Chapter 4: The Interview
A/N's & Disclaimer listed below
After returning to prison, it was said to have a watchful eye on me. Supposedly, they think that I am in a state of "nervous excitement" and might cause harm to myself or my baby. I would never do such a thing. It sounds like they are the ones getting too excited. To make matters more unpleasant, the rest of the people here in this prison were staring at me, like if I haven't had enough of that already. I looked out the little bared window and saw the sun coming down. I couldn't stand people staring at me and it seems things are going to get worse once I saw the jailer, Master Bracket, enter.
"Hester Prynne" he said looking at me with stern eyes, "I think it will be best for someone to come and check on you…"
Check on me? What does he mean? Like hell I would let someone supposedly check on me…
"I hear that there is a physician in town. He is said to be a man of skill in all Christian modes of physical science, especially with the knowledge that the Native Americans taught him. Such things like medical herbs and roots that you can find growing in the forest," he said taking a pause. He looked at me with concern and continued. "To say the truth, there is much in need for professional assistance, not just for you, but more importantly for the child…"
Then he took his eyes off of me, guiding me with his eyes, looking at my child and I understood what he was saying. I looked down to my child's face. She was very stressed and crying as if in pain. I feel so bad for what I had to put her through.
"I am so sorry…" I mumbled to her. The only choice I have now is to accept this physician's help.
"You have nothing to fear…" he said trying to comfort me, "Roger Chillingworth is a good—"
Then there was a knock on the jail door and we both looked to see who it was. Master Bracket went to open the door and as soon as I saw who it was, I froze. Master Bracket quickly pushed him inside to face me and my child. When he came closer, I held in my breath.
What in bloody hell...
I could not believe I was finally going to live my nightmare. There was a moment of silence but was suddenly broken when the child started moaning.
"Please, my dear friend, leave me alone with my patient," Chillingworth said. "Trust me, Master Bracket. I promise, Mistress Prynne shall be more cooperative to just authority than she was before."
"Hmm, if tour teachings can accomplish it," he said. "I shall believe you a man of skill. Many have suggested that she is possessed and I don't think I have the skills to drive Satan out of her."
I cannot believe this! How can people be so ridiculous! I felt my eye twitch while staring back and forth between the two. I saw that Chillingworth had such a professional face expression on that it never changed. After a few moments, the jailer started to leave. As soon as the door closed, Chillingworth he stared at my daughter. Only paying my full attention to everything happening around me, I have not noticed that my child was screaming and crying. He started examining my daughter, Pearl[1], and opened a leather case. Inside the leather case, it contained several medical preparations. I saw him mingle some of the preparations in a vial filled with water. Then he turned to look at me.
"Here," he offered me the vial. "That child is yours, not mine, neither will she recognize my voice or as a father. Give her this medicine yourself."
I looked at his face and I know he is mad. I know he wants to get his revenge but why must he do it against Pearl? I look at him straight in the eyes and put a hand up between the vial and Pearl.
"Would you really stoop so low as to poison an innocent child for you to get your revenge?" I said.
"Tch, foolish woman!" he said half coldly, half soothingly. "Why should I go to such trouble and harm that misbegotten and miserable child? This medicine will be good for her and if she was my child, yes MY child, as well as yours; I would do my best for her."
I stared into his eyes to see if he was lying. Although he denies doing harm, I do not believe him. Since he knew I wasn't going to give up, he took Pearl from my arms. I just looked at him wide-eyed. He took her into his arms and gave her the medicine. After a few moments, she stopped moaning and fell asleep.
I guess he wasn't lying.
Then suddenly I felt his gaze at me. I turned to him and he placed his hand on my right cheek. I blushed by his sudden movement. With calm and intent scrutiny, he checked my pulse. He looked into my eyes, his gaze made my heart shrink and shudder. His eyes, his gaze was so familiar but so strange and cold. He then proceeded on making another vial of medicine.
"I know not Lethe[2] nor Nepenthe[3]" he said while making the vial, "but I have learned many things in the wilderness and this," he held the vial up to look at it which made me stare at it; "this is one of them." Then he extended his arm, offering me the vial.
"Drink it. It may be less soothing than a sinless conscience that I cannot give you. This medicine shall calm you."
I stared at the vial and grabbed it rather slowly. Does he plan on killing me? Will killing me satisfy his revenge? Then I looked at Pearl sleeping and I sighed.
