Authors note- This chapter covers a bit of a touchy subject. Please review, I really appreciate it. Thank you xx
I arrive home and see that Peeta has made lamb stew, which is my favourite. He must have gone to the butchers because there haven't been any sheep wandering around in the woods lately. I hang my jacket up and walk towards the kitchen, Peeta meets me at the kitchen door with a kiss and then pulls out a chair for me. As we eat Peeta talks about painting the baby's room and starts debating with himself what colour would be best. I chip in occasionally and try to sound enthusiastic but the truth is that I think it's too soon to be decorating and buying furniture. Although, the idea of this baby is growing on me and so I join in with the conversation with more fervour during desert. We decide that either a light yellow or a cream would work best on the walls and we can bring in another colour with bedding and curtains once we know if it's a boy or a girl. We both go up to bed and for the first time in so long, I'm not going to bed worrying and I can almost guarantee that I won't be having any nightmares tonight.
The next day we head down to the merchant part of town and buy paint -we decided on a very pale yellow- and also buy a crib and a changing table. With each purchase that we make, we are congratulated, even by those who have already done so. We head back to the house and clear out the seldom used office room and begin to paint. After two weeks it's hard to believe that this was ever an office it's bright and beautiful. The ceiling is the white blue of a clear summer's day with feathery white clouds. There is a big rocking chair in the corner of the room and the crib is longing to be used. Everything is perfect. Although a small seed of doubt still remains, I'm confident that it will go away once the baby is born. Over the next few nights that pass, we both just fall into bed and close our eyes immediately, both too exhausted to do anything else. Plus the fact that I now have a much defined and ever growing bump, makes it weird. I personally think I'm starting to look huge and so I'm not too eager to be naked in front of Peeta anytime soon.
I wake to feel a sharp pain in my stomach and let out a whimper, Peeta stirs a bit but doesn't wake up. I feel sticky and the bed sheet feels wet. I feel another pain and clutch my stomach as my breath becomes uneven and staggered. This time I moan out loudly in pain and Peeta wakes with a start. He fumbles around for the light switch, "Katniss, what is it?" He turns the lamp on and looks at me, I feel faint and know that my face is probably drained of all colour. I lift my hand up to move a piece of hair off my face as I do Peeta grabs my hand and stares at the redness. He pulls back the duvet and we both see the bed sheet and my pyjamas are drenched in blood. "Oh.. Oh God,wh..um, what happened?" He looks flustered and confused and I'm sure I look the same. He pulls himself together and gets up. He walks around to my side of the bed and helps me up but less than a minute after I stand up I feel dizzy and pass out.
I wake up in a bright white room. It smells of bleach. I'm scared. I try to sit up but soon give up because it hurts too much, I wince and let out a quiet cry. It's now that I notice-as he starts to wake up- that Peeta has his head leaning against the bed. He sits up and holds my hand in both of his and gives me a weak smile. "What happened? I don't remember what happened." My voice is barely audible and it's thick with sleep so I'm surprised that he can tell what I said. "The doctors aren't really sure what caused it to happen. We lost the baby, I'm sorry." It takes me a minute to process the information and then I burst into tears. "I'm sorry!" I gasp out in between sobs. "It's my fault, I didn't really want it at first. The baby knew and it died." I can barely breathe now and I'm shaking, Peeta keeps shaking his head at me, "You need to calm down Katniss, it's alright. This wasn't anybody's fault, sweetheart." He tries to reassure me but the tears keep coming. "At first I didn't really want a baby, but I loved this baby, Peeta. I loved our baby and I didn't say it, I didn't show it how much I loved it. Our baby died thinking that its mother didn't love it." Peeta is now sat next to me on the bed and is holding me and kissing my hair "shhh, it wasn't your fault. I love you." He says these three things over and over as I try and calm down, after some time the crying becomes exhausting and I fall asleep.
When I wake I feel that Peeta is still holding my hand but when I open my eyes I see that it is Haymitch and not Peeta. For this, I am thankful. It's horrible looking into Peeta's eyes now. He looks defeated and broken. Haymitch notices now that I'm awake and shifts my pillows so that I am kind of sitting up. Neither of us speaks for a while, I don't think either of us knows what to say. Now isn't really the time for jokes or arguing, which is all Haymitch and I ever really do. Finally he speaks, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I can't even imagine how hard this is." He sounds sincere and I feel like I'm going to cry again, but there's nothing left. There are no tears, no words, I feel empty, in more way than one. I close my eyes again and just hope that he'll think I'm asleep and leave.
I just want to apologise if anyone has found this difficult to read due to personal experience.
