The rest of the week dragged by, my mother and I hardly spoke, I knew she could sense that I didn't want to talk to her. Rachel didn't show up at any other rehearsals which was strange, I figured she would have come back at least one more time. It's a Friday night, and I just got back from hanging out with some old friends from Kent middle. I refrain from telling any of them about my current situation mostly because I don't want to have to explain a million times over and over again something that I barely understand. Once I'm inside the house I plop down on the coach and turn on the TV and I start watching Dance Moms, I also take a little pride in this knowing my mother hates this show because she thinks its trashy. After an episode or two, I hear the garage door close per usually signifying my mother's return. I hope that she just walks past me like she has done basically the entire week but instead she walks into the living room and sits next to me, grabbing the remote off of the coffee table and pointing it at the TV and turning it off. She turns and looks at me.
"I met with Rachel tonight." She says softly, ringing her hands back and forth nervously.
"Great." I mumble, slouching into the couch, trying to show that I am not really interested in the details, but she continues anyways.
"I told her about you, she really wants to meet you Sky." She says placing her hand on my shoulder, I quickly scooch creating a semi-awkward distance between us, her hands fall to her lap.
"Sky, what do you think?" She says looking at me after a moment.
"It doesn't really matter what I think, does it?" I retort, crossing my arms.
"Skylar, can you please not be difficult about this? It is hard enough as it is." My mother shoots back, clearly getting irritated.
"Well it wouldn't so difficult if you had just told me in the first place!" I say louder than I intended.
"I already explained why I didn't tell you before." My mother says throwing her hands up in frustration.
"I'm not talking about that, I am talking about Monday night, after she came to that rehearsal for the first time. You flat our ignored me after that and you would have just kept on doing that if I hadn't forced you to tell my." I say getting fed up.
"Do not make this about me! I only asked you a simple question." My mom said raising her voice.
"How can I not make this about you! This is entirely your fault!" I yell back, raising my voice to meet hers. After the words leave my mouth I know that it was a mistake. I can tell that my mother is filled with rage; she just sits there on the coach silently. After what seems like an eternity, she speaks.
"Tomorrow night we are going to meet Rachel at Bread Sticks in Lima, you are going whether you like it or not. You are going to behave and you are going to be friendly, and I swear to god Skylar is you don't behave I will make your life a living hell, do you understand me?" She says in a low menacing tone, when she uses that tone I know she won't hesitate to come through on her previous threats. Instead of saying anything I just nod, and get up to go to my room. As I start to walk out of the room she calls after me,
"Sky, I know you're mad at me and I completely understand that, you have every right to be mad at me, but please don't be mad at her ok? Its not her fault, she was thrown into this too." As she says this I turn around a look at her, her eye are pleading almost, I nod again and then walk away.
It's a silent drive as we make the half an hour trip to Lima. I only remember going to Lima once and it was for some stupid summer camp back in 6th grade. Lima has a reputation for being less than desirable. In comparison to places like Akron heights and Kent where people are rolling around in money, Lima seems like a dump to be quite honest. There are always rumors circulating around Carmel about girls getting pregnant and people throwing slushies' at one another at McKinley High, it sounds terrible I am so glad I don't go to public school in Lima. As we pull into the parking lot of this Breadsticks restaurant, I see Rachel standing outside waiting by the entrance and my body gets stiff and I am pretty sure my mother notices. She parks the car and gets out, looking over at signaling for me to get out too. I take a deep breath and hop out of the car onto the cracking pavement beneath my feet. I walk slowly behind my mother as we approach the restaurant. Upon seeing us, Rachel beams and she comes running towards my mother and practically leaps into my mothers arms, they hug for what seems like a million years, Rachel's head is snuggled into my mothers shoulder and my mother is holding her tightly, rubbing circles in her back. I become ridged, uncomfortable, I feel a scowl and a glare both forming on my face. It pisses me off to no end seeing them embrace like this, I can't remember the last time that my mother hugged me like that, I can't even remember the last time my mother smiled at me. As they release each other Rachel looks over at me and furrows her brow, taken aback a little from my glaring straight at her.
