I am in the woods again, this time Testa is hobbling after me, brandishing her crutch and egging me on as I hack away at a hunk of meat on the ground.
I draw back my knife and she gives a high pitched laugh, rolling the bloody lump over with the tip of her crutch. I stay in the dream just long enough to register the face. This is no hunk of meat; this is the body of Kesella Shoal.
I awake to the feel of warm breath on my neck. Immediately I scramble away on all fours, causing myself to tumble out of the bed and wince sharply at the noise.
I sit in the electric silence for a few second, assessing the situation. Slowly, I get to my knees and peer over the edge of the bed. There, lying over the quilt right beside where I had been only moments earlier lay a second body. As far as I could tell its owner was fast asleep, even my fall hadn't caused them to stir.
I stand tentatively and circle the bed to examine the sleeping person's face, despite being sure I know what I will find. Sure enough, by the time I reach the top of the bed, the sea foam eyes of Kesella Shoal are staring back in to mine.
For a second we just stare, uncomprehending. I glance over shoulder at the door, it is still firmly shut and locked to the untrained eye but I know better. I throw Kesella a questioning look as he props himself up on his elbows to watch me. In answer he reaches under his pillow and wiggles his knife in front of my face.
I nod. Then without asking further questions, I climb back into the bed beside him. Who cares how inappropriate it all is? We are both heading to our deaths anyway. I find myself wondering what would have happened, had we met under different circumstances. Then sleep draws me in to its velvety tendrils once more.
He's gone when I wake. I reach out my arms for him but find only cold cloth in his place. I feel a bitter sense of disappointment and sudden unease. Without him here I feel unsafe. Why had he come anyway?
It's still dark outside, though the sky is tinged with a slight streak of blood red. Almost morning, we would reach the Capitol and become bitter adversaries soon. If I wanted to find out what was going on with him, now was the time?
Quickly and quietly, I get out of bed and slip into my thin white robe and slippers. They do nothing to keep off the chill as I step into the moonlit corridor however. I pad along, softly as possible, trying to remember where Kesella's quarters were located.
I walk past door after identical door, my discomfort mounting with each step. I am about to turn back when I see a faint light ahead of me. As I draw closer I realise it is coming from the TV room. The door is slightly ajar and I can hear the faint noises of the TV from the hallway. There is another noise though, an animalistic sort of howling. Quiet but undeniably distinctive.
I step closer, pressing myself against the wall and craning my neck around to rest my cheek and the door frame. Nothing could have prepared me for the scene that waited. There, on the couch lies Testa, curled in to fetal position. As she watches scenes from the hunger games on the huge TV.
She whimpers pitifully as the images flash by. I can only guess which games it is to begin with but as the images progress I see traces of a familiar face...very familiar indeed.
A girl hides in a thicket, watching a young boy pass by, hands full of freshly caught game. She is clearly starving as she watches, her mouth watering. Suddenly the boy turns and she gasps slightly as he steps up close to examine the ground around her.
She is well concealed but the boy is clever, he makes as though to walk off then spins on his heel, bow fully loaded and pointed directly at the girls head. She makes her way out of the foliage and surrenders to him, her eyes never leaving the game. In that instant the make a sort of pact.
The screen flashes forward. It is the dead of night. The same boy and girl lie still in a clearing. It seems to be a few weeks later, judging by the gaunt looks in their faces and bruises and cuts on their skin. The boy appears to be on watch.
A silver parachute floats into their little camp. The boy opens it hungrily, disappointed to find only a letter. He reads it anyway then tosses it over his shoulder, staring at the girl with a new sort of intensity. He rises silently and reaches for his knife.
He is quick but accurate as he makes his slash but the girl must never have trusted him totally as she rolls out of the way before the knife can connect with her heart. Instead, her right arm takes the brunt of the attack, the blow disconnects it from the elbow down and it just lies there in the mud.
