On the day after, Remus always missed Hogwarts the most. The floor of his cell at St. Mungos was cold and covered here and there in bits of his clothing, tufts of hair, and spit and blood. His body was sore from everything it had been through. He could never move. He was always in excruciating pain. They would have to send someone in.

Sometimes the St. Mungos employee would come into the cell and be gentle and caring. He or she would give Remus some medication and a bit of food and cover his body with a blanket. However, and more often than he liked, the employee would simply throw in the medication and some bread between the bars of the cell.

How Remus missed Hogwarts! If Healer Holloway had been there, Remus would have kissed him on the lips. The morning after was always the worst.

"Well look who's finally awake?" said a voice. It wasn't the harsh voice of a wizard guard or even an unfamiliar nurse's. Remus knew that voice. It was comforting. A warmth spread through his aching body.

"Lily, what are you doing here?"

"I figured you would need a friend."

"How did you know I came here?" He leaned up on one elbow to look out at his friend.

"Peter let it slip."

"Aren't you worried? Someone will see you? They'll associate you with me-"

"Oh Remus shush. You're being a git. I stopped worrying what other people thought of me a long time ago."

"I guess that's what happens when you marry James Potter."

"I guess so. I have the vial, and some food. Not hospital food, but some hot tea and biscuits from around the corner."

"Lily you truly are an angel," and with that Remus collapsed back onto the floor and passed out. He assumed she went to get the key from somewhere because let herself in. When he next awoke, his head was resting on her lap and she was stroking his hair. She also had brought in a blanket to cover his body, as well as a trash can to deal with any other nasty bits. James must have given her a heads up.

"Good, you're awake. Now eat," said Lily as she put a small piece of biscuit in front of his lips. It had some butter and sweet raspberry jam spread over it. Remus never had tasted anything as delicious in his life. He hoped he could keep the bite down. He slowly lifted himself up into a seated position. He took a sip of tea.

"Lily, I-" started Remus, but he stopped himself. He started to sniff the air around them.

"Lily, I what? You cannot leave a lady hanging here Remus,"

"Lily, are you pregnant?"

"What? No, I can't be. I-"

"Lily you're pregnant!" Remus interrupted here.

"I am?" Lily asked. Remus realized she had no clue. He started laughing and so did she.

"Yes, yes you are," and the two hugged.

"Sirius is going to kill me."

"Why?" asked Remus.

"He always assumes you're my favorite. He said I'd tell you first."

Remus laughed, "Well blame it on the full moon then."

The two old friends embraced there on the floor of the cold, dirty cell. Remus thought to himself that the place had never felt warmer. He pulled back.

"Well, how does it feel?"

"What? To be pregnant? I don't really know. I only found out about a minute ago. I am sure James will want to throw a parade. It will be good. He deserves some happiness right now."

"So do you, Lily."

"So do all of us, Remus. This is as much your problem now as it is mine. I assure you the marauders will all be assigned to diaper duty."

"Oh Lily- I think I'm going to be sick."

"It isn't for months now, really Remus…" but Lily didn't finished. Remus grabbed the empty trash can and out came the remnants of his small breakfast. "Oh, you mean…"

"Yes, I apologize for that. I can't really help it. I'd rather hoped you didn't have to witness that part of it."

"Remus give me the trash can," demanded Lily. Her friend did has she was told. Out came the remnants of her own breakfast.

"Lily Potter- you definitely are pregnant."


James sat in silence next to Sirius in the waiting room down the hall from his father's hospital room. It was a slow day at St. Mungos. The rumors about Christmas being one of the busiest days at a hospital- not true, at least as far as James could tell. He would never wish Christmas day at St. Mungos upon anyone.

It really had been the perfect night. Lily had never looked so beautiful. Okay, that was a bit of a lie. Lily always looked beautiful. She just looked exceptionally so that night. In his room. On his bed. With her face cradled ever so gently in his hands... The click and clack of a nurse's heals in the hallway brought him back to reality.

He looked over at Sirius. Thank merlin for Sirius.

As he relayed to James earlier that evening, Sirius had seen Mr. Potter falter a bit out of the corner of his eye. He immediately ran to his side before the older wizard would fall. Remus appeared on the other side of Mr. Potter, and they delicately and quickly carried Mr. Potter's limp body away from the guests before anyone noticed. Fortunately they were off to the side of the room and near the kitchen. They slipped inside and lowered him into a chair.

In the kitchen Remus made some comment to the catering company about someone spiking the punch, even though there was no punch, while Sirius attended to James's father.

"Thank you boys, my legs- they're just tired. Please, go get Grace." Mr. Potter looked more embarrassed than sick, Sirius thought to himself. He told Remus to go get James's mum and to tell Peter to go get James.

Sirius took a seat next to Alex Potter as Remus left the room.

"It's bad, isn't it?" he asked.

Mr. Potter didn't answer.

"I heard you talking to your wife the other day- I didn't mean to pry. I was on my way to the kitchen… I am sorry."

Mr. Potter still said nothing. He fiddled with his thighs with her hands as if they were not his.

Sirius watched him for a moment before adding, "Your legs don't look well."

Alex Potter exhaled a deep breath. "You're right Sirius my boy, they don't look well at all."

Then James came barreling down the back set of stairs and into the kitchen. "What happened?" he yelled from across the kitchen.

Mr. Potter looked up. "James- I am all right. Everything is fine. Now go back to the party."

James looked at his friend. Sirius shook his head. James didn't move. He looked his father sternly in the eye, took a deep breath, and asked in the calmest voice he could. "What happened?"

"Nothing James. Please go back to the party. Your mother will be worried- someone has to see to the guests."

"I was asking Sirius," and with that, James turned his head to his friend.

Sirius ran his hand through his long black hair and looked up at the ceiling and then at James. "I don't know- I could just see his legs going out. At first one twitched-"

Mr. Potter interrupted. "Sirius that's enough."

But Sirius didn't stop. He looked over and saw Lily and Peter enter the room. He made eye contact with Lily, he didn't know why, but it somehow helped. His voice grew stronger. "It was the left one, it twitched- like a nerve or something. I just saw it, and I felt something was wrong so I ran over. Before I knew it, all his weight was on my left shoulder. That's when Remus came over and took the other half. Then we came in here."

"That's enough," bellowed Mr. Potter. "Everyone please leave. James stay."

Sirius and the others made their way up the back stairs, away from both the scene of the action and the party.

"I said everyone." The bewildered kitchen staff had yet to realize they weren't dealing with a drunk. They weren't exactly sure where to go or what to do next.

"Yes- please. Attend to the guests, will you? Thank you, thank you," added Mrs. Potter who just appeared. She walked in the door followed by a bewildered looking Remus. Remus took a hint from the now emptying room, and he made his way back into the party.

When the room emptied, Grace rushed to her husband's side. She took his face in her hands and then moved them around his extremities- first his hands. She moved them and flipped them around. James noticed his father didn't put up any resistance. Then his legs- she stretched them out one by one as if stretching him out before a Quidditch match.

"Are you alright Alex?" The serious tone in his mother's voice didn't make James feel any easier.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'll be fine."

With that, Grace stood up. "Okay then, stand up."

Mr. Potter looked bewildered. He moved his shaking hands to the sides of his chair and attempted to push himself up, but no luck. His legs wouldn't hold him. He slumped back into the chair.

"Give me a minute Grace, please."

Grace Potter turned to James. "James, your father is very sick- a fact not many people know. In fact, aside from a few medical wizards and Dumbledore, only you and your friends now know. We didn't know how bad it was- or rather," with this, Grace Potter turned to her husband and gave him a stern look, "I didn't know how bad it was, until very recently." James didn't know what worried him more: the fact that his father could not stand up or the calm tone in his mother's voice. Grace Potter continued, "What I need from you now is to go out into that party and play host. I need you to see to every guest and make sure they all are having a good time. And then, in your most polite manner, I need you to make them leave. Do not make it obvious-"

"Grace, really, there is no need," Mr. Potter tried to interrupt, but Mrs. Potter would not let that happen.

"If people don't get the hint, help them get the hint, but it cannot come back to your father right now. Do you understand?"

James nodded his head. No- he didn't really understand what the bloody hell was going on, but what was he going to say? He could end a party- that was easy. If he couldn't, Sirius would. That's what friends are for.

