Chapter 4: Broken
{Kotoko's Point of View}
"Kotoko, sweetie, time for your meds," Lily's voice sang through the dull hospital room; which had now been my home for the past 3 months.
"Urghhh…is it that time already? Well better load me up with all the drugs!" Lily laughed; she always laughed at me apparently she liked my guts or at least that's what she told me. It had been 3 days since my heart stopped beating and I actually died; my whole family have gone on their spa vacation and I haven't heard from Irie. The minute he knew I was alive he ran straight back to his studies; I understand it I really do and I feel bad for being angry at me. I just wish I could see him more often; he's the only thing that makes me happy.
"Lily; is there anyway I could get out of the hospital; just for a walk? Or just to smell the fresh air; please..?!" I looked at her with my best smile and she just smiled back at me.
"I'm not sure, sweetheart, especially after what happened so recently; I'll talk to your doctor and see what he says."
"Aw come on; please…I haven't seen my husband in days; my family have all left me to go on vacation and I'm just so depressed and lonely.." I gave her my biggest puppy dog eyes; I wasn't a fan of the sympathy vote but I'm so desperate.
"Well…I guess we could arrange something; maybe by lunch time if you're lucky!" I let out a little cheer which made her laugh even more; I felt some relief at that point. Even if my life is ending and miserable it doesn't mean I can't make everyone else's happier.
"Right! You are all set; there will be a nurse coming with you; make sure you stay with her at all times and carry your oxygen tank and your machine at all times! Do you hear me young lady? All times!" Lily had taken 40 minutes to unhook me from all the machines I was attached to and given me a very extensive briefing on the do's and don'ts of taking a walk when you have cancer.
"Thank you! Ah I love you; you're the greatest nurse ever!" I hugged her; it was the first time I had hugged somebody since I got to this hospital; all of my friends and family were too scared to touch me at all. It felt so nice to feel another person's warmth, at last, I just wish it was Irie's I was feeling.
"Have a nice time and no longer than 2 hours!" I waved back at her as I managed to walk stiffly out of the room. I felt like I was running down the corridor towards the elevator which would take me down to the ground floor; the poor nurse with me had to tell me to slow down several times.
The moment I saw the bright Japanese sun bursting through the sky I felt a tear fall down my cheek; it had been months since I had seen the outdoors and I was so close I could almost touch it. My legs moved by themselves and I arrived at the huge doors which was the entrance to the hospital; people began making room for me and giving me the odd stare because I was the poor cancer girl. The doors opened in front of me; a nice looking man held it open for me and gave me the typical sympathetic smile. I smiled outrageously at him before dragging myself and my machines through the door and into the world. I opened my mouth wide and let the air fill my lungs; I'd never felt so good before it felt incredible just to be able to be in the world.
"YES!" I cheered at the top of my voice and people around me turned to smile and laugh; or just give me any kind of happy acknowledgement.
"Are you okay Kotoko?" The nurse hovered by my side like a worried animal; I felt bad for her in a way it was obvious she thought I was planning on killing myself out here in some way and then the blood would be on her hands.
"I am fine; do not worry! I couldn't be happier!" I smiled so broadly my mouth even ached afterwards. I began to walk; I walked up the path beside the hospital where I eventually found a nice, quiet bench at the entrance to the surgery garden.
"How are you feeling now?"
"Honestly I'm fine; if I wasn't then I would go back I promise!" The nurse finally smiled at me and then it occurred to me; I suddenly remembered my new plan of improving other people's lives.
"What's your name?" The nurse suddenly looked taken aback by my question.
"Airi."
"That's a nice name; how long have you worked here?"
"Um.. about 5 years now."
"That's nice and do you like it here?"
"Yes I like it very much."
"Great! What made you become a nurse?"
"Is this an interview?" I saw the plain worry on her face; clearly she was the nervous type and I felt slightly bad for cutting into her so quickly. I decided to ease off a little; over time I would get to know her I shouldn't try and achieve everything so quickly.
"No no! Of course not I'm sorry; I was just trying to get to know you better." The nurse blushed slightly but decided to look into the distance after that. I was about to apologise again when a slight movement caught my eye. I could make out two figures behind the rose bush and I recognized one of the figures considerably. I got up slowly to get a closer look and that's when I saw it; his body, his hair and his face. It was Irie but standing opposite him was a woman that I didn't recognise. I was about to shout 'hello' when it happened; it was so sudden I almost missed it. The woman opposite Irie stood up onto her tip toes and pulled him closer to her. Her lips came up to his and standing before me was my husband kissing another woman. That was enough to do it; to stop my heart once more.
"Airi….I think I need to go back inside…" I barely managed to whisper the words and I knew she hadn't heard me but I couldn't get them out any louder.
"Airi!" My last gulp of air was used to shout her name as loudly as I could; before I fell I saw their heads snap towards me, my husband and his woman were now staring at the place where I was standing. I'm positive they didn't see me and I'm glad; I didn't want to look at him ever again. Then it all went dark; for the second time.
{Narrator's point of view}
Kotoko's body fell to the ground. Airi shot up in a second and started screaming for help; she began tapping on her pager furiously. Irie and the woman came sprinting over; Irie's face immediately dropped when he saw his wife on the floor; she was now shaking uncontrollably in a series of fits.
"WHAT HAPPENED?!" Irie was screaming at the nurse.
"WHY IS SHE HERE? WHY IS SHE OUTSIDE?! HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!" Irie picked her up in a second.
"YOU! CARRY HER OXYGEN TANK AND MACHINE AND FOLLOW ME NOW!" Irie, the nurse and the woman frantically ran back into the hospital. People all around were clearing the path and staring intently; the desperate look on Irie's face told the situation straight away. A team of doctors met them at the entrance; their was a stretcher and a defribulator ready. Irie set her down on the stretcher before being pushed aside by frantic doctors; once again Kotoko was wheeled away from him and he was left standing with the same woman.
{Kotoko's point of view}
My whole body hurt; like the kind of hurt you feel after playing intensive sport; the dull aching that sits in your bones. I felt heavy; so heavy that I could barely carry myself. My eyelids were like led; even trying to open them was painful; but I pushed through; I knew I couldn't give myself to the darkness. Not yet anyway it wasn't my time. As my eyelids flickered open I saw Lily, Airi and another figure sitting down on the chair.
"Oh sweetheart, welcome back." Lily smiled down at me and Airi gave me a nervous smile too.
I raised my head slightly and tried to give a big smile; although I knew it came out faint.
"Kotoko." The deep voice invaded my system and sent a shiver down my spine; he was here. Irie, my cheating husband, he actually had the audacity to come to my bedside and act like he cared.
"Oh; you have no idea how happy I am to see you; I was so so worried about you." He took my hand and enclosed it within his own; the warmth of him melted my heart; but I soon realized that my heart was too broken to melt. I snatched my hand away from him like someone had given me an electric shock.
"Kotoko….what's wrong?" Irie looked at me with deep concern; I could see the worry in his eyes; I could see the tiredness in his face and the worry that pained him. But I couldn't look any deeper; I could only look straight through him.
"Get out." Irie's face turned white when I said that to him. I'd never spoken like that to anyone let alone Irie.
"Kotoko, what are you saying?" Irie's eyes were pained.
"I said GET OUT! GO! AND NEVER COME BACK!" I felt the venom in my words stab into him; I quickly looked away and closed my eyes. I heard heavy footsteps leave my room in a hurry; the footsteps I that had made my heart dance when I heard them coming up the stairs. I felt nothing; I felt completely empty; I knew then it was my time to go. I was finally alone; all alone and broken.
