Sorry about the wait for this chapter. I was busy failing my driving test. The joy. So anyway I hope that you enjoy this chapter as much as the rest
To answer some of the issues with Venessa and Dan being pro Dair. It was meant to highlight how it was obvious Nate's love for Blair is.
There isn't a lot on NB interaction in this chapter its more about Nate realising what he feels.
Okay Enjoy
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Nate was out early on Monday morning, it was the day after he had ended things with Serena and he really wanted to try and clear his head. He jogged through Central Park reliving the pervious nights events. Serena had listened to him telling her he was unhappy and something about them wasn't right. He had told her that he needed space to be himself, to figure some stuff out. He had infact had used the clichéd bollocks that everyone says when breaking up with someone. He had obviously avoided telling her the main reason they couldn't work, was because he had much deeper feeling for her best friend.
God he was so messed up.
He shook his head trying to untangle the thoughts that seemed so jumbled in his mind. His pace slowed and finally he stood still breathing heavily with his eyes closed, what was wrong with him. Opening his eyes he scanned his surroundings smiling as he realised where his feet had taken him.
Had it really been over a year since he had stood here with Blair the loaf of bread lying forgotten at their feet. It felt like only yesterday to him. Wondered if she remembered that day as clearly as he did, probably not. Nate sighed to himself as he walked to closer to the water, that day and those proceeding it had been the best of his life, the most happy and carefree, how was it possible he didn't see this until now. Suddenly a great wave of pain swept across him as he stood there lost in memories and thoughts of what could have been.
He had to get out of there, he started to run again, running faster than he had ever done in his life trying to escape the memories of Blair that where flooding his brain. Trying to out run the realisation that was threatening to overwhelm. Could this be possible. Did he love Blair… No he couldn't Blair was his friend….Just a friend….O God this was all so messed up.
He needed to talk to someone. Someone that wouldn't judge him. He quickly hailed a cab and gave the driver Dan's address.
Twenty minutes later the Cab pulled up outside the loft and Nate jumped out handing the guy the fare. He knocked on Dan's door breathing heavily, still trying to calm himself and figure out what he was going to say.
But when the door swung up open it was Vanessa standing in front of him.
"Geeze Nate you could have showered." She laughed taking in his rather sweaty appearance.
"O right" Nate said a little embarrassed. "Erm is Dan in."
"No, he had a morning lecture. I stayed the night" she said in answer to the quizzical look Nate was giving her.
"Okay" Nate said turning to leave disappointed he would have to wait until later to talk to Dan.
"Nate you alright" Vanessa asked noticing his distressed face.
"Yea, yea im fine," Nate sighed leaning his head against the door frame and closing his eyes.
"Want to talk?" she asked giving him a look of concern. But he didn't answer her, he merely stood in the door refusing to move. Vanessa sighed mentally kicking herself for what she was about to do, "Is it about Blair?"
Nate eyes flew open, "What" he spluttered.
"Come in." she said opening the door wider, "Sit down" she ordered.
She searched in the fridge and dug out a bottle of water handing it to Nate as he sat down on the sofa feeling suddenly exhausted. After sitting together in silence for several minutes Vanessa finally said "So Nate. you talk and ill listen."
He sighed rubbing his temples, "Don't ask me when it started but recently I've been having these feelings for Blair, but I don't know what to do about them. Maybe I've been ignoring them for so long because I know that if I admit them I'm going to destroy two of the most important friendships in my life. What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel this way about my best friends girl friend. But maybe that's it I like her because I cant have her."
"Does it feel like that?"
Nate shock his head. "Nope it feels nothing like that. I get this feeling every time I see her like she fulfils me. When I see her face for an instant, before my brain kicks in and reminds me that Blair isn't mine, I am completely and utterly happy."
Vanessa placed her hand on Nate's shoulder, "Want to hear what I think?"
Nate nodded, "Well Lord knows I am not Blair's biggest fan, but when you're around her your different Nate. Trying to talk to you when she's near is almost impossible because your just not listening, all you do is stare at her. And Nate if your honest these feelings aren't recent you just buried them."
Nate frowned at her, "What do you mean?"
"Nate you loved her so much last year, you willing to sacrifice your friendship with Chuck screw me over just to be with her, and then when you guys broke up you acted like you where over her in like three days. That's not how it happens Nate. Love takes longer to get over and you never gave yourself that time to get over her you just jumped straight back into another relationship. And then another. And then another..
"Okay I get the point" Nate tried to smile "I am a man whore."