"When everyone has left, and I mean everyone, I want you and Sirius to meet your father and me at St. Mungos. Find a nurse by the name of Audrey Horne. She will know where to point you."

With that, Mrs. Potter withdrew her wand and summoned her husband's and her cloaks. She held on to his hand and the two apparated.

That's when James's own legs went out, and he slumped into the chair his father had just occupied. He put his face in his hands. He wanted to cry, but he wouldn't. He ran his hands through his hair and got up to find Sirius.


Once he explained the plan to best mate, or lack of one, Sirius took flight. James could only describe it later as "brilliant, the very definition of the word."

Unlike James Potter, Sirius had already disgraced his family name. A few more drunken comments here and there would result in a few dirty looks and couple turns of "I have never in my life!", but nothing that would phase Sirius Black.

James had asked Lily, Remus, and Peter to make a show of leaving, but they didn't have to. Sirius's inquiry into the inner workings of one Mrs. Mathilde Parkton's enormous hat were enough to send the woman off in a huff. That was followed by Sirius's inquiry into another wizard's presence at the Leaky Cauldron late one night over the summer. Apparently this gentlewizard's wife had no clue. The slap across the face silenced the room. Sirius spilling his drink on the back of another witch's dress truly sealed the deal. In fact, a third of the party was leaving within twenty minutes of the incident. James made a show of sincerely apologizing to everyone and scolding his "very, very drunk friend."

Then it was Lily, Marlene, Mary, Remus, and Peter's turn to leave- not that it mattered much at this point. As Lily said her goodbye to James, she squeezed James's hand. When he had come upstairs earlier, he went straight to Sirius. Lily had already gathered her items to go. James turned to her and was about to say something, an "I'm sorry" or some other excuse in an attempt to make her feel better, but there was no need. With one look she let him know it was not about her feelings right now. She hugged him and rested her head on his chest. He held her for a moment before they both pulled back. No words were needed. She went downstairs to find her friends.

As others made their way to the main parlor to find out what the commotion was all about, they noticed the departing guests and followed suit. Many turns of "please pass our gratitude to your parents" and "you really should think harder about the company you keep" later, and the house was empty. James and Sirius apparated to Mungos.


James went from achieving his mother's mammoth task to feeling utterly and completely helpless. He sat there fussing with the frayed edge of his robe.

"James- did you know?" asked Sirius.

"Yes- did you?" answered James.

"Yes."

"How?"

Sirius exhaled. "I heard them talking the other day on my way to the kitchen."

"Ah that explains why you became so silent."

"I wanted to tell you, but every time I went to, it just didn't feel right."

"Yeah. I get that."

"Forgive me mate?"

"After what you pulled tonight-" started James.

"It was nothing," interrupted Sirius.

"You were a master. It was brilliant- they very definition of the word. The look on Mrs. Parkton's face was priceless. 'How dare you put your hands on my hat! Preposterous!'" said James, mimicking her voice.

Sirius laughed. "That hat really was a work of art."

"Oh merlin… Mr. Turning's wife…"

"The man was drunk after his stag night. Rather than go home like that, his buddies dropped him off at a room. They'll be fine. No real damage done."

James nodded.

"And the drink I spilled? Water. Ice-cold water, but water none-the-less."

"Thanks mate. I really owe you one."

"No, you don't. You really don't." Sirius didn't want them to return to silence, but he didn't know what else to say. He felt guilty for knowing and not telling James. He thought back to his Uncle Alphard- if only someone had told him. He could have prepared himself. He could have handled it better. He would have… he didn't really know. He just felt guilty.

Fortunately the silence did not last long. The click clack of Nurse Horne's heels made their way down the hallway and to James and Sirius.

"Boys, your parents would like to see you now."

James got up, but Sirius remained seated.

"C'mon Padfoot. Mother and father are waiting."

Sirius sighed and got up. He really had done a better job at selecting his second family than his first. By far.

When the boys walked in Mrs. Potter was talking to a doctor at the side of the room. She turned as they walked in, but continued her conversation. Mr. Potter was sitting up in bed chatting with a nurse. She had a clipboard in front of her and appeared to be checking off various items.

James did not know what it was about hospital beds, but their inhabitants always looked smaller than they really were. Maybe it was the metal rails on along the ends. The shiny coldness of the material drew your eyes down to the inhabitant's feet. His father look shorter than he was. And sicker- hospital beds made their patients look sicker. Maybe it was the blankets. The white sheets simply had that one thicker blue blanket on top- not a proper bed spread. That color blue made his father look sicker. His father needed a proper bed spread.

Mr. Potter spoke first. "Come in boys. Sit, Sit." He gestured to a pair of uncomfortable looking chairs by the window. Before either boy said anything, Mr. Potter spoke up, "Sirius, I owe you a thank you; And James, I owe you an apology."

Neither boy said anything. Neither was sure what to say. Sirius looked up and nodded, but James just stared at the floor.

"Sirius, I hesitate to think what would have happened if you had not come to my aid. Thank you."

Sirius nodded.

"Rumor has it, you put on a spectacular show after Grace and I left."

Sirius stopped nodding and a look of shock came across his face. He turned to James who look away, pretending not hear his father's comment.

"I.. uh… umm… well…"

Mr. Potter laughed. "No need for the worry, my son. I want to say thank you for it. I am sorry I missed it. I know who to call now next time Grace organizes one of those boring dinner parties." He extended his hand out to Sirius who stood up to shake it. "Really. Thank you."

"Sirius," Grace interrupted, "won't you help me find some tea?"

Sirius looked over at James. Again, his friend was avoiding eye contact, but this time for other reasons. He joined Mrs. Potter and the two left the room with the doctor. The nurse followed shortly thereafter.

"James," Mr. Potter began, "I am sorry."

James said nothing.

Alex Potter continued, "I am sorry for the position I put you and your friends in tonight. I am sorry how I behaved after Sirius came to my aid. I am sorry for not being more forthright and honest with you about my illness."

James finally turned to his father. Tears welled up in his eyes. He didn't want to ask it, but he had to know: "Are you dying?"

Mr. Potter took a deep breath. "James, pull that chair a bit closer." James did as he was told. The sound of the chair dragging across the floor pierced the stillness between them. Mr. Potter continued, "James, when my father grew sick, everyone started treating him differently. The family coddled him; and when we weren't around, we asked the house elves to take care of every minute detail of his life. The man barely fed himself. He grew miserable. He couldn't directly blame us- it was his sickness that made him this way, but he did. He blamed us for taking away his quality of life."

"What does any of this have to do with me?"

"Nothing. It has to do with me. I has to do with my own fears of death and the process of dying. Which is what I am doing- I am dying. Slowly and painfully, but dying nonetheless."

James reached up and took his father's cold hand in his own.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Completely selfish reasons, but can you blame me? I am the one dying." James flinched the second time he said that. Alex placed his other hand on top of James. "I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to be treated any differently. I didn't want to be my father. I wanted to see you go through your last years at Hogwarts without so much worry or undertaking. I wanted to see you play quidditch and hear about pranks you pulled with Sirius under that cloak of mine and get head boy- what a surprise that was I might add, and fall in love. I was being selfish. I am sorry James."

"Years? What do you mean? How long have you known?"

"I've known something was up for about two years, but only in the last half did I know something was truly wrong. I kept my secret pretty well until your mother insisted on attending a check-up with me."

Absorption. That was all James could make himself do right now- take it all in. He couldn't quite process it- it didn't make sense.

"How much longer do you have?"

"The doctors think I have a year or two. I'm betting on the latter."

"Me too." Replied James.

"Now, do me a favor. Tell me more about that gorgeous redhead in the stunning black dress that came tonight. You couldn't take your eyes off of her. Not that I blame you, I think everyone was envious when they saw her talking to you."

"You noticed, did you?"

"Well I definitely noticed her. Your mother was the one who pointed out the drool dribbling down your chin," Mr. Potter brought his hand to his face and pointed to a spot next to his lip, presumably where the drool had been falling.

James laughed. "If I had been drooling, I hope someone would have told me."

"Well tell me more about Miss Evans. How did you meet?"

"On the train our first year on the way to Hogwarts. I told her I wanted to by a Gryffindor like my father."