"You know…" I said quietly, "I have thought of death. I have wished for it, even prayed for it. Funny don't you think it's ironic for me to be praying for anything? But," I said having a firmer grip on the vial, "if death lies inside this vial, I would not hesitate to drink it!"
I held my grip on the vial and put it against my lips. I stared right into his eyes to let him know that I was not kidding. Then his expression changed…
"Drink it then," he replied with a cold expression. "Do you really not know me at all, Hester? Does my purpose have to be shallow? Even if I imagine up a scheme of vengeance, what could I do better for my objective than let you live, to let you suffer with that sin displayed upon your bosom? Why would I give you medicine to help calm you down and not suffer against it?" Then he pointed to the scarlet letter and I felt as it was burning hot and I flinched. When I flinched, I saw him smile. God damn it! He has a point but he did make matters worse with him just being here…
"Live," he said, "and deal with your doom in the eyes of men and women, in the eyes of him who once you called husband, and in the eyes of your child! As long as you live, you will take this shame with you where ever you go until death you apart from it."
As soon as he stopped talking, my eye twitched. What the hell? What the hell? WHAT THE HELL? God damn it all! I don't care! I don't care anymore! If this vial kills me, I do not care!
With my mind made up, I drank the vial as if that was the last thing I will ever drink again. Then, with Pearl, I went to bed. Soon after, he grabbed a chair and sat by my bed. With Pearl sleeping calmly besides me, all I can do it stare at him as he looks back at me.
I am so sorry. If you intend of inflicting physical damage to me, I know I deserve it. I am so sorry for causing this to you… I thought to myself while I looked at him.
"Hester," he said, "I do not ask to know where or how you have fallen so deep into this situation because I know your reason. It is my fault… It's my fault because what can I, a book worm, and an old man, do with a young and beautiful woman like you? Being deformed since birth, how can I tell myself that I fit the description of a young woman's fantasy?"
He looked away for a moment with a sigh. Then I saw him clench his fist and his face expression changed to a very annoyed one.
"Men have called me wise," he said, "Pft! If I was wise I would've seen all of this happening. Just coming out of that vast and wild forest, stepping into this settlement, the first thing I meet is your eyes. I see you, Hester Prynne, standing on that scaffold before all of the people to see. No, from that moment when we came out of that old church together as a married pair, I would have seen that scarlet letter light up at the end of our path."
As soon as he said that last part, it hurt so much. It felt like pain but I also felt disgusted. I don't know but I tried suppressing that feeling. Now I don't feel anything; I feel numb.
"You should've known," I said, "you knew I was being frank with you. I never felt any love for you and never forged any."
"True," he said, "It was my fault, as I stated before. But, up until from when I was born to where I am now, I have lived a life in vain. The world is so cruel and cheerless. My heart was big enough for everyone but it was still lonely, cold, without a household fire. I have longed to replace that feeling. It didn't seem such a wild dream, being old deformed man, to gain a little companionship and happiness. That's why… Hester…" He took a moment to breath. It looked like he was ready to explode with anger. Then he stared right into my face.
"That's why I drew you into my heart, Hester," he said but his voice was gradually getting louder, "really deep into my heart. I have been trying to find that something. That warm feeling that I was desperately seeking for my cold and lonely heart which you surely gave me!"
I stared into his eyes which were so full of emotion and disappointment. I took my eyes off of him with a sigh of frustration. Damn it! I cursed myself mentally and was feeling very guilty. What is there to say? I don't know what to do.
"Well," I murmured, "I have treated you very unfairly."
"Hmph," he answered, "We have both treated each other rather unfairly. The one to blame the first mistake is me. That first mistake was getting married with a young woman such as yourself. So, as a man that does not dwell or wallow in the darkness, I do not seek vengeance or plan to harm you. But Hester," he said looking right into my face. His voiced tuned down to a menacing one. "The man is out there! That man who has wronged us both! Who is he?"
As soon as he asked me that particular question, I closed my eyes.
I had to endure those horrible hours, standing with Pearl in the middle of the marketplace. Standing on that damn scaffold and being interrogated by "God's Men [4]", to also give up that name of importance. If I say it now, wouldn't that mean all of my effort and all that hell I have been through will be for what? For nothing? Being publically humiliated and have all of my business announced to the whole entire universe! To hell I am!
I opened my eyes again and firmly looked at him. "Are you seriously asking me that most ridiculous question?" I said getting agitated, "You shall never know! NO ONE WILL KNOW!"
