I Am For You Part 4

Being Normal Again

Here it is, chapter four! Things to know about this chapter: this was written well over a year than chapter three. I did not go in chronological order. Case in point? I'm writing chapter 16 now whereas I've had the ending, chapter 20, done for months. This is very close to coming to an end as far as writing the stupid thing goes.

This is mostly a filler chapter, delving more into Willow's character. It also unleashes some humor before the darkness comes. The next chapter will pick up. And when I say pick up, I mean roller coaster ride. We start on a mini-plot that makes some characters question themselves and others. It's by far one of my favorite plot points of the story.

As usual, thanks to everyone who is commenting and leaving thoughts and questions. Some questions I honestly can't answer because I address the problems in later chapters, but if there is an issue that you think I need to address (and serious issues only, please), let me know. I'll tell if I've thought an end to it or not.

And to everyone who tells me to update soon, so sorry. My updates come on every Wednesday, although since this is close to being finished, I may update twice a week. I'm not sure yet. Thoughts?

Last but not least, thanks to the lovely Jacy, who never fails to amuse me, get my muses thinking, and irritate me to no end when she gets me in the mood for angst or gives me cracked out ideas. *loves*

………………………………

Every time she woke up, Willow felt like it was a new her waking up. The first time she woke up, her throat had been burning from the healing. The second time she had just been hungry, and slightly weak. Now, she felt like she could run a marathon and not get tired.

After sitting in the bed a few moments, she realized that she was half-expecting Draco to walk through the door. He had always been there when she was awake, and as Willow was sitting up and leaning against the headboard, she looked around absentmindedly.

Being in the master bedroom didn't hurt like it had, but it still brought a sadness. After she had been brought back by Xander, she had done nothing but sleep downstairs on the couch for a good few days while everyone cleaned up and healed around her. A week had passed before Giles took her upstairs and into the room where Tara had been shot. It had been the first time she could properly grieve, which meant spending another few days crying and remembering every little moment she'd had with her lover.

When she thought she couldn't cry anymore, another memory would come to her, and the tears would fall again. Xander had come in and given her food and water during mealtimes, and only when Buffy would drag her away would she go to the bathroom to shower and freshen up.

Remembering those first few days were hard. When Giles had announced she would be leaving and going to England with him, Willow was secretly happy. Getting away from here would mean getting away from the pain, even for a little bit.

This was the first time since Draco had arrived that she was awake and fully aware and still remembering about Tara. The day before, when she'd thought about her dead lover, the pain hadn't come, but now it was rolling in waves, almost choking her.

"It still hurts," she said into the still room, breaking the silence. A small tear fell down her cheek. "It hurts a lot, baby, but I think I'm getting better. I know you'd want me to get better."

She took a deep breath and stifled the sobs that threatened to erupt. Deciding that a shower would be nice, she slowly got up and held onto the bed as she made her way to the bathroom. The hot shower felt nice, as did brushing her teeth. Willow ran a brush through her slightly tangled hair and washed her face. There were circles forming under her eyes and she sighed, knowing that she needed to start taking better care of herself.

After pulling some clean clothes out and changing, Willow certainly felt better, but there was a small hole inside. Her hands needed to do something, so she started to make the bed, methodically smoothing out every line and crease in the bedding. Once she was finished, she sat down on the made bed and wrapped her arms around herself. She still felt lonely.

Willow jumped when the door opened. Draco grinned at her amazed expression.

"How do you do that?"

Draco walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. "Do what?"

"Know exactly what I need right when I need it the most. When I was thirsty, you brought me water. When I was hungry, you brought me food as soon as I woke up. When I feel alone, you appear."

He smirked at her. "Magic talks, if you know the language. Your magic, however, is screaming. It's been screaming for a long time. It didn't like being abused like it was, and so it kept screaming at you to stop, but you didn't listen. It's still trying to get your attention. I'm going to teach you to listen to your magic, but until you do, I'll be lending an ear. Magic knows what's best for a person's body, so it's telling you to eat or drink. When you don't listen, I do."

Willow sat silently for a moment. "Why can't I hear it?" she asked after a moment. Taking deep breaths, she tried not to sound so helpless when she talked. "Am I really that far gone that I don't even notice when my magic is in pain? I hear whispers, but nothing like anger or hurt."

Draco shook his head. "You haven't been listening to your magic for a long time, Willow. The whispers you hear is that left over magic you stored from the coven. I thought you kept it, but when you stopped raising that temple, you released a flood of magic—the coven's magic. It was released back into the earth, where it was given back."

"When we met," she said, looking at in him confusion, "you said that I had some of your magic."

