SUSTIVA
PART TWO
Yellow
(3)
XXX
Z was shivering a little on his seat.
"In fact, you don't care about your condition."
"Not really. I don't have to be sad because of that. I would like to forget, but I can't, I always have to take those pills… The therapy group is optional…"
A curious fog, emerging from the bottom of Z's seat was covering his face now, like if the jungle was slowly taking her rights back. With the darkest colors she could bring, washing out everything with her haggard forest waters.
Scattered, forever.
"You must have a lot of courage to return and face this guy…" Said the other young man, looking with grief at Gray.
Gray pulled out a little black book from a pocket – a pen as bookmark – and opened it in front of Z.
"Yes?" Asked Zeref.
The silence of the mage led Z to look the book and read a few sentences. He rapidly smiled:
"Oh, your poems…"
"Yeah… Old ones" And Gray folded his legs against his chest, resting his head on his knees.
Z gazed strangely on the first lines, apparently searching for help, or maybe trying to read Gray's poorly formed letters.
"… But… often my mind, my times, my mind,
Supports the body well
Waking singing horn
Languages of a fresh bed attract me to sleep
Ache stole my mind. Worth heckled my soul, made me its prisoner
Awaiting the verdict and patient as long as there is hope
Place in my heart, a soul that persists
It comes to me running to avoid
I dark endless – glory, the deities"
"Excuse the bad mood."Gray commented.
"I understand now… You have your reasons." Z turned pages and opened wide his eyes, seeing all the dark lines, all the smears, the widespread ink. "Wow, how many did you just write?"
"Don't know, surely a hundred of little ones like this."
"Sounds great, let's try another…" Z turned few pages.
"Sounds repetitive. Just let it."
"But it seems you wanted to show me what you wrote…"
"You can keep it…" Gray ran his hand on his left leg as Z was slowly frowning.
"…Why?" His voice sounded sad.
"Maybe you want to read those things. I myself don't want anymore. So please, if you agree I would like to give my poems to you."
Z let his eyes walk on the verses and caressed a few pages.
"You're sure? It is very kind of you, but I just can't accept something so intimate… I mean, it's your life, your own life written here. And why would you give that book to me? After all, we just have met!"
"Because, Z, you are a nice guy, and I know that you will read and take care of that book. You are right, we've just met" And Gray smiled. "But I have this feeling that this is not a simple encounter…"
Z paused for a moment, before smiling too. He closed the book and placed it on his lap, tapping with his fingers and the cover if he was playing music.
The weather had changed during their discussion; and now that they were just looking at each other, in the ethereal silence of the wagon, they could see the sky going darker. Cumbersome clouds were covering the white ply of the air, spreading their dirty trail of grey powder.
"I don't want to be annoying, but you said you would tell me all your story…" Gray expressed.
"Ah… I really said that?" Z ribbed.
"Yep, you owe me that."
"Well… I've passed three wonderful months around the world. Visiting cities every week and finishing with Magnolia for three days. I played a piano recital for an old woman in a strange and gloomy mansion once... I don't know what to tell besides that."
"So you return to your city?"
"Yes, my great city. Crocus is beautiful, and even more at the season. You will see!" And Z put his hands in the air, starry-eyed. "When winter comes, there are tons of those egrets' fruits, floating in the city. They are white and smooth. It is like a sort of… snow…"
Gray froze. Snow? ...
Listen to GABRIEL YARED - LE HERISSON
A little wood house, lost in the blizzard of the cold dusk.
Mountains everywhere and great green pines. The gray sky, the far horizon, and vapid ice lakes all around.
The old and battered shack he had shared with Lyon and Owl.
There was all the emotional center of his life…
"Hey, wake up Gray, it's only ten!"
The elegant woman in her white shirt placed her soft hand on the young mage's head.
"Ah… I'm really tired Owl…"
"Stop telling me lies, you were running and shouting two minutes ago!" Her master gently chuckled. "Come on, I need help for dinner! Aren't you hungry?"
"No… Just let me sleep near the fireplace!"
Owl let out a happy sigh and ran her hand in the short dark hair of the boy.
"I can't count on you my dear… And where is your darned companion?"
Gray eventually let out a relief sigh, mumbling random things.
