Disclaimer: I own --- hahaha ...no , I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT. You may realize that I used one quote that is similar to the one in Eclipse.
CHAPTER 4 - TELL ME
Take note: EDWARD'S POV
There was never a day I found Bella looked so frightened. She looked so utterly horrified, and it was frustratingly so, that I could not read her mind. What would I not trade, just to simply hear her thoughts?
She screamed in the middle of a walk- one thing I never ever heard her do. What surprised her? What frightened her? There was nothing scary about this place, in fact, I was not even exposed to the sun- so curiosity and shock was even more stronger. But even if I was, me sparkling never frightened her. Not even anything, weird or mythical, ever caused her to look at me with strange frightened eyes, expressions that were not familiar to me. At that second- I began to see, to feel, uncomprehendingly so, that she was not at all Bella.
"What's wrong?" I asked, but she continued to stare, opened her mouth, then closed it. It looked like she was speechless, but I could not understand why.
"Edward Cullen?! No way!" she finally gasped.
What reaction is that? Bella never reacted like this before.... How strange.
She slowly turned to look at herself, then, I quickly caught her before her head thudded in the ground.
I was baffled, but then again, with Bella, I always was.
I carried her to my car, as worry filled me. What had just happened? Why was she scared? What had made her faint?
"Bella?" I called out, as her eyes slowly opened. Again, it looked different. This new expression was not familiar to me.
Was it fright? Was it confusion? Was it sadness? What was it? What was so familiar about it? It was familiar, but it did not belong to Bella.
"Why... Why am I here? Where's Lauren?"
Lauren? Lauren Mallory? I don't understand...Why look for Lauren?
"Lauren and I were walking...."
Was she still mentally competent? Hmmm....What could cause sudden....No, Bella couldn't be serious....
...Could she?
"I- What is going on?!" she said, obviously perplexed.
'Shouldn't I be asking that?' I wanted to say, but I didn't say anything, trying to make sense of what really was going on.
"My clothes!" she said, gesturing towards her body.
"Right. They must be getting dirty. Do you want to change....?"
5 seconds. 8 seconds. No answer. Bella was unusually quiet today...
20 seconds has passed. Neither of us said anything.
"Can you please say something? Before I go mad?"
"What am I doing here? Where. Is. Lauren?" she asked. She looked impatient, but she kept staring at me. Again, it felt different. This look- this expression- it belonged to someone entirely different.
'What am I doing here?' What sort of question was that? It was like a line for people who lost their memory.
People who lost their memory...
Bella lost her memory? How? By walking? Is that even possible? I think not -But with her expression, it was clear that she said this with transparent honesty. And Bella, no matter how her mind worked, whether it was backwards, or even in strange loops, I could see that she was not lying; nor was she jesting.
No. Seeing as how she seems to remember walking with Lauren...
"Bella."
"Bella?" she gasped.
"What did you just call me?" she asked.
"Your name," I said flatly.
What was she trying to say?
"Bella? You just called me...Bella."
BACK TO BELLA'S POV
There could not have been a Trig lesson that passed so long. Jessica refused to talk to me at the rest of the lesson, and I was afraid to get caught by Mr. Varner, so I did not try to start a conversation.
Later...Later, I would talk to her...
The bell rang.
At lunch, I would talk to her...
I barely even listened at Physics; my mind was so preoccupied. I took another peek at my schedule.
"Jess," Lauren whispered.
I ignored her.
If only I could talk to Jessica- but where was she? Was she hiding? I was getting more and more irritated every second. Every second passing meant the loss of precious seconds of my time on earth with Edward.
"Bella!" Lauren said even more loudly.
"What?" I demanded, unwillingly taking my eyes off Edward.
"I'm not going to be staying over tonight. So til then, please stay sane."
"I've been perfectly sane from the very start. But Lauren, can't you stay again?"
"I'll ask dad."
"Please do. I got loads to learn. But if that's not possible, we can meet up. I'm still not completely used to being Jessica."
"I'll try."
"And do notes," I suggested. "Everyone I know, things I have, things I'm supposed to hate, things I'm supposed to like. What I did recently- that sort of stuff."
She just nodded, taking a sip at her soda.
I took another peek at Edward's table.
At that moment, our eyes met. He had a curious expression before he looked back at his own table.
Oh no, it felt like the first time we've met all over again.
If I was desperate to talk to him, maybe I could try to be friends....as Jessica.
Just then, I saw myself walking towards the table, sitting next to Edward.
It felt like watching a video of myself, or a reflection of myself, only it wasn't a reflection, it was my own body, and the soul in it wasn't even me.
At that instant, only one question was in my head: What the hell is she doing there?
Several things were playing in my mind. I fought desperately to keep one thought in my head.
Right. She was trying to stay inconspicious. People would grow suspicious if they see me away from Edward.
"Jess?" Lauren asked, frowning. "Why are you crying?"
"I thought we were already past the point of doubt. I'm Bella, remember?"
"What your saying is not possible. I thought we have already established that."
"Lauren- please. It's difficult to stay like this, and I'm- I'm not with him. You know what else? You don't believe me. No one does. If you think it's so easy being- being like- like this..."
