This chapter: Santa wants to swap places with Jack, do want to know why? Read on!
Thanks to threeheadedmonkey, BadLilBirdies, TheLadyElrond, Anonimoose, and pirateobsessed for the reviews.
Thanks to Jinxeh, my awesome beta, for obviously beta-reading it for me.
I still don't own PotC.
Dear Captain Jack Sparrow,
Yo Ho Ho, and Merry Christmas to you! A little bit early for this, but you'll know the reason soon.
Do you want to swap places this Christmas? It seems that you're more popular than me this Christmas. I keep getting these mails from kids asking me to give them the Dead Man's Chest DVD, or Jack Sparrow action figures and T-shirts. I even have some strange requests asking for Sparrabeth to happen. What's Sparrabeth, anyway?
If I get another e-mail asking for DMC related things, I think I'll have a nervous breakdown! We don't have too many DMC related things at the North Pole. If I could have know about this for the future, I could have ordered the entirety of the DMC-related stock to be sent up here (relatively speaking, depending on where the stocks are; I think North Pole is the northmost of the earth, is it not?).
Can't the kids ask for something else, like a nice bicycle, a pony, a Barbie doll, or something? Mind you, that there are some kids asking for Beckett-shaped voodoo dolls, though I don't understand the fascination of those types of dolls. I think it'll be easier if you take my place this Christmas, and since all of these requests are related to you, I think you can handle it well. I can become you, sitting down on the beach and drinking rum; such a stress free job…
I will highly appreciate it, if you're interested.
Warm wishes,
Santa Clause
Dear Santa Clause,
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, too!
Shouldn't I be the one who should write a letter to you, to ask for presents? I'm not sure whether I will get any, though, given my behaviors for this year. Can I still ask for a dozen jars of dirt from you, though?
As for your request, the answer is NO. What do you think the world will become if Captain Jack Sparrow becomes a Santa? I can't help you with the stocks, either, since I don't have any. If I can see myself in the mirror, why would I need my own action figures, or T-shirts? As for the DVD, I wouldn't mind having one myself, but I'll need to plunder one from a shop…sorry, I didn't mean that. I mean, borrow one, with every intention to return it once I have watched it! I need to learn all the swordfights in the DVD in case I face the same opponents again (I'm pretty sure they aren't happy with the replies I gave them in my letters). Sorry Santa, have I lost you? I don't need to explain who "they" are, just read the previous two correspondences before this. You can't do anything about Sparrabeth; just tell the kids to write to Ted and Terry and Verbinsky in Disney; I'm sure they can take care of that. As for the voodoo dolls, do you think the shops also stock Davy Jones-shaped ones? They may come in handy sometime. I can't really help with the Beckett-shaped voodoo dolls. Perhaps you can contact Tia Dalma for that.
As for your comment about 'being Captain Jack Sparrow is an easy job', it's not true at all, mate. You can get marooned, mutinied against, chained to the mast, receive black spots, get involved in lots of sword fights, get slapped repeatedly, have the need to hide the rum constantly, get swallowed by the Kraken, and even get blamed by different people through these correspondences. You get the picture; being Captain Jack Sparrow is not as glamorous as it seems. Being Santa might be easier, although I feel sorry for the world if I were to become one.
I hope I've helped you in some way. I know it's not terribly much help but, it's the best I can do. I hope I'm in your good book now, and will get some presents in the future, or even this Christmas. Thanks!
PS: North Pole is indeed at north-most, so you're right in saying to send it up there.
Sincerely yours,
Captain Jack Sparrow
Captain's note:
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you. Please have some Christmas spirit and review this! Sudoku asked me to tell you that the most upsetting thing is "The Woes of POTC characters" got a lot of hits, but hardly any reviews, so there was not much motivation to continue; there was only one chapter to go for that.
I will put you in a good book for Santa if you review. For those who asked why I can get a letter from Santa Claus…well, why not? I get a lot from Mary Sues.
