He was sitting in his apartment. Then Tonks showed up; thank God, he'd been wondering where she was at. Worried he starts to ask but then is struck by her beauty. It has never hit him like this before. The dark sparkling eyes, framed by her pale, heart-shaped face, and her smile…wow! It lit up the whole room, her dimple showing. Her original pink spiky hair was just the way he liked it. He loves her so much. But as he's taking her in she speaks the words that he never wanted to hear..Not even from her. "I'm pregnant."
Lupin bolted upright in his bed at Grimmauld Place, his sheets soaked with cold sweat.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! That couldn't happen. It was like his conscience was warning him. But now he knew for sure. No matter how beautiful she was, he couldn't risk it. No matter how perfect they were together, no matter if she didn't care that he was a werewolf, no matter if she loved him…
He shook his head. He barely knew Tonks! He'd only met her in June…that wasn't even five months! He couldn't keep this up. She knew about his condition; she knew he was dangerous! So why did she keep staring at him during meetings? Why would she seek him out at odd times simply just to talk? But why Remus, asked that sly voice inside his head, do you sneak into her room just to watch her sleep? Why do you return the stares and the friendly conversations? He shut out the voice. He couldn't stand it. There was no clear solution. He'd have to ask Sirius what to do.
"So what? You love her and she loves you that much is obvious to all of us Moony, so what's the problem?" That was all Sirius had to say after Remus had explained his predicament the following morning.
Lupin's mouth dropped open. "That's it? But what about me? Padfoot, come on help! How can I make her see that it won't work out? It can't."
Sirius, for once, actually looked his name. "But mate, why not?"
Remus wished he'd had an answer ready but he had already used up all his arguments. He just shook his head, defeated.
Sirius pretended to think. "Well maybe…you could just give her a chance. A test run, you know. See if you two will really work together. Which, um, you will!" He smiled, but not unkindly. Unable to help it, Remus smiled back, then left the drawing room to go find Tonks.
Tonks was in her room, as frustrated as Remus, but more with him than herself. For five months straight she had been getting to know him; being friendly and kind. Not that that was an act just that she'd been so determined doing it with him, ever since the day they crashed landed at the foot of the stairs. It had been fate, why couldn't he just accept it?
She paced back and forth, thinking. How could she make him see that they were meant for each other? Kiss him? Too forward. Hug him? Too shy. Send him a letter? No! Ok, going nowhere, that annoyingly honest voice said inside her head. Just tell him how you feel. Be honest and ask him some personal questions; try to get closer to him that way. Tonks agreed with herself. That was a good idea. And then she didn't need to throw herself at him just to get him to notice her. But honestly, that option had never sounded that great in the first place.
Just as she placed her hand on the doorknob, someone knocked. Surprised, she opened the door almost too quickly to be plausible and Remus Lupin, with his hand still held as if he was knocking, stumbled into the room.
They stared at each other. In the last month, each person's affections had become clearer to the other and they hadn't known how to act around one another.
"Hi, Remus. Um, come in won't you?" She stepped aside as he walked farther into the small bedroom, taking it in as if he'd never entered before, although they both knew he had. The room held only a bed, small wardrobe, window, table, and mirror."So, is there a reason you came up here?" She sat down on her bed and looked inquiringly at him.
He cleared his throat. "Yes, yes, I suppose there is. Dora, do you think we could just talk?"
Her shoulders, which she hadn't noticed had been tense, relaxed. She smiled. "Of course, I like just talking. It's great for getting to know people. As a matter of fact…" she wasn't sure if she should even be asking, because no one else knew, but she continued anyone. "I wanted to ask you something. It's kind of personal."
Remus's eyes searched her face. He wondered how to answer to that. Finally he just answered with the oh-so-witty, "Like what?"
Tonks smiled , albeit nervously. "I don't know, I guess like about you? What's something you haven't ever told me?"
"Hmm," It occurred to Lupin that the list of those things might be far too long. He'd start shallow. "How about this? A thought for a thought. I'll tell you something, and you tell me something."
She nodded and held out her hand. "Deal, but you start!"
He laughed and shook it, then began. "My middle name is…"
"Oh, please say Merdoff!"
He smiled. "Sorry to disappoint you, but no. It's John."
"Remus John Lupin…I like that. Ok my turn. My middle name is…"
"Merdoff?" He asked hopefully.
"No!" But she laughed as she said it. "It's Cassi."
"Huh. Nymphadora Cassi Tonks. Interesting. But I have to tell you I've always liked your first name." Now he laughed as she stuck out her tongue at him like a child. It was rather endearing. "Let's see…my favorite color is blue."
"Why?" She asked immediately.
"I'm not sure…because it's calm, and deep, and can take my mind off the moon, or whatever is bothering me sometimes."
She was touched that he would explain so fully like that. She stared at him kindly. He stared back for just a second too long. "So…your turn."
This went on for almost a full hour, with Remus learning the strangest ends and odds of Tonks personality. Her boggart was an empty life with no happiness or uniqueness, she hated her father's father, as he had once told her that dying her hair pink made her look like a tramp. She loved music and dancing around, never wanted to lose her job, couldn't do a household spell to save her life, had grown up learning about Muggle things like TV's and lamps, and loved dogs. She had told the last one rather pointedly.
Tonks had hoped her contribution to his knowledge had been enough. She had learned quite a lot, though not quite what she wanted to know. His mother's name was Margaret, he loved to read more than almost anything else in the world, he missed his school friends deeply, except Pettigrew of course. He couldn't whistle, had taken advice from Sirius to get his first girlfriend, and had afterward vowed never to ask him for help on girls ever again. At this, Lupin reflected that he hadn't exactly kept that promise.
He didn't know nearly anything about the Muggle world, and Tonks offered to teach him, which he smiled at. And last but not least…
"I was…bitten when I was only six years old."
Tonks was shocked, but quickly recovered to find the good in the situation. "I'm sorry. But at least you had time to…adapt to the condition."
He nodded slowly. "That is true. And Dumbledore did all he could for me when I was at Hogwarts."
"Who was it?" The question had burst from Tonks mouth before she could help herself. "Sorry," she muttered. "You don't have to answer."
He liked that she showed concern in whether or not she'd offended him. It meant a lot. "No it's all right. His name is Fenrir Greyback. I always felt sorry for him, thinking he had been helpless when it had happened; an accident."
"Felt?" Tonks couldn't help noticing the past tense, paying the acute attention that she was.
"Fenrir is perhaps a unique, savage example of what you could make of your life as a werewolf. He plans his attacks. He says to bite children, and raise them away to live with their proper kind. I don't think I shall ever want to encounter such a disgusting vile creature in my life." Lupin said that with more anger in his voice than Tonks had ever heard.
"He sounds absolutely ridiculous. Their proper kind? You're still a wizard, a bloody good one at that, and only different every thirty days."
He smiled, glad she saw that way. "Thank you Dora, but I'm afraid not many people accept, er, my kind. It's difficult."
She smiled softly and leaned toward him. "It isn't for me. You're a werewolf, yes, but I couldn't care less. And frankly," she winked. "I think you're my kind."
He was startled. She was leaning in far too close. Sirius, listening at the door, muttered under his breath. "Damn it Moony, just kiss her." Then, too exasperated with his friend to continue eavesdropping, he stalked off to Buckbeak's room.
"Tonks…" but she was right there, and he really wanted to be her kind too. She was so perfect…her eyes were very pretty.
She kept leaning. She only wanted one kiss. She needed one kiss.
"Remus," she whispered. He gave in, and as their lips touched, all his doubts left, and a little fire lit up in both of them.