"You do. You kept select pieces of magic for yourself. The problem is it's my magic, so I have to get it back, but I don't want to take it from you. I'll help you coax it out and we can exchange it later."

She was quiet for a few moments before shaking her head. "I really can't hear it." Willow sighed. "What is it saying?"

Draco put his hand on her back and rubbed gently. She would get better, but he knew the feeling he had the first time he was able to hear his magic. He couldn't imagine going back to the void where his head was always quiet. "It's saying you need to eat, and everyone's about to start diving into lunch downstairs. Think you're up to seeing people?"

The feeling that she could run a marathon quickly left and all she wanted to do was get back in bed and never leave. But even as she considered it, she knew she wouldn't be able to. She had to see her friends.

Draco laughed and Willow looked over to him in confusion. He explained. "That look on your face. It's like I just told you I was going to push you off a cliff. It's just lunch with friends who love you, you know. It's nothing as dire as what you're imagining." His grin was reassuring. "This is your family, and you're ready for this."

Even as she listened to his reassurances, she knew he was speaking the truth. She was getting better, and seeing her family would help. Willow nodded and gave Draco a small smile. "You know, you have a pretty good resolve face."

It disappeared and was replaced with Draco rolling his eyes. "It comes from dealing with stubborn Gryffindors and irritating Hufflepuffs. I had to learn to put my foot down or get run over." He stood and offered a hand to Willow. "Come on, I'll be there every step of the way."

………………………….

Lunch was simple—sandwiches, chips, and drinks. Dawn was experimenting with chips on the sandwiches while Buffy and Giles got everything ready for Draco and Willow. Buffy tried not to get her hopes up that Willow would be joining them. She hadn't been able to see her in days, but Draco said she was coming along nicely, and also told them she would be coming down for lunch.

A napkin was waved in front of her face and she pulled back, following the napkin to Giles, who was holding it. "Is there a reason you stuck that thing in my face?"

"You're putting mustard on your hand, and I figured you would like to stop and wipe it off," he said with a small grin.

Buffy looked down to her hands. Sure enough, she had been thinking too much and started to bypass the bread, putting mustard on her wrist. With a sigh and glare, she took the napkin and started to clean off her hands.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about Willow. I hope we get to see her."

"You're talking as if she's been sent away and you haven't seen her in weeks. She's just been upstairs, Buffy. You could have visited her," Giles admonished.

Buffy sighed and nodded. "I know, it's just, I didn't want to mess things up for her."

Giles grinned and took the sandwiches Buffy had finished and put them on a plate. "Trust me, if you had been doing anything that Draco didn't like, he'd let you know."

"I can hear you!" They heard Draco shout from the top of the stairs. Buffy and Giles looked at each other with a grin, and Dawn put down her sandwich chip mix. They all looked at the entrance to the kitchen with a bit of nervousness.

Before they reached the bottom of the stairs, Draco turned around to face Willow. He squeezed her hand and smiled. "You're ready."

She made a face at him. "You sure? Because I can go right back upstairs—"

"I will carry you over my shoulder if you even try it," he interrupted with a glare. "You've made it this far. I know you must be hungry, and I also know you want to see Buffy and Giles."

"You're right," she agreed with a sigh. Willow tightened her grip on his hand and he led her down the rest of the stairs and through the dining room. When they entered the kitchen, Willow tentatively smiled at everyone. "Hello."

Draco rolled his eyes and guided her to the island, sitting her next to Dawn. The young girl promptly gave Willow a hug. When she pulled back, she grabbed her chip sandwich and held it up.

"Want a bite? It's actually not that bad."

Draco wrinkled his nose. "That is foul, and I can't believe you would willingly put that in your body."

Dawn retaliated by sticking out her tongue. Draco pulled out his wand and raised an eyebrow. "Do that again and I'll make it so long even you won't be able to roll it up in that big mouth of yours."

"Hey! Only I can threaten my sister," Buffy said with a grin. She walked to the other side of the island and sat next to Willow, also giving her a hug. "Missed you, Will. You look great."

Willow tightly returned the hug. "Missed you too. No more mopey Willow." She closed her eyes and sighed. "Promise. No more mopey Willow."

When Buffy pulled back, she smiled. "How about hungry Willow? We have plenty of sandwiches and chips to go around. Ones that aren't abominations," she added, glaring at her sister. Willow grabbed one of the sandwiches from the plate, only to have Buffy snatch it out of her hands. "Just… not that one. It has way too much mustard."

Draco rolled his eyes. "You call this lunch?" he asked Giles. "You've been Americanized. I thought we snapped you out of that when you came back to our side of the pond."