Owl was gone in the kitchen; Gray could hear his master cutting some vegetables on the wood table. He could also perceive scratching at the door. That was Lyon for sure. It was his signal to say he was back. Somewhere in the house, ice was also melting, issuing regular drops on the floor.
The main door opened and Gray felt the great cold taking on his back, shivering. Soon, he heard the laugh of his fellow and the door shut.
Hot fingers went through Gray's hair.
"Hey…" Said the sleepy boy.
"How are you, soldanella?"*
"Sleepy…"
"I know… Hey! Look! I got logs for the fireplace!"
This last sentence had Gray emerging from his drowsiness.
"Thanks!"
"But I know Owl doesn't' like when we make fire here… Doesn't matter, you are still not friends with the cold, but it will come! I know what it is to feel cold! At first it is not great at all! But soon, I promise, you will love winter here."Said Lyon, lighting the fire with a match.
Gray gazed the fire rising in the chimney and warming the little living room. He just felt so nice now. So he slowly crept to Lyon's lap and closed his eyes.
The other mage looked at his comrade and smiled.
Perfect instant…
"Yeah, snow, I'm sure you will enjoy it!" Added Z, seeing Gray going through his mind with a distant but peaceful look.
"Yeah, probably…"
And the last minutes of the trip passed quickly; the fields had changed into huge houses, buildings and dull blocks of a recent city. Gray looked silently to the odd frame and felt like something was twisting him inside.
Bleak December over the city. That city. Where everything could happen today. A new and fearful place. Where Lyon was now.
Lyon, his love… His love… His only love maybe. Gray could imagine all the possible scenarios in his mind, even the worse, and yet he still wanted to see him. Of course he wanted. Just to see his face. His pleasant smile, his mouth, his silver hair… Everything… The wait had been too long and that story would turn him mad if it lasted longer.
"Train is arriving…" Said calmly Z.
"Oh… come on! You don't have any other things to say?"
"All right, what can I say besides that?" Asked Z, amused.
"Something less… usual. You began to talk to me like that…"
"You prefer rough things, don't you? Sorry if I'm too much vanilla for you"
"Yeah, maybe…" Gray mumbled.
"I should have punched you the first time I saw you."
Gray let a soft grin appear on his face.
"Well, let's say the sky is unbelievably awesome!"
Light from the sun was then suddenly hidden by the roof of the station.
"It was…"
The two men looked at each other awkwardly until Gray stood up and gathered Z's packs on the train's floor. Z soon said to Gray that it was not necessary and they slowly walked out their wagon, joining the nearest exit.
Outside, the cold air was hounding people faces. Scarves, hats, thick cloaks and even pince-nez on every one.
"Alright, do you have five minutes ?" Asked Z, facing the ice mage with excitement.
"Yeah… What do you plan?"
"I just wanted to show you THE big place of Crocus. THE one to see…"
"If it's that famous, I think I won't have problems finding it."
"But you need a personal guide! Come one, hurry up! You're so lazy!"
"Wait…!"
And Z walked fast forward, though he was trailing all his heavy stuff.
Gray gazed at the great clock perched high and let out a sigh. 11 a.m. Yes, they passed like three of four hours to discuss about… him… What the hell? And this jerk didn't even talk about his own story…
Gray watched carefully the other guy, seeing he was only focused on the way to take. What a man seriously… He was even grinning in this situation… This smile… Maybe it could remember Gray of his ice fellow… Yes… Both of them could smile in so unpleasant situations.
Gray could not support the thick and fraught air of the place, leaking his forehead, filled with the scents of the fast travelers. As they went out, the ice mage stretched again and moaned a little, making the other guy smirk.
"You're a cat, seriously…" He said to Gray.
"Fuck you… Now show me your place, Smiley."
"Hey, I prefer Z!" Argued the other.
"Shuuut up!"
The strange tone Gray took made them laugh and Z slowed down his movement, walking side by side with the other man.
Cold streets of the city center vanished and they started to walk in a beautiful district. Old houses everywhere and great trees, shadowing the grounds with their leaves.
Soon, Gray stopped and looked in front of him.
"Hey… What the hell…"
Gray was amazed. Z, at few steps behind, smiled heavily.
A hundred, no, a thousand of white little particles were floating in the air, like tons of planktons or… flacons. Yes. Snow… Snow all around them. Flacons everywhere, slowly drifting and even touching their noses.