"No kidding? I wish my mates could have seen that… and they said I was a horrible wingman."

James laughed. For a minute he forgot where they were and why they were there, but one look up at his father reminded him.


Grace Potter stayed behind with her husband at the hospital. Around 2:00 am she ordered the boys to go home and rest. Once they had eaten and washed up, they could come back to St. Mungos, but she didn't want to see them until regular visiting hours. Those did not start until 10:00am. It was the day after Christmas after all. Therefore the young wizards had seven hours to kill.

As they walked down the hall and prepared to apparate, Sirius asked his friend if they could find a bloody drink. "Absolutely," said James, and the two apparated to the Potter's front lawn.

James and Sirius arrived to a surprise sitting on the Potter's front steps. Two surprises actually. It was Remus and Peter.

"James!" Peter ran over to hug his friend. James laughed- Wormtail always was the more sensitive one.

Remus handed Sirius a paper bag. "Brilliant. Just what I needed," noted Sirius as he took a swig.

"Pass that over here," and James took one as well. "It's bloody cold out here. How long have you morons been waiting?"

"We may or may not have gone to the hospital looking for you," started Remus.

Peter continued, "We found your mother filling out some paperwork. She told us to leave, but that she'd send you home around 2:00. She expected us to be waiting for you here with something to cheer you up."

"Prongs, I do love that mother of yours," added Sirius as he took another swig.

"Mother of ours. That was adoption paperwork she was filling out. It's over with. You're done for. You're a Potter now."

"Does that mean I get a share of the inheritance?" asked Sirius. "What about this house? Do we split it 50/50?"

"No and no." James grabbed the bottle away from his friend. "I need another drink."

They sat on the steps for most of the night. No one seemed ready to go inside just yet. Going inside meant a return to the scene of the crime. They would have to face the music, and nobody was ready for that just yet.

"Oi, I forgot- Lily owled this to me. It's for you." Remus tossed a package into James's hand.

"I hope it's something saucy," said Sirius.

"From Lily?" inquired Peter, mistaking Sirius's sarcasm for sincerity.

"I guess I'm not opening it in front of you gits then."

"C'mon! Please?" Peter's eagerness surprised everyone.

Remus laughed. "Peter, do you really think that Lily would have used me as the delivery man then? Sirius is much better at delivering those types of gifts."

"Oh." Peter sounded clearly disappointed.

James opened the note first. James read it to himself, 'Save two for later. -Lily.' Benson and Hodges. These must be Lily's favorite he thought.

"Oi, pass one of those over here!" yelled Sirius. James threw him the package.

"I could go for one of those," added Remus.

"Oh really? Has the prefect come to the dark side?"

"On a night like this? Sure, why not," answered Remus.

"Me too," added Peter.

The package made its way back to James. He stuffed it in his pocket.

"None for you Prongs?" inquired Sirius.

"Not tonight. Another time though," but James didn't mean it. In fact, he was surprised Lily had sent him cigarettes, but the note implied she'd explain later.

The four sat in silence passing the bottle of firewhiskey around between one another and smoking their cigarettes if they had them.


That's how the rest of the break went for James. Coming home, cleaning up, getting a bite to eat, and then returning to St. Mungos to visit his father. Sirius accompanied him every other time to the hospital, and when he did go, would find an excuse to leave before James did. Because the Potters were his family, he knew what they needed; and what they needed was some time together.

James brought the Wizards Chess to St. Mungos and played a daily game with his father. James also brought a few books to read when his father was busy or asleep. One day his new hat made its way to the hospital. He wanted to show his father. As a result, James spent one afternoon explaining it all in great detail to his father: the whole protest, night in jail, and wedding. Looking back later, James would remember this time in St. Mungos fondly- as strange as that was to think. The spill and the hospital forced both he and his father to slow down. It gave them time to talk and catch up. James was grateful for that.

Before James and Sirius returned to school, Mr. Potter came home. After the first night at St. Mungos, Mr. Potter regained controlled of his legs, but they kept him around for some more tests and observation. After Christmas, Mr. Potter's legs remained clumsy and unwilling to easily bend to his commands. He agreed to use a cane around the house, but secretly told himself he would get his legs working again. His homecoming, like his visit to the hospital, was a quiet one. And with his return home, James and Sirius made their way back to Hogwarts.


Snape was not surprised when Regulas Black sought him out after holiday break. As their time at Hogwarts had progressed, Snape took on more responsibilities between the others and Lucius Malfoy. Regardless, Snape remained unimpressed with Malfoy. He had decided it was because of his name and family connections (aside from his beliefs) that the dark lord had recruited him. Snape remembered him at Hogwarts. He was a skilled enough wizard, and he was very popular; but that really was it.

"Severus," said Regulas. Severus noticed the boy's voice shook as much as his hands.

"Regulas," answered Snape as he crossed his arms and looked down at the younger wizard.

"Severus… I… I…"

"Well, spit it out. I have not got all day."

Regulas looked from side to side. Severus swore he saw a bead of sweat on the young wizard's temple. "I- I am going to meet the Dark Lord," Regulas finally got out.

Snape's facial expression said more than he ever could. "What?"

"Sometime this semester. I don't know when, but Lucius will tell you more. You're supposed to get me to Hogsmeade. You can do that right? You're a prefect. I told Bellatrix you were a prefect- that you could make it happen. You can do it, right?" Obviously Severus could. Regulas seemed to be rambling more than anything, just asking himself more than the older student.

"Of course I can do that. What does he want with you?"

"I don't know. Bellatrix said he needed me to go with him somewhere. She didn't know where, although she pretended she did. I could tell when I pressed her that she didn't know more. I think she would tell me more if she knew- you know, the brag or something."

"So, let me get this straight. At some point during this semester, I don't know when," Snape looked to the younger student for confirmation.

"Right."

"I am to find you and escort you to Hogsmeade to meet Lucius."

"I think Lucius and Cissy, but yes- right."

"And you expect me to believe it's because the Dark Lord wants you- a younger wizard who has yet to pass his OWLs, to attend him on a mission."

Regulas looked doubtful himself. "I guess."

Severus exhaled. "I will take you to Lucius whenever the time comes; but if I were you, I would not get my hopes up."

"You are right," replied Regulas. Severus was surprised by how easily he had convinced the young wizard of his own opinions. Perhaps Regulas had caught on as much already and simply was doing what his crazed cousin Bellatrix LeStrange had commanded he do.

"I assume there is nothing else you want to tell me?" Severus fully believed that Regulas's answer would be a firm 'no.' This statement was always an easy way to get rid of younger students. Of course Severus's assumptions were correct; and rather than bother him more, they would just leave. But Regulas did not say no, and he did not leave.

"Severus- why me?" asked Regulas- though he wasn't looking at Severus when he asked. Rather, he stared at the wall in front of him. For the first time his voice did not shake. It was the most genuine question Severus had hear in a while. Looking tired, Regulas sat down on the bench near them and rested his elbows on his hands.

Severus had no intention of feeling sorry for this Black, and he was clearly not going to join the latter on the bench.

"Regulas," Severus, arms still folded, directed his gaze towards the young wizard on the bench. "Who are you to question his intentions?" Severus knew he was lying through his teeth. He questioned it all the time. However Severus also knew the younger Black had no clue of Severus's own struggle and personal truth. Severus had even disobeyed direct orders from powerful Death Eaters in an effort to combat this personal struggle. He continued to lie about it, and held firmly to his lie. Even if Marlene Price had told him she knew the real truth. She had even told him someone else knew, but Severus knew who it was now. Although it mattered, he told himself it did not. Severus believed his lies and his truths were safe.

Severus continued, "You should be ashamed of yourself- acting like this. He has noticed you- though now, looking at you like this, I do not know why. This is where I leave you Black. Pull yourself together." Severus turned on his heels and left. When he turned to go down another hallway he glanced back, and there was Regulas still. Right where he left him.

Severus continued walking. Something about the way Regulas had approached him- nervous, unsure, and shaking, worried Severus. There was something he wasn't telling him- something was troubling this young wizard. Severus recognized it because he had felt it too.

