Disclaimer: All characters remain the property of their respective owners.
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A love to remember
Chapter III: Wish
"Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it." – Michel de Montaigne
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"she… she forgot about you willingly. She erased you from her memory"
Sasuke said nothing, at first.
He didn't even blink.
Ino tried to keep her tears inside of her, this wasn't the right moment to cry. She pressed her hands over her mouth, like she blamed it for spitting out those horrible words. "I'm so sorry, Sasuke-kun" she wined. "So, so sorry!" She didn't know what else to say.
Sasuke didn't even look at her, his face completely blank. No feelings, no grief. Like he hadn't heard her.
Ino didn't like the emptiness in his eyes, she didn't like the lack of reaction. "It wasn't… oh, I wish it didn't become like this!" she rambled on, trying to wake him up by her high-pitched voice. "If only…"
"Are you telling the truth, Yamanaka Ino?" he interrupted her quietly, his voice like the sound of the wind in the dark night.
Ino gulped, wishing of all her heart that she could give another answer. "Yes… I am"
He nodded sternly, his eyes fixed somewhere over her head. "I see"
Ino felt her heart break as Sasuke stared blankly ahead, a distant look on his face. But then again, her sorrow would be nothing compared to his, she supposed.
"Oh, Sasuke-kun.." Ino began, she didn't want him to look like that. Like he just got a kunai in his stomach and tried not to show the pain. "I'm so…"
But Sasuke interrupted her, his voice was less then a whisper in the night. "Tell me exactly what happened" A whisper, but it would have been just as powerful a demand had he screamed it out. It was clear Sasuke would not leave without the answers he needed, and Ino couldn't, and wouldn't, deny them to him.
She shook her head, so the blonde hair fell into her face and sighed. It was such a bizarre story, she could hardly believe it was real… And she knew that they both wished it wasn't. Taking a deep breath, she began.
"After you left… Sakura was, like…" she searched for words. "It was like she was broken inside… she had been so happy with you, and when you were gone, she just… collapsed" Ino remembered with a shudder. "She didn't eat, she didn't sleep… and when she did she always woke up crying. We tried to cheer her up and all, Naruto and me, and Rock Lee, even Tsunade-sama and Kakashi… but she just pushed everyone away. It was like the last time you left, only worse. We were so worried for her"
Sasuke nodded without a word, he looked so absent that she wasn't sure he was listening. "Continue" he demanded her, when she just stared at him a little too long.
"I tired to tell her, that you didn't want to leave, that you would be back…" Ino gave Sasuke a fast glance again. Even now she wasn't sure if she'd been telling the truth back then. Sasuke's thoughts and feelings were private, no one knew them well. Not even Sakura and Naruto.
Sasuke said nothing, and Ino sighed.
"But she… she said she couldn't stand it, not one more time"
Sasuke's lips narrowed to nothing more then a thin line, but he said nothing, still.
"She went to Tsunade-sama a little more then a month after you left… I don't know the details, but she erased you from her memory"
"Completely?"
Ino swallowed. "Yes, for her it's like you never existed"
She waited for his reaction, but he didn't move, he didn't even flinch. His onyx black eyes were fixed over her head, without any feelings showed in them.
"After it was… when she was…done" Ino stuttered. "Tsunade told us, and we were forbidden to even mention you around Sakura, ever..."
Sasuke snorted. "And that was it?" he spitted out, his voice filled of bitterness.
Ino nodded. "I don't… "But she fell silent. She wasn't even sure what she wanted to say. "She seemed happier that way, not like with you, but… "She sighed. "She was better, Sasuke-kun"
Sasuke's fits clenched when he spoke again. "And Naruto?" He said the name like it tasted bad in his mouth, and spitted it out. Ino felt her heart sink. Naruto had been so down after Sasuke left, and had missed him even after Sakura erased the black ninja from her mind. Ino wasn't sure, but she anticipated that the blonde dobe had been alone. More alone then he ever would let them know.
And when Sasuke finally was back, he hated Naruto more then ever.