Gray grabbed one of the particles and observed it carefully as Z talked calmly:
"Those beautiful things are the fruits of a very particular tree that you can only find in Crocus in the end of autumn…"
"I didn't even know trees could have fruits in December…"
Gray closed his eyes and smiled.
The instant was so calm and restful again, like if he was living again all his childhood.
At least he would have had visited a great town.
Z placed his hand on Gray's back and pushed him forward :
"Come on, I still need to show you the town square!"
"Alright…" and he followed the brown-haired pianist.
"So he lives there… Your friend Lyon…"
"Yeah…"
"You have his address, I suppose…"
"Of course, for whom do you take me exactly?" And Gray punched friendly Z on his shoulder.
"For a lost guy…"
Gray paused and then looked with a serious gaze to his new friend:
"Yeah, for sure. But I just found my guide I think…"
The other rolled his eyes to the ice mage and smiled frankly, not feeling to add anything to Gray's sentence.
"Hey, I was wondering… Did you tell to your friends in Fairy Tail about your… feelings for him?" Asked Z.
"No… And I seriously don't know how they would take it… "
"If they are truly your friends they could accept you. That's a minimum!"
"I wish life could be that easy… But it's already hard to live with a condition… If I also have to tell to everyone that I'm bisexual or something…"
"I understand…" Said Z, calmly.
"I don't want to be the center of the attention, and even more not being someone special. I mean, it seems you're interested in me because I've got problems… I don't like that."
Z stopped walking and frowned:
"Gray, if I'm talking with you, it's mainly because I want it, don't even try to find the reason, but I like to talk with you, that's all. We all have our problems… And you know… It's always good to make a focus on your situation sometimes…"
"Yeah, maybe."
They began to walk again.
"You never thought to tell them or…"
"Maybe I just didn't want to see them at all… You know, I tried for several months to hide myself, to isolate. I only talked to Mirajane during this period, and sometimes with Natsu but we were in cold. And it all blew out when I told him I had my disease…"
"Why?"
"Because… He just didn't accept it. He was, like, horrified".
And Gray remembered, oh so well, the next morning at the guild, when he was leaving, as usual, very early in order to be in alone and Natsu following him:
"Hey ! Hey you!"
"What?" Gray turned to the dragon slayer and frowned.
"What can't you just stay a little more and have a drink with us all?"
"… I just passed there to take a request page."
"You ice freak! How can you just ignore your friends?" Spat the angry Natsu.
Gray was looking blankly to the ground, all the things he was hearing were hurting him.
"You fuck… You just don't talk to anyone! What happened to you? And you seem so…"
Gray jumped to his fellow and grabbed him by his collar:
"I seem so…? So what? Come on! Finish your sentence flamebrain!"
"You seem so fucking tired and sad! That's all the stuff with you! And always out, always somewhere, never coming with us to quests! I… I don't know where our Gray went…"
"Natsu… I… I'm sorry if I let you and the others but… It's really not the time, I… please, don't tell to anyone this but I…"
Gray saw again the scene where Natsu was moving back, running out of the guild and then insulting him the next morning.
Maybe two days before Gray was leaving to Crocus, he tried to reconnect with the flame boy but when he walked, an outstretched hand to the dragon slayer, the other just gazed him dark:
"Don't even touch me, you plague." He said with a sullen voice, before running away.
"But… How can someone reject you? You're ill, just ill I don't see where it could be bad for him or even bad for anyone? It's not your fault!"
"Not really indeed… But I made just a mistake and… Yeah…"
LISTEN TO : Michel Colombier - Une chambre en ville
They arrived in front of a large square, rounded by noisy streets and great gray buildings. The little cozy houses were gone. And then, far away, a huge block.
A great white building, covered by tarpaulins and marks of a construction. Huge, really, maybe fifty meters high and three times that distance long. The all thing looked in bad shape, like the ruins of a fat rotten cake. Huge columns, yellowed by pollution and great broken windows, like open mouths lined with sharp teeth.
"Wow… But what did they…?" Z seemed lost.
Gray, watching at the other guy felt that something was wrong:
"Is this building new?"
Z's smile broke down.
"I… I thought they had stopped this silly idea!"
The pianist looked so different suddenly.
"The new mayor of Crocus, Traian, had this shitty thing in head. He said he wanted to build a new palace in the heart of the town but people were against it. And… crap ! I really thought he had abandoned the idea…"
"That's sad. Looks like they destroyed all that there was under."
