"Cocaine, soma's, painkillers," Sami named off the list of things Jon had left out on the kitchen counter the previous night, "And you know how I know this shit is yours?..hmm? Wanna take a guess, Jon?"
"Nope." Jon shook his head.
"YOU'RE A SLOPPY FUCKING JUNKIE." Sami snapped, "You're fucking ignorant. Jon you have everything! A great body, a wonderful girlfriend, AND A CHILD ON THE WAY. What are you going to do when you go home? You going to snort it while rocking your sweet child?"
Jon hadn't really thought about it. The past three months he had been extremely selfish; he didn't care that he had a child coming into the world. He was in Puerto Rico having the time of his life, most of them he couldn't remember. He was on top of the world, skyrocketing to the top of the Indy world. He had been high the entire time. He growled low in his throat and watched as Sami opened the small bag of cocaine. He held the bag under a small stream, filling the baggie up with water only to take it outside and dump the contents out on the sidewalk. He washed the addiction's residue away and came back into the kitchen, his finger pointed at Jon's shirtless body.
"YOU are doing nothing but fucking your life up with that shit, Jon. It's disgusting and you're a disgusting person if you're going to choose your addiction over your child. " Sami was beyond pissed.
"I never said I was going to choose blow over my child." Jon rolled his eyes, "I'll stop once we go home."
"So you want to remember the first month of your child's life all jittery, itchy, and ill? No, I don't think so. Jon, you might be taller than me and a lot stronger than me but do not THINK I will not beat your ass if you ever, EVER, fucking hurt either one of them." Sami pinned Jon to his chair.
"What the fuck is your problem, man?" Jon's glazed eyes looked up at Sami.
Sami gave him a long hard stare before pushing off of him and storming out of the kitchen, the door slamming harshly behind him. Jon let out a long groan as he rubbed over his face. He was tired of Sami trying to dictate everything he done. He pushed himself up off the chair and made his way to the bathroom. He hadn't had a shower in two days.
_
Lily pushed herself off the bed and over to the boxes she had brought up from the garage. Jon would be home in a couple days and even though she was happy, she wasn't nearly ready for him. His stuff was still packed away in the boxes.
"When's he coming home again?" Amy asked.
"The twenty-second." Lily smiled softly; she couldn't wait.
"He'll be home when you find out the sex of it." Amy was happy for the two.
"Yep." Lily nodded, folding the clothes that he didn't take with him.
"Are you anxious?"
"For which event?"
"Everything." Amy smiled, "You're life is about to change drastically."
"I'm anxious for her, excited for Jon." Lily laughed.
"Oh, so it's changed from a him to a her?" Amy laughed, "Which one do you want? A boy or a girl?"
"I want a boy but the idea of Jon having a daughter makes me smile like a idiot." Lily laughed.
"What does Jon want?"
"He said a few months ago that he wanted a girl."
"Any names picked out?" Amy asked.
"No, I've been calling it baby LG." Lily chuckled.
"LG?"
"Baby Lily Good."
"Give that baby a name." Amy laughed.
With only a couple days before Jon came back, Lily still had a lot left to do. She hadn't even started buying anything for the baby other than packs of diapers every week. She had started looking for two bedroom apartments, everything was either too expensive or out in the ghetto where she really didn't want to raise her child. She knew Amy would let her stay here as long as she needed but she felt that it was time to grow up; being a mom and everything was changing her.
_
The day before he was to go home back to Cincinnati, Jon still hadn't kicked the addiction. He walked out of the crummy run down bar and outside to where he knew the dealer would be standing. He had learned his schedule; every Friday night from ten til two. He paid for the medicine without any words exchanged; the guy knew his face and what he was after. Quickly, Jon returned back into the hotel and mixed the contents up.
With the entire bag loaded into the syringe now, he sunk to the floor and stared at the orange tipped syringe he held the loaded syringe in his hands, his arm flexed out in front of him. The needle lightly grazed his skin but he couldn't do it. He couldn't inject it; Sami's words stung him deep earlier. He didn't want to be an addict; he didn't want to turn out to be like his mom. He wanted to be there for Lily and his child. He had to be there for them. He had done this; he had gotten Lily pregnant. He knew he should have used protection but he couldn't help but feel like this was happening for a reason. There was a reason this baby was coming so soon in their lives and it had to be positive.
He was sweating as he sat on the floor of the grimy bar's bathroom. The dim light flickered and played with his eyesight. He ached for the substance in the needle and his body flexed. His jaw clenched as he rocked, his long hair hung down in his face as he fought against his urges. He didn't know what were tears or what was sweat as it poured down his face. His head was deafening; thoughts swirled. The little voices said for him to shove the needle into his arms, the others mentioned Lily's name.
"Jon?" A voice questioned him as it walked through the door.
"What?" He snapped, looking up to see Sami, "Take them, Sami."
"Are you sure?" Sami asked, squatting down in front of the cowering man.
"Just fucking take it." He shoved the syringe in Sami's direction, "What the fuck is wrong with me, Sami?"
Sami had to think on the question; there was a lot wrong with his friend. Mentally, he was scared. Sami knew it had to be something to deal with being away from Lily. Ever since the girl had stepped into his life, Jon had stopped every street drug he had been doing except for smoking.
It wasn't healthy for Jon to be away from Lily; this proved it. Sami looked down at Jon's shaking body and handed him his beer. The legal drinking age in PR was lower than where they were from; not that it mattered in this bar anyway. The bartender just wanted to make money; he didn't even card the two underaged boys.
"There's nothing wrong with you, Jon." Sami finally said after a few minutes, "You're just trying to find something that fills Lily's space."
"I don't think I'll ever find that." Jon shook his head as he ran his hand roughly through his hair.
"You don't have to wait much longer man. We board the plane in the morning." Sami slapped Jon's shoulder as he clutched the bag of narcotics in his hand.
"We..we do?" Jon looked up at him suspiciously, "What day is it?"
"It's the twenty-first." Sami sighed, "C'mon man. Lets go get some more beers."
_
Lily couldn't sleep. Each way she tried to turn was uncomfortable. Her favorite way to lay was on her stomach but she knew that wouldn't be a good idea. She was anxious; tomorrow she would be able to touch Jon for the first time in four months. Those four months felt like decades. She laid in bed, rubbing her stomach for hours. She wasn't extremely big, barely showing but her belly gave off that awkward angle. It just looked like she was pudgy. She was now thirteen weeks pregnant or four months, just entering the second trimester. She kept track of the growth by a website; the baby now had complete eyelids and his limbs had grown.
"Baby LG," Lily whispered as she rubbed her belly, "Things may be a little tough for us at the beginning. You may have to go without the flashiest clothes for the first few months. But I promise, mommy's been working really hard to be able to graduate early. She'll get a job and you me and daddy will get a place of our own. Daddy may be gone a lot, but I know he will love you and I hope you know that, too. If your little brain can process that."
A smile crept over her face as she laid and thought about the future, her hand never leaving her belly. She knew this could be her forever.