"Please Sasuke-kun" Ino begged him, as the black eyes got the blood-soft colour of red. "Don't blame Naruto for this. You know he always liked Sakura, always cared for her, always was there for her"
Even when you weren't… she thought secretly, but she knew that wasn't fair. But really, nothing between Sakura and Sasuke was ever fair for Naruto.
"He tried to be just her friend for a while" she tried to explain. "He tried more then you can ever image… because… because he loves you like brother, and he knew… that she always loved you…"
Ino remembered that time. Naruto pretended that everything was fine, he smiled and joked, like always. But he thought no one was looking, his blue eyes always darted away to Sakura, who happily lived her life, not knowing anything about, not giving a damn about Uchiha Sasuke.
"But he… I suppose he loved her too much, it was… I don't think he'll stand it so much longer…" Ino held her breath, for there was one more thing to say. Something the whole village noticed.
"Because… well, I don't think it will make anything better, but… she isn't the same, even with him…"
Everyone noticed it, even Naruto. But first now she realised how it must be tearing him apart, knowing that even if Sakura had erased Sasuke from her mind, he wasn't really gone from her heart.
Ino had been right, Sasuke didn't look any better. His pale face was illuminated by the moon over them, and in the white light he looked like ghost with terrifying dark eyes that missed every kind of light. Like a skull with deep holes to eyes. The thin lips were drawn in a line, and Ino felt once again afraid of the young man.
There was nothing in his eyes.
Only darkness, and hatred over an ocean of despair.
And Ino remembered was Shikamaru had told her years ago, when she first found her defeated by the fore-head girl. "It is so unfair!" she had cried in rage and jealousy. "Why her? It's not like she needs him anymore, so it can't possible be out of damn pity!"
Shikamaru had looked up from the shogi-board with a bored scowl over his face. "Perhaps Sasuke needs her…Never thought of that?" he said and got Ino to shut up for a whole minute.
She never really believed it doe, even after she accepted the fact that her friend and the love of her childhood were very happy together. Sasuke was the most powerful ninja since Uchiha Madara, he slayed Orochimaru and his brother Itachi and many more. A man like him couldn't need such a mediocre kunochi as Sakura, even with her amazing strength and healing abilities. The idea was ridiculous.
But with that look over Sasuke-kun's face, that look of a man who knew the feeling of loosing everything, and felt it once again, made her think again.
"She doesn't love him" she said bitterly. It was all so wrong!
Sasuke blinked, like he had forgotten she was even there. Then he did something strange, he smiled. A terrible satire of a smile, grim and unforgiving. Like he was mocking his own pain.
"I don't think that matters, she doesn't love me any longer either"
Ino was about to answer, when a loud pound from a door closing echoed down the street and made her jump. "Oh my God, you can't let them see you, Sasuke-kun!" she shrieked. "There are still a lot of people that want to kill you for hurting Sakura, Rock Lee, Tsunade, even Naruto"
"But she isn't hurt anymore, she doesn't even remember being hurt!" Sasuke objected without even flinching from the sound, a bitter clang in his raspy voice. "How could she do that? Did she just wake up one day and decided to erase me from her brain? How can you decide to do something like that?"
At his words, Ino looked away guilty. "It-it's my fault," she stuttered. "Oh God, I'm so sorry…"
"How?" Sasuke demanded to know.
"I tried to knock some sense into her, telling her to be positive and stuff," she wailed. "And I got mad! I told her, 'You have to get over this! What else are you gonna do, erase him from your memory?' but she took it literally! And I tried to stop her, I swear, but she got so dead-set on the idea, nothing I said would help! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault…"
Ino whipped tears from her blue eyes, her gaze fixed on her feet. She couldn't even meet his stare, he must be so angry at her for even giving Sakura that idea. Ino felt like hitting herself really hard. She had been so stupid! If she hadn't done it… then everything would be good now, with Sasuke back and all. If she could change anything in her whole life, it would be telling Sakura to erase Sasuke, but she couldn't. She couldn't do anything. Just sit around and pretend to be happy for Sakura when she claimed to have found the love of her life, pretending not to know anything about the fact that she already found the greatest love Ino had ever seen, and chose to forget about it. It was so unfair! It was so wrong!
