Healing

The Funeral in town took place three days later. Mr. Darling was an absolute wreck. His hair was not brushed, his face unshaven; his clothing was wrinkled and unkempt and his eyes were red and puffy. The wet nurse sat toward the rear of the church and fed the baby to keep him quiet. When the ceremony ended, she dropped the boy off with Jim's mother and went out in search of food. Mr. Darling approached Alice, who was holding his son, and held out his hands to take the baby from her. His eyes filled and his voice broke when he whispered Peter's name. He cradled the infant for a moment and then grasped Peter around the waist and lifted him up to see him face to face. It reminded Jim of the way he had lifted Margaret out of the carriage. Jim saw the expression on Peter's face change, his brows pinched together and his lower lip tightened in to a frown. As the beginnings of a cry began to emerge from his lips, Jim recognized the sounds and knew what was coming next. He offered some advice, "Excuse me Mr. Darling, Peter has just finished eating and if I might suggest,… well, maybe I could take him for a bit" But David would not hear it; he just commented that he could see Margaret in the boy's eyes. He was inches away from his sons face when Peter's stomach eliminated its excess food; the contents of his stomach needed to be reduced down to a more manageable amount. In other words, Peter spit up all over Mr. Darlings face. The man looked horrified. He quickly passed Peter over to Jim and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his face. He then turned to Alice and asked if she would be agreeable to keeping Peter at the Inn for a bit longer while he made more permanent arrangements. Jim remembered the promise that he had given and answered before his mother could. He stepped in front of her and said "It would be an honor sir and would be no trouble at all." The words were not lost on Mr. Darling who remembered Jim saying something like that before. He looked at Jim with such gratitude and admiration that Jim felt a bit embarrassed. Alice looked at Jim and was completely stunned and at a loss for words.

During her time at the inn, the wet nurse performed her task with all the spirit and enthusiasm of a wet rag. That is to say, she served her one purpose and then spent the remainder of her time lying around limp and apathetic. The odor emanating from her body carried the same stale stench as well, and was a great annoyance to anyone who had the misfortune of sitting near her. The woman made no attempt to brighten her attitude or her appearance. Every few hours she would emerge from her berth, pick up the baby and take him to the large arm chair near the fireplace in the parlor. She would then pull down the neck of her patched and worn garment and expose her breast for all to see, before lifting the baby up for its scheduled meal. It seemed as if her intention was to shock everyone in the inn, so that they would complain and she might be relieved of her obligations. Most people would simply turn away in quiet conversation when they saw her approaching. She did not nurture the baby nor she did not provide any comfort; she did not sing to him, or play with him. In fact, she barely even spoke to him. All her contract required her to do was feed him regularly, and when the task was completed, she would drop him into his crib and find some place to lie down and rest from her efforts. She would complain that the feeding was taking all her strength and used this claim to justify an over consumption of food that was contributing to her ever growing girth.

Peter was an easy child by all accounts. Rarely crying, he was very observant and attentive to anyone who showed the least bit of interest in him. It seemed as if his presence was good for business. The neighbors heard about what had happened, and they would often show up for drinks and supper as an excuse to lavish Peter with attention; everyone became his Auntie or Uncle. He would smile and laugh at everything, almost as if he was putting on a show. Jim's mother took notice of what was happening. In the beginning, she was concerned that the child would not get the proper love that only a parent gives, the love that all baby's need to grow and flourish, but Jim was so attentive and she was sure that he was obviously a happy and healthy child; Jim was just like his father.

It was a full month later that Dr. Livesey finally arrived at the Inn with Peter's father. The doctor made up an excuse to talk with Alice privately for a moment and pulled her into the kitchen. "I have never seen a man suffer so much. The man has been in a drunken stupor for weeks" he told her. "It took quite a bit of coaxing to get him here but I finally convinced him that he cannot abandon his child." The two of them came back into the parlour, and Alice asked if Mr. Darling would like to see Peter, who was, at the moment, asleep. He peeked in at the nursery that Jim's mother had put together in a small room between her and Jim. "This is where Jim slept when he was a baby" she said. Mr. Darling was totally uncomfortable around Peter, as if he did not know what to do; he was absolutely lost. After much fidgeting, he was finally able to ask "Mrs. Hawkins, I was wondering if I might take up lodging here again. I am very appreciative of what you have done for me." He looked at Jim and continued, "James, words cannot express my gratitude for all that you have done, you are beyond your years and are truly a man of honor." David turned back to Alice and continued his request "Mrs. Hawkins, Margaret wanted the boy to be raised in the county and I would like to honor her wishes. She loved this area. So, if it is acceptable to you, I was wondering if I might take up lodging here again. Just for a little while? I need some time to figure things out. " Alice was secretly happy because she had grown quite attached to Peter and the extra money and business that he was bringing in was welcome too. While Mr. Darling's manners were polite, they could not be considered very pleasant. He was different than the man he used to be; he seemed uneasy and distant, a bit angry. Jim noticed that he could not look at Peter for very long. David was torn, he obviously wanted to love Peter, but at the moment he felt only contempt for this child who had cost him the one true love of his life, the only thing that kept him connected to humanity.

