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Leonard was not the only one injured by the feedback from the broken bond. As I caught the doctor in my arms, Jim gasped and fell away from us. Although his pain forced me to hide an empathetic shudder, I was gratified to see that he fell onto the padded bench behind him. But when he too lost consciousness, I found myself in need of aid.
Fortunately for me, a moment later Hikaru Sulu came in to retrieve his fencing sword and saw me struggling with the two men. When I saw him, I yelled, "Get Dr. M'Benga!"
Within minutes, the Vulcan-trained physician was helping me with the unconscious men. I requested he tend to the captain, who was already beginning to revive. While he examined Jim, I checked Leonard's mental state. But I kept part of my concentration on my husband.
"What happened to us?" I heard Jim whisper to M'Benga.
"Your mind reached for the broken link you had with Leonard. When you touched the remainder, you caused Leonard intense pain. The pain caused his unconscious mind to put up protections." I whispered back before trying to discern our third's condition.
"It was like touching fire." Jim groaned. But I could pay him little attention because Leonard's condition was serious. I found no sign of his presence when I searched his mind through a light meld. This troubled me deeply. Even unconscious, I should be able to sense the doctor in the meld.
His absence lead me to a disturbing conclusion. Leonard's mind had retreated within itself in an attempt to escape the stress we were inadvertantly causing him. As he was not very adept psychically, this could be extremely dangerous. Most psychic beings could easily remove themselves from such a condition, or contact another to aid them once the crisis has passed. But the doctor did not know how to perform either of these tasks. I feared Leonard would need me to help him return to the physical world or he would become trapped.
But I needed M'Benga to stabilize his body before I sought his mind. Therefore, I pulled out of the meld and looked up to find him finished with Jim. Knowing our third needed help immediately, I told the physician, "He is uninjured but his body is in shock from the psychic stress."
M'Benga nodded and replied in kind. "The captain has a headache from the ordeal, but no other signs of injury. I did not give him a painkiller, as it seems the headache may be from your bond with him."
I strained to hide my shock at his statement. Our bond had dissolved days ago, and I had not felt anything that would signal its return. Jim's gasp told been he had also been unaware of any change. If the bond had returned, I knew that neither of us was the cause. But before either of us could discover the truth, the physician finished examining Leonard.
M'Benga nodded in satisfaction as he ran his last scan over our CMO. "I can stabilize him quickly. Please see to your other bondmate, as I'm sure you can ease his pain better than I can."
I raised an eyebrow to question his perception of our relationship, but M'Benga just smiled. "I ran some scans on Len earlier today because he said he wasn't feeling well. He had always had some indicators of psychic activity in his brain, but today they were stronger, much stronger. He was also complaining about you more than usual. That plus the way you two have been chasing him lately led me to believe that he'd soon have two husbands to help him heal those wounds his wife left on him."
I could only hope that was the case when I turned to Jim, who was holding his head in his hands. "Is Bones ok?" He whispered, not looking up at me. He appeared quite upset and in considerable pain. But I found myself unable to reach out to him mentally. I did not want to find out that M'Benga was wrong.
So I simply answered his question. "Physically, yes. Mentally, he is not. He has retreated within himself."
Jim groaned. "I screwed up again, didn't I?"
I shook my head. "You did not do this deliberately. Your mind was acting as it had in the past when Leonard was troubled."
"I didn't even know the link existed, Spock. You're telling me that I used it?!" Jim looked up at me, surprised.
"Of course you have. Your unconscious mind was well aware of the link's existence, and used it to your mutual advantage. It explains why you were so comfortable with the bond. You have had practice using a psychic connection." I reached to take his hand, then paused, remembering M'Benga's words. If the bond was beginning to reform in Jim's mind, I could repeat his mistake by touching him. So I stayed my hand.
Jim watched me sadly. I could see on his face that he believed my action was a rejection. "Was what I did that bad?"
"No, t'hy'la." I leaned forward, trying to convey sincerity. "You reached out to Leonard unconsciously. Somehow, that action may have helped restore our part of the bond." What I did not say was that I believed Leonard's unconscious mind was attempting to give our relationship the chance that his consciousness frowned upon.
I did not tell Jim this because I quickly realized he would be most concerned with rediscovering our connection. As I predicted, my husband tried to reach toward me, but I stopped him by putting my hand up.
"Let me look within. I suspect Dr. M'Benga saw a large amount of activity in your frontal cortex consistent with a bonding. But it is possible that your cortex is active because it is trying to find an absent connection." I attempted to calm him using the tone of my voice, but I could see his extreme excitement at the possible return of our bond would not be contained.
So I closed my eyes and searched within my mind before Jim attempted to use the skills he possessed--and possibly hurt us both.
What I found shocked and amazed me.
The bond was indeed reforming. In fact, the connection between Jim and I was almost completely restored. That was the cause of Jim's headache. I knew that as the bond finished reconnecting, his pain would ease.
Within a minute of my discovery, I began to feel Jim's emotions. Excitement, relief, and worry dominated his mind. He was worried about Leonard.
