Faith Forever
Chapter 4
Buffy blushed. Faith was such a bitch. She swept in and out of Buffy's life without even caring what it was doing to her. The blonde slayer stood up straighter, tried to appear taller, a little more intimidating. "No, I'm not just interested in whether or not you're single. I was just... You mentioned it and..." She shook her head. "I don't care. If you found someone then I'm happy for you."
"I didn't find anyone," Faith said. "Did you?"
Buffy bit her lip and shook her head. She wanted to be all nonchalant and cool, but Faith made her feel the total opposite of nonchalant and cool. "Of course not. I wasn't looking for anyone. I'm here to slay. Not to.. Date."
"Why can't you we do both?" Faith asked her and sat on the bed, undoing her shoelaces, and sliding off her boots.
"We?"
"I mean why can't you do both. Why can't I do both. Separately."
"Oh."
Faith slid her arms out of her jacket. "Or we could do what we DID do and slay. Whatever. It's up to you."
The blond slayer's heart sped up. She couldn't believe that she heard what she just heard. Had Faith actually just offered to HAVE something with her? "What?"
"I mean," Faith said and tossed her jacket on top of her duffel, "I know you want to. I can feel it."
"Maybe I do," Buffy replied. "Maybe I do feel something. But I have self control. I was weak that night. And upset. And you were there. I'm not going to act on it again. I know better than that."
"Why?" Faith responded, "Are you scared of me?"
"Scared of you?" Buffy shook her head. "No. I'm scared of me. Last time I gave into this feeling, I destroyed an entire house. And I'm not up for that. I'm not up for destroying anything right now. Or tomorrow even. I was perfectly happy just having a vacation with Vi and Ken before you showed up and tried to speed up our slaying. We all need a break. We've been training for weeks and this is our first time away from Academy. And these aren't regular vamps. They're Turok-Han. The last time we faced Turok-Han I lost a lot of people I cared about." She walked past Faith and sat in the same place she had sat to remove her shoes.
"So we take a day off tomorrow," Faith said and pulled off her jacket, dropping it onto her duffel bag by the door. "Spend the entire day playin' cards and restin' and layin' in bed. I ain't gonna lie. I need the break too. I just thought you guys wanted to get it over it."
"Honestly, I don't want to do it at all. I don't mind risking my life," Buffy said, pulling off her own jacket to reveal her tight white tee. "But I absolutely don't feel okay risking Violet and Kennedy's lives again."
"They're slayers, B," Faith argued. "They can handle themselves. The kids you lost weren't ready. They didn't have the power yet. These girls do. And besides, you got me on your side. I got your back."
Buffy licked her lips and stood back up. She walked up to the other slayer and grabbed the front of Faith's shirt. She pulled her up to her and brought her mouth within an inch of the other girl's mouth. She could feel Faith's breath pushing against her lips. She could have kissed her but she did not. Instead, she slid her arms around the taller girl and yanked her into a tight embrace.
"I love you Faith," Buffy said, feeling her eyes fog up. "But I don't trust you. I want to think you have my back. And that you'll be here in the morning. But I can't be sure of that."
Faith's hands went to Buffy's shoulder blades, and breathed in the sweet scent of the blonde slayer's perfume- strawberries and cream. It was such a cute smell. Not intimidating at all. But still, she knew absolutely that the girl in her arms could absolutely lay her out if she wanted to. "It's okay," she said, "I deserve it. Say what you wanna say." She pushed away from Buffy and stepped back a few steps. "I just appreciate you letting me stay. I know I said otherwise, but I don't got anywhere else to go."
The blonde tried to look indifferent. "Yeah. It's not a big deal. You came all the way here. I can't just kick you out."
"You could," Faith ran a hand through her hair. "But you didn't. So thanks."
Buffy sighed. "You just took off," she said, "After you were so..." The blond shook her head, sort of lost. "I guess I just thought you were trying to be differnt. Like maybe that you wanted to stick around for a while. After the battle, I mean."
"I did," Faith licked her lips, "I wanted to stick around. At first. But when I thought about why.. I couldn't do it. I had to split."
