An Unexpected Detour

Ask and ye shall receive.

It's such a fundamental concept, but far too many people keep their mouths shut when it's in their best interest to just ask.

When you're in a situation like mine, there's no reason to be shy—or ashamed of asking for help. I've got story amnesia; I need somebody to explain things to me!

Roxas has done right by me so far. Perhaps I should've heeded his advice on Naminé, but what's done is done.

As I reenter the classroom, I spot him sitting by the window sill. He gazes outside with a calm expression, like a dreamer dreaming of frivolous dreams. The sunlight makes him glow like a beacon of wisdom. He stands out amongst the faceless grey that constitutes my "classmates," because unlike them, he has a purpose, which is to supply me with the answers I need in order to get the plot moving.

He turns his head and smiles instantly. "You're back! What did I say? I told you so, I told you so!" he repeats for emphasis. He can hardly contain himself, with his shoulders shaking with vindication, and his face so smug it just makes me want to punch it repeatedly. "You didn't listen to me, but nooo, you just had to act all badass. Next time I tell you something, you had better listen, because I'm not bailing you out next time."

"You didn't even bail me out the first time," I counter.

"I gave you a warning. That counts as a preemptive bail." No, it doesn't, it's just preemptive bullshit.

"You're embarrassing yourself," I warn. "It's not like I got beat down or anything. I just had a chat with the president of Naminé's fan club. Nothing to get worked up over."

"Maybe," he concedes, "but Riku is not a man to be trifled with. I wouldn't make an enemy out of him if I could help it. What's gotten into you anyways? Why'd you start making moves all of sudden? There are rules: look, but don't touch. We all gotta abide by them, including Riku."

What got into me? Why me of course.

I stretch out my arms lazily and fold my hands behind my head. "If I did that, I wouldn't get anywhere."

I'm sure you guys wouldn't appreciate a story about me having a normal life at school, doing normal things, and having normal conversations with normal people.

"Are you still gonna chase after her?" he wonders. He gives me the deadeye, as if he's prepared to unleash bullets of cold hard truth in the event I say "yes." He's just itching to prove me wrong.

I shake my head. "Nah, I'm putting that idea on ice. I'm more interested in Xion." I've committed to her route. She's the path of least resistance—actually, my parents might have a few things to say about it, but what they don't know won't hurt them.

"Your sister?"

"What exactly is the deal with her?" He gives me a blank look that fits perfectly next to the definition of the word dumb. "How is she at school?" I clarify. "Is she popular, hated, or what?"

He slaps his fist as realization strikes. "Oh yeah, your amnesia thing—I forgot." He strokes his chin thoughtfully. "How'd you get it again?"

"I got clotheslined by Kairi, remember?"

He lets out a rambunctious laugh. "Hahaha! What I wouldn't give to see that!"

I look off to the side since I can't stand the sight of this goofball taking glee in my misfortune. "I can give you a taste of it, if you want. You're sitting awfully close to the window, if you catch my drift."

He gets off the window sill quickly. "Hey, let's not get crazy here. Can't you take a joke without threatening me? Jeez."

I roll my eyes. "Just tell me about Xion."

A smirk paints his face. He seems to enjoy knowing more than I do. "I think you said it best: she's a princess."

"I said that?"

"Uh huh." He stands up straight and adopts a lecturing pose. He taps his temple to unlock the knowledge that will, no doubt, astound me. "It's right on the money. If Naminé is the queen of this school, then Xion is the princess. Unlike the queen, the princess is easygoing, cute, and totally approachable. The guys don't hesitate to ask her out, but the problem is…"

"What?"

"She always says no."

"Do you know the reason?" How much you wanna bet it starts with "in" and ends with "cest?"

"Her excuse is always the same: I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now. It sucks." He kicks the floor in frustration. "It really sucks."

"You must know from experience."

"That's right, you bastard! Come on, I thought we were friends? Where's the hook up? That's the only reason I became friends with you!"

"That's why we're friends?"

His eyes widen. "Huh? No! I mean—we were always friends! Yeah, Xion's got nothing to do with it. Hehehe." What a dick.

"Do you have any redeeming qualities at all?"

"Of course! People say I'm funny."

"Comic relief, gotcha. Keep up the good work." I give him a thumbs up and walk away.

He chases after me, begging for more page time, but I ignore him.

Break formally ends and class officially starts. I deal with a bunch of in-class nonsense, including the heated stares from the boys, and suspicious glares from Kairi. If I was an egg, I'd be sunny side up right now.

Kairi's an interesting one. I thought I squared things between us, but she's still mad dogging me. Do I really deserve this treatment? I only saw her panties. That's not a crime. It's not like I took a photo and started distributing it throughout school.

Naminé, as always, continues to exude rays of love and peace from her pleasant demeanor. I'd probably die of happiness if I sat next to her, or if she sat on my lap, with her arms wrapped around my neck, whispering sweet nothings into my ear, while gently stroking my cheek, and snaking her hands beneath my shirt, and then—whoa!

I'm getting carried away here.