Then he had a dark smile crawl on his face. "So you say never, huh? NEVER KNOW HIM? You know what, Hester, believe me when I tell you this: The things hidden from other people, those secrets will eventually come to light. Especially to those who will be dedicated to find out. Sure thing Hester, you might hide it from God's Men just like you did when you stood on top of that scaffold, but you know what? I WILL find out who that sob[5] is! I WILL GUARANTEE IT!
With that last part, I felt myself cringe. His eyes were glowing with anger. I placed my hand over my heart and I actually feared the thought of him finding out.
"If you will not reveal his name than he will be mine," he said with such confidence, "He might not wear a letter of shame like you, but I will read his heart. I won't interfere with the Heaven's methods of retribution for him, or have any intention of killing him. But trust me oh my sweet Hester, he will be mine!"
I gasped. This man has totally gone insane! "You might think what you are doing is holy or merciful," I said appalled, "but your words are just like poison!"
"One thing, as you are still as a matter of fact my wife by law, I will tell you," he continued brushing off what I told him, "Just like you kept that man's secret, you will also keep mine! You will not DARE breathe to any soul that I am your husband! There is no one here in this settlement that knows me so I will pitch my tent in the outskirts of this settlement just like a wanderer and not mingle with other people other than necessary. It doesn't matter if it's out of love or hate, right or wrong, mine or yours; Hester! You better not betray me!"
Why do I feel so pathetic? I don't know why I am trembling. "Why didn't you say who you were back then? When I was on that scaffold? You saw me! Why didn't you say anything and get rid of me already? You had the chance!" I was mad now. If he doesn't love me or anything than why have me here?
"It may be," he replied, "because I don't want to face the dishonor of being the husband of a faithless woman. It may be for other reasons also but you know what? I rather live and die unknown. Let others perceive that your husband is dead and gone without any hope of showing up. Do not reveal this secret because I swear, if it is known to me that you have betrayed me know that the man whose name you won't speak will be in the palms of my hands. I WILL find out who it is and once I find out whom, his fame, reputation, and life will be determined by me since I will have him in the palms of my hands like a puppet."
There is no going back. I have no other choice. "I will keep your secret," I said, "as I have his."
"Swear it! Swear it upon the life you will desperately cling to! Swear it upon your daughter!"
No turning back. I nodded and we are both bounded to the secret oath.
"And now Mistress Prynne," said Roger Chillingworth which will be his name for now on, "I will leave you alone. Alone with your daughter and the scarlet letter! How is it, Hester? Are you also sentenced to wear that letter when you go to sleep, to never take it off? Are you not afraid of nightmares and hideous dreams that it might cause you?"
He said that last part with a heinous smile. Yes, he has lost his humanity. "Why are you smiling like that at me?" I said while looking at his devious eyes, "Are you like the Black Man that haunts the forest that lurks around us? Have you put me into a bond that will ruin my soul?"
My eyes widened and I just stared at him after registering his answer.
"Hmph," he said with the most heinous smile I have ever seen, "Not your soul, most definitely not yours."
A/N's: Okay another chapter written! It's getting harder to write now. My job is slowly killing me. My shoulders and neck are stiffened and these headaches won't go away.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Scarlet Letter and so forth.
Chapter Notes:
[1] Pearl- So that's her name… I like her name. :D We finally got to know her name! Whoo!
[2] Lethe- (I actually had to do a little research lol) In Greek Mythology, Lethe was one of the five rivers of Hades. Lethe was the river of unmindfulness and those who drank from it experience forgetfulness; where in Hester's case if she was to drink water from Lethe, she will forget about the horrible situation she is in. (I wish I had some of that miracle water with me, sometimes it's better to forget some things. Don't you think?)
[3] Nepenthe- Also in Greek Mythology, Nepenthe is a medicine. You can say like an anti-depressant.
[4] God's Men- Alright, for this one, it basically refers to ministers, pastors, magistrates and etc. I was too lazy to write in those other words and tried to keep it simple.
[5] Sob- You all should know what this means. If you don't, well split up the letters! S. O. B! :D You get it now? No? Well, here is another hint. S stands for 'son' and O means 'of' and the 'a' doesn't have its own representative. Now put them together! "Son of a…"
THANK YOUR FOR READING! R&R PLEASE! Much Appreciate it!