The complex simplicity of the plan nagged at Sirius. And that Cissy was involved? Bellatrix must have requested it. And the fact that Bellatrix was involved- someone they said who was closer to him than anyone else. Okay, he had to admit it- that part of it worried and even scared Severus. It also caused the thoughts in his head to twist and turn in ways that can only be described as one thing: jealousy. Severus was jealous of a younger student. This was absurd, but it was also true. Only Sirius had shown himself truly worthy (as far as anyone knew), and yet, here he was, a simple errand boy for Death Eaters as untalented as Lucius Malfoy. Malfoy had him fetching a Black- Sirius Black's younger brother, no-less. The thought made his stomach turn in anger. Severus attempted to push these items from his mind; but the troubled look on Regulas's face, staring off at the wall, would not budge from his thoughts.


Marlene wasn't ashamed to admit it: she had befriended a nine-year old. During the month of January alone, Marlene and Valentina spent time together on three different occasions. During the third time they met up, Marlene even showed Valentina her record collection. Valentina immediately recognized the muggle objects. She had asked if Marlene had any Tchaikovsky or Prokofiev or Adolphe Adam. Marlene shook her head. She only recognized one of those names, and she had left the record of the Nutcracker she got as a child at home.

This first time the two spent time together after break, Marlene had seen the little girl skipping through the hall on her way to dinner. She shouted "Valentina!" and the girl turned around. A huge smile spread across her face and she came running to Marlene. She barreled into the older student and wrapped her arms around Marlene's hips.

"You remember me!" exclaimed the little girl.

"How could I forget my biggest fan?" laughed Marlene.

The older student walked her to the Great Hall where everyone else had gathered for dinner. When Marlene didn't see the witch's father there, she wasn't sure what to do.

"It's fine. He has a meeting or something. I just usually get my food and go back. Sometimes I just go to the kitchens and talk to the elves while I eat."

"Oh. Well you shouldn't eat alone. Why don't you sit with us?"

The little girl's eyes grew at the prospect. "Really?"

"Really."

Her friends didn't mind. Valentina was a way for them to get their minds off of things: NEWTs, Quidditch, plans after Hogwarts, boys, and, you know, death eaters. Valentina told Donna that she had Marlene sign her program. Donna, still skeptical of Marlene's story, asked Valentina if she could sign it too. Valentina smiled and told Donna that there were Quidditch teams of just girls- did Donna know that? The older witch smiled and played along. It made Valentina's day.

Mary showed Valentina the latest issue of Teen Witch magazine and asked the little girl what she thought about the latest scarf trend. "Too much fringe?" The little girl nodded her response. "And what do you think of the color? Too gaudy?" Valentina shrugged her shoulders. "Too gaudy," Mary continued, "though you would probably look marvelous in anything."

Lily, the sweetest of them all, asked her what she thought about Hogwarts.

"Oh it's so magical! Living in a castle. Sometimes I pretend I have been locked away because of my powers, and all the students have been sent here to guard me. So I sneak around and find all the fun places to go." Marlene laughed. Valentina continued, "Other times I pretend my mother is in the castle somewhere and I have to find her. I look in all the rooms and closets and stairwells and offices for her. That's how I found the kitchens!"

"You found the kitchens during your first year? I don't think Donna found them until her sixth," Lily winked.

"Really?" Valentina turned her attention to Donna.

"Not true. I found them my fourth year after I made the Quidditch team. Some good comes out of being friends with James Potter and Sirius Black."

At the name of the latter, the little girl giggled.

"Oh my, do you know who Sirius Black is?" ask Lily with a knowing smile across her face.

"Yes I do. All the girls in the castle know who Sirius Black is. They also know who your boyfriend is too!" And with that she pointed right at Lily. All the girls burst out laughing.

"And which one is that?" asked Marlene.

"The one who plays Quidditch with the glasses and the crazy hair."

"He's not my boyfriend," corrected Lily, but she wasn't convincing anyone with that tone in her voice.

Valentina giggled, "Then why are you always with him? I thought when people were in love they never ever want to be apart."

Lily laughed, "You do sneak around the castle a lot, don't you? I am Head Girl, and he is Head Boy. We have to spend time together."

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure," the little girl replied. The group of friends burst out laughing.

"Leave it to Lily Evans to get called out by a nine-year old," noted Donna.

After dinner Marlene walked Valentina back to her chambers. The little girl hugged her again.

"Can I play with you again?" asked Valentina, and Marlene's heart went out to her. Valentina hadn't asked in a happy way, but a sad one. It sounded like she was lonely.

"Sure."

"Really?

"Really."

"Oh thank you!" Valentina exclaimed as she hugged Marlene again.

After the hug, Marlene bent over to speak to her, eye-to-eye. "I'll tell you what," she said. "Why don't I come find you this weekend and you can come hang out with me. As long as it's okay with your father."

"Oh it will be!" She hugged Marlene again, and this time around the shoulders, which made it easier for Marlene to respond with her own hug.

"I will see you soon."

"Soon!" replied the little girl. And with that, she skipped inside.


Lily was busy organizing her charms notes in the Head Boy and Girl's office when someone knocked. She had been expecting James- it was their first patrol together since returning back from break, but he would have just opened the door. Also, he was early. She got up and quickly messed with her hair- just in case. However, when she opened the door, it wasn't James. It was Donna.

Lily stood up. "Donna? Hey- what's going on? What are you doing here?"

"What? Do I need an excuse to drop in on my best friend these days?" asked Donna as she leaned against the door frame.

Lily laughed. "Ha no- I just know you. You don't just 'drop in'- unless you hit your head. Everything has a purpose- you don't waste energy or time. Wait- Have you hit your head?"

"No. I just wanted to finish our conversation from before." Donna came in and closed the door behind her. She sat in one of the spare chairs across from Lily's desk. It was weird being here- in the Head Girl's office. By now, Donna understood why Dumbledore had made the decision he had when it came to Head Girl. (Though James Potter as Head Boy remained a mystery to her.) It didn't mean she still wasn't jealous, that she still didn't wish it was her and not Lily Evans sitting at that desk.

"From before when?" Lily had completely forgotten- the look on her face made that clear to Donna.

"From the Potters- my conversation with Lathe over break," replied Donna.

The realization of why Donna was here came over Lily. She sat defeated back into her chair. "Oh, that's right. I'm sorry Donna I meant to come find you, but then-"

"But then James Potter happened. And Sirius got drunk. It's okay though- I figured something was up when Mr. and Mrs. Potter disappeared. Kingsley noticed too."

"He did?" Lily tried her hardest not to have her face betray her inner worry. She continued, "I'm sorry Donna. My mind has been in a millions places."

"It's okay. Like I said, I could tell something was going on. I'm not made of some delicate lace here, Evans. I get it. I could have said something in the Great Hall the other day or in the common room last evening; but what I have to say, I didn't want to say in front of the others."

"Okay," was all Lily could muster for the moment as her self-disappointment in herself changed into worry. "What's going on?"

Donna exhaled. She had yet to say it aloud since that day she sat at the table with Lathe. Saying it again would make it real. She didn't want it to be real. She wanted to go back before he had said those things- when Hogwarts felt safe.

"Lily, Lathe said he's using students." There. Donna finally got it out.

"He? Who's he? And what do you mean using-," Lily interrupted herself, "you mean he's using students? He's using them for what?"

"He's recruiting them. According to the ministry's sources, he-who-must-not-be-named is targeting students because we're vulnerable. He said that-"

A second knock at the door interrupted Donna. Remus Lupin opened the door a crack and poked his head through.

"Remus, what are you doing here?" Lily asked.

"I hope you don't mind. I asked James to switch with me."

"Oh no, not at all." Lily did her best not to sound disappointed. Lily turned to Donna, "Donna- can we?"

"Yes, I'll find you sometime later. I mean, you get the gist of it- it basically all boils down to that," said Donna.

Lily looked at Donna very seriously. She made a point to make eye contact with her friend and nod. She wanted Donna to know that she had understood the severity of what Donna had just shared with her.

"Good. Until then," said Donna.

"Yes," replied Lily as her friend made her way out the door.

"Goodbye you two. Have fun catching the kiddos making out," and Donna left them

Remus turned to Lily. "I'm sorry if I interrupted anything important."