Her aura is too powerful. Her mere presence casts a spell on any helpless male, intoxicating him, filling him with funny thoughts that occasionally sound appealing despite its objective horribleness. For instance, I wouldn't mind being ordered around by her; she could step on my head and call me "bad boy!" any time she wants.

The hell's wrong with me? I need to put some distance between me and her. This train of thought is going to send me off a cliff.

It's tough being the center of attention. I have to ward off the boy's ominous stares, Kairi's smoldering glares, and Naminé's magic airs while ignoring Roxas in the background desperately trying to get my attention. Sorry dude, but your part is finished.

The bell rings, telling every student that its time to fill their stomach with food. Lunch time is an integral part of any story, especially at school. I wonder what exciting developments are in store for me? I leave the classroom and remember that I have no idea where to get food. I scan around and spot Kairi looking dazed.

"Hey Kairi," I greet pleasantly. She returns my geniality with cautiousness.

"What is it?" Easy there, let's not bite my head off just yet.

"You wouldn't happen to know where the cafeteria is?" Naminé should've given her the lowdown after I ran off during the tour.

"Shouldn't you know?"

"I think your kicks gave me amnesia," I joke.

"That's what you get for being a pervert." Don't stick your head in the sand and pretend that beating the crap out of me is justified.

"Whatever. Just tell me where the cafeteria is."

She makes a show of defiance by staying silent. When in doubt, just pout. "Fine, be that way. I'll find it myself."

"W-wait!" she cries out. Her hands are drawn together in almost pleading fashion.

"What now? Did you change your mind?"

She looks around and bows her head. She suddenly looks a lot more vulnerable than before. "I wanted to eat lunch with Naminé, but she has student council meetings now. I don't want to be alone during lunch on my first day so…" How horrible it must be for the new kid to be a loner.

"Sorry, can't help you there," I reject cheerily.

Her face crumbles in an instant, but quickly distorts into anger. "FINE!"

"I'm just joking!" I reveal. Even if she totally deserves it, I'm sure being an asshole isn't going to do me any favors in the future. "I'm surprised you want to eat with this 'pervert' in the first place."

"I just don't want the others to think that I'm a loner, okay? That's it. You're only there to keep from looking lonely." Looking lonely? You should you don't mean being lonely?

"I wonder what they'll think when they see you hanging out with the guy you knocked out earlier this morning."

"Shut up about that already! I think we can all agree that you deserved it. End of story."

I'm about to make a retort but the alarm bells are ringing loud and clear in my head. Did I forget something important? What am I missing here?

Oh shit.

"On second thought…"

"What now?" she says irritated.

"I don't think that's a good idea. I was warned by some suit that I shouldn't get close to you."

She froze, a look of horror crossing her face. "W-What did he say to you?"

"That he'd rip my head off and feed it to the sharks, tear my limbs and use it to feed the tigers, and use the rest of my body as bear food." He didn't actually say all that, but it was definitely implied.

"Ugh, I told him not to—er, I mean, don't worry about it. Just eat lunch with me, okay?" Yeah, mumbling to yourself is very reassuring.

"Is he some kind of bodyguard?"

"S-something like that, come on, aren't you hungry? Let's get food already!" she urges.

"Are you from a rich family?" I say, continuing to speculate.

She grabs me by the shirt and starts pulling. "Forget about it!"

She starts dragging me through the hall and the other kids give us weird looks. "A body guard…your dad must be important."

"It's got nothing to do with you. Just put it out of your mind." She seems very eager to close the conversation.

"Is he a politician?"

"Let's get food, food is good. Yes, time to satisfy our hungers," she chants to herself.

I must be getting warmer. Somebody important enough to require a bodyguard… It can only be from a family that's rich enough to afford bodyguards. What kinds of people are rich? You got company owners, politicians, and… "Is he some kind of crime boss?"

She stumbles and pulls my head into an arm lock. "How did you get that silly idea?" she lets out menacingly between grit teeth. Her eyes sparkle with a deadly gleam. "That's impossible. Somebody like me, from a family of gangsters? No way!"

Nail, meet the freakin' jackhammer.

"So I was ri—ARGGH!" She tightens her arm around my neck. "Okay, it's not true, it's not true!" She finally lets go.

I rub my neck. Damn, that might leave a bruise. Is there no end to her violence? Wait, if she's from a crime family, it totally makes sense. I look up and notice that she hasn't moved. "You okay?"

"Shut up!" she screams, before sprinting off. What is she, five years old?

A shudder runs through me. I look behind and see a shadow lurking in the bushes. Crap! I have a feeling Mr. Bodyguard is going to whip my ass unless I can get Kairi to vouch for me. I don't wanna be wearing cinderblock shoes after school!

I start chasing after her but she's quick and has too much stamina. "Wait up!" I yell after her. With the prospect of death looming over me, my legs gather the necessary energy for an emergency boost. "STOOOOP!" I manage to touch her but I trip on my legs. I grasp her shoulder to keep my balance but I end up dragging her down with me.

CRASH!