David Darling spent much of the day alone in his room. In the afternoons, he would go for long walks outside, along the coast or upon the cliffs. Often, he would get back only in time for supper. In the evenings he would ask Jim how the day went; he would inquire about the wet nurse and whether she was feeding Peter often enough, and he would ask Alice if she needed anything. Then, coming into the parlor, he would sit by himself in the corner near the fire and would start drinking pints of ale and a great deal more rum than he should. He refused any company that was offered, but would just sit silently and stare at nothing in particular. His eyes would sparkle in the lamp light and once in a while a tear would fall down his cheek. Finally, at the end of the evening just before he withdrew to his room for the night, he would look down at Peter's little face and he would always ask the same thing. "Does the boy seem happy?" David never kissed the child; he rarely even touched him let alone held him. Margaret was supposed to help him be a father. He did not know what to do without her; he was angry at her for leaving him alone with Peter.

For Alice, it was to be expected. She sympathized with Mr. Darling's loss because she shared the pain of his situation. She understood what it was like to lose your love and knew what he was going through. It would take time for him to accept the passing of his wife, but she could not understand the man's apparent indifference to his own child. She drifted into thoughts of her own family and how tragically common it seemed for children to lose parents. Her brother's wife, Fann had recently died giving birth to their little boy, Fred. She started to think about her late husband and how she could see the shadow of him in Jim's face; the same black curly hair and the deep blue eyes. Every time she looked at Jim she almost started to cry, and she wanted to hold him so tight. Jim might not believe it, but he needed a father as much Peter did. Why had they allowed that filthy old scoundrel to stay at the Inn? From the very moment he arrived, she knew he would bring trouble. Why didn't they just tell him that there was no room and to move on? George Hawkins was not a particularly strong man and he was too kind for his own good. When the Captain's money for lodging had run out, George was so afraid of confrontation that he literally became sick from worry. Her jaw clenched tightly as she remembered the way the Captain would bang on the table and shout for rum. Then, he would force everyone to listen to those dreadfully violent stories that were absolutely frightening to the guests. He had upset many of them to the point of leaving; the man had nearly ruined them. Alice had often thought that it was the stress which had put her husband on the premature road to death. It broke her heart to think of her son having to grow up so quickly. She yearned to keep Jim young and innocent for as long as possible. She never understood why so many parents were in such a hurry to have their children grow up? Childhood is an important part of life; it is a wonderful time of learning through curiosity and adventure, a time when the rules of reality seem as inconsistent as the rules of imagination. Alice remembered growing up in the country. Her parents would always badger her to act like a young lady when all she wanted to do was run and play in the fields, chasing rabbits down their holes. Alice certainly did not want to rush Jim out of his childhood, or out of the house, but circumstance seemed to be out of her hands. It didn't seem fair.

As the time came for the fall term to begin at Balliol, Jim finally told his mother that he was not going back. He had seen the sadness and strain in his mother's eyes; and it reminded him of the look in his father's eyes before he died. She seemed so vulnerable and scared that he could not leave her until he knew that she would be okay. Alice made a feeble attempt to argue, but Jim was firm in his decision; secretly, she was glad of it. There was another secret obligation that kept Jim at home; he had a duty to "watch out" for Peter and Mr. Darling. He gave his word to Margaret.

On a Friday evening, when Peter was four months old, David unexpectedly accepted an invitation to have supper with Alice and Jim. At the table, the conversation turned to Jim's favorite topic. He started to tell Mr. Darling about his adventures on the high seas with the one legged pirate named Long John Silver. David was skeptical of Jim's account, but he did not let on. He pretended to be very impressed with Jim's resourcefulness and good judgment. David commented that an intelligent lad like James might consider pursuing some higher education. "An enterprising young man like you needs to start thinking about what you want to do with your life. How do you plan to make your fortune and take care of your mother? You need to establish a secure future because there is nothing on which the world is as hard as poverty." Alice had been following the conversation and was suddenly nervous to hear David voicing the very concerns that had been running through her mind of late. While she had begun to accept that it was inevitable, she did not want Jim to leave again; she was just not ready for it. Alice also could not help but be a bit dismayed at how dismal David's perspective on life had become. The harsh blow that life had recently dealt him seemed to have left him somewhat empty inside; his heart seemed closed. David turned to Jim and in a voice that held just a hint of disdain; he asked "While it would be a safe and modest life, you don't want to run this Inn for the rest of your life do you? If your story is accurate, you have proven to be a level headed and responsible young adult and the world has more to offer a man such as yourself." Jim's mother gave a hesitant smile; she looked at her son and still saw him as a young boy. She knew it was futile, but she could not let go of Jim's childhood. When his childhood is over, it will be another milestone in her own life, a terrifying symbol of time and her own mortality. She needed him to be her child more that he needed her to be his parent. In an effort to mask her thoughts she spoke out harshly. "Jim? Responsible? He is still a boy. A wild adventure in search of treasure does not make a boy responsible, and besides, from what the Squire tells me, most of Jim's account seems to come more from imagination than truth." Jim felt a bit humiliated at his mother's words and glared at her in disbelief. She could not truly believe that! After all he had done since his father's death how could she say that? He gave up school to stay home and take care of her. David seemed a bit surprised too and said "Alice, James is obviously a man of good character and good form. You should be proud of him." Alice's response did little to sooth Jim's wounded pride. "I am proud of him, and I agree with you. But, I am in no hurry to have him grow up." The conversation stopped for a bit, creating a moment of awkward silence in which the only sound that could be heard was the ticking of the clock on the wall.

