A/N: Jeez so so sorry guys, I meant to post this a few weeks ago but then I applied for a new job and the application/interview and everything took over my life. The good news is that's all done now (and I got it so yay!) so I'm back on this story. I've had a blast so far contrasting Emma and Regina's reactions to themselves. I know not much has happened in terms of plot and it's not clear yet what's going on but I promise there's method in the madness. Anyways massive thanks to all Faves and follows, you make my day.
Peace in your crease!
Disclaimer: Don't own nuthin'. Mo' money mo' problems as they say.
Chapter Four:
A few hours previously…
Across town from Emma's apartment things upstairs at 108 Mifflin Street were a good deal quieter. Regina was lying in between warm panes of silk; sheets that had started out as ice a few hours ago but now after absorbing all the heat from her skin had transformed into warm mercury.
She adored the sensation of having them wrap around her legs. Sometimes it was almost enough to convince her fading brain that there was someone there with her in the large four poster bed, someone who hadn't run from her or been snatched away, threatened by the powers and past she couldn't find a way to shed.
Someone constant and kind and perhaps… despite the irony, even handy with a bow and arrow if the situation called for it.
A girl could dream.
A tired somewhat- redeemed mayor too. Even if it wasn't in as vivid technicolour as she used to.
Groaning under her breath, face burrowed under unacceptably messy locks Regina turned over burying herself under the weight of an unshakeable loss that never seemed to go away.
She knew she should be happy.
Well not happy. Content then. She had Henry safe at home with her which was all she had ever wanted and their relationship had never been stronger since she'd agreed to fight alongside that ragtag band of simpering heroes Emma Swan called a family unit.
Once upon a time that had been all that was required to give her life meaning. Not much to ask for in the grand scheme of things. A son who felt something approaching love for her and spent his time with a face buried in a pile of books down at the library rather than staying in his room obsessing over just the one.
All day every day. A very particular one as it had turned out.
The book that had sealed her fate.
God how she hated that leather bound monstrosity.
She'd never wanted the ghastly thing in the house but no matter how many times she had thrown it away or tried to dispose of it the book had had the audacity to keep turning up again. As if it had a mind of its own; as if it knew exactly what she wanted and did its utmost to undermine her at any opportunity.
Like the boy reading it.
Funny…but now…after everything, she'd give all she had to have that book back in the house. Because back then at least she'd known what she wanted.
Now she was utterly and completely lost. Surrounded by fog and uncertainty.
As if that was any wonder.
The past few months had been nightmarish; more so than even she was used to and The Evil Queen had seen sights that would make the simplest soul suck in a breath.
First had come Pan. All wild grins and rebellion, tricking her into giving him hugs that now sent shivers through her spine, forcing her to offer comfort to someone too bleak and twisted to appreciate it, someone who couldn't have been less like Henry if he'd tried. Using real affection for childish amusement.
And before any of them had time to draw breath, Emma and Henry had gone, cracking her already brittle heart, returning home only when Zelena appeared- a woman she might once have called sister if she could have risen above all those snide pot-shots about failing their mother ….if she could have…
And yet.
She'd not given in to the darkness. That was perhaps the most surprising part of all. With all that desolation and abandonment, with the fluency that came with its greasy touch she'd clung onto Henry's pleas to become a more forgiving person; taken the tiniest of steps everyday to make that happen- going against every instinct, forcing herself to open up whenever the slimmest of opportunities had arisen.
With Snow and her unborn child.
With Henry and Emma as their memories snuck back.
With Robin and his son.
She'd taken the leap, using all that roaring pain as fuel for the climb.
And for one wonderful moment she'd been aloft, held up by something indecipherable that she'd never thought could exist…
But then…
Then the ground had rushed up in an instant like a concrete pillow and the one person who might just have been able to see past all her old mistakes was stolen away in a moment of laughable compassion.
She had been forgotten once again.
Misplaced.
Or displaced.
Something of that ilk.
And she'd slipped backwards so quickly that it sent her head spinning inside an orbit so unpredictable no-one could have charted it. Not even the greatest philosophers.
And God knew what everyone else thought. The Bug. Ruby. Those hairy cave-dwellers. What they whispered as she went about her day on autopilot. Professional. Calm as ever….
She had hoped at home there might be some respite at least. But every day after dinner was cleared away and all the chores were done, when Henry left her to fall into the dreamless sleep of childhood and she was alone again…the waves of dejection never seemed to disperse. In fact if anything they seemed to intensify. Billowing so close to her face that she could practically smell their fumes.
It made no sense.
But on the other hand it made perfect sense. Sense enough to her anyway and she was the only one who…
Good grief.
She was beginning to think in riddles even in bed.
How incredibly humiliating.
As if her pride could suffer another….
Suddenly something new broke through Regina's coiling thoughts causing her muscles to stiffen.
Not a noise exactly but a change in the room's air pressure- too slight to be noticed by anyone who hadn't happened to be lying there in a vain attempt to fall into sleep. Too real to be ignored.
And... recognizable too.