The girl stares at the boy in disbelief as he turns and speeds into the darkness, leaving the girl alone to protect hers with her stump of an arm. Suddenly she makes direct contact with the cameras and her expression turns hard, she knows that they did this. The shot fades out but not before showing the audience the bottom corner of the letter, now trampled in to the mud:
"Kill Testa."
My throat seems to close up as I look down at my mentor on the couch. I am startled to find her staring straight back at me, the same hard expression in her face. She nods slightly, as if to confirm that what I have seen is correct, then crosses the room without saying a word and closes the door softly in my face.
From that moment on, I simply blunder about the darkened train, trying to find my way back to bed where I can cry in solitude. It is by chance that I find the door. It is in the same position as my own and when I open it, the room beyond is almost identical. I am so disorientated that I just accept that this is my room and flop down on the bed.
The image of Testa's severed arm haunts me, as I see her hardened eyed peering at me out of the blackness. Is that what awaits me on the other side of the games? I recognize for the first time that the dead tributes probably have it easier than the victor. I curl on my side, as Testa did in the TV room and begin to sob for all I am worth.
I don't even notice the movement in the bed until I feel strong warm arms close around me. I feel suddenly at home. I know whose arms these are. The warm skin smells faintly of the sea, making me smile a little as the strong muscles flex protectively around my body. I stay in this safe haven of ignorance for a little while. Then I realise, I am not dreaming.
I throw off his embrace and whirl around to face him. He looks utterly nonplussed, hurt even.
"Why are you still in my room?" I hiss, furiously wiping the tears from my eyes.
"Um...last I checked, you wondered in to my room and started howling away, what was I supposed to do?" Kesella replies, somewhat defensively.
"Ah..." i'm slightly put out by this but I plough on anyway."But you snuck in to my room earlier, while I was asleep. Why?" I demand, eying him suspiciously.
'I had a nightmare.' he admits, a hot blush creeping up his cheeks. 'I was...scared.' he shrugs his shoulders casually but he refuses to meet my eyes.
I am suddenly angry at him and feel totally repulsed by his behavior. I push myself back, increasing the distance between us even more and registering the hurt in his expression.
'So you can't even look at me all night but you suddenly feel at liberty to climb in to my bed? What are you anyway, some kind of pervert?'
'I was scared Kaylar, I told you that. You're not the one with questions here. Why are you in my bed?' he counters slyly.
'I got lost.' I mumble, and then suddenly i'm telling him the whole story about Testa's games, my words tripping over each other in my haste to share the burden of this newly found information.
'Oh.' he says quietly. Then we sink into to silence again, feeling slightly uncomfortable now at each other's presence.
"But why were you acting so strangely at dinner?" I want to know.
"Well..." he murmurs, then he launches in to a long winded account of everything that has happened to him since we got on the train. Like me, he had experienced a number of strange visits. He too had caught a glimpse of the other side of Auris and a rather too much of a glimpse of Testa.
"The long and short of it is, Testa told me not to make any alliances, especially not with you. She said they never work out. I guess now we know why."
I nod, avoiding his eyes.
"Look." he says with an exasperated sigh. "I'm sorry about before. After Testa visited me I...I realised I was getting too attached. I tried to distance myself from you but look how that worked out. Guess i'm already going to piss off my mentor. Howdy partner!"
We both collapse in laughter at this. It feels so good to smile again, I make the most of the moment because I know, once we hit the arena, opportunities will be limited.
Realizing the time and the sheer oddity of what we are doing, we make a pathetic attempt to cover our sounds of mirth with a few small coughs. This just makes us both laugh harder though so we allow ourselves to do so, trusting that the others will be asleep already.
Eventually we laugh ourselves out and return to our uncomfortable state of silence. WE both sit, slightly apart, staring at random spots on the walls.
Carefully he begins to scoot towards me. Out of the blue he grabs me roughly around the waist and holds me to his chest, his breathing shallow and satisfied. At first I tense, feeling guilty and confused, then I begin to relax into him as his breathing slows and the comforting warmth of his body surrounds me, making me feel safe once more. Together, we are captured by sleep again.