"No, no. Just some girl stuff," Lily tried to cover up her worry. She didn't want to say anything more to anyone until she had talked to Donna again. What proof did Lathe have? Her mind kept returning to last year when Logan Harper had returned and tried to recruit her then boyfriend Luke. Just some girl stuff? Lily didn't even know what the excuse meant. She hated it, but she knew from her sister that it would shut boys up and stop them from prying.

Remus interrupted her thoughts. "Shall we?" he asked.

"We shall." And with that, the two made their way out into the hall.

"Where to?" asked Lily.

"You guide me, my dear."

"Alright then." And Lily took a left.

"Lily, we're friends right?"

"Yes, of course. That's an easy, though silly, question. Next."

"Right, and we've been friends for a while, right?"

"Yes. Another easy question."

"But, until very recently, we've kept each other at a distance."

"What do you mean 'at a distance?'" asked Lily. She was a little perturbed by the question he had just asked.

"What I mean is, even though we have been friends for a long time, we don't tell each other everything."

Lily understood where he was going, but still she countered him, "No two friends tell each other every little thing."

"Right, but some of us have bigger secrets than others."

"Yes, but there are reasons those secrets are secrets."

"Of course, but when do you decide to tell someone your secret? Do you just blurt it out over dinner or do you wait until you almost accidentally kill one of their friends?"

Lily understood. "Oh Remus."

"Oh Remus is right," replied her friend.

"You are debating whether or not you should tell Clancy."

"Exactly."

"Well, take me through it." Lily asked.

Remus began. He told Lily about how it- the bite, happened; and how everything changed with his mother afterwards. He went over visiting Hogwarts with his father and telling Dumbledore and McGonagall. He explained how James, Sirius, and Peter found out. Then finally, how Lily and Snape found out that fateful night last spring when Sirius told Snape about the Whomping Willow, which led him to the Shrieking Shack and a transformed Remus.

Lily nodded, asking questions here and there such as 'how old were you again,' 'what year was that,' and 'who told them first.' When they got to the story of the Shrieking Shack, Lily grew quieter. She wanted to hear it from Remus's point of view. It had been a traumatizing experience for him- all of it had, but this was the most recent. As a result, the wounds had barely begun to heal. The memory seemed to disturb him the most.

When he finished, Lily asked the big question. She had an idea how he might answer, but she wanted to hear it from him. "Remus, why are you telling me this?"

"I want to know what changed with us, with you, after you found out."

Lily thought for a minute. He was asking her because she was a girl; and because she was a girl, she might have some insight into how Clancy would react.

"Remus I have known you for years, and I have known you well."

"But-," Remus started to interrupt her.

"I am not finished. I have known you for years, and I have known you well, but I did not know all your secrets. Yes- secrets, with an s. You are a multi-dimensional person, Remus. I may not have realized how much so until recently, but I have known for a while that you are more than what you seem. I also know that I do not know everything, and I am okay with that. I am okay with learning slowly, although I am also okay with learning quickly."

Remus said nothing.

Lily continued, "However I am always learning. It will never stop. Just like I hope to surprise you sometimes."

"So what you're saying is…"

"Not yet Remus. Let her know the little things first. Just like you want to get to know the little things first."

Remus stood quietly for a moment, taking in everything Lily had said not quite sure what to think just yet.

Lily looked over at her friend, she couldn't exactly tell what he was thinking. He wasn't making eye contact, and his hands were stuffed in his pockets. She wished her words had reassured him more. She wanted to help him more. She slowly realized the only way to do this was by letting her actions speak louder than her words.

"Remus, did I ever tell you about the first time I let James in?"

Remus looked up at his friend and laughed. "Lily- are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"

"Oh merlin get your head out of the gutter!" But it was good to have a laugh with her friend. After all this serious conversation that made it a lot easier to continue. "Let me phrase it this way, have I ever told you about the day I realized James Potter was human?"

"James Potter is human? What?" exclaimed Remus rather amusingly.

"I'm serious Remus! It was last fall, over a year ago now, actually. Everything was going on with the suicides, Severus, the punch, Luke… it was a lot. My friends, well it's not that they weren't there for me, I just felt like I couldn't talk to them. I had always gone to Severus with this stuff, and that wasn't an option anymore."

"It was a crazy fall."

"It was. But the thing about it was, James wasn't some random person I just opened up to. I had known him for years."

Remus nodded his head.

Lily continued, "And so telling him didn't feel like quite a stretch. I just let him in a little bit, and then he shared some stuff with me. It sounds weird to put it this way, but I was testing the waters. Seeing what I could tell him, if I could trust him, even after I had known him all that time."

"I see."

"I told him about my father. I had never really told anyone about him. My father was just a normal guy with a normal job, but now he's gone."

"Oh I'm sorry Lily- I didn't know."

"Not many people do. Donna, Mary, and Marlene came to the services. Severus stayed the longest. He lived close by so that made sense. But that was it. I never talked about it with them."

"How'd he die?"

"Lung cancer. At the time people argued over why, but later we knew why- the cigarettes."

"But you sent those to James?"

"After my father died, I went on this binge. I was anxious about everything- I had lost a huge part of my foundation, and I was grasping at straws for a bit. I guess I'm not the kind of girl who has a huge rebellion or anything crazy."

"Lily Evans, I think you underestimate yourself."

"I think you do too, but that's not the point. The point is that I smoked for a bit. My sister caught me one night and freaked. She grabbed the cigarettes out of my hand, ripped them apart, and threw them in the trash. Then she poured bleach on them for good measure- afraid I would use some spell to put them back together, I suppose. Anyways, I sent them to James for other reasons. If he wanted to smoke a few, that's okay. Really I just wanted him to know that little rebellions are okay, and sometimes needed during a time like this."

"Lily, why are you telling me all this?"

Lily exhaled. "Remus, did you know any of this about me before?"

"No."

"And we're friends, right?"

"Right."

"And we've been friends for a while, no?"

"Ah, I see your point."

"Some things take a while to share."

"Some things do," Remus replied.

A moment of silence passed between the two friends.

"Lily, I'm worried. My secret- it could hurt someone."

"I know, but we won't let it."

"Lily, there's so much about this you don't know."

"I know, and that's okay. It doesn't mean I like you any less or don't want to be your friend. It just means that we have to take some time to figure it all out."

"I am afraid- what if I hurt her?"

"Remus, she's not heading down to the Shrieking Shack anytime soon. No one is. Don't put too much pressure on it, okay? Just let it work itself out."

"You really think so Lily?"

"I really do."

Lily and Remus stopped in front of the Head Girl's office while Lily headed in to get her things. When she returned to the hallway, Remus had another question for Lily.

"Lily, when did you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"When did you know you loved James?"

"Remus…"

"Lily- you can't lie to me. I know you too well now."

Lily laughed. "Hmm… I knew it for sure when I saw him on the platform at the beginning of the year. He was standing with Sirius. He had his stupid badge on and was leaning against something. His hair was a mess, like it always is, and he ran his hand through it as if that was going to fix it. We all know nothing can tame that mane of his. And then Sirius said something to make him laugh, and there it was: his smile. All I wanted to do was see that smile. I think that's when I knew, but I also think I loved him before that."

Remus raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?"

"I punched Nicolai Mulciber for him, didn't I?"

Remus and Lily laughed. She had her moments.

"Remus, it will all be fine. Trust me."

"Thank you Lily. I needed this."

"I think I did to." They made their way to the portrait of the lady, but just before they went inside, Lily grabbed Remus's sleeve. "Remus, I know this is silly to say, but don't tell James."

"I would never betray your trust Lily."

"Thank you. It's just that I…" Lily stumbled over her own words. Something she wasn't used to, but it happened time to time.

"I understand Lily." Remus kissed his friend on the forehead, and the two retreated to their rooms.


When Adam heard the music playing in the hallway, he was surprised. Bob Dylan- who at Hogwarts knew Bob Dylan, let alone had his record? He had a feeling he knew, but it couldn't be. Marlene's record player was up in her room and annoying to lug around. He turned the corner and followed the sound. Classes were done for the day so all the classrooms were empty. He couldn't be sure which one it was and so he had to open a few. On the third, there she was, but she wasn't alone. And it wasn't her record player.

The two were chattering away, and they didn't notice him open the door. He watched for a bit. Marlene was pointing out all the various switches and nobs on the record player in front of her. It was a little green one with a lid that would close and cover the top and a handle on the side. The sound wasn't great, thought Adam, but it wasn't bad.

