Hello dreamers! Here is chapter 4. Took a bit longer but here it is, also, it turned quite longer than I thought it would... but hey, even better!
Have fun!
The pain.
Oh the paIn.
Rin laid on her side curled into a ball. The walls wouldn't stop moving and everything smelled so bad. She looked over as her nana entered her chambers.
"Rin, you have to eat. I brought you some broth." Izanagi said while she kneeled next to the futon.
"No, please nana. Everything smells so bad, I do not ….I am not hungry." Rin turned her back to her nana and hugged herself.
"Rin you haven't eaten all day, it's almost time for supper. You carry a pup, not a baby and you need to eat."
"Everything stinks, nana. I feel sick."
Izanagi sighed and put the bowl of broth next to her.
"Sickness is normal and you cannot simply stop eating. You are denying nourishment to your pup." Izanagi touched Rin's forehead to make sure her temperature was normal. Rin did look a little pale, yet when she confirmed that Rin was fine, she picked the bowl of broth up from the floor.
Rin sat up slowly and sighed. "Very well, nana."
Rin took the bowl from her nana and reluctantly started sipping it. It didn't taste bad and quite honestly it made her stomach stop hurting so much, yet the smell was terrible.
"It feels good, doesn't it? Be glad I didn't tell that pompous mate of yours, he would have fit if he knew your little fasting idea."
"I do not believe my lord would be so terribly bothered." Rin said, her gaze locked on the bowl in her hands.
"What has he done, now? That pup plays at being alpha too much."
"My lord has done nothing wrong. I just feel he has been… absent."
There was a small silence, like a small pause in which Izanagi stared at Rin with an odd expression. After that moment, however, Izanagi laughed in such a mocking manner that Rin couldn't help but feel embarrassed.
"He has always been absent, child. Did you suddenly grow out of your infatuation for him? It would have done you good to have woken up before you mated him and got yourself with child." Izanagi answered her.
Rin shook her head. She didn't bother pointing out that she was not infatuated with her mate. She loved Sesshoumaru more than anything or anyone. Her nana, however, had always referred to her feelings for her mate as an 'infatuation'. She wasn't sure why she did that, but Rin was used to it.
"Nana, Lord Sesshoumaru has been more absent. He does not call for me when he is in his study, he does not require I accompany him during supper and I have not been able of speaking with him in a few days."
"Oh child, he is a lord. He has no time to cuddle you."
Rin frowned and slowly put the bowl back on the floor.
"Lord Sesshoumaru does not cuddle me."
"And I am twelve years old. Stop lying already and tell me child, when did you last share his bed?" Izagami asked.
Rin blinked at her nana. What was she referring to? Did she mean lying next to him or mating with him? Rin was slowly getting flushed, she could feel it. She looked away and waited for her nana to elaborate.
"Rin, you don't have to turn bright red from the simple thought of lying with your mate. Now, answer me."
"Maybe a week or two?" Rin mumbled "He has not shared this chambers with me at all during that time."
Izanagi stared for a few seconds at Rin, then turned around and left the room. In that instant, Rin scrambled to her feet to follow her nana. She knew where she was going and now she really wished she had kept her mouth shut like a proper wife should. Her mate could ask for her presence whenever he wished, Rin shouldn't be acting like she was in need of more attention.
For an old lady, Izanagi was fast. Rin could barely keep following her and manage not to fall flat on her face from the dizziness she was feeling. It must've been an interesting sight; Rin, a young seventeen year old woman at the prime of her years, practically running to catch up with her nana; an old, frail and wrinkled looking demoness, who looked like she could really use some eternal rest.
Izanagi stopped at the door of Sesshoumaru's study. Rin skidded to a halt and turned to flatten herself against one of the walls so she wouldn't be seen by Sesshoumaru. She could definitely hear her nana though.
"Sesshoumaru! You should know very well that during the early months of the growing of your pup you have to be there. You have to feed him your energy or else the pup will suck your mate's energy up and weaken her." Izanagi scolded Sesshoumaru, who at the moment was in a meeting with the commanders of his troops. The look he gave Izanagi could be qualified as a threat all on its own, which did not affect her in the least. Sesshoumaru turned to briefly glance at the men.
"Dismissed."
The men stood and left the room instantly. Rin wanted to hide so they wouldn't see her, yet there wasn't really anywhere to run quick enough and not be seen. Each man bowed to her as they passed her and Rin was grateful that she couldn't hear their thoughts.