"There was a park here… I wanted to go for a walk with you there…" Z closed his eyes and for the first time maybe, nodded, absent, he nodded to the void. "And this thing is so ugly."
"Indeed." Added Gray, looking to the strange architecture once more.
"Ok… Let's get back to the trees, I'm gonna feel sick here…" Said Z, still keeping his eyes closed.
They left the town square and soon, the little floating fruits filled the air. Gray observed the little smile coming back to his friend's face.
"Hey… It's just a stupid palace you know…" Said the ice mage.
"Yes."
The two stopped.
"Well, I won't retain you more, you can go find your Lyon if you want…"
"Alright…" Gray was not sure to leave the guy here and now, he seemed so different now. And on the other hand he had Lyon in his head for so much time. "So… You're gonna play the piano in the town soon?"
"Maybe, but for private parties… I don't know if I could invite you…"
"Where will you sleep all the time?"
"In my little building…" He said, finally looking Gray straight.
"If you can show me your talent, I would be happy to hear you!"
"Thanks…"
Z finally smiled a little.
'Damn, you took your time!' Said Gray to himself.
"Okay… How can I join you?" Asked Z.
The slight rays of the sun were dancing on Zeref's face and the flacons gently resting on his head.
"Oh, I'm gonna give you my address here. I reserved a place here in a dormitory accommodation for a few days. Just a second… Give me the poem book."
Z grinned a little and watched the ice mage writing on a page several numbers.
"Thanks" Said Z when the other gave him back the signed book.
"Well, I think that is a goodbye…"
" Yes... We will see each other again, right?
"If you want, for sure! You have my address, but I won't be staying much time here… I don't have much stuff after all…" Said Gray. "Or I could live naked, that's an option…" He added.
"You're impossible… So that's another condition!"
"No, it is not that hard… I just have to be careful with the people around! Nudists are not welcomed in Crocus?"
"No, I really don't think so!"The other chortled.
"Well, I suppose they don't reject sick people…"
"How could they know you're ill?
"I don't know but, with my face…"
"I can swear you have a great face now!"
"Thanks." Answered the brown-haired ice mage.
The alarm from Gray's wrist rang and soon he drew two purple pills out from the white box.
"Again ?"
Gray swallowed them with boredom and smiled:
"Yeah, they really are annoying with this. It's a long thing to learn."
Fable 3 OST - Sanctuary
But as he was talking, Gray let out of his pocket the box and it fell on the ground with all the white flacons.
"Oh…" Z quickly bent down to take the item and gave it back to Gray after a short analysis:
"Su… Sustiva?" He asked.
"Yeah… The name of the pill, not so original… I guess it's like the colors… You see : purple here. But there is a yellow one, even red sometimes."
"It seems really hard to follow."
"Well you know, Aids and all that stuff… It is not that easy to cure. They are still searching for the ultimate remedy…"Gray said calmly.
Silence.
Then, Zeref's face went pale even more.
He opened wide his eyes before looking back at Gray with an appalled look.
"Ok… Then I think I'm gonna go now…" Said the ice mage.
Z slowly reached his hand forward.
Gray, smiled deeply, feeling that Z was sending him a message of acceptation.
They shook their hands in the middle of the white alley.
And seeing the strange face of the pianist, lost between grief and slight happiness, Gray could not resist any longer and finally approached himself closer from Z before hugging him.
The other answered well, tightening even more the embrace. They stayed like this for several seconds.
All was calm and good right now… A soft person to hold you…
"Thanks for everything Gray…"
"Thanks to you! I had a great time… But next time YOU will be telling your story, you dumb!"
"Yeah, ok" Z laughed a little and he watched Gray leaving quickly.
The ice mage left, walking around the drifting flacons, looking everywhere, stretching and even humming a little.
Zeref gazed at him until he could not see anymore the ice mage and sighed softly.
So there he was…
Crocus…
It changed so much…
XXX
Note : * Soldanella is a mountain flower. It blossoms right after the melting of ice.
Well, sorry for that HUGE void beetween the thrid and fourth chapters. Hope you won't kill me for that and will want to continue the story.
Because there are more chapters coming !
Thanks to Miyu for her great help and to you reader ;)
PS : reviews are my jam :P
