A/N: this is very short but I wanted to post. I was going to write more, had a few days off work, but it didn't happen, hope you like it.
"Will you fucking stay still?" Cook said exasperatedly.
"I really don't see the problem, it's not like anyone can see us." JJ replied.
Cook rolled his eyes, "The problem double J is that if you don't stop fidgeting I'm going to be forced to punch you repeatedly in the face and neither of us wants that."
JJ frowned, "While you might be what is termed a "hit" with the ladies, I most certainly am not. I have a date tonight Cook, a dinner excursion with Lara, the woman I have admired from afar for a considerable amount of time. I believe that gives me the right to be nervous."
Cook paused, maybe he was being unfair. His m.o. was pretty straightforward, see a piece of fanny you wouldn't mind getting into, buy her a few drinks and turn on the charm. When you're sure she's interested make a move and next thing you know 'a shag's in the bag'. He chuckled, that was actually quite a neat catchphrase.
"Sorry JJ, I know you're agitated, but seriously, there's no need. You heard Panda, Lara likes you too." Cook said more patiently.
JJ began hyperventilating, "But what if I disappoint her? What if she's formulated an opinion of me based on extrapolations of things she's seen? What if those hypotheses are incorrect?"
Cook placed his arm around his partner, "JJ lighten up. If there's one thing I know it's that women are unpredictable. You tell them they look nice and it's wrong, they want to be sexy. You tell them they're sexy, wrong again, they accuse you of treating them like some kind of object. The only certainty mate is that whatever the fuck you think is totally the opposite of how they'll take it."
JJ stared wildly, "Is that supposed to make me feel better? So anything I say is going to be misconstrued?"
Cook tutted, "No, all I'm sayin is relax, be yourself and then Lara will realise that you're one of the good guys."
"Am I? I mean I'm pretty boring, I do puzzles for fun, isn't she going to want a big muscle man who can sweep her off her feet?" JJ countered.
Cook smiled, "Maybe what she wants is a decent bloke who can sweep her off her feet by finishing the crossword for her."
JJ's breathing calmed down, "I could do that, I have a spectacular vocabulary."
Cook rolled his eyes, "Exactly and she works in computers, she'll hardly be used to poetry and all that shit will she?"
JJ paused, "Actually some of the best poets have been scientists, we understand the need for order and symmetry. The Japanese are especially good, haikus are quite an accomplishment."
Cook snorted, "What the fuck is a haiku when it's at home?"
"A 17 syllable poem." JJ explained.
"Come on then give us a demonstration." Cook pushed.
JJ cleared his throat, "Lara, I want to date you, please say yes it would make me ve-ry happy."
Cook laughed, "That weren't 17 syllables."
JJ sighed, "It is if your pronunciation is correct."
Cooked grinned, "Alright, I've got one."
JJ looked sceptical, "17 syllables remember."
Cook raised his eyebrow, "I think I can manage it gay J."
"Fine go on then." JJ responded.
"Hey, dar-ling, sit on my face, then I pro-mise, I will make you come hard." Cook said with a grin.
JJ tutted, "I don't think that is poetic."
Cook winked, "Then you ain't never had a bird sittin' on your face JJ."
"Do you always have to be so vulgar?" JJ asked.
Cook grinned, "Maybe tonight's the lucky night my friend, now let's get to work eh?"
Xxxxxxx
Naomi glances at her screen as it pings, it's an email from Emily.
"As agreed, I've typed up the notes and hope they'll form a useful part of our discussion later. I apologise if some things aren't clear but I couldn't always make out your handwriting."
She stares at the formality, wonders how to reply.
"I said it was incoherent, I'm sure we can work through it later."
She waits for a few minutes until her computer pings signalling she has a reply.
"Fine, I'll talk to you later this evening to clarify."
Effy notices the scowl, "What's up?"
Naomi stares at her screen, "Does Emily seem ok to you?"
Effy pauses, "What do you mean?"
Naomi shrugs, "We were getting on well, at least I think we were and now she, I don't know, she seems a bit distant."
Effy hears the disappointment in her friend's voice, "I haven't really noticed."
"I thought we were ok after our conversation, but she barely acknowledged me when I said hello this morning and now she's just odd if I'm honest. Not exactly the recipe for a productive evening is it?" Naomi continues.
"Productive evening?" the brunette questions.