She offers out her hand, "Hi, my name is Rachel Berry." She says in the sweetest, cheeriest and fakest voice I have ever heard in my life, I glare even harder.
"I know who you are." I shoot back sarcastically; my mother gives a warning look. I take a step closer and take her hand, "I'm Skylar Corcoran, nice to meet you too." I say as nicely as possible, Rachel smiles, but I don't. As we enter Bread Sticks I look around the restaurant, it looks like a mix between an old Italian restaurant and some weird post-modern thing, I don't really know what it make of it, Lima is so weird. We are seated in the corner of the restaurant, Rachel sits next to my mother and I sit across from them. They immediately start small talk between themselves about glee club among other things and I just sit there awkwardly, so I take out my phone and start checking twitter, suddenly mother grabs my phone right out of my hand.
"What the heck!" I say quite loudly, clearly irritated.
"No phone at dinner." My mother says turning back to Rachel and continuing on with their conversation, I roll my eyes and whisper 'fuck you' under my breath.
"Skylar, can I have a word… now?" My mother says aggressively and practically grabs me out of my seat, she drags me over near the bathrooms and I know she is going to go off on me.
"You had better stop this right now." She nearly snarls at me.
"Its not like you guys were talking to me anyways." I say even though I realize it would have been better to just hold my tongue at this particular moment.
"I am warning you right now, you will go back there and if you say or do one more rude thing you are grounded from now until god knows when, go it?" She threatens, I shrug. "When I speak to you, I expect and answer." She says taking a step closer to me.
"Ok." I say exasperated, once we make our way back to the table Rachel looks up at us slightly worried.
"Sorry about that hon." My mom says turning to Rachel after she sits down next to her, I have to restrain myself from rolling my eyes once again. I don't think I have ever heard my mother address anyone as "hon" before; she's never even called me that. The waiter comes and takes our order, and Rachel reveals that she is vegan.
"Wow, how long have you been a vegan for? That seems like a very large decision for your age." My mother says in aw.
"I've been a vegan for I couple years now, I started in middle school, and I love animals to much to eat them." Rachel replies, I once again have to restrain myself from rolling my eyes. At this point I am beyond irritated but not by Rachel, I am beyond annoyed my mother's behavior, she is acting so fake, I'm sure that once Rachel sees how my mother truly acts she will be a lot less willing to hug her. After they finish discussing Rachel's veganism, it turns into awkward silence.
"Sky you are so lucky you get to be in Vocal Adrenaline! To be in Vocal Adrenaline would be such a dream for me." Rachel says breaking the silence.
"Really?" I snort, but Rachel doesn't take the hint and continues to gush.
"Oh my gosh, to perform with the best show choir in the nation and your mom is the director! You must have so much fun!" She says looking up at my mother with a gigantic smile on her face.
"I don't know what you've heard about Vocal Adrenaline, but it's really not as fun as you're making it out to be." I say with sincerity, "Rehearsals are hell."
"Well of course but you have to work hard to be the national champions. I would give anything to be in Vocal Adrenaline." Rachel says wishfully.
"I'm sure if you ask your mom she would let you right in." I say bluntly and I watch as my mothers face falls a bit and Rachel squirms a little in her seat, I can see that I have made both of them feel awkward.
"I guess VA is better than whatever you have at your school, what is it called?" I say quickly to mask their discomfort, Rachel gladly chimes in.
"We are called New Directions, I use to like glee but lately everyone is getting on my last nerve, nobody appreciated my talent." She says getting all worked up.
"Is that so." My mother chuckles.
"We have been rehearsing for regionals and yesterday Mr. Shue gave one of my solos to Santana, I even walked out of rehearsal, but that was mainly just for dramatic effect and to prove my point. " Rachel says, I shake my head in disbelief.
"Ok, hold on, you're just mad because you didn't get a solo?" I say, I can't believe it, Rachel is such a diva.
"Wouldn't you be mad if you got one of your solo taken away?" Rachel retorts.
"I never get solos, I'm a freshman." I say, I can't believe Rachel would walk out of a rehearsal just because she didn't get a solo, if anyone threw a fit like that in VA they defiantly wouldn't be on the team the next day.
"She has a point Rachel, you can't get every solo, glee is a team effort." My mother says, looking her in the eye.