Drawing herself up slowly, tired eyes scanned the interior of the lavish boudoir, she took in the familiar rolled edges and marble furnishings that gave off weak reflections from the moonlight slipping through the drapes. They stopped however when they picked out a shadow sitting neatly on the chaise longue at the foot of her bed.
A very familiar shadow.
With a very familiar posture.
But that couldn't be…
Reaching out a hand the Mayor hardened her spine as she pulled the delicate drawstring hanging above so that the room was bathed in light.
"Good evening." Said her Doppelganger, giving a soft incline of the head.
Well, she has manners at least, thought Regina numbly although if she sucked in a breath, she wasn't aware of it.
On instinct Regina's eyes found her own and took in the hard glint of amusement buried in chocolate brown.
Its presence almost took the edge off the unease that had settled like a gas the second she'd turned the lights on.
Almost but not quite.
Not that she had any intention of …
"No." she said suddenly, the sound followed by a thunderous silence.
"I beg your pardon?"
"No." she said more forcefully, drawing her shoulders backwards. "…I'm afraid I don't have time to deal with…whatever this is so if you wouldn't mind vacating my bedroom…"
Her voice trailed off pitifully though the tilt of her head left no room for argument and nor did the clenching of her fists against the soft duvet.
However the other Her didn't seem to have any interest in an invitation to leave; simply blinked a little at the abruptness of the tone as she maintained that irritatingly familiar poise, right leg crossed over the left in linen trousers. Just before a knowing grin slid across her face.
"Was I interrupting your beauty sleep?"
Regina said nothing unable to summon the energy to bother addressing the acerbic undertone in her guest's response or cover her own nakedness. If the other woman was who she appeared to be alabaster skin wasn't anything to get excited about anyway.
Even if metres below her own pulse was jumping muscle-deep.
Her gut spasming wildly.
"I'm going to be honest, I was anticipating a little more curiosity on my arrival. Not panic of course but some kind of veiled interest at least."
Regina snapped back to attention at the sound of her own voice spilling from another's mouth.
"What's there to be curious about? Magic brought you here. A very distinctive brand of magic with a very distinctive aroma," she said propping herself against the headrest.
"In which case there's an old adage I feel I should throw in- something about pigs and their ability to smell…well you know."
"That's a little crude for this time of the morning."
That seemed to get her counterparts attention at least.
"Must be that blonde's influence," muttered her twin turning her eyes away for the first time. "I'll have to keep an eye on that."
Again Regina held her tongue, though she didn't miss the inquisitive glance thrown her way.
As the blanket of fatigue settled across her shoulder-blades once more, unwieldy and ironclad, she threw out a sigh at what this ridiculous situation could mean, allowing her legs to stretch out in front of her for a second then pushed the sheets back as she got to her feet and sauntered across to the black oak armoire. Pulling out a drawer, she selected the thin oriental robe lying on top and pulled it out, wrapping the sheer fabric around her frame like armour.
"That's pretty."
It was a harmless compliment. But one that sent a shiver rocketing through her vertebrae spoken as it was in her own husky tone of voice.
She couldn't deal with this.
She couldn't...
But you have to, her brain whispered. There's always one more thing to face.
A lesson hard earned and well learned by now.
And she was nothing if not a scholar.
Attempting to compose her face before turning back around, painfully aware of its pallor and puffiness Regina finally forced herself to level a gaze at her own mirror image. At the lines and angles of her own countenance.
"So if I could ask what you might be wanting since you seem so intent on seeking me out?"
"So it's straight down to business? The guard never drops, even with yourself? You don't count as the exception?"
Regina smiled thinly. "To be the exception assumes you are exceptional…"
Her voice, much to her own mortification petered out as she snapped back to recent events before it broke completely into pieces and she was forced to imitate a cough, covering her mouth with a hand although she knew the act was completely in vain.
The other brunette saw right through her. Knew right through her. She could feel it buzzing across the air in the room; a single rationale between them. It was why she had retreated across to the dresser and maintained a bolthole there.
The closer she got to her, the clearer the hum would become; she just knew it.
And she wasn't ready for that sort of intimacy. Not now.
Not after everything. Her nerves were too raw.
"Just because someone can't see it anymore, doesn't mean the object isn't there," her guest offered uncomfortably.
Causing a tide of disorientation to roll over her skin.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
The original Mayor crossed her arms gruffly; chin high daring the argument to come but it never did which surprised her. In fact her double seemed completely unruffled by her indignation considering the fact she'd broken at least five different laws in the last ten minutes- both criminal and in terms of basic etiquette.
And it was seriously starting to grate on her.
"So out with it then. What is the emergency of the day?" she asked archly.
"There's no emergency. Just the offer of a little guidance."
Regina let out a cold laugh. "And what makes you think I'm in need of guidance or that I would accept it from…a second rate version of myself?"
White teeth broke through dim light.
"They say the first step is realising you have a problem."
"Well they need to keep their meddling noses out of the affairs of private citizens and reflect long and hard on their own problems."
"Is that what you've been doing then? Reflecting long and hard? Or is that a wee bit generous when all you've really been doing is wallowing in your own misery, enjoying the familiarity of it a little too much?"