"Ahem" he coughed.

Marlene jumped up startled. "Adam- oh hi! You scared me."

"Who are you?" the little girl asked.

"Valentina, this is Adam. He's in my house. We play Quidditch together."

"Oh! What position do you play?"

"Umm…" Adam wasn't sure what to make of this little girl. He actually was surprised he had hung around at all when he saw Marlene. Aside from their interaction on the Quidditch field, Adam made a point to avoid her. And not just her, everyone. Adam didn't really want to see much of anyone these days.

Marlene answered for him. "He's the keeper."

"Oh that's the position I want to play! Can a girl be a keeper?"

"Of course," answered Adam. He was surprised at the ease with which these last two words came out. He was even more surprised when he continued, "Some of the greatest keepers in Hogwarts history have been girls. Francine Feinstein was a Hufflepuff seventh year when we first started. Her skills almost got Hufflepuff the house cup that year."

"Really?" Valentina's eyes widened.

"Really. And the keepers an easy job compared to what Marlene does. If a girl can be a chaser, a girl can be a keeper."

"I think Marlene's the best out there," replied Valentina without hesitation.

"Yeah. She's real good isn't she?"

Valentina nodded her head, and Marlene blushed. She had no idea what shade of red she was turning right now, but she was sure it was a bright one.

"What's that you have there?" asked Adam.

"It's my record player! I just got it. Marlene helped me pick it out. Look!" With that she stopped the music and flipped over the cover. "It's got a handle and everything!"

"That is quite the record player. What have you got to play on it?"

"This is Marlene's record. Mine are still coming. My papa has my grandmother, my mum's mum, send these things for me. He doesn't really know about this kind of stuff, but Marlene does."

"Yes she does," Adam looked up at his friend. They made eye contact. Boy, did he miss her. It was the first time he had really looked at her in a long time, and it make his heart ache. With that, he got up.

"Well, I will leave you two to your Dylan. Valentina, right?"

"Right."

"Valentina I expect to see you again and hear more about your blossoming record collection- especially if you have something she doesn't have." He nodded in Marlene's direction. "I'm hoping you can introduce me to some new music."

Valentina giggled, "Okay."

"Alright, well bye."

"Bye Adam," said Marlene in a low voice. She didn't want him to go, but she knew she couldn't ask him to say.

"Bye Adam!" Valentina spoke much more loudly and waved.


About ten seconds after Adam left the room, Marlene looked at Valentina. "Valentina, will you give me a moment? I need to ask Adam about our next practice."

"Okay," said Valentina and she went back to fiddling with her new toy.

"Adam! Adam- wait up!" Marlene shouted down the hallway. Adam turned around.

"Marlene."

"Adam. I just wanted to ask how you're doing, but, you know, I didn't want to ask it in front of Valentina."

Adam exhaled and looked up. "I am doing okay."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Adam still looked up. He didn't want to cry- he hadn't yet and he didn't know why he felt like had to now. "No. There's nothing you can do."

"Oh," Marlene tried to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"I'm sorry Marlene. I can't…" and Adam turned to leave.

"Can't what?" Marlene reached out her hand to stop him from turning away. She knew she was pushing it. She knew she was supposed to be patient, but she couldn't help it.

"I can't do this. Not now. When I see you, I think of her."

Marlene said nothing. She knew he meant his sister.

"And I think of how I will never see her again. And it hurts. Seeing you hurts."

"Oh." This time Marlene did not try to hide the disappointment. It was there. There was no point.

"I'm sorry, Marlene. I really am." And with that, Adam walked around the corner. Marlene wiped her eyes and returned to the room where Valentina had started playing music again.


When he knew Marlene was gone, Adam came back. He just peaked around the corner, and then he let himself sink to the floor. He wiped away his stray tears. He hadn't meant the words he said, at least he hadn't meant them to hurt Marlene. He was angry- he was so angry with it all. How could it have happened? How could Sarah be gone? It made no sense. And worse, he took it out on the one person he cared about most in the world. He sat there motionless and listened to the music as it drifted from the classroom.

Sarah would have liked this song, he thought.


Alice Longbottom shifted in her seat uncomfortably at the café. It was her and Frank's one night off together in the past three weeks. She had been looking forward to a dinner out, some relaxation, and some sleep, among other things. When Frank announced this meeting with Dumbledore, she complained.

"Frank you know what he wants. Why are we doing this?"

"I don't know. I just want to hear him out again."

"You do?" Alice was surprised. When Dumbledore first met with them last year at Hogwarts, Alice had been intrigued; but Frank was more of a company man. If they were going to be aurors, it was now or never, he said, so they stuck with the plan. However, here her lovely husband was: arranging a meeting with Dumbledore and confusing the hell out of her.

Alice had arrived from the office first and found the café Dumbledore had mentioned. She got a table for three and hoped Frank would arrive before Dumbledore. No luck. As she sipped on her tea, in walked the wizard himself- in a suit no less.

Alice couldn't help herself, "Professor Dumbledore? Is that you?" Not only did he change out of his robes, but his hair was swept back into a low ponytail. He was still Dumbledore though. His glasses hung ever-so-precipitously on the edge of his nose. And of course, the hat. Slightly askew, but somehow securely perched on his head. There was also the color of that suit. She thought the only muggle she had seen wear one of those was that piano player in Vegas. This deep, dark purple was a good color on Dumbledore though.

"I believe this is what people talk about when they say 'incognito.' Am I pulling it off?"

Alice laughed. She didn't want to hurt his feelings, so she found a safe answer. "Professor Dumbledore I think I would always recognize you no matter what you are wearing. It's your eyes. They always give you away."

He winked, "Oh well. Can't blame me for trying."

"Frank should be on his way- he got stuck on an errand at the office so I came ahead."

"Right," Dumbledore continued, "but you and I can go ahead and get started."

Alice felt uncomfortable, but he was the headmaster of Hogwarts, was he not? Who was she to argue with him? Okay, so she wasn't a student anymore, but long-held roles are hard to fall out of.

"Alice, have you given any more thought to our discussion last spring?"

Alice nodded. The Order. Dumbledore's answer to Voldemort's Death Eaters. The ministry was underestimating him, and Voldemort knew that. Voldemort wanted a battle, Dumbledore had said, and he was expecting us to be unprepared. He counted on it.

"Given the events this past summer and fall, I'm re-evaluating my offer."

"You are?" Alice was surprised by the disappointment in her voice. They had declined it, but it didn't mean she didn't want to be asked ago or that she hadn't thought about it every day since walking into Peverall Hall that cold November day.

"Yes, after I discussed it with Frank again-"

"What? What do you mean discussed it with Frank again?" The mention of her husband's name and a possible meeting without her knowledge caused the newlywed to dismiss all manners and decorum. She had interrupted Dumbledore. She would have to make a mental note of that one. She'd probably never be doing that again.

"Yes, we met the other day. I wanted to talk to you each individually. I know it's a bit unfair of me, but you both are so talented- independently of one another. If I could just get one of you-"

"What do you mean one of us?" Twice in one lifetime. Alice must have been going for some record. That, or maybe she could be a little more reckless that she gave herself credit for. "We're husband and wife Professor Dumbledore. We're a team. We made a vow to each other, and we intend to keep it." At least she did. She was going to kill Frank.

"Ah yes, that's what Frank said," replied Dumbledore. Maybe she didn't have to kill Frank after all. Dumbledore continued, "What do you think of Barty Crouch?"

"Mr. Crouch? He's wonderful actually- so much better than the Dearborn bloke before him. It's the first time since I've been there that I've seen the D.M.L.E. and Department of Aurors function alongside one another. Even Moody and he seem to get along."

"Alex Potter hand picked him, did you know that?" Alice shook her head. Dumbledore continued, "It seems that Alex had actually shortlisted Crouch when he made his retirement announcement, but some wizards conveniently lost that list."

Even before Alice was a ministry employee, the inner workings and politics of the Ministry of Magic intrigued her. She listened intently, hoping Dumbledore would reveal more. He didn't.

"Alice, have you thought anymore about my offer from last spring?"

"Some," but Alice didn't want to divulge more. Her and Frank had discussed it again. And again. And again. Especially after that cold November day.