As the weeks passed, Jim found himself looking forward to those occasions when joined them for a meal. David was slowly starting to adjust to his wife's death, and he was becoming a little calmer and easier to talk to. His depression seemed to be lifting. Jim thought about the differences between Mr. Darling and his father. They were physically similar in appearance, although Jim's father would have been a bit older. Both were reasonable men; they both considered the welfare of others and strove to help people in need, and they both followed a good code of Christian ethics. But in every aspect of his life, other than fatherhood, Mr. Darling had a confidence that Jim's father had lacked. His decisions had an element of strength and certainty behind them that gave the impression of no regret. This was something that Jim's father never seemed to master; he always worried and seemed plagued with doubt. Curiously, fatherhood was the exception again; it seemed to be the one aspect in his life that his father was totally comfortable and confident with.

When Peter was eight months old, the services of the wet nurse were no longer needed and Dr. Livesey terminated her services. About this same time, Mr. Darling had a subtle change of heart and began slowly living again; he had made up his mind to start planning a future without Margaret. Of course, the first thing he needed to do was hire a live in nanny for Peter as he had imposed on the Hawkins family for far too long. This proved to be easier than he thought. After a few inquiries, it was Alice who came up with a solution. She suggested a nice, well mannered, young girl named Mary who was actually the daughter of Jim's aunt Emily. All the women in the family were nurses and caregivers and Mary was ready to follow in the footsteps of her mother and grandmother. Besides, she was practically a member of the family. With this problem solved, David began to work out some other practical and financial concerns that needed his attention.

As much as he loved it, David understood that residing at the inn could not be a permanent situation. The Hawkins family had a true understanding of the words generosity and charity, but somehow, he needed to find a way to repay them for their kindness and support. He had come up with an interesting idea which could prove to be the solution for many problems, but it would take some time before he could comfortably suggest it. In the meantime, there was a great deal of property just north of the Hamlet which would be an excellent location for his country mansion, so he purchased it. At supper one evening, he indicated that he would be moving out of the inn and taking up residence in town so that he would no longer be an imposition. Alice would not allow it. She actually became quite offended that he would consider such a thing. "After all that we have done for you and Peter, I can't believe that you would leave us without any consideration at all!" she said. David saw her reaction and became rather embarrassed; he said "Mrs. Hawkins, I apologize. It was not my intention to offend you, it's just that you have put up with me and Peter for so long, I thought you might welcome the idea of being rid of us." "Alice could not believe what she was hearing, and she laid into poor David. "Of all the stupid ideas, how could you possibly think that we would want to be rid of you? David Darling, you are a fool, and I will not hear another word on the subject. You will stay here until your house is finished. "So it was decided; David, Peter and the recently hired nanny continued to live at the inn.

Once or twice a week, David would ask for Jim's help with something in town, and when the work was done, he would make a point to show his pride in Jim's accomplishments. He would pat Jim on the shoulder and tell him "Well done James, good form!" Jim liked the way that David always called him James; it made him feel as if David recognized him as an adult.

There was always a lot that needed attending around the Inn, the grounds needed to be groomed, the rooms cleaned, clothes laundered, food prepared and the kitchen and bar scrubbed. Even though David hired Mary as a nanny for Peter, Jim was already in the habit of doing most of the work and continued to shoulder the bulk of the responsibility, so Mary could usually be found helping Alice with the Inn. Jim remembered the promise that he had made to Margaret on the night she died. Although the burden was quite significant, Jim shouldered it without complaint; it was his duty. Besides, David always seemed so proud of him for doing it.

Every day seemed to bring David further away from his depression. He smiled more, and he often spoke so warmly to Alice that she would have to blush and turn away. Alice was actually much closer to his age than Margaret had been. He would go on and on about how much he enjoyed the home cooked meals, how delicious everything was, and how pretty she looked. It made Jim happy to see the affect it had on his mother. Maybe he could go back to school soon.

There were many invitations to dinners and parties and David felt obligated to attend because there was often a great deal of business that was discussed. If he was going to keep his good standing in the social circle, he would have to start going to these engagements again. Margaret used to go with him until she became pregnant, he hated going to these events alone because he felt awkward without her; he dreaded it even more now that she was dead. One evening, David decided to ask Alice if she would be interested in accompanying him. Alice was such delightful company and such a pleasure, David decided to bring her to all of them. Dressed in their finest clothes, they would head to town, leaving Peter in the care of Jim.