A switch flicked on inside her. Whether it was the words or the disdain painted on her own leering face she didn't have time to pinpoint but Regina's pupils blacked out in an instant as the glass lampshade attached to the far wall shattered with a plaintive crack.
"Get out."
"Regina…"
"Out!"
The interloper actually looked a little unsure for the first time, all smugness leached from her expression as her body tried to unravel itself from the seat but Regina beat her to it.
Snarling furiously, the Mayor strode over to her other version, ignoring the thrum of their connection as it circled her body and snapped her hand around a wrist dragging her up from the chair.
"Leave my house. Go back to whichever twisted reality you've managed to escape from and take your goddamn judgement with you."
"Regina please, listen to me..."
Struggling against the pincer grip her visitor tried to pull her arm free but there was no leeway in the hold and all she managed to do was unbalance her feet as a raging copy of herself clamped on with everything she had.
Dark eyes suddenly a millimetre from her own ringed with madness.
"I'm sick of listening. All I've done for months is listen to people who think they know the secret to saving my soul."
"Maybe they do?" She said with a hint of desperation. "Did you give them a chance?"
"I gave them every chance!"
Regina's hand seemed to have a mind of its own as it shot up to that smooth neck in front of her, clamping around it tightly as her silk wrap rucked at the elbows.
"I'm going to give you the same order I gave those fools. Leave. Me. Be."
Her double tried to draw in a breath and say something to calm the brunette down but couldn't manage even that. All she could do was stare at Regina with large panic-stricken eyes, croaking as her body fought to breathe. Not to black out as her spine hit the hard wall behind sending an explosion of pain through her ribs.
"All you people do is talk- how can there possibly be any words left to use?! Just a constant crowing everywhere I go- I can't stand it anymore! It's like Chinese water torture."
"Reg..." A ragged sound escaped the heaving throat in front of her and Regina added the weight of her other hand to press against it enjoying the surge of power that came with the action.
Power. Strength. Vigour.
"No; this is my bedroom! And this may not be a castle but this is my private chamber, doesn't that mean anything? Walls and locks are not just for decoration; you should know that better than anyone!"
She did. Regina could see the flash of memories skitter across her doppelganger's forehead, burying themselves deep in the furrows there. Almost picture perfect. Images of Leopold. His troupe of faceless guards. Servants and castle staff bustling around with nary a thought for her discomfort. Content to be doing their duty; brains stuffed with the desire for praise instead of even the most basic level of morality.
It was all there in front of her. Her past. Every indignity and torture. This woman had lived through them too, was the only one who might come close to understanding why she was like this...
Why her hands currently felt the beat of a slowing pulse against their slick palms. Her pulse.
Suddenly the heat of fury in her stomach was plunged into ice.
"Oh God."
What are you doing? Her mind screamed.
Letting her grip slacken and drop, Regina watched in horror as the other woman gulped in air, her chest inflating hard with every inhale, her spine crooked as she hung over herself. There were red finger marks against the sides of her neck that she couldn't keep from staring at even as the other Regina angled her head upwards, peering at her from behind a sheaf of unruly hair.
"Feel better now?" she scratched out.
Regina took a step backwards, staring at the pale skin of her own slender fingers. "No," she whispered.
Her double straightened up painfully. "Still think you don't need help?"
They both knew the answer. It echoed silently between them, one feeling it burn on her neck the other in her fingertips.
"But I...I've been trying so hard."
The visitor's gaze softened as she nodded, brushing her hair back. "I know. But it's never going to be enough."
Regina's whole frame sagged as she took another step backwards and dropped down onto the end of the bed. "Why can't everyone just leave me be?"
"Because as cloying as it is to have their words crawling on your skin... the silence of not having anyone is worse. You should know that better than anyone."
It was the truth. Cold and hard and unarguable even if it hadn't come in the guise of own voice. Regina felt the weight of a body hit the mattress next to her and that familiar hum of energy crackle at her left hand side. She didn't fight it anymore.
She was just so tired, worn out and angry that she couldn't work out which vein of emotion trumped the other as they sat together in silence neither of them sure what to say now. If anything else needed to be said.
Regina wanted that quiet to last forever. Deathly hush ice-blue and crystalline. But at the same time she also wanted to scream so loud that the tallest walls made of brick and iron turned to shards in an instant. It was a strange gauche contradiction but as true as everything else that had been said tonight.
So she let it stand.
"You're not leaving anytime soon are you?" she asked resignedly finally.
"I can't."
"Why?"
Regina's double swallowed hard at the question as if she wasn't sure what the answer was. Then she reached down and taking a pause, intertwined their fingers hoping that she wasn't being too forward.
She raised her eyes again, a sheen of apology caught in the pupils.
"Because if I leave, you're going to destroy everything."
Regina turned to stare at her with horror, breath caught in her chest.
Before she could speak a heavy knock at the front door filtered through the floorboards and caught both of their attention.
But who the hell could be calling on her at this time of the morning?
TBC...