"Alice, I think you and Frank should remain aurors."

This surprised Alice. She was not expecting that at all. All of a sudden, her feelings switched from the anxiety of having to say no to Dumbledore yet again to disappointment in the idea that Dumbledore no longer wanted her on his team- yet again.

"Alice, I am just coming from meeting with the Weasleys. Arthur is a new father- obviously he cannot give up his position at the ministry. However, he still wants to help. He still wants to play his part."

"Okay," Alice wasn't sure where Dumbledore was going with this. What did she have to do with the Weasleys?

"Alice, what would you say to remaining an auror and aiding in the cause?"

"What do you mean?"

"Alice, we are going to need all the help we can get- especially from talented wizards and witches, such as yourself." Alice was relieved- Dumbledore still thought highly of her. She also blushed- he had actually complimented her. Dumbledore had given her a compliment even after she interrupted him twice.

Dumbledore continued, "We need wizards and witches we can trust- we need to be able to trust with our lives."

Alice nodded. That made sense.

Dumbledore exhaled, "Alice, I want you and Frank to remain aurors. However, I would also like you to work with the Order."

"You want us to do both?"

"Yes."

"But how? Frank and I don't have enough time as is."

"I know. But just to know you're on our side- that would make me feel so much better."

Her? Make Dumbledore feel better? She must be imagining this all. This is a dream. She dreamed up the café with its red-topped, round tables and wait staff that could barely be bothered long enough to take your order. Pretty soon Dream Dumbledore across from her would say she needed to apparate to Chile right away, and she would; and the dream would start again.

Dumbledore went on, "Alice, would you reconsider my offer?"

After a moment Alice asked, "What did Frank say?"

"He said nothing because I have not asked him yet."

"Oh," Alice wasn't sure what that meant. Why hadn't Dumbledore asked Frank when they met? Not that he could have answered. This is something they would discuss together.

"To be honest, Frank and I have thought back to your offer. We find ourselves often questioning what good we can do as trainee aurors. It can be frustrating. But here, you're not asking me to give that up- you're asking me to do both. I don't understand how we can do that."

Dumbledore exhaled, "I'm not giving up Alice. I want you on my team, but I do understand if you're saying no."

"I'm not saying no. I'm asking how?"


It was a chilly Thursday night in January the first time James and Lily got a chance to patrol together after the break. They had a few chances to talk here and there as well as a few study sessions in the library, but nothing too deep. Even though James had plenty of deep items going on in his life right now, he felt light as he made his way to the Head Boy and Girl office. He had not had been able to spend too much time alone with Lily, and he was looking forward to tonight. When James walked in, Lily was sitting at the desk writing in a thick, brown leather-bound book.

"What's that?" asked James

Lily looked up. James swore she blushed just a little.

"Oh nothing," she replied.

"Seriously- what is that Snaps?"

"Promise not to laugh?"

"Promise," replied James.

"I journal," Lily said as she met James eyes and watched that intoxicatingly handsome crooked smile spread across his face. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing. It just makes sense."

"It does?" she asked.

"Yes, it does," replied James. "So do we spend the evening here? Or-"

"Or," Lily interrupted. "Did you bring the Benson and Hodges?"

"Yes," James said as he tossed Lily the almost-empty package. "I've been meaning to ask you about that. I thought you knew I was giving it up."

Lily opened up the package and the two last cigarettes slid out into her hand. She held them up in front of James. "Giving it up, eh? Looks about right."

"Sirius," he shrugged in response to Lily. She looked at him skeptically. "Seriously!" he added. The two laughed.

"James, I knew you wanted to quit or had quit or something, but I thought just one last one for the both of us."

"One last one?"

"One last one," Lily responded as she handed the two cigarettes back to James

"For both of us?" asked James.

"For both of us," Lily repeated.

"Well then, let's go," James answered as Lily led the way to the Astronomy Tower.


Lily's heartbeat set her pace. Bum-bum, right foot. Bum-bum, left foot. Bum-bum, right foot. Bum-bum, left foot. She thought James must have heard it. She was definitely giving herself away. Bum-bum, right foot. Bum-bum, left foot. He had to know, right? She was doing such a poor job of hiding it. She had been looking forward to this evening all day. All week in fact. Studying for her NEWTs had been painful. Plus she had sat down and talked to Donna briefly again before Marlene flew into the room. Something about that little girl and Adam and Bob Dylan. She knew she should talk to James about what Donna had told her, but she also knew he had a lot on his plate. Bum-bum, right foot. Bum-bum, left foot. James must hear it. Bum-bum, right foot. Bum-bum, left foot. Lily decided she should hold her breath.

"Well, here we are. Shall we?" and James handed Lily a cigarette.

Lily took it. "Cheers," and she tapped her cigarette with James.


How did she do it? James thought to himself. She walked towards him, by him, and out the door cool as a cucumber. He caught just a whiff of her apple-scented shampoo. Just a whiff was all he needed. It was like a drug- he was hooked. He would follow her anywhere.

She walked alongside him. He couldn't help but watched her every move: the way she stepped to a rhythm that he couldn't quite get, how her hand tucked her hair behind her ear, and her eyes. Those eyes.

When they got closer to the tower, the steps narrowed. He walked behind her. He watched every sway of her body. He longed to reach out and wrap his arms around her waist, bury his face in her hair, and kiss her neck; and then turn her around and kiss her lips. He played the fantasy out so naturally in his head- as if they had done it a million times before. However, they had not, and they stepped out into the night air of the astronomy tower.

The cool wind hit James's face. He looked down at Lily and offered her a cigarette. "Well, here we are. Shall we?"

Lily took it. "Cheers."

They lit their cigarettes, and James slowly exhaled. Lily and James watched his smoky breath curl through the air.

"I get it," said Lily.

"What's that?"

"Why you like the way it looks- how the smoke moves through the air so smoothly and then just disappears."

"Yeah, it's nice," but James didn't mean it as he said it. He had given them up, and he was really only doing this because she had asked. Not that he really blamed her. It was a nice gesture.

Then it was Lily's turn. She tried to imitate her friend, but to no avail. She had only picked up cigarettes for a short while, and truly and deeply inhaling had never been her thing. She started to hack up a storm. James laughed, and she joined him.

"I guess there are other reasons to give this up," she shared as she continued to cough and laugh.

"Yep. There are," and James took the cigarette from his mouth. "What shall we do now?"

"Pitch 'em?" Lily asked.

"Sounds like a good idea. On the count of three. One," started James. Lily added her voice to the "two" and "three." They threw the cigarettes and started to watch them fall from the tower, but James didn't finish. He didn't really care about the cigarettes. He just enjoyed standing close to Lily. Their arms touched- it was almost as if Lily was leaning on him.

"Now that was a sight to see," added Lily as she turned to James.

"Mmm hmm," replied James. He didn't want to say much- he didn't want to ruin the moment.

Lily turned her head and looked out over the rooftops of Hogwarts castle. She just wanted to stand there with her shoulder pressed against his. They stood there in silence and the chill for a few minutes, quietly enjoying one another's company.

"James," asked Lily breaking the silence. "What will you do after this?"

"I assume I'll go to bed and wake up tomorrow for breakfast."

"That's not what I mean."

"I know, but I'm liking where I am right now."

"Me too," and Lily turned to face James again. He was looking right at her. This was going to be it. She was going to kiss James Potter and be kissed by him. She knew it would be good- not from rumors or stories, she just knew. Lily leaned in as she saw James lean over. This was it. It was really happening.

When Lily's face had turned and her eyes had met James, it surprised him how comfortable and carefree he felt. He forgot everything else. He could hear nothing but the sound of his own heartbeat. And then it all changed. His mouth felt dry. His stomach knotted up in anticipation. It was finally happening. Finally. He leaned over to meet Lily's lips.

And then, the unthinkable happened. Again. "Ahem," coughed a figure from behind them.

They both turned, startled and surprised, to find Lathe.

"I see patrol is going well tonight," stated the wizard. James could have killed him- not literally, but he would do anything to take back the last few seconds and make this man disappear.

"Yes, we were just checking the tower for students," stated Lily. James could see her cheeks blushing as she made eye contact with Lathe and turned her head from side to side. "We should be going now," Lily said as she turned to James.