"I'm so sorry, Sasuke-kun… I never… I didn't mean it like that!" she sobbed, covering her mouth with her shacking hand. "Oh my God…"
Sasuke stared at the crying girl, his eyes dark again, dark in his white face, like a shadow over the moon. "I don't blame you" he said then.
Ino looked up sharply. "You don't?" she sniffed.
"Certainly not" Sasuke said a little impatiently. "I blame Sakura"
Ino's eyes widened. She had never heard Sasuke talk like that about Sakura. He used to call her annoying, but this was… "What?" she asked weakly.
Sasuke's eyes narrowed when he slowly repeated. "I blame Sakura"
Ino didn't dare to interrupt when he continued with low voice. "She did this. Nobody forced her, she did it because she wanted to. I told her I didn't want to leave, and I gave my word that I would return, but she took the easy way out, as always" he added bitterly. "So far did her love go when it came down to it"
"Sasuke-kun!" Ino protested, attempting to defend her best friend's actions. She may not have agreed with Sakura's choice, but it had to be done – things might have been worse otherwise, and she didn't want to think about that. "You know that, and I know that! Hell, everybody knows that! That's why it hurt her so much, and that why she felt she had to do it. It wasn't easy for her, you have to realize that, Sasuke-kun"
But Sasuke shook his head. "No, if that was the case we wouldn't have this conversation at all"
"But you don't understand, Sasuke-kun!" Ino shouted.
"I understand perfectly" Sasuke said coldly. "She didn't…" but he fell silent as his eyes flashed in red once again. He closed them and took a deep breath. "She couldn't stand it" he said then and his eyes were once again deep holes when he opened them again.
Ino watched the avenger's hidden rage and sorrow as he did his best to fight it, hopelessly, just as with Sakura. She couldn't do anything to ease their pain.
Then Sasuke abruptly turned on his heel and stormed down the street, without another word.
"Wait! Where are you going?" Ino called after him.
"To the hokage!" Sasuke bellowed. "It isn't over yet!"
Over at the hokage's office Tsunade-sama, one of the three great sanin, the strongest kunochi, together with a Haruno Sakura, one of the greatest medic-ninjas of all time, was heavily asleep over her desk. Her dribble covered most of the papers she used as a pillow as she snored loudly.
Then she suddenly sat up straight up and grimaced. She was picking up a great deal of emotional pain and an overwhelming amount of chakra… Reaching out, she attempted to determine the origin – and she sighed when the source was found. Of course…
It did not come as a surprise to her. She knew Uchiha Saskue would return one day - the only question had been when. As cruel as it was, she had been hoping it would be at a much later date – it would leave more time to find a way to explain why she had done what she had. Even the years that had passed since the incident hadn't adequately prepared Tsunade for what to tell the young man, and she was dreading having to justify her actions.
The great sanin, Hokage Tsunade, was afraid when she felt the chakra coming closer.
Then the door slammed up and Uchiha Sasuke entered. "We need to talk!" he growled without waiting for a word of welcoming.
Ino hurried in a few seconds after his entrance with a terrified look over her face. "I'm so sorry, hokage-sama!" she panted heavily. "I couldn't stop him"
"It's alright, Ino" Tsunade assured her with a smile, even doe it was nothing funny with the situation. "He is right, we do need to talk. Close the door on your way out, will you?"
"Uhm… okay…" Ino threw one last worried glance at Sasuke before she did as she was told, and closed the door carefully.
When they were alone Tsunade sighed and turned to face the angry young man, glaring at her. The demon-red sharingan made the action all the more intimidating, and Tsunade found herself hard-pressed not to flinch under the glower.
"Would you like to sit down?" she asked politely and gestured towards the chair. This would take some time, she reckon. "Is there anything…?"
