((Author's Note: Warning: I do not recommend reading this if you are eating and easily grossed out! There are a number of rather disgusting dog-related things contained within, as only a professional groomer could describe so vividly, haha. Also expect the usual profanity from Reno. Disclaimer: I adore dogs, and the negative opinions about them expressed within belong to Reno alone. This chapter may be the worst of it for our beloved Turk, though the wait in the office won't go smoothly either (of course). Sorry I am still updating so infrequently, my health and writer's block are conspiring against me, and Diablo 3 is happily helping them (Nice to see so many of you in-game, btw! I am JenesisX#1916 for anyone else wanting to add me there). Hearing from you all certainly helps me combat my writer's block and distractions, so please take a moment to drop me a review. It is always so much appreciated! ~ JenesisX))


Chapter Four: The Car Ride

The odor inside the car lessened a bit when Reno was able to reach a larger road that ran North and South across Upper Midgar, his window half-way open and fresh air blowing inside. He could still smell the strong odor of anal glands, but was doing his best to ignore it and the enormous canine panting through the two muzzles he wore just behind Reno's head. He really wished the damn dog would just lay the hell down instead of standing half on the floor and half on the back seat, his face filling the rear view mirror and his breath hot on the back of Reno's neck. Fucking dog needed a mint or something… His front end didn't smell all that much better than his rear. How could anyone stand to live with a creature like that?

Reno really didn't understand why people loved dogs so much. In his mind, they were nothing but work and grossness. You had to walk them, play with them, groom them, prepare their meals like caring for a damn kid… You couldn't leave them home alone for very long if you wanted to spend the night elsewhere or go on a trip, and they were often destructive and in need of constant attention. Plus, they were just nasty in his opinion… always farting, leaking butt juice, drooling, panting in your face and trying to lick you. His cat was much easier to care for, and so much cleaner. He even knew tricks, so it was bullshit that dogs were smarter… They all seemed damn stupid to Reno, tongues lolling out of their mouths and barking all day at nothing. His cat didn't really care if Reno failed to come home after a night out at the bar, and he groomed himself and happily shit in a box. You could leave a bunch of dry food out in one of those automatic feeder things, do the same with water, and viola! The cat practically took care of himself. His beloved Pissy was affectionate, but not overbearing, and he did a lot of funny things and kept the bed warm at night, too. And even though he was a large male tabby, he could still be controlled and easily carried around… unlike the enormous freak of nature currently occupying the back seat.

"Lay down!" Reno yelled, glaring into the rear view mirror as he drove down the street at just above the speed limit. They were going to be late otherwise, and he preferred to be able to see and concentrate so they wouldn't be in an accident.

Dark Nation did something shocking in response. He actually laid down. Reno's jaw dropped open, soon replaced by a wide grin. Maybe the worst was over after all! Who knew the stupid mutt would understand him and actually obey? Cool. Maybe he had a brain in that thick skull after all.

When they stopped at a red light, Reno began to fiddle with the car's radio. He always got bored while driving unless he had something good to listen to, and he assumed the expensive sports car would have a great sound system. He definitely needed some good driving music for this trip. He was thrilled to find that he was right, tuning into a rock station and turning up the volume until the vehicle vibrated. He could vaguely hear Dark Nation doing something with his paws as he laid across the back seat, but he didn't really care since the creature was no longer assaulting him with death breath and drooling on his shoulder.

As the light turned green and he sped down the road, Reno began to rock out to the music, almost able to forget the lingering odor and the difficulties of the morning. This wasn't so bad… driving a sexy car with an awesome stereo through the city instead of sitting bored behind his desk all day. Yeah, this wasn't bad at all! Tseng's punishments sure were pathetic, he thought, smirking to himself. Victory!

Dark Nation chose that moment to rise from his position, moving to sit with his rear on the back seat and his front paws on the floor, his head protruding between the front seats and only inches away from Reno's face. As he glanced in the rearview mirror again to see what the creature was up to, his heart nearly stopped beating in his chest. Somehow, he had managed to remove both muzzles, his mouth now hanging wide open and his tongue lolling out to the side as he panted and dripped drool onto the center console and Reno's suit jacket. His large white teeth reminded Reno of a shark, and his knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel. He was looking death right in its cold, black eyes.

"Oh shit," he squeaked, expecting the dog to lunge for his throat at any moment. Instead, Dark Nation continued to sit there, gazing ahead at the road as if he was now enjoying the ride. "Um… Don't kill me, okay?" Reno pleaded, his body rigid with tension as he fought to keep his eyes on the road. The dog didn't even look at him, and he hoped that meant he wasn't interested in a fight.

Just then, Reno's favorite song began to play on the radio. He did his best to relax, telling himself that the dog just wanted to be able to breathe easier and did not harbor plans to rip his face off at the first opportune moment. He took a deep breath and started to sing along, nodding his head in time to the beat and attempting to ignore the giant dog hovering over his shoulder. It wasn't easy, but he really did love the song and began to lose himself in the dark lyrics. He'd have to stop being cheap and get himself a copy of the CD next time he was out shopping.