"Yes, leave- more halls to walk," added James as he started to make his way to the stairwell. Lily was right behind him. Thrice now- in her driveway, at his parent's Christmas party, and now on the astronomy tower, James Potter had almost kissed Lily Evans. Thrice something had stopped them. At least, he told himself, this time it wasn't her.

"Wait."

Lily and James turned to face Lathe. What was he going to do? Report them? James wanted to see the look on McGonagall's as Lathe described the scene he had just walked in on. Would she have been surprised? Impressed by James moves? Disappointed in Lily's taste in men? It didn't matter, he told himself. They were Head Boy and Head Girl on patrol after all. They had done nothing wrong.

"I came to find the two of you," he stated. "I want to talk to you both, as Head Girl and Head Boy, about some recent developments."

"Oh," was all Lily managed at that moment.

"I think down in my office would be a bit more appropriate." And with that, James and Lily left the Astronomy Tower and followed Lathe downstairs.


About halfway there, James turned and whispered in Lily's ear. "Do you know what this is about?"

She shrugged her shoulders. She lied. She had an idea it had to do with what Donna had told her, but she had said nothing to James. She told herself it was because she didn't want him to worry. Now, as they made their way downstairs, she started to worry she had kept the secret for other reasons.

"Right this way, here are some chairs." They walked into Lathe's office. The former-auror cleared some paperwork off of one his chairs. Rather than sit behind the desk, he brought his chair over and opposite from the ones that Lily and James just sat in. Lathe went straight to it. "Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans, I have received intel from the ministry that he-who-must-not-be-named is recruiting here at Hogwarts."

"What? Hogwarts? Why?" asked a shocked James.

"He has a special connection to the place. He went to school here after all. He also knows how vulnerable and impressionable young students can be."

Lily's mind turned to Severus. Please don't say his name. Please don't say his name. She hoped her face wouldn't betray her inner thoughts.

Lathe continued, "As Head Boy and Head Girl I felt it impertinent for you to know. No one else knows- except Donna Shacklebolt."

"Wait. You're telling me that Volde- I mean, he-who-must-not-be-named has an insider, or possible insiders, here at Hogwarts."

"Yes."

"And the ministry has known this-"

Lathe interrupted, "The ministry doesn't know for sure. There are just theories. For example, last year Logan Harper returned to Hogsmeade and attempted to recruit his younger brother for a mission in London."

Lily didn't dare look at James, but she felt his eyes on her. She didn't know what to say, but she knew she had to change the subject. The memory flashed before her eyes. She felt ill. "Do you know anything more?" she asked. Her voice was too calm, she thought. She was giving herself away. James would blame her. He would be upset with her. Tonight would be just another night between them that had gone from good to bad to way worse.

"Well," Lathe stated, "according to our intel, the followers of he-who-must-not-be-named have been meeting with students. They have asked these students to perform unthinkable acts as a sign of allegiance and pledge of loyalty." Lily's mind raced back to last year- Mary, Marlene. It couldn't be true, and yet, it made complete sense. Those unforgivable curses had not been performed at Hogwarts in years, and then they happened. She turned to James to stop him.

"You stopped Nicolai Mulciber," James began, "but no one knows who performed the cruciatus curse on Marlene."

"No one?" asked Lathe. Oh merlin- Donna must have said something. Lily had to stop it. She didn't want to hear his name. Once it was said, it couldn't be taken back.

"I have my theories," added James.

"Yes, that is what Ms. Shacklebolt said. And now, if you could, I would like to hear them."

"No," said Lily as James opened his mouth. She closed her eyes. She knew she couldn't stop him, but she also wanted it to be known that she disagreed.

"No?" asked Lathe. "And why's that?"

Lily could feel James's anger next to her. "Because he was her friend, or is, I never know." Lily looked away. James continued, "he was in the castle the day Marlene was cursed. Most of the students were away at Hogsmeade enjoying a day away, but he was here."

"And I take it you think he wasn't here because of a hefty homework load?"

"No. He was here and so was his friend. Saul Something-or-other."

"Hester," Lily whispered. She looked Lathe in the eye. She didn't like it, but she had to tell the truth. She looked over at James. His eyes stared straight ahead and refused to meet hers.

"Okay, Saul Hester. And Nicolai Mulciber performed the curse on Mary McDonald later on. I saw that with my own eyes. There are rumors of other victims- a Ravenclaw second year, a Hufflepuff girl."

"Others?" asked Lily.

"Others," answered Lathe, and then he continued, "So who was this wizard who stayed back from Hogsmeade? Who do you think performed this curse on Marlene Price?"

"Severus Snape," James stated purposely and without hesitation. James did it so quickly. Lily realized he had done it that way so she would not have a moment to register Lathe's question.

"Yes. Severus Snape," she responded. The strength in her voice surprised her.

"Do you have any other proof? Anything that can prove he was here in the castle other than his word against yours?" Lathe inquired.

James looked away. Lily knew he had proof, but she also knew he wouldn't share it. James responded with a cold "no."

"No," added Lily.

"Alright then, well now you know some of what I know. If you would, could you please have two patrol teams every night? Mix up the teams as well- no two people from the same house. Also, random pairing. We don't want some to get too comfortable. I've already let Dumbledore and McGonagall know. If you could, please share the new patrol schedule with me." Lily and James nodded. "Alright, that's all for now. I will get that new schedule from you on Friday."

And with that Lily and James left the office.

"James… James! Slow down. Please, can we talk?" asked Lily.

"Not right now. I don't want to fight with you anymore Lily. Not tonight. Not after everything. Let's just check the map and see who's out. Then, bed."

Lily nodded. She could tell he was upset, and she knew why. Their moment of happiness was over. It had tumbled down to the ground with their last two cigarettes.

They walked back to the office in silence. While she gathered her books, James looked over the map. No one was out. They could make their way back to the Gryffindor common room, and that's just what they did- in complete silence.

The room was empty when they got there. As James began to make his way to his stairs, he stopped and turned.

"You had an idea, didn't you? When Lathe said he wanted to talk to us, you knew why."

Lily nodded.

"Why didn't you say anything? Donna knew- why didn't you tell me?"

Lily exhaled- she hated that James was disappointed in her. It also bothered her that this bothered her so much. "Donna had mentioned they had talked over holiday, but she was never able to tell me everything. I know it's an excuse, but I didn't want to worry you. I also didn't want to say it aloud. To suggest that this place, of all places, was not safe."

James was the one who nodded this time. "I'm sorry James," she added. She shuffled her feet. The night had been a long one. She needed time to finally process it all. She wanted to be alone.

James turned away again, rested his elbow on the door frame that lead to his room. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with one hand. "Lily," he asked calmly, "do you believe me now? About Snape?"

Lily should not have been surprised by this question. After everything that James had said to Lathe in the office earlier, she should have expected it. However, she didn't. She hugged the book in her arms tighter to her chest. She found an empty chair and sat down.

"I don't know James. I still don't know."

"Why? Why don't you believe me? He is friends with Mulciber and all those freaks." At the sound of the word freak, Lily flinched. "How do you not get this? Snape is not who you think he is. Please Lily- you have to believe me. You have to be careful."

"You don't understand."

"What don't I understand?"

The anger in his voice surprised Lily. She looked up. "James, I'm sorry I cannot be so callous with another wizard's reputation as you are." She got up to leave and headed towards her door.

"Tell me why Lily. Tell me why, after all this time, you are still protecting him." He was no longer leaning on the door frame, but he had turned and fully faced her.

She stopped. "Because he was here before all this." She turned, held out her free hand, and gestured to the room surrounding them. "He was here before you and before Donna and Mary and Marlene and before the letter. He was the only one who told me there wasn't anything wrong with me- that I wasn't a freak, and meant it. He believed in me before anyone else, before I believed in myself." She let both arms fall to her side, one barely holding on to the book she had so tightly grasped. After a moment she continued; but she didn't lift her head as she spoke, "I didn't grow up like you James." She refolded her arms and hugged he book. She shifted the bag on her shoulder and turned to her stairs.

"Lily," James called.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"That this is happening. I guess I get it- how much he means to you."

"I'm sorry too," she replied, though she was sorry for much more than Severus Snape. She headed up her stairs. She could feel James watching her, waiting for something, but she just wanted to go to bed. She was exhausted.