"Shut up, Draco," Giles said, taking a vicious bite out of his sandwich. "We weren't all born with silver spoons in our mouths."

Dawn looked up with wide eyes. "You were born with a spoon in your mouth? Didn't you choke?"

Draco groaned and leaned over the island, his elbows hitting the top hard. He put his head in his hands. "I think my IQ is dropping by being the same room as you lot."

"I didn't know someone could have a negative IQ," Buffy said innocently as she loaded her plate with food. Draco glared at her and ripped the plate from her hands, taking a bite out of a chip.

"One day, you won't be able to be such a smart-arse. I'm going to pay you back for all the things you've said."

"I'm so scared," Buffy deadpanned, making Dawn giggle. "Now eat up, Princess Malfoy."

Giles laughed softly. "Don't get him started. You've only met one person out of the group he runs with. The rest are every bit as pompous and stuck up as he is, and he's not even the most irritating one."

Buffy looked horrified. "Are you serious? There are more like him?"

Draco's smirk was slightly sinister when everyone turned to look at him. "Dozens, but only a select few are Slytherin as we are. You'll meet some of them when they show up. My ex-girlfriend but current friend, Pansy, for one, and our best friend Blaise."

"Don't worry, Buffy. Pansy is the relatively normal one," Giles assured her.

Draco snorted and rolled his eyes. "If you tell her that, she'll hex you and string you up by your toenails. She hates being called normal." He took a bite out of his sandwich and grinned.

"He's not the most irritating?" Buffy asked with her brow raised. "Are you sure about that?"

Giles' eyes narrowed at Draco, who continued to grin. "He used to be almost likable, but once he gained his Sealer abilities, he became unbearable."

Willow quickly grabbed the water close to her and swallowed a mouthful to keep from choking. She looked up to Draco. "You're a soul healer?" she asked in awe.

Buffy nudged her. "You didn't know? Although I thought he was called a Sealer and not a—" The slayer stopped mid-sentence and grinned. "I get it. Soul healer—Sealer. You just put them together. I totally get it now." Her smile faded as everyone stared at her strangely. "Did no one else get that?"

"That's part of it," Draco replied, "but I am a Sealer as well because I can seal auras and magical breaks. But you still get points for trying." He walked over to the other side of the island and nudged Willow in the back. "Come join me in the backyard when you're finished being a social butterfly."

He walked to the backdoor, his hands full with his drink and sandwich. Dawn started to stand to open the door when Draco looked back at her and smirked as the door opened itself. She glared at him and sat back down.

"You waited until I was standing to open the door. Meanie."

Draco just walked out and the door closed behind him. Willow turned to Buffy and smiled tentatively. "So, what have I missed recently? I know I've been out of it, but—"

"Shh," Buffy said, putting a finger to Willow's lips. "It doesn't matter. It's in the past. This is a new Willow. Let's eat before Princess steals you away."

"I heard that!" came the muffled voice from outside. Everyone rolled their eyes, and Giles started up a new conversation staying away from volatile topics.

……………………….

Willow had been enjoying the laughter for the past hour. The dishes had been done and the leftover food put away. The conversations had been light, but she knew that Draco was expecting her soon.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Draco probably wants to scratch the door to either be let in or get me out. I'll be back soon. He told me earlier that I won't be passing out every time I get my magic touched up."

Buffy gripped Willow's hand and squeezed it tightly, giving her an encouraging smile. Willow took strength in her friends and slowly stood, heading out the door. She closed it softly and looked for Draco. He was lounging underneath a tree in the yard, his eyes closed. She quietly made her way down the steps and over to him.

"You certainly took your time getting out here. Have a nice chat?" he asked, his eyes still closed.

Willow grinned. "I did. Thanks for making me go down and eat lunch with them. I needed it, I think."

Draco nodded and finally opened his eyes. "You did. Your magic is calm now. It's a good time to start working on your aura. Are you up to it?"

She smiled. "No, but I've learned from you that just because I don't feel like it doesn't mean that I'm not ready to do it."

"Good girl. You're learning." Draco sat up and crossed his legs, putting his palms on his knees. "Mimic my position and close your eyes." When Willow had done what she was told, Draco relaxed his own stance and studied Willow's face.

"Concentrate on the earth's magic." He grabbed one of her hands and lifted it from her knee and put it on the grass. "Do you feel the pulse? It's heartbeat?"

There was silence for a few moments as he waited for Willow to search out the earth's magic. He knew the second she did, but she wasn't feeling it. She was taking it.