My voice trailed off. Tears began falling down before I even realized it.
"Jess-"
"I'll be back," I whispered.
I wiped my tears and washed up a bit in the bathroom, when I decided that I would have to talk to Edward on English just after lunch.
I wasn't giving up just yet; not now, not when I couldn't possibly imagine day without him. It didn't matter what he thought. It didn't matter what Jessica thought. It didn't matter what anyone thought. I would tell him that I loved him, that I missed him. Each passing minute was harder and harder without him.
As I turned to twist the door handle, it suddenly opened, and Jessica appeared.
"Bella!" she said breathlessly.
"What?" I asked, frowning. I did this to conceal the emotion I felt deep inside:
I was broken.
I hope she did not realize I was upset. No need to let the whole school have to know that I was going insane, like everyone else would think. Or just Lauren, in my case.
"My Auntie Edith is visiting on Tuesday. She hates sweet stuff, but she love curry; that's my specialty."
OK. So... That was unexpected.
"And you're telling me this because...?"
"You got me," Jessica said, embarassingly. "Well, see, I was hoping that you would tell me about... About Edward," she admitted.
"Edward?" I asked. Of course. She wanted to know stuff.
"What do you want to know?" I asked.
"What meadow is he talking about?"
Oops. Not that one. She can't know about that.
"Next," I said, thinking of what answer I could tell her without involving me exploding like a bomb. I could feel it. I was almost at the peak of my composure.
She frowned.
"Why does he never eat food, then?" she asked interestedly.
No! Even worse. I couldn't tell her that. And that was exactly the problem- I couldn't even tell her that much. Wow. How helpful must I be.
"Next," I repeated, thinking if there was even anything I could tell her.
She looked irritated now.
"What things does he like?" she asked.
OK. That was pretty easy. It didn't involve me telling his secret, nor did it involve me revealing what I did not really want her to know. Telling her about the meadow was going to be difficult. It was me and Edward's special place. As much as I'd like to help her remain inconspicious, I could not bring myself to tell h er of that place; the place that wasn't hers. Telling her about that would be next to impossible in my list of things I couldn't tell her. However, before telling her anything about Edward, I commented upon the fact that she was wearing the clothes she was now; it really bothered me.
"... Jess, what you're wearing really bothers me. That's not what I'd usually wear. And besides, where did you get them?"
She was wearing a skirt and red blouse with short sleeves. It was a nice fit, but I never had those clothes before.
I don't know why I even asked that question, because, before 5 seconds had passed, I already figured out how: Alice. Of course. Alice liked dressing me up and, and often commented on my wardrobe. Sure, it lacked much stylish clothes, and it's not expensive and that fancy, but the clothes in there was what I was comfortable with.
Jessica merely blushed, but she did not say anything.
"It's okay Jess, I already know," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Does she always do that?" she asked in a small voice. I wonder why it bothered me so much that her actions and behaviour were done smoothly, exactly like I would have done. It looked like she perfectly memorized and studied my movements and actions. Only someone who really knew me would be able to realize the subtle difference between us two: Jess had the habit to look at her nails (admiring the nail polish, no doubt), and I would just doodle in piece of paper out of boredom. Jess would gossip and chat non- stop, and had considerably good luck. I would never really say anything unless necessary, and my luck was way up to negative 60. On the other hand, maybe Jessica won't be like that, seeing as she's playing my role perfectly. Maybe she'd purposely hit herself in the head with the volleyball or something. Or maybe anyone in my body just caught its bad luck and clumsiness automatically.
"Yeah. Pretty annoying actually," I replied.
"It was actually really fun. I always wished I had a sister," she sighed.
"So you let her do this to you?" I snickered. Her hair, or rather, my hair was slightly curled and cut about an inch shorter than before. I was wearing no make-up, but at least, I looked alright. Not as bad as I thought I'd look like. Poor Jess. Alice played with my body like her puppet again.
"Actually, I suggested this hairstyle. I told her to make it not so curly, and only the ends. Maybe it would look cute like this. She did it for me. It was nice of her, don't you think?"
"You what?!" I hissed. "Jess, I -She'll be suspicious! Look, I never directly asked her to fix my hair. Curled, straightened or wavy otherwise. I can't believe you actually suggested something," I groaned. Perfect. So much for remaining inconspicious. I wondered what Alice's reaction looked like when I told her to curl my hair. Urgh...
"So tell me about your Aunt."
"No way, you haven't told me anything about Edward yet," she said.
"He...Well, he doesn't..er... eat much." I mentally kicked myself in the head for saying that Well, that wasn't necessarily true, though. I guess it was only an observation from a normal person's perspective- but Jessica already knew that.
She raised her eyebrows.
"Very helpful, Bella."
I thought up of small things, things that doesn't give away what he really was.
"OK, OK then. He likes classical music," I said slowly, carefully.
"He does?! OK, OK. Got some CDs at home. Thanks, Bella! Would you need the curry recipe?"
"Yeah, I guess so. If you want your aunt to not get suspicious."
The bell rang.
"End of lunch," I muttered, as I thought of several things on my way to English.
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Sorry for chapter delay. Anyway, don't forget to review. ^^