"Sesshoumaru, I am waiting for your defense." Izanagi's voice pulled Rin's attention back to the scene inside the meeting room.
"You have interrupted battle strategies over the whims of a spoiled woman. Tell me, when do you plan do die?" Sesshoumaru said as he stood up and walked past Izanagi heading for the hall.
"Well, sooner than your former ward was my plan, though it seems I will have to start preparing the girl's burial grounds instead of my own." The scorn in Izanagi's voice was thick. Why was her nana talking about her dying?
"If this Sesshoumaru's mate has something bothering her she should come to her mate's presence and ask for assistance, instead of cowering behind a wall like a quivering pup." With that Sesshoumaru left. He walked past her without any other acknowledgement of her presence.
Rin would've cried, yet the broth had done its job and after running through the halls and feeling overwhelmed by nerves, her body decided it was time to empty her stomach once more. She kneeled on the floor and let it all out. She felt her nana pulling her hair back out of the way. Rin wiped her mouth with a cloth her nana handed to her and stood back up.
"I will go wash up. Thank you."
After cleaning herself up, Rin sat next to a tree in her private gardens. She was worried and upset. Her mate thought of her as a quivering pup! 'Well that would make him a sick lord' she thought. She'd spoken with Maiha while she helped her clean up. Maiha had stayed silent for the most part of their conversation and in the end, only told her to be patient. It isn't like she was going to run away. Where in the lands would she go? She wanted to be with Sesshoumaru. She was just hurt by his words. She had gone through worse as a child and a little stabbing on her feelings wouldn't send her to the underworld.
There was something else that was bothering her, however, and that was the fact that her nana had said the pup would suck up her energy. Rin had no idea what that meant. She had felt more tired lately, but she asked one of the healers of the castle and he said that was normal in pregnant women.
Rin stood and made her way to the library. There were hundreds of scrolls saved in there and there should be some written by the former ladies of the western lands, hopefully. She went through a couple of the scrolls, skipped the war strategies, ruling, lord entries about economy, there were even entries she was sure were there simply out of boredom of some lords. She recognized the writings by the great Inu No Taisho. They had used some specific scrolls written by him when they were teaching her proper grammar. Maybe his mate had written something, but then it wouldn't be there. Rin realized she wouldn't find anything on her. The former lady of the western lands wasn't the human woman, but the woman she had met nine years ago in her castle in the sky, Sesshoumaru's mother.
Rin felt defeated. Nothing that imperial demoness had written would be of use to her. Rin was a human and what she was looking for was how a half demon pup would affect her body. Her mate's mother was a full blooded demon and anything she went through couldn't be compared to what would happen to Rin. She sat on the floor staring at nothing for a long time until she felt the beginnings of hunger. She heard someone enter the library and knew she'd see Sesshoumaru standing in front of her, so she briefly glanced up, made a small reverence and went back to the scrolls.
"Why are you here?"
What a question. Oh she wished she could answer him with a 'Searching for flowers, want to join?', but that would be stretching her privileges way too thin.
"I am in need of some information." Rin answered.
"All Rin needs to do for information is merely ask." Sesshoumaru answered. You could definitely feel the cold environment between them. Rin sighed and turned to face him.
"I have been ill and I wish to recover, that is all." Rin hated the insecurity she was feeling. Before, she would simply walk up to her mate and hug him, soothing herself by the thought of merely being allowed to do so. Now, however, she was barely able of meeting his gaze.
"You are not ill and do not need any information to recover. Go rest." Rin stared as he walked passed her to whatever he had come in for. Well, he had spoken to her at least. Rin took that opportunity for something else.
"I would like to go to the market. There are some herbs I am in need of and I have arranged for Maiha to accompany me." Rin needed to get out of the castle for a few seconds. Normally Lord Sesshoumaru would accompany her, but given their current relationship status she highly doubted he'd even bother to go with her. Not that she actually understood the reason as to why he had begun treating her so coldly.
"You will not leave the castle."
"My Lord, please, I am in desperate need of this herb. "
"A servant will fetch it."
Rin was really hurt now. He wouldn't allow her to leave even to get something she needed. Granted, the herb thing was purely a whim, she simply didn't wish to keep throwing up everything she ate and she'd heard from some servants that Anise seeds and Sepia were great for those purposes.
"I… I just wish for some fresh air and to be able of enjoying some food. Please, my lord. I would really like to go." Great. She was begging now.