"I know, but I just want us to win, and I believe that in order to win we should put our best foot forward and I know that I am the best vocalist by far in glee, so naturally I should get the solos." As Rachel is saying this I think 'wow she is really self assured.'
"Rach, I know you might be the best one on your team, but you have to at least let some other people have a chance. What would the judges think if you were the only one with the solos? " My mother says making Rachel rethink her logic. I didn't realize they were already on a nickname basis.
"And you probably shouldn't walk out of any more rehearsals, I'm sure Mr. Shuester doesn't appreciate that." My mother adds with a little laugh.
"I guess your right." Rachel says after a minute of thought. As the dinner continues my mother and Rachel seem much less awkward around each other. In fact, I am the one that seems out of place, while there are laughing and talking together for the entire night I sat there uncomfortably the entire time. Its actually really frustrating seeing my mother and Rachel get along so easily, I can't help but feel extremely jealous, all of the years of my mother barely acknowledging my existence and then suddenly Rachel pops up out of the blue and my mother acts like I don't exist once again. I feel my mom never gave me any of the attention or love that I deserve but she has no problem giving it to Rachel.
Its finally nine o'clock and we get ready to leave breadsticks. Before we part our separate ways we say our goodbyes, Rachel nods in my general direction and I in hers, then she goes to hug my mother. Once again they embrace for quite a long time, and then I hear it. My mother whispers a muffled "I love you" into Rachel's neck, and at that point I can't take it anymore. I know that if I stand there staring at them, basking in my own jealousy I am going to scream, so I just turned around and walked away to go wait in the car, I don't even think my mother noticed. I wait in my mothers black Range Rover for a good 10 minutes before she comes and gets in the drivers seat. She sits down and closes her door, looking over at me with concern.
"Why did you leave?" She asks looking directly at me as I continue to stare out of the windshield.
"I got cold, so I went to the car." I lied, hoping she would just accept that and start driving home, but she furrowed her brow.
"Was it because you were uncomfortable?" She asks, knowing fully well that is exactly why I left, I don't respond and she takes a deep breath leaning forwards in her seat.
"Tell me why is was uncomfortable." She says, I am almost tempted to turn away from her.
"I'm pretty sure you know why." I snap back.
"No, I don't that's why I am asking you, Skylar please cooperate I don't want this to be harder for you than it already is." She says, it looks almost like she is going to start crying again. She seems vulnerable, so I give in and tell her.
"I've had to work for years to get a miniscule amount of affection from you, and suddenly Rachel shows up and you are hugging her and telling her that you love her, I mean I can't remember the last time you hugged me let alone told me that you loved me. I makes me so upset because it's just reinforcing this idea that I've had all my life that I was never good enough for you." I say getting more and more upset as I go on; I'm on the brink of starting to sob.
"Bunny, you know that's not true." My mother whispers after a moment as I sit there shaking from trying to hold my tears in. Bunny, the nickname she called me when I was a toddler, I guess it's her way of trying to show some form of endearment. "Is that what you think? That you're not good enough for me? Oh my god, I am such a terrible mother." She says with her hands in her palms. "I'm so sorry." She says it over and over as she starts to cry. "I thought that you didn't want it, you never seemed like you liked it when I tried to be over affectionate so I backed away."
"What child doesn't want there mothers affection?" I ask, although this question doesn't seem like one that should have to be asked.
"I-I don't know, I though you were fine with the way we were, you never said anything." She replied looking up at me.
"I never said anything because I didn't think things would change if I did. I was scared that you would be mad or something, I don't know, you are such an intimidating person, do you realize that? I don't think you understand, you act the same exact way with me at home as you do with your students. How am I supposed to approach Coach Corcoran and ask her to be more loving?" I say, and I start to cry even harder than I was before, "I'm sorry I didn't know what to do." As I say this, tears begin to stream down my face; my mother pulls me into her chest holding me tightly, whispering in my ear to help me calm down. We sit like this for a while, long enough for me to calm down and for her too. Her body is so warm and her perfume smells sweet, it reminds me of when I was a little kid, right now I wish that she would hold me like this forever.
A/n Love it? Hate it? Let me Know!