"Screw that!" Sasuke growled as his eyes flashed. "I want some answers, and I want them now!"
Tsunade sighed once more. This would be complicated. "Fine, just calm down, and I… "
But Sasuke was already shouting again. "Calm down? Why does everybody tell me to calm down? How the hell would you react if someone important to you just took away you from their life?"
Tsunade grimaced. "Point taken" she muttered. She wasn't exactly the best one to tell someone to calm down. "But you need to be quiet, Ino must have told you what will happen if someone finds out that you are back"
Sasuke scowled. "Like they can do anything to me"
Tsunade was once again reminded that power was the source of arrogance and was for a moment tempted to call for Rock Lee or Naruto. They wouldn't be able to beat him, but they wouldn't be as easy as the avenger thought, especially Naruto had done even more progressing since Sasuke left once again. But that would be quite unnecessary, she reasoned. Yes, quite unnecessary. He didn't deserve it, yet. She wasn't foolish enough to not realise that there would be enough fighting around Sasuke when he was back again.
"I guess Ino told you about the situation, what more would you like to know?" she asked politely.
"How about why the hell you did this to her?" Sasuke roared, not giving a damn about those who could hear him. He had done his best to be calm, to control himself, but he wasn't sure how long he could take it anymore.
Tsunade saw his struggle with pity in her nut brown eyes. "Let me explain, Sasuke" she tried, but Sasuke wouldn't let her speak.
"Explain?! How do you explain something like this? Who the hell could you do it in the first place?" Sasuke began, but then Tsunade had enough.
"Sasuke!" she demanded harshly. "I'm trying to explain what happened, but then you have to let me!"
Sasuke stared defiantly at the hokage for a moment, and Tsunade stared back just a fierily. She had to give him credit, not many had met her glare with such lack of fear. Sasuke's lips narrowed to a thin line, and then he looked away.
"Fine" he grumbled and fell silent. How ever, his fists were so knuckled that Tsunade could hear the bone crack in them.
Tsunade sighed and began the little speech she had prepared for this day. "First of all, Sasuke, I never wanted to do it. I never agreed with her decision, but it was clearly that I had no choice"
"Bullshit! You always have a choice!" Sasuke interrupted.
"Listen to me!" Tsunade demanded with a dark voice, matching Sasuke's perfectly. "I would never done it under normal circumstances, a teenage break-up, nothing to worry about. But this was different, it was far more serious, much deeper. Did Ino tell you about Sakura's state?" she asked the man, praying to every god she knew that the young medic had and that Tsunade would be spared from telling him.
"Yes" Sasuke said shortly.
Tsunade exhaled secretly, relived. "Like last time you left, she was very… unstable. She was fragile and isolated herself from everyone. I tried, as many others, to talk her out of it. To help her trough the pain, but she… it was worse then last time. The memories of her happiness were simply preventing her from experiencing more. I was forced to acquiesce to her wishes, for her own good"
"You mean I wasn't good for her?" Sasuke asked her.
Tsunade gave him her sincerely answer. "You know you wasn't, not always"
Sasuke opened his mouth to object, but Tsunade continued. "I'm not saying she didn't love you, because she did. She loved you more then anyone I've ever met loved anyone… and you made her happy, more then anyone. But you also hurt her, more then anyone, and so many times, Sasuke... too many times"
"It was never my intentions" Sasuke swore in a low voice.
"It doesn't change the fact that she was hurt, a numerous times" Sasuke shock his head, like he tried to get rid of her hard words.
"I did it for her, I left for her" he mumbled. "You don't understand, he almost killed her" he remembered with a hiss. That monster, he had almost… No, he didn't want to think of that.
Tsunade looked at him, reading his thoughts. "As I did this for her. Understand Sasuke, she couldn't deal with it, not one more time. It was necessary for her safety"
But Sasuke wasn't listening, an other question rose inside of him. "Is it permanently? It there anyway you can bring back the memories?" he asked, doing his best to keep his voice clean from desperation.