Sesshoumaru had turned his attention back to her. He was studying her, raking his eyes over her. Rin lowered her gaze. Usually, she would try to read his eyes, see what his decision was before he spoke it. Now, however, she felt like she was eight years old all over again and looking up at him was disrespectful.
"This Sesshoumaru has given you his answer, leave."
Rin's eyes widened. He had denied her request! He wouldn't let her go out. She snapped her head up to look at him, only he had already turned back to the scrolls at hand. Rin wanted to complain, throw one of her famous tantrums, yet she had no place. He would deny her again and maybe even punish her. She knew him well enough to know when to push and lately she had been given no special treatment, she was being spoken to as a mere follower. Rin turned around and left the library, she was angry, furious. She was… hurt. He had never denied her anything. She could get anything she asked for, yet now he said no. Rin spotted her nana and marched up to her.
"Nana, I have asked for permission to leave to the market and Lord Sesshoumaru said no."
Her nana simply stared.
"Nana, I understand this may seem as if I am a rotten child, yet I am in need of healing and he deliberately denied it, nana!"
Izanagi still wouldn't say anything, which was making Rin a bit desperate. Rin was so agitated, she started breathing too quickly. She felt her hands shaking out of pure anger; it felt like she wanted to attack something and still her nana would say nothing. She was in pain all the time. Her stomach would keep nothing down and she wanted to regain the ability to enjoy her food. Her mate care not for what she was suffering! Had he changed his mind about her? Rin couldn't breath now, no matter how hard she tried, the edges of her vision began ti blur. She kept gasping for air yet she felt no relieve.
"Nana… I… I can't…"
"Child." She grabbed Rin and made her slowly sit on the floor. Now it wasn't only her hands trembling, her whole body had started shaking. "Calm yourself! You are breathing well. Rin!"
Her nana sounded weird, farther away than she should have. She heard her ask someone for water. Now everything was a blur, Rin couldn't see anything.
"Rin, everything is well." She felt who she assumed was her nana, making her lay down on the floor. "Close your eyes."
She wasn't sure if she did or not, but everything went black in the next second.
"Sesshoumaru, stop acting up! You two are made for each other, there is no doubt about it. You are both used to getting things your way and have a riot when you don't. Next I'll have to pick you from the floor as well. I have never seen a woman so spoiled she is capable of building up so much frustration to make it be too much for her body just from hearing the word 'no'. You have raised a rotten little princess."
"Do not speak of this one's mate like that."
"Like what? You granted her every wish from the moment you brought her to the castle! Of course she rages when she hears a 'no', and what a rotten time you chose to start actually using that word with her. We both know her carrying your pup will not be easy for her, yet you first decide to ignore her, then to insult her and then to deny her. Stop sulking over her state and help her through it. You're just making it worse, you ignorant pup."
"Tell me, Izanagi, have you decided to die today?" SEsshoumaru growled.
Izanagi sent him a uniquely terrifying glare. Had it been sent to anyone else, it wouldn've worked. "Are you threatening one of the Elders, Sesshoumaru?"
"Hn"
"Good to see you at least show some respect."
Rin heard the conversation from far away and slowly opened her eyes. Well, right above her was the ceiling, that's a good sign… probably. She turned her head to the right. She knew that wall, the complicated patterns were something she adored to gaze at while she drifted to sleep every night. She turned her head the other way now, it wasn't easy. Her whole body felt heavy and every movement was ten times harder than ever. She spotted Sesshoumaru staring at her from the far side of the room. Her nana was there with him, she was moving around with some bowls holding some weird looking mixture of grass.
Rin noticed Sesshoumaru moving towards her, he knelt next to her and pressed the palm of his hand to her face gently.
"Are you alright?"
Rin had an immediate flashback to when she had woken up from the dead for the second time. Her Lord had done exactly the same as now. Rin nodded against his palm and gave him a small smile.
"Great. The scene could bring tears to anyone's eyes. Sesshoumaru, Rin still needs better nourishment. She has only been carrying for three moons now and she is already weak. Instead of petting her, you should be forcing her to eat." Izanagi kept talking while she grinded some more herbs together.
Rin wasn't actually listening to her nana, she was looking at her mate. Sesshoumaru was showing no expression, yet he kept his hand pressed to the side of her face. Rin made an attempt at sitting up, which Sesshoumaru helped her finish.
"Izanagi, leave." Sesshoumaru ordered while still staring at Rin.
