It was so vivid, and left him stumbling off his bike, breath short and chest tight.
Panic attacks were the worst. The annoying thing was that he used to get them a lot as a kid, but he grew out of them; he got coping mechanisms, words of wisdom, and the knowledge that he could be strong if he worked for it. Daiya taught him that, and how did he repay him? Death. By killing him. The courts may not see it as murder, but it was at least manslaughter. Daiya sacrificed himself for some worthless, panicky kid who wasn't strong enough to lead the gang.
He internalised it all, guilt and sadness festering and morphing into thick, black depression. He didn't leave his apartment, every skidding brake and honking horn restricting his breathing and stuffing his lungs with fiery cotton. He could only sink to his knees, pull his legs to his chest, and try to breathe like Daiya always taught him to, no matter how painful it was.
It only backfired when the gang tried to force him onto the bike again, saying how he'd feel better if he got out and rode with them again. He tried to tell himself that the accident had happened, that he was safe, but as soon as he swung his leg over and sat down he could feel it in every fibre of his being, see it right before his eyes, hear it ringing in his ears.
He didn't really come back to himself until he realised he was on the floor, face pressed into his knees and struggling to breathe as Takemichi's soothing voice finally broke through the sound of tires on tarmac. He couldn't deal with it. His fingers buried themselves in his hair, and he cried and cried like the pathetic mess he was. Daiya was gone, and he couldn't be strong. He was overloading, breaking down, and that was the moment that everyone knew the true Mondo Oowada; a delicate little boy in the shell of a "real man". What a joke.
That was what made them think it was serious, apparently, and they urged him to get checked out. Of course, you didn't have to be a genius to work out "PTSD", of course not. They said anxiety, also, but he already knew that. Next thing he knew, they were checking him into the ward and Takemichi's signature signed him away.
Honestly, looking after Ishimaru - Taka - was a God-send. It kept his mind occupied, gave him an objective he could focus on, and Taka's warm body next to his gently soothed away the nightmares. However, he was getting better, and now that was the last thing he wanted. Taka was in and out all the time, and they'd just grow apart if Mondo was discharged. That thought was enough to give him panic attacks, only from a very real situation.
So, he did what he was best at, and pretended. Randomly had "nightmares", thought about Taka leaving in detail to force panic attacks, found trauma after trauma to discuss. He couldn't do that forever, but he didn't have to; just long enough to convince the other he wanted to live. That'd be ok, he could do that.
He was Mondo Oowada, delicate but cunning.