The blond slayer didn't want to push Faith. She knew that the brunette wasn't one to talk about her feelings. And she knew that their past made Buffy one of the people that Faith wanted to talk to the least. But she couldn't keep herself from asking, "Why DID you want to stick around?" Faith had been there for her in the motel outside of Sunnydale. And she'd really proven herself in the actual battle that day.
"I've changed B," Faith said, her voice quiet, and sultry. "I could show you..."
There was a moment when Buffy wanted to just give in. But she couldn't do that again. "Let's just go to sleep, okay?"
The brunette's eyes scanned Buffy's face. "Okay." Then she looked down. "I can't sleep in these pants though. And I know damn well that you can't sleep in those jeans. Jeans are so fucking uncomfortable when you're trying to sleep. Hell, clothes are uncomfortable when you're trying to sleep."
"I wouldn't NORMALLY sleep in jeans," Buffy said. "But I don't have pajamas. Haven't rebought any since Battle Sunnydale. Didn't think I'd need any. Usually sleep alone. And I'm DEFINITELY not getting naked in front of you again."
Faith couldn't help but laugh. "I promise you that if you take off your pants, I won't make a move on you. Just lemme take mine off too."
It was tempting. Buffy really couldn't sleep with them on. And she was exhausted. "You can take yours off, but I'm keeping mine on. Like I said, I want to trust you. But I don't. Sorry."
The brunette shrugged. "It's cool, B," she said and pulled her pants off. "It's not me that's gonna be uncomfortable." Then she pulled the blanket down on the bed and got in laying with one arm under her head, the other at her side.
Buffy slid in beside her, and stared up at the ceiling. Truthfully, she wanted to grab Faith, bang her against the bed, ask her why she could abandon her. Seeing Faith again made her realize how much the other girl had hurt her. She'd hurt her so many times before, Buffy shouldn't have been surprised. But seeing that other side of Faith had confused her. The soft, sensual Faith that had held her and kissed her that night was gone again.
The two slayers lay beside each other in bed, in complete silence, careful not to touch. It was driving Faith crazy that Buffy wasn't all over her. She had wanted her to. She had wanted the blond slayer to lay with her in bed and kiss her and... It was silly really, but Faith had kissed Buffy that night, after they'd fought the First and watched so many people that they'd taken INTO the battle FALL in the battle.. It felt good. It felt right. She'd thought at first that it was just out of desperation that they'd kissed. She'd thought that Buffy had given in to her because she was low and depressed and Faith was there. But the longer they kissed, the most she felt that there was something else. Of course there had been a vibe in Sunny D. They'd danced around each other for years. When Faith first showed up in town, she wanted to fuck Buffy against a brick wall. But she didn't. She distracted herself with guys. Xander once. And so many other nameless guys other times.
Faith made bad decisions. She went to the mayor because SHE had been desperate. She wanted Buffy to want her as much as she wanted Angel. But she didn't. And so Faith found someone who DID need her. And later when she showed up wearing Buffy's skin.. It was just a way to get close to her. She knew it was. She tried to act like a villian, but she knew it was all rooted in passion. And this past time in Sunny D, right before the big blow out.. It drove her mad the way Buffy went after Spike. And maybe she kicked her out, treated her bad.. It was because she couldn't handle it anymore, the vibe between them. She wanted to do something about it. And in that motel, she had her chance. And Buffy let her do it. She kissed her back. Even got in the shower with her and pressed her body against Faith's. And Faith had been gentle, treated her with tenderness and care because she didn't want to scare Buffy away. The best part of all of it was holding the girl as she fell asleep. It was almost like she belonged.
It was half way through the night that Faith realized that she didn't. The second Buffy woke up, she would go back to Buffy world, not liking Faith. Barely standing Faith. And Faith wouldn't have been able to handle it. Or at least she THOUGHT she wouldn't. That's why she left. Why she tried to start over. Why she shacked up with some dumbass. But after a few weeks she realized that she was wrong. She didn't CARE if Buffy hid them. The safety and rest she felt holding the other slayer was worth it. They could kiss in secret. That was okay. She wanted to be able to hold Buffy again and make her feel like for a minute, at least a minute, that the world hadn't completely ended. That they still had each other.
But Buffy didn't make a move. She lay absolutely quiet and waited until Faith was asleep and she heard the girl's quiet breathing. And then she crept out of bed, and went back to the kitchen.