When I next open my eyes golden light is flooding the train cabin. I give a trace of a smile as I watch it shift with the movements of the train. This time, the comforting warmth of Kesella's body is still present beside me. I lie facing the wall, still curled in fetal position. Kesella's body is wrapped protectively around my own, his arms linked at my stomach, his face buried in my hair. I give a sigh of contentment as I instinctively stretch my stiff limbs.
That's when I notice them watching.
At the foot of the bed, Auris and Testa stand, looking extremely unhappy. Testa taps her foot I annoyance while Auris tutts loudly to show her disapproval. My eyes widen in shock as I reach out to waken Kesella and find only his warm, dewy skin waiting for me. I glance down at my own body. I am dressed in just my underclothes, my robe and slippers lie discarded on the floor at my side along with Kesella's crushed shirt and trousers.
Oh dear, this must look bad.
I manage to shimmy myself out of Kesella's grasp and give him a sharp kick in the shin. This does the trick. He wakes making a series of muddled complaints. Then he sees them watching and shuts up.
"Morning." says Testa, with mock lightness, her face alight with a sort of dangerous glow. "What in the hell is going on he-"
"Nothing." we cut her off in perfect unison and glance at each other with identical grimaces.
"Right." replies Testa, a twinge of doubt clearly present in her tone.
Auris makes her way up to my side of the bed, picking my clothes up off the floor and thrusting them into my arms. She steps back, taking in the scene, her eyes lingering a little too long on Kesella's perfectly toned stomach. I glance at her through my lashes. She is livid; I can see it in those give away eyes of hers. She grabs my wrist again, dragging me out of bed and into the cold air.
"Come Kaylar." she trills in her affected Capitol accent. "We need to get you ready."
I cast Kesella one last pleading look but his eyes are caught on Testa's face. You can practically see the smoke spilling out of her ears. Giving up hope, I allow myself to be marched back to my cabin at the other end of the train.
My heart thunders in my throat as the door slams shut behind us. Auris flings me on to the bed and rounds on me, as she did the previous day.
"What were you thinking?" she spits in disgust.
I am totally taken aback by her tone. At the same time I detect a note of something else in her voice. Can it seriously be jealousy?
"Listen to me girl. You and him, it's never going to happen. You two will enter the arena and kill each other like good little tributes, got it? If he happens to get out, all the better for me. You are 12. Stay out of his bed!" she marches off, nose in the air.
"We are almost in the Capitol by the way, so get ready." she calls over her shoulder as the sun is suddenly extinguished. I figure we have entered one of the tunnels that serve as the gateway to the Capitol. The tonnes of rock overhead don't faze me. I've seen my fair share of caves back in 4.
Now that i'm alone I start to process what just happened. Oh no, they think something went on in that room last night. No, no. I start to panic as I wonder if this information will make it to the Capitol before I do. I certainly don't want to have a reputation waiting for me.
My stomach gives an audible groan. Guess we missed breakfast. Oops. Forget it Kaylar, get ready.
After a moment's pause I decide to pull on my old Reaping dress and sandals. I want people to know who I am. I tie my little green ribbon around my wrist this time, leaving my hair to flow free. Quickly I wash my face. Ready.
I race over to the window as we draw out of the tunnel and in to the light. The brightness hurts my eyes as we enter the city. It's like something from one of my dizziest day dreams. The colours are so saturated. The tall, oddly shaped buildings glitter under the hot sun. Motor cars power in all directions down the streets and people of all colours and sizes surge forward, recognizing the tribute train.
They smile and wave enthusiastically, hoping to catch a glance of the tragic little girl and the bronzed heartthrob from District Four. Their eyes are bright with welcome but the message is clear, they will enjoy watching us die. This thought makes me shrink away from the window and squat on the floor, avoiding the limelight until the trains comes safely into the station.