As he stopped at another red light and the chorus began, a horrific sound filled the air. It was so loud that Reno's right ear popped, and for a moment he thought the car was going to explode. He covered his ears and glanced at Dark Nation in the rear view mirror, concerned that the noise would freak him out. He blinked in shock at what he saw.

The canine's head was thrown back and his eyes were closed as he howled along to the music. He was definitely tone deaf and completely drowning out the song with his own rendition. It almost would have been funny if it wasn't so ungodly loud, and during a song Reno adored. He noticed that people were pointing and laughing at them, mentally urging the damn light to change and sinking down into the driver's seat in embarrassment. He swore it was the longest red light in history as Dark Nation continued to howl at the top of his voice. Finally, as the light changed and he slammed his foot down onto the gas pedal, Reno switched off the radio with a heavy sigh. So much for that.

"Thanks a lot, dog," he grumbled, noting the surprised expression the Guard Hound wore when the music suddenly stopped. He looked confused, and even a bit disappointed. "I was listening to that…" The canine tilted his head as if to say he had been, too. Reno giggled despite himself. "I'll tell Rufus you like hard rock. I bet he only listens to fruity classical shit all the time, huh?"

Dark Nation returned to panting in his face as they turned onto the ramp leading to the city's main highway. Reno figured they were about half-way to the veterinarian's office, which should have them arriving just barely on time. After a few minutes of riding in peace, Dark Nation began to fidget, soon leaving his position and moving about in the backseat as if he was trying to pace in the confines of the tiny vehicle. Reno figured he was nervous, or maybe feeling claustrophobic. He didn't much care what his problem was, simply glad to have the dog out of his face for the moment. Dogs did circle a lot before they laid down, didn't they? Maybe that was it.

Reno rolled up the window as he reached seventy miles per hour, the wind a bit much and making his eyes tear. He was disturbed to find he had become used to the odor of dog breath and anal glands. He could not wait to get done with this assignment and go home to take a long, hot shower with lots and lots of soap. Then he would get stone drunk and try to forget all about it. It was his standard coping mechanism, and it often worked… at least partially. For a while. With some of the things he wished to forget in his past, it wasn't nearly enough, but he had to try or he'd go insane like Sephiroth had. The fact that he could relate to what the former General had done because of his own difficult past was disturbing as well, and he shuddered inwardly. At least he hadn't gone completely insane… Yet. This mission was probably not going to help.

Reno's mind was yanked back to the present when an odor even more horrific than what had assaulted him earlier filled the car, making the air so thick with it that he immediately felt as it he couldn't breathe. Gasping and trying not to gag, he quickly rolled down the window and stuck his head out, half hoping another vehicle would pass by too close and decapitate him. Once he caught his breath, still partially leaning out the window, Reno realized to his horror that the dog had actually taken a shit back there.

"What the fuck, Dark Nation!" he exclaimed, glancing in the rearview mirror and spotting the steaming pile right in the middle of the seat. "You are fucking disgusting! You were just out in the yard before we left, why didn't you go then?"The dog sat tucked in the far corner of the back seat, avoiding his deposit and looking at it as if it were an alien sent to abduct him. He gave Reno an innocent look as if to deny he had been the cause, drool dripping from his tongue and forming small puddles on the floor.

Reno struggled to stay in his lane as he gagged and hung out the window, realizing there was nowhere he could stop the car to try to get rid of the dog crap. It was the biggest pile of shit he had ever seen in his life, as if an elephant had laid it and not a dog. The smell was worse than even that of the dumps Rude took in the office men's room every afternoon, an odor that lingered for over an hour after the large man retired to the stall for his daily deuce. It was worse than even the foulest of gas Reno was afflicted with after eating too much junk food when he drank, something he enjoyed torturing his coworkers with the following morning in their small shared workspace. He had smelled many dead, decomposing bodies in his years as a Turk, which he previously thought to be the worst smell in existence, but he was wrong. This pile of doggie dung took the cake. Or was that the pie?

Suddenly, something Rude once told him burst into his mind, and he nearly vomited right into his own lap. When you smell something, his partner had told him sagely, it meant that there were actually small particles of whatever it was inside your nose. Oh fuck. There was dog shit in his nose! Reno opened his mouth and began to breathe that way, then realized it was now in his mouth, too. He began to retch, but his stomach was empty from his earlier misadventure and nothing came up.

"Oh god, oh god," he nearly whimpered, still fighting the bile that kept threatening to rise up in his throat. "I hate dogs, I hate Tseng and Elena, I hate my fucking life…"

The loud wail of a siren suddenly filled the air, and Reno glanced in the mirror and saw the flashing blue and white lights of a traffic officer's vehicle just behind him. "Oh, fuck me!" he exclaimed, realizing the cop was actually pulling him over. Was this some kind of cosmic fucking practical joke? If it was, the universe had a seriously fucked up sense of humor.

Sighing heavily and still fighting not to vomit, Reno carefully merged to the right and came to a stop in the emergency lane of the highway, wondering what else could possibly go wrong before they even reached the veterinarian's office. When he saw the large, angry-looking officer approaching the vehicle, he swallowed hard and began to lower his window, already preparing a speech in his head. Surely he could charm the guy with his glowing personality and status as a Turk escorting Rufus Shin-ra's beloved pet?

Dark Nation, however, had other ideas.