"No, Willow," he gripped her hand in his and pulled it away from the ground slightly. "You're not taking it. This is why you can't communicate with your magic. You're not listening. Now, focus on the magic and just listen to it. Nothing else."

He gently laid her hand back on the grassy ground. It took a few more tries for her to reach out to the magic and not automatically take it, but on the sixth try, her eyes shot open and her mouth dropped.

"I hear it!" she said in excitement. A grin spread across her face. "I can hear it!"

Draco returned her grin. "That's good. Now, just keep listening for a few moments, and then pull away."

Willow did as instructed and slowly lifted her hand and put it back on her knee. "Wow. I had forgotten how much I missed that voice."

"Well, you'll hear it again. I want you to attempt to listen again, but quicker. Sometimes listening to the earth is one of the best things a magic user can do in a situation, and usually there isn't enough time to slowly reach out for it. Keep trying, and don't give up when it takes time."

Willow concentrated hard, closing her eyes, and put her hand back on the ground. She felt the grass between her fingers, and this time she slowly moved her hands over the smooth blades. She kept her breathing deep, and strained to listen to the magic she hadn't listened to in a while. She connected to it quicker this time, and sighed when whispers washed over her. Basking in the soothing calm, she vowed to never ignore her magic again. Willow slowly lifted her hand away and let the connection drop. The third time she reached down, she could have sworn the magic lurched up and connected to her, instead of the other way around. Nervous, she opened her eyes and looked to Draco, who was smiling widely.

"That's the way it should be. Magic wants us, Willow, and all we have to do is reach out and listen to its commands, and it'll do anything for us."

To anyone who had never used magic, they would have been confused as to why tears were flowing down her cheeks as she moved her hands through the grass. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and a light breeze caressed her face. She closed her eyes and smiled. It had been too long since she had been still and listened.

"Now," Draco began gently," I want you to do the same thing. Only this time, instead of reaching out the magic of the earth, you're going to reach inwards and listen to your own magic. It'll be harder and more painful, because it's more personal. The earth has wanted to speak to you, but you betrayed your own magic, and it's wounded."

Willow nodded solemnly. "I understand." With a final brush across the grass, she pulled her hand away and put it back on her knee. She let out a deep breath and closed her eyes, focusing on her own magic.

Draco had been right. It was harder, and every time she thought she had touched her own magic, it would lurch away. She couldn't help but be discouraged. Frustrated, she opened her eyes. "It won't even talk to me!"

"Can you blame it?" Draco asked, and Willow sighed, shaking her head. "Keep trying. Why don't you try asking it to speak, instead of reaching for it? Apologize while you're at it, and maybe you'll make some leeway. And once you communicate with it, keep talking. Don't worry about anything else except your own magic."

She closed her eyes again and focused inward. It was different than reaching out to the earth, because that magic was ready to reconcile. Her own magic that was within her hadn't forgiven her yet, and was being rather, well, bitchy. Doing as Draco instructed, she decided to be still and allow herself to listen. A few minutes went by and she felt nothing. Then, slowly, she felt her magic reach out and touch her, but it was scared. It briefly touched her, and she felt herself warming up.

Willow smiled, her eyes still closed. "It's here. It's like a wounded puppy, but it's there." The magic curled up around her and she didn't dare move, for fear of frightening it off. Suddenly, she knew it was time for her to stop listening. Her magic was still tired from being used so much. With a sigh, she bid goodbye to her magic and opened her eyes.

She started in shock when she looked around. It was dark outside and Draco was not in front of her like he had been a few moments ago. Her hair flew wildly as she quickly looked around. She was in the exact same spot she had been sitting in, but it had to have been hours later. The sun had been high in the sky when she had first come out here.

Her back hurt from sitting so rigidly for so long, and Willow winced as she stood up slowly. The lights inside the house were on, and she saw people moving inside. The back door opened and Draco walked out with a grin.

"That was a very long conversation. Have a nice talk?"

Willow was confused. "I couldn't have talked more than ten minutes. It wasn't really even a conversation. I just felt my magic curl around me, heat me up, and then leave!"

"I never said there would be a verbal conversation, now did I? Sometimes listening to your magic involves simply letting it be close to you. It didn't seem like a long time because to magic, time is fleeting. It's different for something that's been around forever and isn't restricted by something so trivial as time." Draco held out his hand. "Dinner's on the table. Hungry?"

She hadn't realized how hungry she was until he had mentioned dinner. Her stomach growled and she blushed, making Draco laugh.

"Dinner it is. You did wonderful today, and we'll work more tomorrow. Right now, let's feed that monster in your stomach."

Willow slapped his arm as he snickered and followed him inside.