"Not exactly my point. My point was actually feelings like the ones you had for Blair don't just go away over night. Have you ever noticed that Blair is the only girl you have ever dated that you said "I love you" to. Not to me. Not to Jenny."
"I said it to Serena"
"Hmm and look where that got you." Nate frowned at her again, "O come on did you really think that news like you guys splitting up wouldn't travel fast, I suspect the whole of New York knows by now."
Nate sighed placing his head in hands sometimes he hated living in this city.
"Nate what I mean is that you gave Blair your heart and then when you guys broke up you acted as if it didn't even hurt, Im just guessing here but I think that you just buried the pain and your feelings for her hoping that someday they would go away. But it doesn't work that way Nate. It was going to resurface at some point. And I suppose that its all coming to a head now because of Serena. I mean she was meant to the one wasn't she?"
Nate looked at her tears forming at the corners of his eyes and simply nodded.
"But Serena wasn't right was she and that made you question everything. The problem with questions is that they bring up a lot of answers that maybe you didn't want to hear." She finished looking at over at the boys whose face was a picture of fear and pain.
"What am I suppose to do now."
"That's up to you Nate are your feelings strong enough that they are worth risking everything for."
Nate rubbed his eyes attempting to remove the tears subtly, "She's my everything Vanessa. I love her in more than just one way. What if I royally screw things up."
Vanessa grimaced at him "I think it's a little too late for that." Nate gave a hollow laugh, "Just don't do anything to quickly Nate because it's not only your own feelings your risking here."
Nate almost growled in frustration and got to his feet shuddering under the weight of realisations.
"Sorry I didn't mean to be so blunt." Vanessa said getting to her feet as well.
"Don't be someone needed to say out loud." Nate said giving her a light squeeze before heading towards the door.
Nate spent the Cab ride back to his and Chuck's apartment lost in his own musing. Wondering whether he should even consider telling Blair or whether he should avoid her for a while in hopes of getting over her.
The water splashed across his face and tumbled down his body, breathing life back into his shot limbs. He didn't know if it was the run of the extreme emotional strain of his and Vanessa talk, but somewhere along the line his body had begun to feel exhausted. He stood quietly letting the water wash some of the stress away.
Ten minutes later he pulled a towel around his waist; climbed out of the shower and walked to his room. He had successfully managed to avoid Chuck since returning home he didn't think he could face his best friend right now. Grabbing a pair of boxers and a T-Shirt he lay back on his bed letting sleep carry away all his confusion.
He woke up an hour later and grunted in frustration wanting to go back to sleep. But the loud knocking noise that had woken him was not ceasing. He moaned and shuffled towards the apartment door. He hoped to God it wasn't Serena. He didn't think he could cope right now if it was, but it wasn't.
"Oh hi." Blair said with a tone of ice. She walked around him without waiting to be invited in.
"Blair what did I do" Nate said worried Vanessa would never have told her would she.
"I am not here to see you Nate, amazingly enough I am here to see Chuck," giving him a trademark Waldorf glare. "I am not speaking to you."
"What did I do" Nate said confused would she really be angry even if she did know.
"What did you do, you dumped my best friend that's what you did. You guys where perfect, we brought her a present just yesterday. What happened did you get bored. You made her cry Nate, and you know Serena, she never cries."
Nate wanted to breathe a sigh of relief but looking at Blair's angry face he probably shouldn't. "Blair.." But she wasn't listening to him she continued to rant and rave under her breath. "Blair" he said louder taking he hand and forcing her to look at him. "Me and Serena where not perfect. I know everyone thought we would be but we just weren't. I didn't break up with her intending to make her unhappy I just thought it would be better to drawing our relationship out and ruining any chance of salvaging our friendship."
Blair still looked angry but her eyes softened, "Blair please don't be mad at me. I couldn't take that right now…. Scrap now I couldn't ever take it. I know your Serena's best friend but your also mine so please don't by angry with me for doing something that I thought was right."
"Argghh fine" she said, "But your lucky that I'm a sucker for compliments."
He laughed gently pulling her into a hug. His nose was tucked into her neck, he closed his eyes and breathed in the smell of her hair, letting himself believe for one moment that she has his again. He didn't notice another figure enter the room. If he had he would have notice the sour look playing across Chuck's face. He would have also known that his secret was no longer his own.
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Okay so I don't really like this chapter but t tried. Its just really hard to write about Nate's feelings without sounding really corny.
Anyway next chapter Chuck confronts Nate and serious drama with ensue.
Thank you so much for reading please review.