Oh boy, if I don't clear things up soon, I can't imagine Mr. Bodyguard holding himself back any longer. I spot her lying face down against the grass. She isn't hurt, is she? Panic sets in. Please be okay, I don't want to be fed to exotic animals! I get on my knees and shake her gently. "Kairi, are you alright?"

She pulls her head out of her arms, revealing a tear-stricken face. "Leave me alone," she says, sobbing.

"Hey, relax…why are you crying?" I try my best to be comforting and sympathetic, but a small part of me is jumping for joy. Justice has been served.

She rubs away a stray tear. "Because it's all over. You discovered my secret. Now you're going to tell everybody, the whole school will be afraid of me, and it'll be the same thing as last time. I'll be alone, with no friends, and nobody willing to talk to me. Are you happy now?"

I tried my best to hold it in, but the truth must be set free.

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

That's just the stupidest and most ridiculous thing I ever heard. What kind of grade school logic is that? Oh no, my secret's out, now everybody's going to hate me! Come on, people aren't that retarded. We're all mature enough to evaluate people based on their own merits, and not the merits of their background. I can think of worse back stories. In this day in age, having a crime boss for a dad is intriguing, interesting, and totally cool. People will trust what they see, and if they see a ruthless daughter of the mob, then that's what they'll think, but if they see a sweet little girl who just happens to be born into a family of gangsters, well that's fine too. I think we've come across enough cases of "don't judge a book by it's cover" to get over such silly prejudices. I don't understand why she's so freakin' scared of the prospect of—

She punches me in the gut. "What's so damn funny?"

"Can you not resort to violence for even one second?" I gasp, keeling over in pain. I take a few deep breaths until the pain subsides. "Look, you have nothing to worry about."

She looks at me anxiously with puppy dog eyes. "You're going to keep my secret?"

I reposition myself and sit on the ground. "Not exactly."

Her face falls. "I knew it…"

"Why should it be a secret to begin with?" I ponder aloud. "There's no point in having friends if you have to pretend to be somebody else."

"Huh?" She's absolutely confused. She can't make sense of the contradictions I'm spouting.

"I'm not going to pretend to know what happened back at your old school, but I can say this much: I'll be your friend, gangster family or not."

"Are you…serious?" She gazes at me with hopeful eyes, the fate of her world hinging on my reply.

"Why the hell not? Half the school already hates me. I could use some professional back up."

"You're not fooling me? You're not just saying this because you're afraid, are you? Because if you are—"

"Kairi, just shut up and accept my friendship." For the first time since I've met her, she smiles at me. It's simply brilliant, and radiant, and manages to blow me away like a lone ray of sunshine in the middle of a storm. Why has she not smiled up until now? A real smile like this, not the fake stuff she put out in front of the class.

"Then we're friends now?"

"Uh…sure."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Truly?"

"YES!"

She tackles me, her arms squeezing the life out of me. Even her friendly gestures are violent! "AWESOME! I take back everything I said about you." She pulls back and gives me a grateful look. "Thank you." What a total 180. Is this the same girl who barbarically dismantled me earlier?

I find myself smiling though, because in the end, as long you're cute, all is forgiven. I'm such a sucker.

"Now that we're all hunky-dory, can you call off your watchdog?" Even if I can't see him, I can still feel his killing intent.

"Oh…right," she says, giggling. "Auron! You can come out now!"

Auron walks out of the shadows and stops before us. He has one hand in his shirt pocket, and something tells me it isn't a flask. "Miss…I cannot condone—"

"I want you to meet my new friend, Sora. From now on, no threatening him, okay?" she requests sweetly.

"But miss—"

"No buts!" she roars.

I recoil from the sudden outburst.

"Y-yes. As you wish." He slides down his sunglasses and gives me a cold look. "I apologize for earlier." That was just about the most sincere apology I ever received.

"It's no problem," I laugh weakly.

He nods slightly before disappearing into the shadows.

"Isn't that great?" She blinds me with another smile. "Are you free after school today? How about we go watch a movie, or play at the arcade, or maybe…" She's already hatching plans? Was she that starved for friendship before?

"Uh…sorry, but can we hang out tomorrow instead?"

"Oh…" She's super disappointed, but recovers quickly. "That's fine. It just gives me more time to plan." She smacks me on the back and laughs. "You won't regret becoming friends with me! I guarantee it!" I hope it's not a guarantee enforced with guns and violence. "It'll be great if we can become friends with Naminé too," she hums longingly.

"We will." And that's a guarantee enforced by the author.

We get off the ground and head to the cafeteria, but by the time we get there, lunch time ends.

Even though I didn't get a chance to eat, lunch did not disappoint. I wasn't planning on opening the door to Kairi, but stories have a way of veering off course. I hate to say this, since I want to narrow my choices, not expand them, but she's back in the running.

Despite this, I'm still set on Xion. Kairi's path is too uncertain, and meddling with gangsters can only end in disaster. My goal hasn't changed.

I'm still going after my sister.

What? Don't look at me like that! It's just the easiest ending, okay? That's all it is! Don't judge a book by its cover, even if the title's Incest—which it really isn't, since we're not even related by blood and—

Okay, you know what? This chapter ends.

Now.