Izanagi stopped rambling and turned to glare at him.
"Be careful how you speak, pup. I will crush you under my paw and use your bones to clean my fangs." Izanagi's voice, however old it was, sounded ominous. Rin had always known between her mate and her nana, there was a line of respect and acknowledgement of power, yet when it came to actually liking each other… well, it was more tolerating than liking one another's presence. Her mate didn't do well with higher authorities. In fact, he tended to try and kill them. Rin decided to step in.
"Nana, I would appreciate very much that if my lord is to admonish me, it be done in private."
Izanagi left the room after a few seconds of staring. Rin waited for Sesshoumaru to say something, when he didn't, she spoke.
"I was childish... again."
"Indeed."
"I was feeling quite entitled to demand anything."
At that Sesshoumaru raised one eyebrow, which Rin knew for him it meant to explain.
"I believe there are some things I do not know, it would help to understand everything."
In a fluid move, Sesshoumaru had lifted Rin, sat on the bed and sat her down between his legs, with her back resting on his chest. Rin relaxed, this is how they would normally have serious conversations. Rin had a feeling it was so she wouldn't be able of looking at him, yet she never dared ask in fear of ruining the moment.
"You have been taught everything there is to know about both humans and demons."
"Yet there is something about their unions I have been carefully kept ignorant of?" Rin felt groggy still, but she wanted to understand why her mate had been so… cold lately. Well, colder.
She felt him move her hair to the side and over her shoulder, at the base of her neck, over her right shoulder was his mating mark. Basically, it was a scar of his bite that had stayed a dark shade of purple.
"Humans are weak."
Rin hated when he said that, it always made her feel a stab on her chest. He'd never said it to her before, yet now that he had, she didn't know how to answer him. What could she say, nod and say humans were worthless? No matter how much she wished she wasn't part of the species that had abused and tortured her, she was. There was absolutely nothing she could do about it.
"I understand humans are weak. It has been cruelly shown to me since I was a child. Are you implying Rin is weak as well?" Rin tensed her body, trying to ignore his touch. "Has Lord Sesshoumaru realized how low he has fallen by his own standards by mating with a human?"
"Have I ever been one to imply? Rin is in a species all of her own and any who dare defy that will perish."
Rin stayed where she was, looking anywhere but at her mate. He had said that to her a week after they had mated. She was her own species. Rin had always wanted to tell him that was a blatant lie.
"Your body is weaker than your pup's. You will rest and eat adequately from now on."
At that, Rin slowly rose to her knees and turned to face him.
"Sesshoumaru, what will happen as he grows?"
Sesshoumaru wasn't looking her in the eyes, his attention was on her, yet he was staring at apparently a very interesting spot on the farthest wall. There was no answer for a while; Rin had even thought he wouldn't answer her. He switched his gaze back at her.
"You will weaken to the point of being bed ridden by the last stages of the pregnancy. You must eat, you must rest and enjoy the walks you are capable of doing now for you will be unable to, soon enough."
Rin sat back on her heels and looked down at her stomach. She wasn't really showing yet, it looked like she had simply gained a bit of weight, mostly on her stomach. Her abdomen was really hard. She sometimes poked it gently and marveled at the resistance she felt.
"Energy. Nana mentioned you giving the pup energy?" Rin's voice came out wrong, too soft and fragile.
Sesshoumaru in a ways of answering her traced his claws lightly over the mating mark he'd left on her neck.
"It is the same process, Rin."
Rin's eyes widened and unconsciously jerked back from his touch. The mating mark had been extremely painful. Her mate had bitten down and released a small portion of his energy in her along with some of his poison. It had burned like nothing had before. That bite had been more painful than when she had been mauled by the wolves, and they had KILLED her. The result, however, was worth it. She was now immune to her mate's poison and she could feel the conection between them.
"Is it necessary?"Rin's voice, this time was a very low whisper.
"There is no certainty."
Rin hugged herself as she felt a shiver run down her spine. If in the end Sesshoumaru had to do it for the safety of her babe, she would bare the pain. She still had some more questions for her mate though.
"May I ask my lord a question?
Sesshoumaru nodded for her to continue.
"Have I done something that had angered you? I believe I must have and I do apologize, I meant no disrespect to my lord." Rin said while she scooted a bit back and bowed from her waist. Sesshoumaru had never been cold with her, unless he was angry at her. She believed maybe something she had done brought his coldness toward her.