Naomi coughs, "Yeah, we thought it'd be better if we worked on our ideas outside the office, now I'm not so sure about inviting her over."
Effy's eyebrow raises, "She's coming to your flat?"
Naomi bristles, "What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing, all very cosy and productive." Effy says with a smirk.
The blonde scowls, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I just think it's interesting you're comfortable having her invade your personal space." Effy replies.
"Jesus Christ Effy, it's no big deal, my Mum and Kieran visit, you come over all the time, Freds does, it's not like there's an invisible barrier around my bloody flat you know." Naomi says defensively.
Effy smiles knowingly, "Naomi, how long had we been friends before I got an invitation?"
Naomi purses her lips, "I don't fucking know, a few months maybe."
"Try a year and then it was only for about five seconds, it was at least another six months before I got a dinner invitation." Effy corrects.
"No it wasn't and even if it was, now you call in uninvited all the time." Naomi challenges.
Effy smiles, "No Naoms, these days I only have to give you at least 24 hours notice, not the three weeks I used to, that's hardly impromptu is it?"
Naomi tuts, "Shut up, you make me sound like some sort of weirdo."
"No, I'm just portraying you as the control freak you are." Effy responds.
"I'm not, so I like my own space, sue me." Naomi says petulantly.
Effy stares, thinks she might have an idea why the redhead is being so remote, decides she should do something about it. She notices Emily enter the kitchen.
"Fancy a brew?" she asks.
Naomi hands her a cup, "Jesus Christ, who are you and where is the real Effy Stonem?"
"Piss off bitch, I make my fair share of drinks, tea?" Effy replies.
Naomi nods, "I won't expect you to get it right but a cup that doesn't resemble dishwater would be good."
Effy makes her way into the kitchen, notices the redhead chewing her lip as she absentmindedly stares at the kettle, knows it's probably her fault.
"Enough for two more?" Effy asks as Emily jumps.
The brown eyes flit nervously, "Er, yeah, I've filled it up."
They stand in silence waiting for the kettle to boil.
"Just so you know, it's not obvious and I haven't, nor will I ever, say anything to anyone." Effy states.
Emily's eyes widen, "I don't know what you mean..."
The brunette smiles, "Yeah, you do."
The redhead's shoulders sag a little but at least she can take comfort from Effy's promise.
"I couldn't stand it if she found out, we've been strangers for two years and now maybe we might become friends of sorts. I hate the fact I'm in love with her could ruin everything." Emily replies quietly, she's surprised at how easy it is to tell someone at last.
Effy pauses, "It might not ruin anything."
Emily scoffs, "Please! I may have all sorts of romantic ideas about us running off into the sunset but I realise that's all they are, stupid fantasies."
Effy shrugs, "Ok, so maybe there's only a small chance Naomi's gay, but it doesn't mean she'd completely cut you off if she knew how you feel. She likes you, so you could still be friends."
Emily smiles wryly, "What? While both of us knew I'd much rather be ripping her clothes off? I'm not so sure, the flirting has already made her uncomfortable."
Realisation dawns on Effy's face, "Oh, so that's why you're being distant?"
"I thought it was for the best." Emily confirms.
Effy shakes her head, "All it's done is make Naomi think she's done something to upset you, that you're giving her the cold shoulder for some reason.
Emily frowns, "I don't want her to think that, I'm just scared if I act normally, she'll know."
Effy laughs, "Emily, this is Naomi we're talking about. Don't tell me in all the time you've been watching her you haven't noticed how dense she is when it comes to emotions. She won't know anything unless you spell it out for her, preferably in words of one syllable."
Emily thinks about the brunette's words, "So I'm pretty safe then?"
Effy nods, "Unless you choose to tell her, she won't have a clue."
The kettle clicks off, Emily points to one of the cups, "Do you want me to do it? Naomi hates it when people get it wrong."
Effy smiles as she watches the redhead fastidiously make the tea, notes the care and attention to detail, she'll make sure Emily gets the credit.
Emily puts the milk away and holds the door open, "Thanks Effy."
"You're welcome." Effy says kindly.
She walks over to Naomi's desk, the blonde notices the tea, "fucking hell, it actually looks ok."
"Emily made it, just the way you like." Effy says with a grin.
Naomi looks round and sees the redhead, she smiles and can't help feeling warm as her smile is returned. Maybe this evening won't be too bad after all.