Tsunade sighed and looked away, the answer written over her young face. "No, the memories wasn't buried, Sasuke" she explained with a heavy heart. "They were completely whipped out- there is nothing to bring back"
For a second Sasuke looked like he was going to kill her. The sharingan was lighten in his eyes and the pale spider-long hands moved, unconsciously, to do the chidori-seal. His face was a cold mask, the thin lips pressed hardly together.
"Sasuke…" Tsunade began warningly.
Then the man collapsed, as suddenly as he had been stolen of all his chakra. He tumbled down in the chair behind him, burying his face in his violently shaking hands. "No…" he mumbled weakly. "No…"
Tsunade said nothing. She turned to the window and looked out over Konoha, as the sun slowly rose and coloured the night sky pink. She felt intimidate to see this ninja, this dark avenger on the very edge of breaking down. So she pretended she wasn't even in the room, focusing totally on the view. But then she caught a swift glance of white hair outside the window and sighed. Of course…
"It's not fair" Sasuke whispered in a broken tone. "It's not fair!"
"I know" Tsunade agreed, trying to comfort him but it was all in vain. Sasuke was not to be comfort by empty words.
"You know?" His head flew up sharply. "What do you know? Nothing"
Tsunade didn't reply, she couldn't… she didn't even had an answer. So she just let Sasuke continue.
But Sasuke said no more. Whatever pain he must be feeling, he kept it to himself. He never shared it, he never gave anything away. The only one who he ever showed his pain to was gone forever. Tsunade felt tears rise in her eyes, it was truly unfair.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke" she told him, more for her own sake then his. "If there is anything I can do…" she offered, knowing that in reality, nothing would alleviate her guilt for the role she played in all of this.
But Sasuke just shook his head. "What could you do?" he sneered. "You can't change the past, you can't do this undone… you can't bring her back… she is…"
He got up form the chair so fast that it almost tipped backwards. "I have to go" he said hoarsely and hurried towards the door, not even a second glance back. The door slammed after him and Tsunade sighed.
"Kakashi, come out" she called silently.
The white-haired ninja climbed easily in trough the window and greeted the hokage with a wink of his hand. "Yo" But his voice was hoarsely and lacked the usual brightness.
"You heard it?" It was not really a question.
"Every word" Kakashi mumbled truthfully.
Tsunade gave him a quick glance. The eye that was visible under the head-band was filled with sorrow and pity for his former students. Tsunade hesitated, then she made up her mind. "Keep an eye on him" she ordered sternly.
Kakashi chuckled sadly. "He won't like that, you know"
"He needs it, make sure he doesn't get into any fight" Tsunade said impenitently and began drying of saliva from her notes on the desk. "God knows who many that want to kill him right now. He can't deal with them all, especially not in this state. Keep him away from Narutp, also. The last we need is another fight between the two of them"
Kakashi nodded. "And what if he goes looking for Sakura?"
Tsunade frown, her hand halfway towards a paper that soared down at the floor. She paused for a moment, not sure.
"You know he will do it" Kakashi assured her. If anything was sure about Sasuke it was that he wouldn't accept this, not without talking to her.
Tsunade looked Kakashi in the one eye. "Then you'll stop him"
A/N: What is Sasuke going to do? Well, all I can say is that someone is going to cry, and someone is going to get pined to a wall.
You wanna know more detailed, you'll just read next chapter! It will be up within a month, sort of. Here's spoiler for it. Enjoy, and review… please.
"Sasuke, stop it!" she demanded, like he was a bad dog that didn't serve its masters well enough. But nonetheless, Sasuke didn't listen. As Shikamaru stumbled to the ground, Sasuke moved with a speed he once stole from the young man he was going to attack.
But before he even got close to the ninja, who took fighting stance himself, a light voice, the only voice that ever had made Sasuke stop, sounded trough the crowd.
"Lee-san!"
Sasuke felt his heart jump a beat. His sharingan-red eyes widened. No… not now, not ever again. No!
See ya!
Phritzen