Sesshoumaru raised a brow at Rin's apology. Her reverence to him infuriated him, being so formal with him was like a mockery to their mating.
"Rin, raise to the position of the lady who owns these lands. Do not reverence to any being." Sesshoumaru waited until she had raised herself back up and looked away. "The reasoning as to why this Sesshoumaru was behaving differently is of no consequence."
Rin frowned. So it hadn't been her imagination. He had been different and now he wasn't going to tell her why.
"Be it of consequence or not, I would like to know."
Sesshoumaru turned his gaze to her. Rin waited for him to speak while meeting his gaze. The silence stretched longer and longer, until Rin sighed. She was going to speak when Sesshoumaru raised his palm to stop her.
"This Sesshoumaru has lived for six hundred years and ruled the western lands for three hundred years. I have seen what Rin believes does not exist, fought and defeated the mightiest creatures, partaken in the most unholy desires and pleasures ever known." As he spoke, Sesshoumaru pulled Rin closer to him. He lifted her up and settled her on his lap. He parted her kimono slightly and moved her legs on either side of him. "Yet this one has only mated once, do you understand the reason why, Rin?"
"It is a bond. The mated pair will sense each other and feel changes in emotions. The bond may only be undone by the death of one of them." Rin recited as if she was reading the information. They had taught her this a thousand times while she was growing up.
Sesshoumaru nodded. "Very well. "
"Sesshoumaru, while I do understand why you had not mated before, how does this answer my question?"
Sesshoumaru went back to looking at that very interesting far away point while he ran his hands up and down Rin's back. Rin on her part, was thinking on what he had said, trying to find out how it connected to the coldness she had felt from him.
Rin laid her head on his shoulder and pulled a lock of silver hair to her so she could play with it. They stayed like that for some time in silence, both in their own thoughts.
Rin was thinking on everything that had happened in the last two weeks. She remembered what her nana had said to her mate when she was still waking up. Izanagi had bodly told Sesshoumaru to stop sulking. Rin didn't really believe her mate was sulking, she had never heard of him sulking. She frowned thinking on that fact for a while. She believed he never sulked because she had never seen him sulk. Her nana, however, had seen Sesshoumaru when he was younger and was present while he grew up.
Rin gasped and straightened herself up so she was looking at Sesshoumaru. Of course her nana would know when he was sulking because she knew how he acted when he did. Rin couldn't help the big smile that forced itself on her face. Sesshoumaru raised one eyebrow at her as she traced the marks on his cheeks with her hands. Rin sombered up as best as possible and locked her gaze with his.
"Rin will be safe. I am much too old already and my body is more than capable of going through this process."
"Hn. You are far from old, Rin." At that Rin had to smile. Sesshoumaru was right obviously. Rin being seventeen years old when considered by humans, she was already old enough to have at least two kids. Her mate being a demon and centuries old, would refute her referring to herself as 'old'. Still, instincts did tell him she had been more than ready to bear him an heir.
"People were beginning to think I was barren for how long it took for this pup to come. I had started to believe so myself. I know I am human but, I am very certain I am strong enough to carry this pup. In all honesty, the first one of your heirs is long overdue."
"First?" Sesshoumaru asked raising an eyebrow at what she had implied. Rin flushed and looked down at her hands.
"If it is my lord's wish, of course. I have always thought of having more than one pup."
Sesshoumaru's eyes widened slightly. Unlike his mate, Sesshoumaru had gone through months of thinking whether it was time or not to finally pup Rin. He never asked her if she wanted a pup, he already knew the answer to that. He had known the answer to that since she had been nine years old and decided to take in stray animals to care for. He had never scolded her for that, it was something she liked doing and he would rather spend a whole day with his foul-mouthed half-brother than deny Rin her fun.
Rin pulled him out of his thoughts when she placed a soft kiss against his lips. Sesshoumaru's attention was definitely back on her. He deepened the kiss by pulling her even closer to him and running his claws softly down her back. Hearing Rin's reaction to his touch, Sesshoumaru decided he had been long enough without tasting his mate's body.
He moved them so he was over her while she laid on the futon. The scent of her want was enveloping him and he could barely hold on to his control. It was time to erase the past weeks of tension and distance. He was certain their conversation wasn't done yet and Rin would still want some more answers, but there was time for that later. Right now, all he wanted was to show his mate with his body the things he'd never say with his mouth.
Hope you liked it! More to come very very soon!