I understood his concern. I, too, was worried about Leonard. So I carefully checked the third connection point in the bond. But when I looked there, it was obvious that something had gone wrong. That part of the bond had regrown, along with a single connection. Leonard was connected to Jim, but not myself.
This did not discourage me. If Leonard's mind was willing to seek out Jim's, then we were no longer in dahsaya. I believed that his unconscious mind could not create a connection between myself and Leonard. We did not have enough of a foundation to do so. Therefore, it was up to me to correct that. The bond would not wait indefinitely for that third connection, but it would not dissolve quickly unless Leonard rejected us again. Relationships need time and patience to grow correctly.
I opened my eyes to tell Jim the good news, but I could see that he was already aware of the bond's presence. Paradoxically, it was making him frown. "Why can't I feel Bones?" He asked worriedly. "I know he's there. Why can't I feel him?!" His agitation grew quickly.
I needed to calm him, but my first concern was Leonard. I looked to Dr. M'Benga, who nodded to me. "I'm taking him to sickbay. I'll have a bed ready for you when you arrive."
I thanked him and grabbed Jim before he could reach out to touch our bondmate. "He has retreated within himself. He will not feel your presence."
"But the bond..." Jim looked into my eyes. I could see fear within them. Fear of failure, fear that he did irreparable damage. Fear that his friend would never be the same and that it was his fault.
"His unconscious mind did what his consciousness would not allow. It recreated the bond in anticipation of the three of us joining together," I said softly, trying to calm him. "I would expect him to be angry when he wakes. He will most likely blame one of us for his connection to you."
"Why did his mind bond to me if he doesn't want it?" Jim sighed.
"Because his unconscious knows that a continued existence without you would be most painful, but his conscious mind was not yet ready to forgive your error."
"How do you know that?" Jim asked with narrowed eyes. I rushed to reassure him that I had not intruded on their part of the bond, although once we were all joined, it would not be hard for me to see their thoughts concerning each other. I would have to remember to give them time to adjust to this, as I didn't want them to consider me intrusive.
"He needs you and you need him. It has been so since you met. I only needed to read your records to discover that," I said, taking his hand and squeezing gently.
"But what about you?" Jim asked as I felt him probe my part of the bond. "Why aren't you connected with Len?"
"Most likely because we need to discover each other. Although we have spent time talking over the past weeks, it was not in-depth enough to form the trust that you and I, and you and he have."
"Will the bond stay this time? Will it give us a chance to get it right?" Jim asked nervously.
"If Leonard accepts it," I replied, not able to reassure him on this account. It was possible that his conscious mind would destroy what his unconscious created. "I will endeavor to ascertain whether he is over his fears when I meld with him."
Jim nodded thoughtfully. "Don't make a big deal about it and he'll probably tell you. He doesn't like people knowing he's scared, so if you ask him straight out, he'll probably clam up."
"Thank you, t'hy'la." I kissed him gently. "What else should I know about him before we meld?" I asked this to distract him from his anxiety, but I soon found myself listening intently.
It was at that point I realized that we should have had this discussion much sooner. Jim gave me insight into the mind of his best friend that I could not have gotten anywhere else, even from the man himself.
Although Leonard hid his feelings for Jim from him, the doctor did not hide much else over the years. Jim spoke of the difficulties Leonard had had with his ex-wife while in their first year at the Academy. He told me of the doctor's fear of heights, transporters, and relationships.
He also elucidated Leonard's joy in 'annoying' me. I was at my most comfortable when being adversarial with the doctor. I was glad to hear that he also enjoyed our challenging conversations. It made me consider continuing our game even after Y'Eros was complete.
Jim and I spent almost an hour discussing our third before Jim held up his hand to pause my words. "Why are you still here, Spock? Doesn't he need help?"
I shook my head. "Do not worry that the time we took has harmed Leonard. For if I had not calmed you, your fear would have fed into his and caused him to retreat further. It would then have become more difficult to extract him from his mind.
"If you are scared, then Leonard would believe there was something out here truly worth fearing, for he considers you the bravest man he knows. And possibly the most foolish."
Jim laughed and shook his head. "You sneaky bastard. I thought you were worried Bones would attack you."
I let my amusement flow along the bond, as I never feared Leonard's attacks. They, in fact, were most welcome, as his words and actions challenged me to understand humanity more completely. But my words to Jim became serious. "He most likely will, but his mental presence is weaker than mine. I will be most concerned with not harming him."
Jim agreed this was most likely true, then he paused and seemed to listen to something. When he was finished, he caressed my cheek gently. "It's time for you to get him, Love. I think he just found out he trapped himself. He's pretty upset."
I nodded, seeing the worry return to my husband's face. But I needed to address a concern before going to sickbay. "Perhaps it is best Mr. Scott keeps the conn while I do this. You will be getting feedback from both of us over the bond. In fact, I would prefer if you stay in sickbay with us in case it distracts you or causes you harm."
I was gratified when my bondmate agreed.
So, we stood up and left the recreation room, both of us hoping that our journey to bring Leonard McCoy into our arms would soon be over.
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end part 4
